In The Shadows Of The Mind
by The Treacle Tart
Summary: Ch. 39 & 40 Uploaded - Severus Snape and Sophie Young found each other. But how long can they hold on? AU Fifth Year. Please R&R. COMPLETE SS-OC, R-Hr, H-G, others.
1. A Muggle Among Us

Welcome to my little world. 

This story delves into the lives of our favorite group of Wizards and Witches. You will see many familiar characters and you will be introduced to a new one. Before you moan and groan.Yes she is beautiful and talented and occasionally gets the better of our dear, misunderstood, Severus Snape. Is she a bit much - probably, but she is Severus's love interest in my sordid tale and I do not think our beloved Potions Master would fall for anything less. 

Please note: This story was started well before the release of OoP, so it can be considered an AU version of Fifth year.

**DISCLAIMER:** Anything you recognized belongs to JK (I'll get the next book out when I'm good and ready) Rowling. I do own the aged computer this was written on. I would be more than willing to make a trade..

**In The Shadows Of The Mind**

**Chapter 1 - A Muggle Among Us **

"A Muggle," he spat, his face contorted to show his revulsion at the mere thought, "A muggle at Hogwart's." He fell back into his seat, rubbing his hand over his face. 

Albus Dumbledore simply smiled. "Ah, yes," he began, "I know my hiring practices have come into question before. One would think you would be expecting each year to begin with a bit of a surprise." 

"A surprise is hardly the way to characterize this current bit of madness," Severus Snape sneered. "All right," he sighed, "let's have it."

Dumbledore's smile diminished slightly. He looked about the room at those he had come to know so well over the years and sighed. "We are faced with a changing world, yet we find ourselves fighting old demons. We sit and wait for the next move, for the next attack. Our largest obstacle is nothing short of our own fear, our own disbelief that Voldemort could possibly return, let alone stronger than before." More than a few listening to his words realized with foreboding that he was actually beginning to look his years. "Yes," he continued, "many deny what has occurred simply because it would be easier to ignore the problem and pretend nothing has changed. The few of us who do realize what is really happening, are forced to defend those who are kept in the dark as well as those who choose to remain blind." 

He paused again, studying the faces that were now intently staring at him. He rose and walked around the room to the window facing the grounds. It was such a splendid day. Sadly, he turned around twirling the end of his long silver beard in his fingers. "We need to fight on several different levels. Some of us will be in the front lines; seeking the enemy, fighting the enemy, gathering information. Some of us will be trying to keep up as much normalcy as possible for the sake of those we need to protect. Some of us will need to try to stop any more in our care from turning to his side." He paused for dramatic emphasis, he needed his words to embed themselves in the mind of his staff.

"Dr. Young has been working with the Ministry of Magic for years trying to improve Muggle relations. She has extensive knowledge of Muggle psychology and is regarded as an expert in her field. She has been in the company of witches and wizards for her entire life and has acquired a thorough understanding of our world and our ways. It is our hope she can not only help the students cope with the fears and troubles that are surely coming, but that she could look for signs of possible candidates for Voldemort's regime."

Severus Snape sat gravely looking at the Headmaster. He slowly shook his head and spoke again. "Knowing a few witches doesn't make her an authority on the population. What qualifications does she have that make her capable of guiding our students? What could she possibly understand about the intricacies of our lifestyle let alone how we are affected by them?" He was now talking directly to his colleagues. "What does a Muggle know about the mind of a wizard?" 

"I know that they are, above all else, human," said a soft voice from the back of the room. All eyes turned around. Out of the shadows walked a tall figure. In a delicate flowered dress, that left no doubts as to her femininity, she approached the table. She had long dark brown hair that framed a heart shaped face. Large brown almond-shaped eyes, bordering on Asian, focused on at Snape. 

"Does a wizard not feel pain? Does a witch not feel despair? Do they not have insecurities? Do we all not bleed when cut? One cannot hide behind a wand when frightened or confused. Adolescence is hard enough without the added responsibility of knowing you have abilities to alter things around you at will. Now add to that the realization that with all these capabilities you cannot control the way you change physically and emotionally? What keeps them from just waving a wand, saying a few words, or swallowing potions to try to reach some ideal that may never come? What keeps them from using magic to numb their feeling, because it is the easiest way? These children have only an inkling as to the capacity of their abilities. Now factor in the knowledge that at some point they will have to make a choice between what they know to be right and the promise of immortality and unlimited power."

Snape spoke, his words came out slowly, full of indignation and ire. "Ms. Young I presume. You seem to be unaware of the fact that generations of wizards have survived before you and your notions ever came into the picture. Surprisingly enough we have managed to thrive without your counseling. Centuries have passed without your input. Did you think that this new threat would be unbearable without your efforts? Perhaps you thought we would all crumble because you were not here to guide us, that without your wisdom and enlightenment we would be walking around like zombies hexing ourselves into oblivion." 

Her voice remained soft and even in its inflection. "I do not claim to be able to heal the world Professor, but perhaps therapy could have helped Tom Riddle before he became Voldemort. Or a few good wizards from becoming Death Eaters because they felt they did not have anywhere else to belong. Perhaps it could have given courage to those who lived in terror and solace to those who lost everything..There are several people who could benefit from having someone to confide in; who would not judge them or divulge their secrets. A friend when they fear others will not understand. Most of us cannot simply lock our emotions away because they are inconvenient. Or, perhaps you feel we are all better off hiding from the world, living a life devoid of human contact and compassion.and for the record, it's Doctor Young." Everyone averted their eyes, unable to look directly at Snape. Professor McGonagall was doing all she could to suppress a laugh.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he walked over to the other side of the table. "Everyone, I would like to introduce Dr. Sophie Young." She lowered her eyes suddenly aware of the room full of people watching her. "She will be working with the students and the faculty as the new school psychologist." He turned to Sophie. "Let me introduce you to everyone." Slowly he went around the room naming the faculty and their responsibilities. Each nodded to her as they were introduced. 

"Sophie, allow me to introduce Head of Gryffindor and our Transfiguration teacher Minerva McGonagall, Endora Sprout, our Herbology teacher and head of Hufflepuff, and Analese Vector, our Arithmancy teacher. Here we have Filius Flitwick, our Charms Master and head of Ravenclaw, Professor Serena Sinistra, our astronomy teacher, our Divinity mentor Sybill Trelawney, and Professor Arthur Binns, who teaches History of Magic. On this side we have Maura Hooch, our flying instructor, Irma Pince, our school Librarian, Poppy Pomfrey, our school nurse, Rubeus Hagrid, Gamekeeper and Care of Magical Animals instructor, our caretaker Argus Filch. And finally, Severus Snape our Potions Master and Head of Slytherin." 

"Charmed," he said through gritted teeth while keeping his jaw immobile. 

She gave a slight grin. "A pleasure to meet all of you," her eyes lingered slightly on Snape. "I feel truly honored to be here and to be allowed to assist you during these troubled times. Like you, I remember all too well what Voldemort is capable of. It is my hope that together we can identify the students most likely to fall under his control as he mercilessly targets children who feel they have no where else to turn..that give up on themselves. I hope that together we can help them see another way, a better way. In the meantime I hope to just be able to fit in and be part of this amazing institution."

"Might I ask why you do not wear robes like the rest of us?" Snape remarked, a slight curl on his lip. "It would seem to me that if you were truly trying to assimilate into our society it would behoove you not to _stand out_. Or perhaps.you do not wish to be associated with us in that way." 

She stared hard into his black eyes. "I do not want to give anyone the impression that I have any magical ability. I don't want them to think they can come to me and I can wave my wand and make the pain go away. Healing the mind is not like healing a cut. I cannot magically re-grow skin and make scars disappear. A scarred mind lasts an eternity and if not treated will grow and infect the body and soul beyond repair and unless you want to create a generation of students dependent on Pepper-up Potion just to survive another disappointment or Obliviating their memories away, I suggest we find a way to work together. A Cheering Charm will eventually wear off, and Sleeping Potions will not help them get through the day, no matter how adept you are in making them." Snape raised an eyebrow. "Make no mistake," she continued, "Voldemort's power comes from the control he has over the minds of his followers and not any magic that he possess. Alienation and fear are his strongest weapons.And in the end the mind's powers are as strong as any magic you could conjure." 

Snape rose, he had had quite enough. "I do not need to have a lecture from you as to the powers of Voldemort or his ability to persuade his followers to do his bidding. There is not a person in this room that has not been affected by him and his tyranny and yet we seem highly functional. Amazing, isn't it? Now if you don't mind I have classes to prepare for and much better ways to waste my time." He made to leave. 

"Just one thing," Sophie added, "If you could just send me a complete list of your students. I have a feeling I know where I am going to get the vast majority of my patients." Snape's hand twitched as he opened the door.

Professor McGonagall turned to Professor Vector, a look of mischief on her face. "Let the games begin."

_____________________________________________________________________

As the others left the room Sophie stayed behind to speak to Dumbledore. "Not quite the welcome I was hoping for."

"It was fine my dear," he replied softly. "You should have seen the reception he gave our Defense Against the Darks Arts professor a couple of years ago. Today he was positively cuddly."

She gave a small laugh. "He has a lot of issues doesn't he? Why is he so angry?"

"That my dear is his story to tell, though I have a feeling that you have already made up your mind about finding out."

She grinned. "You are a wise man, Albus. Tell me will I be seeing you on my couch in the future."

He laughed. "Possibly, but I would probably be holding a cup of tea." With a gentle nod of his head he was gone.

Sophie slowly walked to her new quarters and the place she was going to call home for a while. The idea appealed to her. It had been so long since she had a proper home and this felt so right. She did notice the faculty reaction to her. Perhaps it would be to her benefit to wear robes, to blend in and not '_stand out_.' After her little display she would look like a hypocrite. Was it better to be ogled a bit than to lose one's creditability? Maybe. Maybe not. 

Ahead of her formidable trees, imposing but bursting with color, swayed in the subtle breeze. The grounds were beautiful, well manicured yet somehow still wild and untamed. Inhaling deeply, she savored the scent of a pending autumn; of cinnamon and honeysuckle. With trepidation and exultation, she turned and looked at the castle. Magnificent spires reaching the sky, daring you to explore and find its secrets. 

'This must be how the new students feel,' she thought earnestly. 'Excited, terrified, curious, lost. Happy to be here, wanting to crawl under the covers and hide.' Deciding that she did not want to go indoors just yet, she sat by the side of the lake watching the sunlight playing lightly along the gentle ripples of the water. She noticed the Forbidden Forest looming to her left and a sly smile found her lips. 'That was where no one was allowed to go. Mental note: Must explore as soon as possible.'

She lay back on the grass and stared at the clouds, watching their graceful glide across the sky. That sinuous movement reminded her of Professor Snape and she sighed. If anyone was in need of therapy he was their poster boy. Long dark hair, dark black eyes, in fact, she never had met anyone who personified dark as well as he did. He was undeniably quite a character -- talk about alienation. And leave it to her to get off on the wrong foot with him. "Made a reasonable mess of things haven't we," she wondered aloud. "That was always your problem Sophie - too damn emotional." He was territorial, almost primitive, and obviously infuriated by her presence. She would have to fix things with him. An argumentative psychologist is a help to no one and she needed to be useful. Now more than ever.

She got up and walked off to her new residence only slightly aware of the rustling of the brush behind her and the sound of lithe footsteps over dry leaves. 


	2. Introductions and Inclinations

**Author's note**: Because this story was started before OoP, it doesn't utilize certain canon points.  For the sake of this story Arabella Figg is not a squib.

**Chapter 2 - Introductions and Inclination**

Sophie watched the new students file into the Great Hall as she surveyed the room carefully.  In preparation of her new position Sophie did extensive research in the houses; their histories and their inhabitants.  She watched the students of each house as they were segregated into their respective tables.  Instinctively, she began to analyze: 

Hufflepuff- they seem a mellow bunch, laughing, talking quietly, friendly. Ravenclaw - More animated with an undercurrent of pride. They looked like they had something to prove.  Slytherin - Sinister looking group, slightly smug, and.troubled.  Interesting.   Yes, they were hiding something.  Gryffindor - There was more confidence, perhaps too much.  Overcompensating for something.  

'Very interesting indeed,' she thought.  Considering the events that ended the previous year everyone, seemed genuinely glad to be back at school.  Perhaps it was the familiarity of the scene or perhaps just the thought of a fresh start. She was left wondering how they truly knew  and what they are thinking as they sat and chattered.

She paused to admire the enchanted ceiling which gave a representation of the actual night sky and tonight it was full of stars; full of light, full of hope. It took a moment to remember where she was and why she was there. She could not allow too many lapses in concentration, but on this first night small allowances could be made for a quiet personal moment, lost in thought, and dreams, and faith.

Everyone turned and watched the new students enter the Hall waiting to be sorted, looking frightened and so disoriented.  Professor McGonagall came to the center of the room with a battered looking Wizards cap.  'The famous Sorting Hat,' Sophie thought with a smile.  She had heard about it years ago, but was still a little taken aback by actually seeing it in person.  A seat was waiting for her at the head table, next to it an empty chair.  She wondered whom the other seat was for.  She would not wonder for long.

Snape walked through the hall and straight towards the head table, robes billowing around him.  He made it across the busy hall and sat, not looking at anyone in the room, with every eye looking at him.  'Now that's a talent.'   Sophie thought as a  smile found  the corner of her mouth.

The sorting began. 

'This should be fun,' she thought.  A student was called and she watched him fixedly as he walked, the walk of a man going down the last mile.  She narrowed her eyes and studied his gait, his facial expressions, his every movement. She quietly specified a house name seconds before the hat gave the same name.  After getting the first one correct most of the teachers sitting around her smiled.  After the fifth they were intrigued.  After the twentieth they were captivated, watching Sophie rather that the actual sorting.  After she correctly sorted all the new students Professor Flitwick spoke, "That was remarkable dear.  I have read about Muggle work in Extra Sensory Perception.  Tell me is that what you possess."  

Sophie smiled, "Hardly. It's not difficult to see what qualities the students of the houses share and who might be a good fit, so to speak."  

Snape alone seemed thoroughly unimpressed. "Shared qualities? Really?  All I see is a group of dolts who allow themselves to be molded by the other students in their houses.  They strive to mediocrity, to become like all those around them for the sake of assimilation, rather than trying to rise above and bring the others to their level.  All you managed to do was determine who would be most easily conditioned by which brainless group." 

"Don't mind him," Madame Hooch whispered. "He's just bitter.  He never did better than 85% himself."  Sophie bit her lip to suppress a smile.

After the sorting was completed, Professor McGonagall joined the rest at the table.  Dumbledore rose and spoke:

"Another year has begun and it pleases me to see so many familiar faces here today as well as those new to these walls.  The upcoming year is set to be full of new challenges and hopefully we can all rise to the occasion.I would like to introduce two new faculty members to our family. Professor Arabella Figg will be the New Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher."  An elderly women at the other end of the table rose.  Though advanced in years but there was something mischievous in those subdued blue eyes.  Sophie sincerely doubted that Professor Figg was quite the little old lady her appearance would deem.

"She will be joined by Professor Moody, who has agreed to stay on this year as we will be extending the course to include practical trials."  The students shifted nervously in their seats.  Sophie understood as she was also disconcerted by the headmaster's speech.  

"Students will have a practical hour added to their schedule.  The times available will be posted in the common rooms and you must sign up by the end of this week. Now if I may, I would also like to introduce Dr. Sophie Young.  As the new School Psychologist she will be made available to all students this year.  Her offices are located outside of the castle in the old groundskeeper's residence midway between the castle and the Dark Forest."  Dumbledore waited for the murmuring to die down. "Dr. Young would like to have a few words with you."

She rose and smiled, "I couldn't help but notice the reaction you gave at the mention of a school psychologist.  Believe me when I say I get that a lot."  Professor Sprout kicked Madame Hooch under the table.  "My goal here is to be an outlet for students with questions or concerns about school or anything that they may want to talk about.  We could schedule sessions or just have a meeting.  We could meet in my office or have a cup tea in my living room.  All meetings will be confidential.  That means I speak to no one about the specifics of our sessions - not your family or anyone here at the school.  The purpose of my taking an office outside of the castle is for the sake of privacy.  I encourage you all to come and see me if for nothing else than to introduce yourself and proclaim your sanity most vehemently."  There was some laughter in the room; she seemed to have broken the tension if only slightly.  

Dumbledore spoke again as she sat.  "As always the Forbidden Forest is off limits to all students and curfew will be strictly enforced this year. No exceptions. Now, let the feast begin."

The plates in front of them suddenly filled with wonderful food, blanketing the previously clear table with a variety of colors and filling the air with delicious aromas.  Sophie picked at some vegetables but was far too excited to eat.  Scanning the room again, she was not surprised to find several pairs of eyes examining her closely.  Some looked skeptical, some relieved, and some very anxious.  Yes, it would definitely be an interesting year.  She watched the Gryffindor table for a moment.  Unless she was mistaken Dumbledore's last comments were directed towards that table in particular, and then she saw why.

Between a pretty girl with curly, frizzy hair and a young man with stunning red hair, sat Harry Potter.  He looked just as she thought he would, shy and somehow sad.  Even though he was smiling at his friends she could sense an emptiness. Or perhaps it was her own imagination getting away from her.  'That would not unusual would it now,' she thought with some disdain. 

No, there was something off about him, about the whole scene.  If her instincts were anything to go by then she knew he needed her help more than any other student in the school.  She wondered if he would be making a stop at her office or if the mountain would have to go to Mohammed.  As she sat, preoccupied with her thoughts and observations, the students started to leave the room, eager to get back to their rooms.  She watched as Harry and his friends started walking in her direction.  They were flanked by another boy, not as coordinated, but with a large smile beaming on a sweet face. "Hello Soph.Dr. Young." 

 "Hello Neville."

"These are some friends of mine," he began as he pointed to the three Sophie was studying.  "Let me see," she cut in, "You must be Ron Weasley.  I would know that hair anywhere.  I worked with your father at the Ministry for many years.  He's a good man."  Ron blushed, his mouth slightly agape.  

Hermione's eyes rolled to the back of her head. "I am Hermione Granger and this is Harry Potter."  They all waited for the gasp of recognition that usually followed when anyone was introduced to Harry for the first time.  It never came.  

"It is a pleasure to meet you all.  I would like to invite you to come to visit me if not in a professional manner than a social one.  I don't know many people here and would love to get to know some of the students better."  They all smiled politely.  "Please feel free to call me Sophie," she said with a wink to Neville. 

"Dr. Sophie," the voice lingered on the S in her name.   It was Snape.  Sophie was not surprised.  "Doesn't quite exude confidence does it.  Sounds as though you should have one of those ludicrous advice columns for lovelorn witches in the Daily Prophet."  

"We can't all be as aptly named as you, can we_ Severus_." She lingered on the S in his name.  "I feel for your mother.  Must have been a difficult labor."  The students stiffened immediately as Snape's eye's narrowed.  They know it would be detention if they even took a breath. 

______________________________________________________________________________

Back in her rooms Sophie paced.  She should apologize and she knew it.  Her remarks were unnecessary.  Though she really knew better, she sometimes forgot that not everyone appreciated her cutting wit. Why, why, why did she let her temper get the better of her so easily?  

Despite her quick temper, she truly felt he got what he deserved.  So damn smug and arrogant, he was asking to be knocked down a peg or two.or twelve.  Still she should never have spoken to him in that way in front of students.  He was definitely a man that demanded respect.  He was also the kind of man that would take out frustrations on the students for sport.  His feelings towards a few of these students in particular were very well known and how fortunate for them that they were the ones standing there when she shot off her mouth.

Deciding that dwelling on the disaster this day was turning into was pointless, Sophie carefully inspected her new living space.  "This place needs work," she said aloud.  The current groundskeeper could not use it because of his sheer size. It remained empty for years and it showed.  Nonetheless, she found it charming.  The office area she had set up was fine for meeting with patients, but the living quarters are in need of some serious help.  Perhaps she could pay some students to work on it with her.  'Mental note: Talk to Dumbledore.'  A trip to Hogsmeade was inevitable for supplies.  She started making a list as she heard a knock at the door.  Humming to herself, she went to discover who the brave soul was who would be her first visitor.

In her doorway stood one very incensed Severus Snape.  Now she was surprised. 'My God you could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears.' 

"I thought you and I should have a word."  Tall and menacing, he stood at his full height as if to display his authority.  The significance was not lost on Sophie.  Despite his anger he did wait to be let in.  'Interesting,' she thought as she motioned for him to enter.  

He spoke slowly, enunciating every syllable as if speaking to a small child; a small, stupid, insolent, spoiled brat of a child.  "I will not be spoken to in the manner that you seem to find so amusing; not in front of the faculty, not in front of the students.  You seem to feel you have a right to be impertinent.  I will not be your target. You are here at the whim and folly of Dumbledore and though I respect the man his methods can leave something to be desired.  In the meantime, I suggest you learn to curb your need to slur and offend me at will."  

It was her turn to be furious. "We do need to get something straight.  I am not a student, so I do not fear you.  I am not a teacher, so I don't have to tolerate you.  You are the one who insists upon slurring and offending.  You do not seem to care what you say to me or whom it is in front of.  You are the one who believes it is his right to insult me simply because I am a Muggle.  You know nothing about me and yet I find myself constantly justifying my very existence to you.  I refuse to explain my reason for being here to one who refuses to listen so unless you have anything further to add I suggest that you leave."  She walked to the door and opened it indicating the end of the conversation. 

He brushed past her but would not leave without the last word. "You came here with the pretense of helping in a situation you can not possibly comprehend, within a capacity that you do not possess.  You will learn soon enough how useless you are going to be without my needing to remind you.  In the interim it would be to your best interest to stay out of my way." With that he was out the door. 

Sophie fell back onto her couch, stunned.  He came all this way to reprimand her.  Intriguing.  He did not seem the type to go out of his way for anyone.  She obviously brought out something in him he did not wish to be brought out.  He was scared of something and used anger to hide it.  Or did he?  It was possible, after all, that he was just a hostile and hateful man.  Yes, sometimes a banana is just a banana.  She knew he was a former Death Eater and they did not care much for Muggles, or even Muggle born wizards for that matter. Somehow she did not believe that was the case.   He was a man of depth and layers.  He was a man who lived by his own set of rules and ideals.  He would be her challenge.   She smiled as the thought came to her.  Oh, how she did love a challenge.

________________________________________________________________________

Severus Snape was beside himself.  He stormed back to the dungeon, to his private chambers, where he tore his cloak from his body and threw it across the room.  

Why was he so angry?  The thought was nagging at him.  Was he insulted that a Muggle was brought in where she did not belong?  Yes.  Was she pretentious and supercilious?  Absolutely.  Was she just another nuisance that he would have to add to the already enormous list of people he would be forced to protect? That went without saying.  Did she act like she was their salvation and the one who would cure all the problems of the world? Well, did she?  Was she the most beautiful thing he had ever seen?  He paused.  Was that it?  Had he been without human contact so long that a pretty face and a shapely figure would make him act so out of character.  Would it make him so confrontational, when he normally did all he could to avoid others?  He never avoided conflict itself, per se, his life was after all a long series of conflicts faced, fought, and forgotten, but it seemed to him he went out of his way to argue with her.  

Damn her.

Things had changed so much in the last few months.  He had lived always knowing that one day he would have to come face to face with the past he tried so hard to forget.  The resurrection of Voldemort meant that he would spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, at the shadows that always seemed to follow him.  Midway through the summer he realized that he was getting his affairs in order.  Subconsciously, he was preparing for his death.  

Though he was content with his life at Hogwarts he knew there was something missing.  He always failed to appreciate companionship.  It seemed more of an inconvenience than a necessity.  But now, with his world closing in around him he realized how much he missed it;  realized it when he looked at a stranger, a woman, and for the first time in a decade and a half, emotions stirred that he presumed dead.  He was not prepared to feel this way.  He was not prepared to suddenly care what this outsider thought of him.  His anger at her presence in his haven and the confusion that it was causing in his mind came to a head and he found himself arguing with her if only to draw attention to him, to spend time with her.  It was petty and childish. 

"Why am I acting like a love starved adolescent?"  The words fell from his mouth as he fell to his chair.  

He looked around him rooms and noticed for the first time how cold it appeared.  It was full of sealed books, stacks of  papers,  and Potions journals.  All of his personal items were locked in boxes; stored away and hidden from the world. Did he fear revealing that part of his life to anyone?  To himself?  He spent so much time trying to stifle his emotions, he forgot he had any.  Now, they all decided to surface at the same time, only able to manifest themselves in loathing and aggression.  'Why do I find that so surprising?'

He sat for over an hour before he decided it was time to get ready for tomorrow's classes.  The term had just begun.  She had only been there for a few days and yet his life was turned completely around.  Why was he so afraid of her?  Why did he have such a powerful reaction to her?

A look of repulsion came across his face.  "It sounds like I need therapy."  


	3. Building Bridges

**Chapter 3 –  Building Bridges**

How do you gain the trust of a man who seems to abhor your very existence?

This was the thought that that ran through Sophie's head for days. After years of working with all sorts of people there was one thing that was true of every one her patients -- if they did not trust you, completely, you could never be of any help to them. 

She was standing outside her residence, repairing the shutter left to ruin during decades of neglect. All in all, the place was in good shape. The foundation was sturdy, but fine-tuning would take forever if she would ever be happy enough to call this place home. Dumbledore gave her permission to offer a student or two a chance to earn money while helping her in her new project. On her insistence, she would pay them out of her own funds -- the student would be her responsibility and she wanted total control over the situation. Never one to waste an opportunity, she wanted the work to go to someone who would get something out of it other than just some ready cash. "You think too much about everything," she remarked to herself as she finished nailing the shutter to the wall. "Not bad. This will look wonderful after a fresh coat of paint." She hummed as she continued to work. 

Ron, Hermione and Harry were on their way to visit Hagrid when they came upon Sophie. Ginny ran up to them as they stopped and watched her work. 

"What is she doing?" questioned Hermione. 

"Fixing her shutters," answered Harry with a look of bewilderment on his face. "What does she look like she's doing?" 

Hermione paused long enough to purse her lips and roll her eyes, showing her dissatisfaction with the answer. "Shouldn't Filch be doing that for her?"

"Maybe she doesn't know to ask. She is new." Ginny offered. 

Ron watched as Sophie happily hammer away at the small house. "It does seem odd doesn't it?" 

"Why? Because she's a woman?" Ginny narrowed her eyes at her brother.

"That has nothing to do with it. Look at our house. If Mum let Dad anywhere near a hammer could you imagine the devastation he could cause. Lest we forget the wobbly table leg incident of 91." He lowered his head in mock reverence.

They laughed as they continued to walk.

"Hello Dr. Young," they greeted.

"Why hello there. How are you this beautiful autumn day?"

"Good actually." Harry replied. "We were all wondering why you didn't have Filch doing this for you."

Sophie gave a small shrug. "I like doing this sort of thing. This place is to be my home and I would like to have a hand in making it my own. I know that may seem strange, but I get a certain sense of satisfaction knowing I could do it myself. Good for the body, good for the mind, good for the spirit." She paused to tug on the shutter. "Do you mind handing me that screwdriver I have to tighten these hinges," she asked as she motioned to Ron.

Hermione seemed perplexed by her request. "Why didn't you just use a summoning charm?"

"Because I am not a witch," she stated without impeding her work.

They all stopped upon hearing those words and looked quickly at one another, utterly baffled.

"What…what do you mean?" Harry sputtered. 

"I am just a regular human being -- a Muggle, if you will. No magical ability what so ever."

"A Muggle. Here. I thought Hogwarts was loaded with anti-Muggle charms." Hermione seemed horrified that her precious Hogwarts: A History could have misled her.

Sophie smiled at her alarm. "It is dear," she said reassuringly. "I was roaming in the train station for hours before Dumbledore found me. I kept thinking I had a pressing engagement to get to and kept wandering off. Then I would remember the pressing engagement was entering Hogwarts and I would turn around again. It got a bit monotonous. Serves me right for coming early and not letting Dumbledore know. He has made the necessary alterations in the school's wards to let me reside among you."

"How can you live here without magic?" Hermione was still very nearly apoplectic.

"The house has been enchanted so that I could live in it without magic or electricity. The lights, the kitchen appliances, a CD Player, all sorts of things allow me to live here as I would in a non-magical house. The most important piece is, of course, my computer. Honestly, some of the greatest wizarding minds in the world at this school and you still use quills -- insanity really, and coming from me that means something," she said with a winked.

They stood for a few minutes and watched her work. 

"Why you? Are there no wizard psychologists?" Ron wondered aloud. 

"Well, first of all, I am quite accomplished in my field and have been working with the Ministry for years. Thank you for your vote of confidence." She smiled at Ron blush. "Secondly, no actually, there aren't very many wizard psychologists. Psychology is a Muggle science and a relatively new concept in the wizarding world. The study of the mind in a capacity that involves human growth and mental development is not a top wizard concern, primarily because it is not something can be fixed by conventional wizard means. Potions can help, but only to a limited degree. Wands are useless for anything permanent. You can't make your mind better and change the way you feel about yourself with a few incantations. Human emotions are a powerful thing and whether are you Muggle or witch; you can't escape the troubles that plague the mind." This seemed like a discussion she already had. Instinctively, she waited to be descended upon by someone at any moment.

They continued to watch her, seeming to think over her words very carefully.

When it appeared no one was ready to comment, she continued. "It was only after the rising of Voldemort that they realized the power of controlling the mind. He had the ability…no, the power to manipulate, if not distort reality for those all too willing to listen. Preventing a repeat performance was what brought me to your world."

Ron cringed at the sound of the Dark Lord's name. Sophie noticed and spoke gently. "You give him power by being afraid of his name, Ron. Fear is what he lives upon, what he thrives upon. He can only control you -- truly control you -- when you fear him. Courage comes from knowing that what you believe is true and just, and the first step to that is acknowledging the enemy and saying his name." Ron nodded hesitantly.

"So enough about me," Sophie said with a grin, "What is the year looking like for you?"

Hermione spoke of her advanced work in Arithmancy and Charms, and her new responsibilities as Prefect. Harry spoke of working with the new captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and how the other squads were looking this year. Ron was quiet.

"What about you dear," Sophie inquired. 

"Oh, nothing new really. Just going to try to get past the year." He seemed sullen, if only slightly. An idea suddenly struck Sophie – she had found her assistant. 

"Ron, I would like to make you a proposition. I need someone to help me with fixing this place. I need to get the outside ready before the winter hits, and then I need to start working on the inside to make it livable. I would pay you for your time of course. What so you think?"

"You would pay me? Really?"

"Have you ever had a job before?" He shook his head. 

"Well first of all, if you are interested, I need to get your parent's permission. Secondly, we would need to agree on a schedule and a price. Let's see." She thought for a moment. "What if I make a list of what I need done at the beginning of each week? You work when you can, scheduling time around your schoolwork and other responsibilities, and I will pay you five galleons upon finishing the tasks I have for you on the list."

"Five galleons," he replied shocked, "Are you serious? That seems like an awful lot."

"Your time is a valuable commodity Ron, remember that always. You should never underestimate your value at your work. As long as you do your job, and do it well, I will be glad to pay the fee."

It was Ginny who spoke next. "You wouldn't have enough work for two would you?"

"Ginny don't be rude!" Ron was flabbergasted at his sister's impudence. 

"No, really, that's fine," Sophie assured, looking at Ginny closely. "I admire your initiative. You saw an opportunity and went for it -- that took spirit. Actually I could use someone to help me set up my office, file papers, and transfer notes for me. I need your promise that you could be responsible, trustworthy, and most of all discreet. My personal papers contain my life's work and are precious to me."

Ginny smiled brightly. "Absolutely and thank you ever so much," she said, glowing.

"Excellent. We will start next week after I have a quick talk with your parents. Does that seem fair?"

They nodded enthusiastically.

"Wonderful."

And with that they continued on their way. "Things are finally starting to look up," She said cheerfully and continued to hum as she adjusted the second shutter. 


	4. Red Handed

**Chapter 4 – Red Handed**

It was six weeks into the school year and things were progressing well.  Sophie's house was coming along wonderfully and quickly as Ron was fixated on earning what he considered to be a staggering salary.  The outside of the house was almost complete, sooner than Sophie had hoped.  

While his friends were busy with their extra curricular actives his work gave him a sense of purpose.  He was surprised at how much he enjoyed earning his own money, and buying things.  Most of all, however, he enjoyed telling his Mum not to worry about him because he was able to take care of himself.

The best part of working with Sophie, however, was not the money.  She didn't treat him like a child doing some errands.  She treated him like an adult, but even better, like a capable adult.  He could talk about his family, his friends, and his life while he worked at his duties and, since Harry or Hermione could visit when they had free time, sometimes he felt like he wasn't truly working at all.  

Ron also noticed a change in Ginny.  She never really talked about her work, taking Sophie's trust in her very seriously.  Though she did not discuss what they did or what they talked about, Ron could tell that Ginny was a different person -- a little more mature, a little more open.  She was distant after her first year, when she was possessed and then kidnapped by Tom Riddle.  She seemed to be detached and almost afraid to talk about anything of substance.  But lately she was talking; about her classes, her feelings, the world and its problems.  At first Ron thought it was just the feeling associated with earning your way, like an adult, but he had started to wonder if she wasn't something else.  He wondered if she wasn't actually taking sessions with the doctor.

She wouldn't be the only one.  People were constantly coming to see her.  At first, people were very secretive about it, making excuses to see her. They treated her like an oddity, as if she was the new exhibit at the local zoo.  She was interesting and odd.  Then during a class one-day some Slytherins were teasing a HufflePuff girl for having tea at Sophie's and Professor McGonagall snapped.  "I have gone to see Dr. Young myself," she claimed.  "She is an intelligent woman with amazing insight and extraordinary life experiences.  If you want to find out about the world around you she would be an excellent resource, as well as a friend."

With her openness, Professor McGonagall removed the stigma associated with seeing Sophie and suddenly made it fashionable.  People could talk to her without feeling like others would think they were falling apart, or already unhinged. 

Her popularity incensed Professor Snape to no end.  He had predicted her demise within the first month of her appointment and had lost a bet he placed with Professor Vector.  He did not like losing.

Yet, though things were going well, Sophie felt like she wasn't being useful enough, that she needed to dig a little deeper.  She noted that of all the people who came to see her there was not one Slytherin in the bunch.  During meals, however, they seemed the most interested in her.  They watched her, either with open hatred or stolen glances and she could not help but wonder if it was the fact that she was a Muggle that kept them from asking for help.  

She needed to find a way to reach them. She needed help and there was only one person she could turn to.

The better part of the last month and a half was spent trying to avoid anymore confrontations.  She had hoped the distance would make Snape a little more willing to talk to her.  It was now time to test that theory.  For the sake of those she promised to help she needed to talk to him, and hopefully find a way to reach the students most at risk of falling through the cracks.  

After dinner one evening, she decided to walk through the dungeons, to his quarters, and ask for his assistance.  Going into the middle of his territory was giving him the advantage, but she also knew she would probably have better luck convincing him that way.  Giving someone else the upper hand was not something Sophie was good at, but one control freak could spot another, and she knew the only way he would agree to help was if he was in charge of the situation.  

She walked down the long corridor that led to his classrooms and private office.  It was quite a suffocating experience though it was not as dark as she thought it would be.  While coming around a sharp corner she heard a noise coming from a small room to the left of the main classroom.  She recognized it as Snape's office and walked over.  Unsure if she was feeling, relief or fear, she stepped forward and opened the door only to find the room empty.  There was, however, another door in the back of the room -- and it was open.  She walked over to it in time to hear a bottle dropping and a voice cursing and it was not the voice of the Professor.  Sophie froze.  'What was going on?'  She slowly crept up to the door and peered inside.  A student was rifling through the materials in the room.  It was full of Snape's potions supplies and this student was looking for something in particular.  She stood up straight when she realized who he was.

"Looking for something, Mr. Malfoy." She leaned up against the wall as he whirled around, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I…I… was just getting something for Professor Snape."

"Were you really? Then I suppose you would not mind if we walked over to his quarters and asked him?"

With this Draco pale went whiter.  "He's busy.  That's why he needed me to get this for him."

Sophie walked over to Draco and pulled the vial from his hands. She looked at the label and stood for a moment studying the small bottle.

"We're going to his quarters right now."  She pushed him out to the corridor and to the set of doors at the far end.  Hoping this was Snape's private rooms she knocked on the door, and shortly a very annoyed looking Severus Snape answered.  His black shirt was partially unbuttoned and his hair was slicked back as if he was just out of the shower.  She had never seen him out of his robes and was pleasantly surprised at how nice he looked in regular clothing.  Much less like an overgrown bat and more like…well…a man.  A sexy man at that.  She refocused her attentions to the situation that brought her there. 

"Sorry to bother you so late in the evening, but young Mr. Malfoy was helping himself to your supplies and I wanted to make sure he was doing so under your instructions as he claims."

The look on Snape's face spoke volumes.  "Come inside.  Both of you."

He took the vial out of Sophie's hand.  Belladonna.  "Who were you planning to drug, Draco?"

He looked to the ground.  "I don't know what you mean Professor.  I was just looking for-"

"Do not lie to me boy," he snarled.  "This herb is known for its ability to render people immobile.  It is dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced wizard and fatal if over administered.  Somehow I doubt you would take the time to measure it properly.  What were you planning to do with this?"

Draco did not answer and continued his inspection of the floor.

"If you will not answer to me then you will answer to the Headmaster."

Draco looked up sharply. "I'll be expelled."

"Well…light dawns on marble head," Snape replied with a smirk. "I see you finally realize the gravity of your actions."

"Please, there must be another way. "  Draco was appealing to the head of his house and not to the Professor whose trust he had just broken and there, Sophie saw an opportunity -- _and she never missed an opportunity_.  "If I could interrupt, Professor.  I know that you will want to think of an appropriate punishment for Draco's actions, but I am wondering if I could offer a suggestion.  Let Draco come into sessions with me.  We will meet every week for the rest of the school year."

Draco looked horrified, Snape intrigued. "And why would I agree to this?"

"Because we both know what that vial in your hand was probably meant for, and we also both know that expelling Draco would not be to anyone's benefit, least of all his.  I am asking for your permission to handle this."  She looked at his eyes intently, pleadingly.  He seemed to grasp what she was trying to say and slowly began to nod his head.

"I think that could be a fair compromise.  It was Dr. Young that found you and I think that forcing you to meet with her on a regular basis is a suitable punishment…though some might consider it rather harsh."

Sophie smiled out of the corner of her mouth.  

Draco stood looking at the both of them wondering what was going on.

"You may leave now, Mr. Malfoy, but you will be back tomorrow after your last class to clean up the mess you made.  It will be the first of a week's detention.  You just volunteered to take my inventory."

He did not say a word as he fled the dungeons.  Sophie and Severus looked at each other guardedly until Snape finally spoke, "Do you really think he was going to use the belladonna to kill himself?"

She shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time I saw it.  It's quick and painless, all in all not a bad way to go.  He was ransacking your stores in desperation like…like the last act of a boy who wasn't worried about the consequences.  I think I can help him, and I want to thank you for allowing me the opportunity."

"Yes, well you have survived longer than I had anticipated.  I have to give you some credit for not folding under the pressure -" A thought suddenly occurred to him.  "Why were you down here in the first place?"

"I was looking for you. I wanted a way to reach your house.  Not one Slytherin student has come to see me and I was hoping that you would help open some doors."

"Well it seemed things took care of themselves.  How fortunate for you."

She let her eyes drop and for the first time looked where she was.  His rooms consisted of an antique four poster bed and dresser, a large oak desk, a comfortable looking armchair and shelves and shelves of books and papers.  She walked over to the volumes and started reading the names.

"I am not under the impression that I invited you to stay."

She ignored him. "You know his father right."

"I do have the distinct pleasure."

"He is a formidable man," she said gravely.  "He made my skin crawl when I first saw him.  It was the same feeling I got when I first looked at Draco…and then I saw the look in his eyes.  I expected fear, anger, surprise.  But instead…instead I saw emptiness.  He was on a mission.  He needed that vial."

"Forgive me, but I have a difficult time believing the spawn of Lucius Malfoy would take his life."

"We are not all so in control of our emotions, Professor." Her voice softened as she turned to face him.  "Most of us get overwhelmed.  Most need help coping with life, friends, family, colleagues…"

"Are you implying that I lack the ability to feel emotions or that I lack friends?" He pursed his lips. 

"Neither," she said with a gentle smile.  "I am saying the world doesn't have to be harsh and cold and mean.  It can be soft….and warm … and kind."  She moved closer to him, her eyes never leaving his.  'He obviously has no idea I'm flirting with him.  Well so much for that,' she thought.  "I guess I should be going.  If you would allow me some time, I would like your help in dealing with Draco."  

"I thought your meetings were confidential."

"Draco did not come to me as a patient.  He is being punished.  Should I feel that I could get more out of him if he had the privilege of privacy I will evoke that right as a doctor, but in the meantime I think your help would be invaluable.  That is if you could bring yourself to work with a mere Muggle."

It was a challenge. She was challenging him -- and he knew it.

"I will work with you out of our common goal and nothing more.  Draco is in my house and he is deserving of help as much as anyone else. Now if you don't mind…."

She walked to the door.  "Thank you," she said as she held out her hand.  He took it and they shook hands. A temporary truce?  Perhaps. She smiled and walked out and he stood looking at his hands, her words ringing in his ears, "Soft….and warm…..and kind." If he did not know better he would say she was flirting.  He looked up and walked over to his bathroom, he needed another shower, a cold one.  

  



	5. Relaxation Therapy

**Chapter 5 – Relaxation Therapy**

It was one of the last days of autumn and the sky was clear and sunny.  Sophie wondered where she had seen that particular shade of blue before.  It struck a familiar chord but she couldn't place it.  She was trying to remember something but the memory would not come.  Whatever it was it, however, made her feel both happy and sad.  Perhaps it was something she did not want to remember in the first place.  Despite that, she drank in the vibrant robin's egg blue that spanned a sky without a trace of a cloud for miles around.  

She sighed and thought of the task ahead.   Draco was to start his first session that evening and she wanted to clear her head.  Wanting to focus, she needed a quiet place where she could relax and were she would not be interrupted.  A smile slowly curled on her lips.  She knew the exact spot.

____________________________________________________________________

Severus Snape was in a foul mood.  Three melted cauldrons, two minor explosions, and a student with singed eyebrows were enough make him _need_ to leave the dungeons.  Perhaps the fresh air would do him good.  He was always being told about the benefits of a sunny day by all the busy bodies that seemed to have nothing better to do than mind his business for him.

His new stock boy did a very thorough job with his inventory.  Draco was not one to be thorough about anything so Severus figured it was either concentrate on the job at hand or talk to the Professor.  He did not seem capable of the second, so he did the first.  He came in, took his instruction and set to work without saying a word. A silent Malfoy was a pleasant change of pace.

Through Draco's efforts, Severus found himself dangerously low on several ingredients.  Some he could get from Professor Sprout, some he would need to purchase at Hogsmeade, but there were some very important materials he would need to gather himself.  That meant a trip into the Forbidden Forest.  How he hated going in there.  It was not out of fear of the creatures that dwelt there but going in meant wandering around for hours to find his ingredients.  If he knew anyone with half a brain and an ounce of common sense, he would have gladly delegated the responsibility, but as that was decidedly not the case,  he gathered his equipment and made for the Forest.  

On the way he passed _The Doctor's_ house and marveled at the transformation.  It was painted and the windows were all repaired, as were the shutters. It looks like she fixed the roof as well.  It was a bright and cheerful looking home and looked terribly out of place.  But that would be appropriate would it not. 'She must be working the Wealsey's to the bone.' The thought of the red heads toiling and laboring pleased him.  'They need some discipline, Merlin knows.  Probably doing them good.'  He had to admire her tenacity.  She didn't back down, not even for an instant.

He thought of her as he entered the Forest.  It did not escape him that he was disappointed that she wasn't home.  

He walked through an overgrown path looking for Oronoco Root, when he heard humming.  Drawn to it, he walked through a cluster of trees and into a clearing.  Sitting in the middle of a hot spring, bathing and humming was a very naked psychologist.  Her head was thrown back as she watched the morning sky, droplets of water sliding down her long neck over her clavicle and onto the top of her bosom. Entranced, he watched as she cocked her head to the side and her fingers skidded along the water causing ripples.  He lost track of how long he was watching her before he was finally able to speak. 

A classic Snape smirk set upon his lips, he spoke, "Now this is quite a sight.  Tell me, is this some new form of therapy you are developing?"

 Sophie looked up and into his eyes -- and smirked right back at him.

"Well good day, Professor.  Actually, yes, this is very therapeutic.  You should give it a try sometime."

He leaned back onto a tree, crossing right foot over left and his arms across his chest.  "Do you realize a student could have stumbled upon you at any moment?  Or _perhaps_ that was the point of this little experiment."

"The Forest is off limits to students.  And no, _the point_ of this little experiment is to clear my head and help me relax.  No one usually finds me here so I can just soak for hours."

"You have done this before." The thought should have disturbed him….should have.

"I discovered this weeks ago.  Right after one of our bouts actually.  I needed to let off steam so I decided to explore the Forest and I came upon this spot.  It is beautiful and secluded and very peaceful.  One does enjoy being alone sometimes."

"I thought isolation was the root of all things dark."

"There is a difference between solitude and isolation.  One is a choice and the other a sentence."

"In either case I suggest getting yourself back to your quarters before catching a nasty cold."

She smiled.  "If you insist." And with that she stood up removing any doubt as to the state of her dress.  "If you wouldn't mind handing me my robe."  

He did not turn away.  He barely react. He simply retrieved her robe and handed it to her.  

  
"Thank you.  Enjoy the rest of your day." She turned and walked out of the clearing.

Without a word he went in search of his root.  'I wonder if that is what people meant by the benefits of a sunny day,'  he thought and grinned as continued to walk.

______________________________________________________________

Sophie walked back to her home in silence, a sheepish grin on her face.  He didn't turn away.  She had expected him to be thunderstruck, he didn't even flinch and she was impressed.  This was turning into quite a game.  

When she got back to her home she found Hermione looking around. "Hello dear.  Is there anything I can do for you?"

Hermione looked at Sophie as if trying to decipher a cryptic message hidden in her words. "Yes…well no… well yes, but not in the way you mean." 

Sophie's turn to decipher.  "What exactly do I mean?"

"I….well.  I mean I am not here to…" She stopped to sigh. "I'm just looking for Ron."

"Oh.  I see.  I gather you haven't seen much of him lately."

"No, not really.  Why do you say?  Did he say anything?"

Sophie gave Hermione a soft smile. "He did mention that things were very different now than they have been before and that he missed the way you all used to be together all the time."

She seemed pleased upon hearing this. 

"Would you like to come in for tea?"

Hermione furrowed her brow and stood up straight.  "I don't need tea."

"No one _needs_ tea dear." She paused. "I don't bite, you know.  I am actually a very nice person, and if allowed to be, and can be damn interesting to talk to, or so I like to believe."

Hermione smiled. "Okay.  By the way why, are you wearing a bath robe?"

Sophie laughed. "I was in the forest bathing in a hot spring."  As if saying the most natural thing in the world she continued to her door and went inside.  

Hermione froze at the revelation.  Not quite sure if she was kidding or not, Hermione entered the house after her.  "That was more information than I needed.  Are you always so forward?"

"Does my honesty bother you?"  She said as she started making the tea.

Hermione sat the kitchen table.  "No….I guess.  It just wasn't the answer I was expecting."

Sophie stared at her for a moment. "I find that these times call for as much candor as possible.  I am not ashamed of my actions.  People need to exercise a little more honesty in their lives.  It would allow us to waste less time and get to the root of the matter."

To Hermione it looked as if she were not talking to the same person.  Outwardly, Sophie was still the same woman clad in a bathrobe making tea as she was when Hermione first entered the house.  Suddenly the expression on her face changed as did her stance and someone else stood before her.  "Are you driving at something?"

"Yes I am."

"And might I ask what?"

"Your real reason for being here."

"I told you…"

"You told me a lie because you are ashamed of your actions.  I believe you came to seek me out because you wanted to talk."

Hermione tried to look appalled. "Why do you say that?"

"Because, Hermione you are the introspective one, you are the one who always seems to be thinking two steps ahead of everyone else. You are the one that works the hardest at knowing everything you could know.  In essence you think too much to be here on a day you know Ron would be watching Harry practice Quidditch."

Hermione was quiet… and a little annoyed at how obvious she was.  "I guess you're right.  I do want to talk to someone.  But the problem is that I don't know about what."

Sophie smiled in sympathy.  "Things are very different for you this year aren't they?"

  
Hermione nodded.  "Last year changed everything.  We're all trying so hard to get back to life as usual, that we are disregarding all that happened last year."

  
"And what happened?"

"Well, like what happened to Harry.  Do you know about all that?" Hermione hoped she would not have to relive that again.  It was enough to think of nothing else all summer long.

"Yes, but why don't you tell me about this summer, after the Tournament?"

With a small sigh she began, "Things went on as usual.  I went home and started to prepare for the coming year.  I like to get a head start and I knew I was to be a prefect so this year was going to be harder.  Ron, Harry and I didn't even get together.  We always get together before school but no one seemed to be up to it.  This year everyone is so caught up in their own lives that the group seems non-existent.  Harry is trying to ignore all that happened and won't even talk about it.  Ron seems to be here all the time and…I guess I was just feeling lonely."

"You spend a lot of time in studies don't you?" Sophie asked.

Hermione couldn't hide her annoyance.  "Yes, but that isn't really the problem."

"You were always the student, the worker.  You are disciplined.  You like order and control.  But no one can subsist on that alone.  Harry and Ron were your escape, your fun, your freedom.  Your life hasn't changed much but theirs has.  In changing their lives they changed yours and you are not prepared to let that happen."

Her shoulders fell a little more as Sophie spoke each sentence. Hermione looked at her and then looked down.  "So you think I study too much too."

"Not at all.  I admire the work you put into the things you do.  I do think you need to apply that drive to other things in your life.  Harry and Ron care about you, they enjoy spending time with you, but I think this goes a little deeper than that."  Hermione just looked at her not quite knowing what she was getting at. "Who thinks you study too much?"

"Everyone."

"I need a little more."

"My parents, my friends, my classmates.  Everyone.  They call me a know-it-all.  I think even my teachers think so."

"Why do you work so hard?"

Hermione looked at her blankly.  It seemed like such a silly question.  'To get good grades, to excel, to be the best.'  These are the thoughts that entered her mind immediately but somehow she knew the answer the doctor was pushing for, maybe not to be the best but just to be better.  "I had no idea I was a witch," she began. "I just thought I was strange, everyone just thought I was strange.  Then I got the letter from Hogwarts and suddenly I realized why I never really got along with people.  I mean I always knew I was different but I never knew why.  This was my chance to finally be a part of something, to belong.  I wanted so badly to fit in I got all the books early and studied them.  I practiced spells and memorized all I could because I was afraid that I would be so far behind.  I hated the idea that people might think I was not good enough for this school because I was Muggle born.  Then I got here and before I knew it I had the reputation of being the snob…I suppose Harry and Ron saved me from that."

"And maybe without them you would just be the know it all again."

"I never really thought about it that way.  I guess is sounds selfish."

"What you are feeling is very typical…very normal.  You are at a time in your life where a sense of belonging is central. You shouldn't be afraid to let your friends know that you miss them and that you are lonely.  I think if they should know how you are affected by everything.  Perhaps your honesty could help them be more honest too."

Her words made Hermione feel better, normal.  She thought silently for a few moments before turning to Sophie, there was something else.  "There is something else."

"You have a crush on Ron and you don't know how to handle it."

For the second time that afternoon, Hermione froze.  "How did you know?"

'To be young again,' Sophie thought affectionately, 'To be young and unaware of how you wear your emotions plainly on your face for anyone to read.'  She smiled.  "You are not the only person to be in that situation, you know. Letting people know you have those feeling is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do."

Hermione nodded in agreement.  "Last year I went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum and it made Ron crazy.  He was jealous; actually jealous…blindingly jealous.  I relished it, probably a little more than I should have.  I thought he would finally let me know how he felt.  When he didn't, I just assumed that he didn't feel the way I thought he did and I let it go."

"Did you see Viktor again?"

"No.  He was very nice but I didn't feel the same way and I thought it would be cruel to lead him on."

"That's a healthy attitude," Sophie said appraisingly.  "I don't think you should give up on Ron.  Guys are usually a lot slower about these things.  He should come around."

"You're not going to tell me to be honest about this and just tell him?"

"Affairs of the heart are a different matter, a special matter.  Love is something that develops.  It is also something that strikes fear in many people.  You need to give it time to progress at a natural level. If you force it you may destroy its chances and if you wait too long it may pass you by. I think you will know when the time is right to make your move.  Just don't be afraid to try when the opportunity presents itself."

Hermione smiled. "I can see why people come to talk to you."

Sophie shook her head. "I didn't tell you anything you wouldn't have figured out for yourself.  My job is to help you find your way.  I really don't do anything special.  I find when given the chance, people can talk their way through their problems pretty completely.  I just get them started."

Hermione hugged her.  "Thanks for the tea."

"Anytime."

Sophie watched her leave before going into the bedroom and getting dressed.  A talk with Hermione was just what she needed before her first meeting with Draco.  With a heavy heart she sighed, tonight would not be simple case of loneliness and a teenage crush, but there was nothing more to do but wait and see.

  



	6. Little Boys

**Chapter 6 – Little Boys**

Sophie was in her living room, curled up in the old armchair by the fireplace.  Sitting in that old chair always gave her consolation and solace and she found herself sitting upon just before her more difficult patients.  This night, she was staring absentmindedly into the fire, watching as the crimson and golden flames flickered and crackled.  There were few things that relaxed her more than sitting by the fire.  There was something comforting about a fireplace, the warmth, the light, the smell of the fire wood.  She was almost asleep when there was a knock at her door.

She opened it to find Draco Malfoy looking as arrogant as ever, impeccable in his appearance; his robes, crisp and pressed, his hair, perfectly slicked back against a head held high.  Sophie marveled at how someone who was shorter than her, still managed to look down at her.

"Good evening, Mr. Malfoy. Please come in."

He entered, swaggering as he walked, the pout never leaving his lips. 'He is trying to assert himself,' thought Sophie, 'I wonder if he realizes how young he looks when he does that.'

"Please make yourself comfortable."

"Is this your office?" His lips held a sneer that would have made Snape proud.

"No, it is my living room.  I thought we would try to make this first meeting a casual one."

"Whatever."  He sat down on the couch, his back completely rigid.  "So is this the part where I lay down and tell you about my mother and how I wasn't loved enough as a child?"

 Sophie suppressed a smile.  "Is that what you want to talk about?"

"I don't want to talk about anything."

"Okay," Sophie remarked and she sat back and waited.

They sat in silence, staring at each other.  Fifteen minutes passed before Draco spoke. "Is this what I am going to do every time I have to come to this place?"

"If you want to.  We can sit here and just stare at each other, if you like.  We can talk about the weather. We can talk about your life.  Whatever, right."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"I can't force you to talk to me."

"Good, then we have an understanding."

Sophie admired his defiance; he was trying to stand up to her.  Draco seemed to relax as he felt he was in control of the situation.  'This will not do', thought Sophie.  'Time to show the little bugger a thing or two about control. Time to start breaking down walls.'

"How about telling me why you were trying to kill yourself?" she asked offhandedly.

He sat like a statue, barley breathing.  "What are you talking about?" he asked in his most thoroughly bored voice.

"Did you _really_ think we didn't know what you were going to use the Belladonna for?  Did you _really_ think you are the only one who knows why it is a restricted herb?"

"I was going to use it make a girl easier to handle.  So much for your theory." 

"I don't what's sadder, Draco, the fact that you think I wouldn't see through that lie or the fact that you find the insinuation of rape a lesser offense than suicide."

Draco looked uncomfortable.  A small tremor found his hands as his anger began rising.

"What makes you think you know me so well?" he said, his voice strained.  "What makes you think you know anything?  You truly are pathetic, you know that.  You.  Are.  Nothing.  I am the son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.  Why would I take my own life when I have the world before me.  If you haven't heard I am the future and when all is said and done you and your kind will be rocketed into oblivion and only the pure will be left. We will finally be rid of useless Muggles and filthy mudbloods and half breeds who contaminate the very air we breath.  You will see soon enough where true power lies."

"Seems like a pretty tall order for one so young."

"I can handle it.  I am a Malfoy."

"A lot of responsibility goes with that name doesn't it?"

He was staring at her hard.

"Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy must expect quite a bit from their only son."

"Nothing I can't handle."

He was twitching.  His steel grey eyes afire, his fists, clenched and white knuckled.  A bead of sweat began to trickle down his cheek and his hair wasn't quite as flawless as when he first appeared.  He was terrified, that much was obvious. It was also obvious that it would be a while before she found out why, though a few disturbing possibilities did come to mind.  Sophie knew what she wanted to do though her brain was screaming that it was a bad idea, but remembering the madness his eyes held seconds before her resolve wavered.  Bad idea be damned…

"Can you handle a hug?"

"What?"  Draco stared at her as if a third eye sprouted on her forehead.

"Can you handle a hug? Is the celebrated progeny of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy deaf?"

He didn't answer.  He didn't know how to answer.

She slowly walked over to him and sat down.  Giving him a warm smile, she gently put her arms around him.  He sat immobile, refusing to face her.  She held him tighter and began to rock.  He swallowed hard, his lips trying unsuccessfully to form the words that would make her let go.  It wasn't long before he started to squirm, trying to break free, trying to run.  She only held him tighter and kept rocking.

Gasping for air, he became frantic.  Though he was visibly suffocating, she would not let go. He tried to push her away, fighting against being buried alive.  His trembling was becoming uncontrollable.  He clawed at her arms and twisted his body.  Emotions flashed on his paling face; anger, confusion, fear, pain.  He bit on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. He wanted to scream.

And then he stopped.  

Stopped trying to run, stopped trying to fight. He just stopped…and started crying.  It would be the first time since infancy he cried, and he found once he started, he could not stop.  Sophie watched as his body yielded to the sobs, his shoulders dropping, his chest heaving.  The shaking that consumed his body before was replaced with the labored breathing of a body racked with pain.  

He sat and cried while she held him and hugged him for the rest of the session.

________________________________________________________

Sophie went for a walk. With no particular destination in mind, she roamed around the grounds, her eyes never looking up past the horizon.   She walked around aimlessly for an hour before finally heading down to Snape's quarters.  She had told him she wanted to meet with him after the session, but needed to compose herself before talking to him.

Finally she knocked on his door and he took his time answering it.  "Did Mr. Malfoy require extra attention this evening?"

She was too exhausted to retort in the manner that had become custom.  "I don't even want to know what you are implying by that remark."

"You are late."

"I needed to walk. The session did not go as I had thought."

He stood contemplating her demeanor.  She was shaken about something and he could never remember seeing her so. Seeing her veneer waver made him uneasy.  "Continue." He sat down.  He was suddenly interested in what she had to say.  

She sat on his bed for lack of places to sit. "I expected for him to be defiant.  He was.  I expected him to make excuses. He did. I expected for him to throw his father's name around.  He did that as well…and then it changed.  He started to rant about him being the future and about me and my kind being wiped from the face of the Earth.  He looked possessed."

Snape considered her words and the way in which they were delivered. "What happened then?"

"I hugged him."

"Pardon."

"I know," she said dropping her face in her hands. "I know, but it seemed the right thing to do."

"Is it standard practice for a therapist to hug a patient?"

At that moment Sophie hoped, really hoped, that her glares could cause permanent damage.  "I realize I threw years of training and education out the window when I reverted back to a millennia of maternal instinctsm but the feelings were overwhelming.  I found myself looking at a boy trying desperately to be man.  I suddenly thought of what his summer must have been like.  I envisioned a Boot Camp and Lucius was the Drill Sergeant.  He looked…shattered.  My heart broke and I hugged him."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing at first.  Then he tried to get away.  Then he cried.  He cried for over half an hour.  I just kept hugging him.  When I finally told him he could leave, he just went into the bathroom, cleaned up and left without not saying a single word."

Severus sat deep in thought.  "They must be planning for all out war.  He must have been through quite a bit to be so effected in such a short period of time. "

"That's what I thought as well."

"What happens in your next session?"

"I don't know really.  So much is adlibbed.  Each session leads into the next.  He is bordering on the brink of a nervous breakdown; all the signs are there as if he read them out of the text books.  I have to play this carefully, the stakes are too high.  I need him to come to me.  I need to let him allow the words to come out.  I can't force them out."

"So much for the art of the science."

The words stung more than they should have.  "I am not dissecting a frog.  There is no standard blueprint for the workings of the mind.   Though we may share similar characteristic, goals, fears and dreams, we are all individuals.  We are all different in how we interrupt things and how we react to them. I can't rush him…I only hope I can help him."


	7. The Masks We Wear

**Chapter 7 – The Masks We Wear**

Glowing spiders and iridescent pumpkins floated around the dining hall as the children entered with visions of caramel apples and chocolate cake.  Banners of orange and black swept across the room, shining like moonlight.  The air was thick with the scent of cinnamon and sugar, and the chatter of a thousand voices.  Sophie walked around enjoying the decorations and watching the students interact amid the tempting sweets and lively laughter that filled the room.  

Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny were sitting at their table laughing and talking enthusiastically with their hands.  It appeared to Sophie that they were re-living some past event, evidently talking about fighting something large and apparently quite ugly.  Hermione seemed to be a lot more cheerful than she was the last time that Sophie saw her.  She watched as Hermione placed her hand on Ron's during the course of the conversation.  He looked down at her hand on his and then looked up and continued the discussion.  Sophie smiled to herself and wondered if he realized what Hermione was trying to tell him.'

Across the table, Ginny kept glancing over at Harry, who seemed oblivious to her presence.  Sophie felt a pang of concern for the diminutive red-head. 'He sees you as a sister Ginny, tread carefully.'  Sophie reprimanded herself for her habitual mothering of the students.  Distancing herself from those who came to speak to her was a problem, as the need to comfort and console was always present and though that might make her a good person, it could make her a lousy psychologist if she did not control it. That thought led to a search for Draco Malfoy. Sophie scanned the room and found him seated at the end of his table, surrounded by his cronies with that Pansy girl giggling in his ear, and showing no trace of the boy who cried in her arms.

She continued to look across the room and paused to watch Neville clean up a spill.  A lump rose in her throat as she watched him, his face flustered as he muttered his apologies.  She wanted to run over and take care of it for him, but he would be mortified, and she did promise to stifle her attentions.

A few girls from the Hufflepuff table were waving to her. 'Let's see - Susan with the overindulgent father and the imposing mother, Moira who was terrified of standing up for herself and Eve who had nightmares.'  Sophie returned the gesture conveying the same enthusiasm with which it was delivered.  She spoke to so many in that house.  They were having a hard time dealing with the loss of Cedric Diggory and it was manifesting itself in all sorts of psychosis.  

In fact, it was her opinion, that the incident affected people more deeply than they really wanted to admit.  Moreover, Sophie was surprised how many people blamed Harry, directly or indirectly, for all that happened.  They knew he did not purposely do anything to cause the chain of events that ended the last year, but many felt he was the sole reason Voldemort was back.  They felt Harry was endangering them all.

A chill ran though Sophie as she thought of it.  Memories flooded in and sought to drown her.  She looked around at these innocent faces laughing and eating sugary confections, faces that have no recollection of what life was like before Harry Potter.  They do not know the constant fear that permeated the very air they breathed.  They did not understand what was like, not to be able to trust your friends. They did not know the anguish and devastation Voldemort and his minions caused for years.  They did not realize how fortunate they were that he was as quiet as he was now.  Sophie closed her eyes as she thought of Severus's words "They must be planning for all out war."

Her train of thought was broken when she saw him enter the room in that way of his that sent a wave of cynicism through the room before he even spoke a single word. Their relationship had improved over the last few weeks if only slightly.  He was still sarcastic and enjoyed cutting her down but it appeared to be more for amusement than out of resentment.  With his robes blowing about, he walked over to her.

"I am surprised to see you here," he began, "I thought your kind went out on this night and begged for candy and then draped tissue paper around the houses of those that did not accommodate."

"The world is full of surprises," Sophie retorted, "For example I thought your kind avoided daylight for fear of turning into dust but you return day after day."  With a nod he left and walked over to professor Vector muttering something about having to pay a debt when a familiar group of Gryffindors walked over to her.  "Saw you talking to Snape," Ron jeered.  "What was he complaining about this time?"

"Professor Snape and I were having a conversation, Ron. We were not fighting.  It is possible to have a discussion with him without losing your temper."

"Is he treating you better then?" Harry asked.

Sophie paused before answering, choosing her words carefully. "He had some pre-conceived notions about me and I am trying to prove him wrong."

"Why do you bother?"

Sophie gave him a scrutinizing look.  "Professor Snape is a brilliant man and one of the world's authorities on Potions.  There are only a few dozen true Potions masters in the world and you should consider yourselves lucky to be under his supervision.  He has a reputation as a perfectionist and he lives up, to that whether you appreciate his personality or not.  You would do yourself a favor to pay attention in his class and learn what he has to teach you.  I think it safe to say it could turn out to be very important in the near future."  

Harry found her words evocative and was about to question her on it when Neville joined in on the conversation.  "It easy for you to say he doesn't torment you daily, Auntie Sophie."  Everyone glared at Neville who instantly closed his eyes and swallowed.  Sophie bit her lip and tried not to smile.

There was a collective, "Auntie Sophie!" and Neville looked horrified.

Sophie explained to the stunned crowd, "Well, technically I am not a real aunt. I have been friends with Neville's Mum since we were very little girls. I have known Neville since before he was born."  Neville nodded in agreement as Sophie continued. "We thought it might make people uncomfortable to know I had such a close relationship with a classmate, so we decided to just act like faculty and student.  At least in front of the rest of you, in private I am still Auntie Sophie.  Now that our cover has been blown I am hopeful that you will keep our little secret."  They all nodded and Ron elbowed Neville in the arm and gave him a smile. 

"I think it's wonderful that you have kept such a close relationship with Neville after his parents died.  I was worried he only had his Grandmother and she can send the most frightful howlers," said Hermione.

Sophie paused and furrowed her brow slightly as she turned to face Neville. His eyes were pleading with hers.  Realization hit hard, 'Oh My God, they have no idea.'

"Yes," She recovered quickly, "Well Neville has always meant so much to me that I could not leave him to her.  She is a dear, but she doesn't know how to have fun, does she Neville?" 

He was smiling again but looked terribly embarrassed. "Right," he muttered.

"Speaking of fun, you should all go and have some. It's Halloween and I bet you could think of a hundred things you'd rather be doing other than standing here talking to me."

They all laughed and waved goodbye as they left the hall.  Neville stayed behind looking terribly, terribly nervous.

Sophie spoke softly, "You never told them."

Neville tried to read the expression on her face.  He was looking for disappointment but instead he just saw sorrow. Disappointment would have been easier to handle. "No."

"Why?"

"They already feel sorry for me, being clumsy and stupid.  It's hard enough being a poor excuse for a wizard; I couldn't bear any more pity.  Besides, I really don't like talking about it."

She cupped his chin in her hand and tilted his head to face hers.  "First of all, you are neither clumsy nor stupid…and furthermore your friends care about you, it has nothing to do with pity."  She paused to brush some of his hair behind his ears.  "You're a good person and you could be a great wizard with the right guidance.  I know your grandmother doesn't want you to go into sessions with me, but I think you need to talk to someone about this.  Keeping these things secret will not make them go away.  It will not make things better.  If you don't feel comfortable talking to me, will you at least go to Professor McGonagall or Headmaster Dumbledore?  They care about you as well."

"I don't know."

"Neville you need to start facing this if you are ever to get passed it.  Did you ever think that you have problems in classes because you are afraid to face up to the circumstances in your life? That your fears have become your hardship?"

"No.  Do you really think it has something to do with it?"

"I think you owe it yourself to find out."

"I'll think about it."  He looked down.

Sophie knew Neville well enough to know when to stop pushing.  He was more like his mother than he will ever know.

"Okay, go and join your friends."

He gave her a small smile and she returned it.  She wanted to hug him but remembering the last reaction she got to that particular action, she reconsidered. 

As she watched him walk away she felt her heart drop to her stomach, breathing suddenly became a chore.  She turned to walk out and noticed Professor Snape staring at her. 'How much did he hear,' she wondered.  'A lot by the look on his face.'  They stared at each other for a few moments before she finally broke down.  It was Sophie now who could not bear to talk about it.  She rushed out of the Great Hall and into the night.  


	8. Renovations

**Chapter 8 - Renovations**

The outside of her house was perfect. Looking at it, you would never connect it with the shack that was there last year.  Next Spring she would add flower boxes to the windows like her mother did.  It always made the house look so warm and welcoming.  Yes, it definitely did not match the décor of her surrounding, but neither did she, and it felt right.  She was a big proponent of going with your gut and this house felt like home.

"Well, Ron, we did it.  We are ready to start on the inside and just in time; Christmas is just around the corner and we are supposed to get a snow storm soon."

Ron smiled, staring proudly at his work.  "I never would have thought I could do any of the stuff that we did.  I can't wait to start on the inside."

Sophie fixed her eyes on him.  'Opportunity,' she thought.

"Why don't we go inside and have some hot chocolate?  We can discuss our plan of attack."

"Sure."

Together they entered.  "I thought you only had tea."

"I am a very complex person, Mr. Weasley.  Tea, hot chocolate, juices, even the occasional cider.  I am just full of surprises."

He gave a laugh.  She was such an odd character.  It was a thought that had come across his mind from the first day he started to work with her and only grew with each passing day.

"Tell me Ron, how are your classes going?" she asked.

"Good, I guess.  I have been having a much better time of it this year than in the past.  I am actually surprised at how much I have been able to accomplish."

"And to what do you attribute this sudden change?"

"Well….to tell the truth….you."

"Me?"

"Well yes, this job and working all the time…I like the responsibly.  I like earning my way…feeling like an adult, doing things for myself.  I sent my mum some of the money I had earned, you know, and she sent it back.  She told me to have fun.  I finally have money and truth be told I haven't really spent much of it."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know……Fred and George came into some money this summer.  I guess they got an investor in their joke shop.  Anyway, they have been so busy studying business and preparing for to open their place that they've become all serious. They grew up suddenly.  I don't know if I don't feel like that, like suddenly I am not a silly kid buying chocolate frogs anymore.  Like I'm more."

"Ah yes, the infamous Weasley twins.  They have been rather quiet this year."  

Ron nodded. "They're like different people.  You know they bought me new dress robes…Ginny too.  I didn't ask for them, they just did it. Odd thing is I could tell they liked doing it for me." 

"Okay so the money has been helpful.  What else?"

He thought for a moment.  "Well…I don't know… I guess I like having people come over to me and telling me what a great job I was doing and how wonderful the place looked.  I guess I liked the attention."

"Lacked attention in the past then?"

"Well, not really, it was just not the type of attention that I wanted.  I was one of the Weasley brood. Bill was the coolest, Charlie the bravest, Percy the smartest, the twins the funniest.  Even Ginny stood out because she was the only girl.  I was never special.  Then here I become best friends with the school brain and the hero of the Wizarding world.  It's hard not to fell like the comic relief…like the side kick."

"Interesting," Sophie said slowly.

She had a strange look in her eye and it made him nervous.  Ron looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean, interesting?"  

She shrugged.  "Well, I just find your perception of yourself fascinating. Your father often spoke of you and your misadventures at this school.  The idea that you feel like you are in the shadow of your siblings does not correspond with the image I have of a boy stealing his parent's car and flying it into a tree on the first day of school in his second year.  That was your idea wasn't it."

"Well…yeah-"

"I also recall that you are the one who sacrificed his own well being for the sake of others in his first year during a highly unusual game of chess.  That hardly sounds like the work of a comic relief."

"Well, no, I suppose not."

"No.  I suppose not either.  Your father doesn't think of you as ordinary.  Harry sees you as a partner in crime and not a sidekick and I would venture to guess that Miss Granger thinks you are pretty special as well."

At this he blushed.  She pressed forward. "Yes, Ron it would seem to me that the only person keeping you in the shadows is yourself."

He stopped and looked at her.  She was smiling as she continued.  

"I gave you some pretty challenging work.  Especially for one with no experience.  You handled it perfectly as I knew you would.  That is why I pay you so much.  You do not lack brains or ability, just confidence."  She paused to put a hand on his shoulder.  "Confidence is a powerful tool.  It can make a mediocre man magnificent.  Lack of it can make a great man never realize his potential, and you have potential.  I would also venture to guess that this lack of confidence has caused you to sit back and let something you want slip out of your hands." He looked up at her.  'My, what an unusual shade of red,' she thought.

"You know?" His eyes widened.

She couldn't help but smile. "It never ceases to amaze me how teenagers never think we know exactly what they are up to.  I was once your age too you know.  I had crushes and was terrified to act on them." She smiled at her own admission. 'Not much has changed, huh, Sophie.'

"It's Hermione," he admitted.

"I see."

"We were always just friends, buddies.  I didn't even like her in the beginning; she was such a brain.  Then it all changed.  All of a sudden she was a girl and a cute one at that.  She went to the Yule ball last year with Viktor Krum, the Quidditch player.  I went bonkers.  I was insane and I didn't know why.  Then I knew why and I didn't know what to do about it.  We never really talked about it."

"Why not?"

"I am not so sure it's a good idea.  What if we don't get along?  What if we fight and end up not talking anymore?  What if she thinks I am not smart enough for her? What if she just doesn't feel the same way?"

Sophie cocked her head to the side as she considered him; he seemed so young right now.  A warm smile inched across her face.  "What if she's your soul mate?"

"My what?" Ron said in the tone he usually reserved for Percy.  "You can't be serious."

"I know, what a thing to say -- soul mate.  The one that makes you complete and all. What is thinking?" Sophie smiled at his wide confused eyes and continued, "Hermione is more studious than you.  So what.  Some of the best relationships I know are between people who are completely different.  They have enough in common to be friends but are different enough to keep things interesting.  Good relationships evolve and grow as you do.  Good relationships have people learning from one another.  Can you think of anything you have given Hermione over the years that she did not have before she knew you?"

It was something he hadn't thought of before.  "I….well… I guess we have fun.  She was always all about work, but then she started having fun."  He smiled as a thought came to him.  "One day she even popped Malfoy right in the mouth.  It was bloody brilliant...I guess she loosened up."

"And was she still as studious as ever?"

"Yes."

"So you were able to add something to her life and she did not become something different."

"Yes."

"I go back to my original statement. Interesting."

"Yes, quite interesting."  He squinted at her.  "So what should I do?"

"Whatever feels right.  Don't rush into anything but don't fight your feelings either.  Love is as natural as sunlight.  You just have to remember to let it in."

 He seemed to come to a resolution. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

"I better run.  I have a practical class to get to."

"How are those coming?"

"Great but they are working us hard. You would think we were in combat training."

He rushed out the door.

Sophie sat and watched him out the window until he disappeared.   She then looked down at her empty cup.  "You know," she said aloud, "for someone who constantly has people over for a glass of something, I seldom got to actually drink anything."


	9. Oh The Weather Outside is Frightful

**Chapter 9 - Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful…**

Winter came to Hogwarts at full force.  A fresh coat of snow covered the grounds and Sophie stepped out to admired nature's artwork.  The castle looked odd blanketed in snow, beautiful yet haunting.   'Not quite Currier and Ives is it,' she reflected.  She was feeling frisky and that was never a good thing.  Snow always brought out the latent adolescent in her. 'Her inner child,' she thought with a grimace.

She was contemplating building a snowman when the sound of laughter caught her attention.  Ron, Harry, Hermione and Ginny were walking up the path to her house.  "Inspiration," she said with a malevolent giggled.  Picking up a clump of snow and forming a perfect sphere she launched it in to the air and clocked Harry right between the glasses.  They all stood dumbfounded.  

"You have been challenged," she yelled across the courtyard.

"Are you mad?"  Harry sputtered, wiping his face clean.

"No, just bored.  It's Saturday.  I refuse to work and I am feeling playful.  So again I say, you have been challenged."  She was already preparing more rounds of  ammunition.

They looked at each other and smiled.  "All right then.  But remember you asked for it."

Just then Ginny ran to the side of Sophie and began to prepare for battle.

"What are you doing?" yelled Ron. "You're consorting with the enemy."

"We have to even up the sides don't we."  With that she threw a poorly formed ball at him, missing him by several feet.

"I'd better help them. It looks like they'll need it."  Hermione joined the girls and the fracas commenced.

The air was full of unsuccessfully aimed snowballs and laughter.  At one point Hermione yelled, "Retribution" or something like it, and tackled Harry who had found a little too much pleasure in using her for target practice.

During a momentary cease fire, Sophie and her comrades were in the middle of planning their strategy when a familiar voice came upon the scene.

"Are we testing out a new form of regression therapy or is this some Muggle ritual we need to warn the proper authorities about." Severus Snape stood looking as self-righteous as ever.  Sophie could not help but admire how his black cloak and clothes stood out against the crisp, white snow.  She smiled to herself as the thought came to her, 'Beautiful yet haunting.'

She stood up, covered in snow, her hat askew, and her eyes looking for trouble.  She tried her best to look dignified. "Perhaps a Muggle ritual would do you some good."

"If you are implying that I join your little mêlée might I suggest-" Before he could finish a large snowball landed square on his nose.

He was irate, scraping the snow from his face.   "Dr. Young if you cannot control your impulses-"

"Oh,come off it Sevie, live a little."

"Did you just call me Sevie!?!"

"Don't be tight, grab some snow."

"I am not in the practice of-"  Another snowball found its destination.

"I see," he said as he cleaned his face and adjusted his cloak.  "I will begin by saying this is childish and completely inappropriate behavior. You are not being a proper role model to impressionable, and in this case, troubled students.  You have also shown a shocking lack of judgment and decorum.  With that said, may I also add -- with much trepidation -- it is 5 house points to any Gryffindor who defects to my side."

They all stared at each other not quite sure what they just heard.  Confusion gave way to shock upon seeing Severus Snape making a snowball.  Knowing which side would probably come out victorious, Ron ran over and joined him.  

"Traitor!" screamed Ginny

"I have to even you the sides, don't I.  You still love me don't you, Dr. Young." Just then, the largest snowball of the day struck him in the face and sent him tumbling back.

"Deserter!" Sophie yelled. "Defector.  Show him no mercy."

Harry went to join Ron and Snape, as he too knew a winning side when he saw one, and the battle persisted.

Snowballs went flying through the air at an amazing rate.  Severus Snape had impeccable aim and never missed a shot.  Ron and Harry were very impressed. This went on for quite a while until….

"Oh dear," said a nervous voice.  They all stopped and turned. Neville was standing frozen to where he stood, trying desperately to comprehend the scene before him. His aunt, who was always somewhat nutty, looked completely cracked now covered in snow, and she had that look in her eye again. Hermione and Ginny were standing next to her, looking only slightly less cracked, also covered in snow.  Across the snow bank, stood two snowmen which slightly resembled Harry and Ron.  And behind them was….no…it couldn't be…Oh dear Merlin he was hallucinating.  It couldn't be.

"Pick a side."  Sophie was preparing another snowball.

""Wha….Wha…What?"  He was baffled and suddenly very nervous.

"No one is neutral, Neville.  Pick a side or prepare to be dealt with."

"I …well…I.."

"You were warned." But before she could make her shot she was struck on the side of her head by one very well placed projectile that sent her flying several feet.

Severus looked at her and grinned.  "Never turn your back on the enemy my dear.  Especially one who can hit a fly at thirty yards."

It was now full-scale warfare.  

There were no sides, there were no allies, there were no truces. It raged on until the combatants were all sitting on the ground exhausted except Professor Snape who somehow managed to remain untouched.

Sophie spoke, "If I may call a truce.  I have hot chocolate and cookies in my home and a nice warm fire that are beckoning me.  You are all welcome to join."

They all got up and started to go inside.  Snape adjusted his woolen cloak and started to leave.

"Oh please, do come in," she grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze.  They stood immobile for several moments.  She hoped her eyes conveyed how much she wanted him to stay. 

He stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. "All right," he said quietly.

They sat around the fire drying off and comparing scars.

"You have the best aim I have ever seen."  Ron was talking to Snape

"It was not the first time I have thrown a snowball."

They all looked at each other for a moment.  It was hard for them to picture Severus Snape as anything other than a demanding, heartless teacher who seemed to get pleasure out of torturing students and doling out detentions.

After they had their fill of treats, they said their good byes.  Sophie pulled Severus aside. "Could you stay for a moment?" 

When they were alone she turned to him. "I'm glad you joined us today.  It was fun."

"It was quite gratifying getting to bombard the Gryffindor three."  Her smile widened at his words.  He continued,  "As much as I hate to admit it, and I do _really_ hate to admit it…I did enjoy it. " 

"You are a very complicated man, Severus Snape."

"You have no idea."

"I would like to get an idea."

"Meaning."

"I would like you to start sessions with me."

"Sessions?"

"I'm sorry, is English not your primary language?"

"You think I need therapy?" He was annoyed at the very thought.

"No, it isn't that. Though I don't think it would hurt you.  No, I am hoping you could give me some insight."

"Into what?"

"Into the mind of a Death Eater?"

"I see."

"I don't think you do.  My sessions with Draco are not progressing.  He talks freely about his life here but when I try to get him to talk about his home life he shuts down.  I need to understand what he is going through.  I need to find the trigger that will get him to open up.  When people come to me out of their own free will it's easy to get information out of them, they're dying to talk things out.  All I need to do is ask the right questions and they go off sometimes for hours.  Draco is extremely guarded.  I'm not sure if it's shame or fear or just confusion.  I need to try a different angle and I think you may be the key."

He at quietly contemplating her proposal "Have you ever dealt with a Death Eater before?"

"Some.  The ones I have spoken to were trying to save their own skins so I don't consider their input reliable.  But if you are afraid you will shock me you needn't worry.  I have been exposed the dark underside of this world before and I am prepared for what you have to say."

He sat in silence for several minutes. "I will help you but I ask for something in return."

"What?"

"Reciprocity."

"Meaning?"

"I will not be the only open book in these sessions.  I will not divulge the minutia my life without having you do the same.  I will treat this as an open discussion of our lives and life experiences and not a therapy session."

Now _she_ was contemplating _his_ proposal. "Agreed. Who goes first?"

"I will.  I am free Sunday afternoon if you are."

"Perfect."  

"I will see you then," he said with a cut nod.

She nodded back. "I will have plenty of wine on hand."

"Wine?"

"I have a feeling it's going to be a long day."

She watched him walk away and back to his quarters.  He wanted to know something specific.  She smiled as she thought, 'I guess I am not the only one who can spot an opportunity.'


	10. Long Ago in a Galaxy Far Away

**Chapter 10 – Long Ago In A Galaxy Far Away**

The next day Sophie Young found herself looking in the mirror trying to decide if the sixth outfit was any better that the fifth.  It was definitely better than the third, but not quite as good as the fourth.  The first was too casual, the second too formal, the third too provocative.  The forth seemed to have enough of each of its predecessors to be passable as comfortable, yet in charge and looking good doing it.  She should have stopped there.  The fifth was too trendy.  Would he ever believe she wore leather boots around the house on a Sunday afternoon?  As she heard the knock on her door she decided it would have to do;  blue sweater that was snug to her frame without being tight and black slacks, probably a little tighter than they needed to be but she liked the effect.  Picking up the discarded attempts at subtlety, she threw them in her closet and closed the door completely ignoring the fact that she spent the last two hours getting ready for what amounted to nothing more than a session. 'Not a date,' she told herself. 'No, not a date.'

Severus Snape stood patiently on Sophie Young's doorstep trying to keep the scowl from his face as he was being forced to stand on a welcome mat covered with sunflowers.

She opened the door and smiled. "Come in."  He came in and removed his cloak revealing a white button down shirt, first two buttons undone and black pants. Sophie was floored and it showed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked

"No, it's just that you look very different in normal clothes, let alone something not black.  Very becoming."

Taken aback, a "Thank You," escaped his lips before he could stop it.

"I thought we could sit in the living room.  I have a fire going.  We can have some wine and talk."

"Fine."

They adjourned to the living room.  Sophie sat on the couch and Severus sat across from her in the armchair.  She poured wine into two glasses and offered one to Severus.  With a nod, he took it and took a sip.  Sophie enjoyed the look of pure astonishment that overtook his face as he drank. "This is really excellent," he said with much surprise.

She fought to hide the smirk that demanded to be expressed.  "I had a feeling that you would know the good stuff, so I took no chances."

Savoring a bit more of the wine, he took a moment to look at her rooms.  In hues of soft blue and beige, which were probably meant to calm and relax, he inexplicable found himself apprehensive.  He was never one to allow his fears to intimidate him so he began: "So where do we begin?"

She wondered briefly if he was anxious to start or anxious to finish.  "At the beginning I guess."

"Beginning of what?"

"Of your life. Let's start with your childhood."

Black eyes glazed over as he paused to stare into the fire.  His brow creased and his lips pursed and Sophie watched a man who probably did not have the luxury of a treasured past, reliving memories he probably never hoped he would have to ever again.

And suddenly she felt like a trespasser in his world. "If this painful for you-"

Whether he heard her or not, she was not sure, but he ignored her last comment and began: "I was always an introvert.  I preferred books to people, although contrary to popular belief, I did have friends."  She smiled at this.  "I did play sports competently enough, though I never really had an aptitude for them…I did have an aptitude for spells and magic.  Since I considered those skills to be the more valuable, I decided to learn all I could.  Reading constantly and practicing religiously, I absorbed information as quickly as possible.  It was almost an obsession with me to know everything I could know."  Sophie was reminded of Hermione as Severus paused to collect his thoughts.  

"My father, an incredibly plebeian but well meaning man, kept trying to get me to play more sports; my mother, Slytherin to the core, kept buying me books…"  Severus was not talking to her and she wondered if he even remembered she was there.  "My mother used to love to test me, to try to trip me up, see what I've learned and if I could apply it properly. In my usual pretentious way, I enjoyed showing off my abilities.  She made it her personal crusade to advance me in my studies and not allow me to fall victim the 'banalities of the mundane' which is what she liked to call childhood.  She refused to let me have the ordinary youth my father was convinced I needed…When I wanted a toy train she bought me a potions kit."  He took another sip of wine. 

The admission bemused her, "Why did you want a toy train?"

"I was eight.  Isn't it a normal desire for an eight year old?"

'I hardly thought of you as a normal anything,' is what she wanted to say but she refrained.

"Not what you expected."

"I'm not sure what I expected.  Please continue."

"By the time I entered Hogwarts I knew more magic than any student in any year. In truth, I knew more than some of the teachers.  As a result, I was always looking for challenges as I found my classes painfully dull."

"Did you have friends here?"

"Yes, I had friends and yes, they eventually became Death Eaters.  Almost all of them, actually except….." he stopped, his face tens and his hand clutching the stem of the wine glass.

"Except?" Sophie asked carefully.

"Cecilia," he finally said.

"And what became of Cecilia?"

"That comes later," he said as if speaking to an impatient child.

"Sorry," she answered with a small, sad smile.

"As you can imagine, school became very tedious for me -- very quickly.  I often found myself in the library looking for new and interesting materials to study. I had already been through all the books by my fifth year.  Then, I finally got permission to go to the restricted area of the library from my Potions Professor.  Back then, you see, it was much more heavily warded then it is today, very few people were allowed entry.  It took more than an invisibility cloak and an inclination to get in.  Looking back I have often wondered if they knew what was coming; if they thought that by shielding us from it they were protecting us. In any case, I found myself in an orchard of forbidden fruit with the freedom to indulge as I saw fit.  I studied those books for the rest of my time as a student."

"What did you find?"

"Dark magic.  It was like nothing I had ever seen before.  Books made of human parts, written in blood, books that screamed and wept, books that bled.  Pages and pages with spells of destruction, torture, and madness.  I was appalled…but fascinated.  I found myself going to Knockturn Alley any chance I could to pick up some of the more disturbing tomes for my own collection.  This lead to other books that were even too vile for the restricted section of this school."

"I noticed them when I was in your room.  You have some very rare texts.  Some had to be a couple of hundred years old." She couldn't help but add, "Well, this must have made you popular."

He smiled. "Only James Potter and his group considered me a freak.  Most people were just scared of me."

"You say that as if you enjoyed it."

"I did," he said honestly. "To paraphrase a verbose psychologist I know, fear is a powerful weapon.  It made me feel formidable."

"Tell me about James Potter and his group."

Severus shrugged and dismissed them. "Dunderheads and sycophants, mindless and cruel. They were popular and handsome and devoted to one another.  We were like the different poles of magnet.  We hardly knew each other but we hated each other nonetheless. We were from different worlds.  I did not feel they earned their popularity, and they did not feel I was worthy of the reputation that I had.  There is really not much more to tell as on the matter.  We were enemies and preferred it that way."

"What happened when you finished school?"

Here he paused as if trying to fight the words forming on his lips. Sophie watched as his eyes darkened and his already pallid features seem to drain of the little color they possessed.  "There were stirrings," he began.  "My friends told me of a new order.  Of an order that found my expertise invaluable, that needed me and would do anything to count me as one of their own.  I found myself  wanted, suddenly very popular, and not because I was feared but because I was respected.  I was needed and admired.  I was seventeen and I was ready to take over the world.  Before I know it I was a Death Eater.  I thought it was fated, not realizing how closely I was watched from the time I first entered Hogwarts.  I did not realize they were grooming for years, sending materials to Knockturn Alley just to be passed over to me.  They we were the first to recognize my gift with potions and set me up with a remarkable laboratory.  They were priming me without my even knowing it.  I was so caught up in the power I ignored what was really happening."

His eyes took on a desperate hue and Sophie found herself chilled at the sight, her voice trembled as she asked, "What was really happening?"

"We were planning for the total annihilation of anyone who would not join us.  We were torturing and killing for sport.  There was no greater plan.  There was no great future we were striving for.  They only wanted to exterminate and destroy.  I saw humanity at it most base level and it was cruel.  Women and children were raped.  Men mutilated.  There was no reason to the madness except to cause fear and gain power -- and they enjoyed it.  They truly, truly, enjoyed the bedlam."

She listened to the melancholy in his voice, and swore she could see the exact moment the innocence of a child was lost.  Pushing her own feelings of sorrow aside she pressed on. "What was your function?"

"Creating potions and training forces.  I did all I could to remain in the laboratory.   Despite appearances I had no desire to hurt or destroy.  I wanted to create and discover.  They considered my lack of bloodlust a weakness as I always found excuses to let people live and I refused to participate in their other _amusements_. They thought I was going soft so they commanded me to kill to prove my allegiance."  

His features hardened back to his normal demeanor and Sophie wanted to mourn. "Who did they want you to kill?"

A deep breathe.  "Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes.  They knew he was like a father to me, especially after the death of my parents.  They knew that I genuinely cared for the man.  He and I had a special relationship -- more than just teacher and student, we were friends.  They wanted his head and they wanted me to deliver it."

"What happened?"

"I refused."

"What did they do?"

"They killed my wife."

As Sophie realized the implication of his words she felt her legs go weak.

"Cecilia?"

"Cecilia."


	11. The Musings of Butterflies

**Warnings – Mentions of violence and Non Consensual sex.**

**Chapter 11 – The Musings Of Butterflies**

They sat in silence for several minutes.  Sophie was trying to read his expression but she could not.  Grief, rage, madness none of it fit.  She was lost for words and that did not happen often.  They seemed to be moving in slow motion.  She watched as he got up and walked over to the fire and drained his glass.  Sophie got up, brought the wine over and re-filled it. He accepted turned and sat down on the couch.  "Can you go on?" she asked as she sat next to him.

"Yes, I just needed a minute."

"We could stop now if you'd like."

"I'd rather get this over with."

She suddenly felt small.  "Okay."

He took a deep breath, and without looking back, he persisted. "They wanted to punish her because she would not pledge her loyalty.  They wanted to punish me because I was not loyal enough.   They were prepared for my refusal to kill Dumbledore.  They brought her out before me, naked. They made me stand there while they," he swallowed hard, "they…"

"You don't have….."

"No," was tone was explicit; he looked deeply into her eyes.  "I must go on.  You have to understand what you are dealing with, you have to understand the type of people these are, how heartless, how absolutely devoid of compassion…" He lost this voice for a moment.  "They made me watch as they violated her repeatedly. Under a powerful binding charm, I could not move, I could not even scream. They made me watch while they slowly tortured her before they finally killed her.  They told me they would destroy everything in this world that I ever loved and would make me bear witness to every minute of it.  What they did not know was that they had already succeeded; they had already destroyed everything in the world that I loved. My wife, my ideals, my dream of the future all wiped away, but what was even worse was that they made me responsible for it.  They put her blood on my hands.  I had nothing left…not even my illusions."  He was staring forward as if a ghost was hovering before him.

Playing the part of the detached psychologist was never as difficult as it was right now.  "What did you do next?"

"I told them I would take care of Dumbledore.  I went to his office in the middle of the night and turned myself in. I told him everything and brought with me the details of their plans and the potions I had created as well as the antidotes no one knew I had made. I was somewhat high up in the hierarchy and had an overabundance of information.  I told him all about the Death Eaters, their camps,  their activities. I disclosed every piece of information that I knew. Then I sat and waited for the Dementors."

"What did he do?"

"He was merciful…he left me alone."  He took a long sip of wine. "I don't really remember much of what happened next.  Dumbledore went to the Ministry and told them everything I had said.  He begged for clemency claiming the information I had supplied would save hundreds of lives, which apparently it did.  Then he asked if I could be left to his care and somehow, he got them to agree."

"You make that sound like a bad thing."

He gave a small, bitter smile.  "I wanted to go to Azkaban.  I wanted to suffer as she had.  I wanted to feel the kiss that would drain the soul from my body because somehow that would be less painful than living."  He sat back on the couch and seemed to relax if only a little, as if he were lighter for his admissions. "It took a while before I would regain anything that remotely resembled a life.  Dumbledore offered me sanctuary and eventually a purpose.  He convinced me that my talents could be used to train the next generation to respect magic and not abuse it.  He also made me the head of Slytherin House so that I would be personally responsible for bringing back some honor to the house that was my home. So many Death Eaters came from our ranks, it decimated us.  We went from being revered for our abilities, to being loathed for our weakness.  It would be my mission to restore it to what it once was."

"Is that why you favor your students so much more than the other houses?"

"I understand them, I pity them, and I want to make sure they realize that ambition and cunning are not necessarily vices.  I want them to appreciate their worth to this world and to have a mind of their own.  I want them to know that they do have choices no matter where they came from.  If I show them favor it was because I know what is waiting for them when they leave and I want them to feel they too can have refuge."

"So why are you extra hard on the other students?"

At his question the smirk was back on his face and Sophie was happy to see it there.  "Why don't you ask the question you have been dieing to ask?"

"Fine, why are you so hard on Harry?"

"Because someone had to be." He took another sip of wine seeming to enjoy the look of confusion on her face. "He did not even know who he was when he came here.  All of a sudden 'the boy who slept in the cupboard under the stairs' became the 'boy who lived.' He was revered and worshipped and he didn't even know why.  He had no sense of who he was or who he needed to be. He needed a counterbalance.  He needed to know that one could not be born into glory, but must earn it.  He had to earn it.  Someone had to show him that rules are there for a reason.  They are to be valued and followed.  Death Eaters never thought the rules applied to them.  Harry would have the ability to be great.  He needed guidance.  It was what I needed to do."

"So you were hard on him because you wanted to protect him."

"Precisely."

"So then why so hard on the others?"

He thought for  moment and shrugged his shoulders.  "Variety."

"I see…Well, I suppose everyone needs a hobby."

They just looked at each other and started to laugh and for a brief moment, it seemed to break the tension that had filled the room.

Sophie spoke softly, "Can you tell me about Cecilia?"

Sophie was surprised to see a small smile come across his face.  "Cecilia…" He spoke as if in a dream and for a second the boy was back in those bottomless black eyes. "We met in our third year here.  She was beautiful with violet eyes that always seemed to be dancing, a smile permanently fixed on her face, and a laugh that was intoxicating.  She was brilliant and passionate and, for some strange reason, she loved me.  She knew all my faults and she didn't care. Her love was unconditional.  She made me a better man by just being by my side…" He turned again to the fire.  "We were wed very young, right out of school. We were married for four years before…well before."  He drained his glass again.  "She was an amazing witch you know.  She became an Animagus in less than a year."  Sophie went to refill but he declined.

"What did she turn into?" she asked suddenly needing to know everything she could about her.

"A butterfly."

"That's an odd form."

"Not for her.  If you knew her you'd understand, she couldn't be anything else. I still think of her whenever I see one fluttering about, flying freely around the world, making people smile just by being there."

They went silent again.  Neither really knew what to say.  They both felt drained and empty.  Sophie wanted to hold him so badly.  She wanted to comfort him and tell him he did all he could.  That we all make bad choices, it is a fact of life.  That if we did not make mistakes we could not learn from them, and if we could not learn we would never evolve.  Somehow she knew that he did not want to be comforted.  Somehow she knew that this was his catharsis.  All she could bring herself to do was put her hand on his and smile.  She hoped he would understand.

He stared at her hand.  It looked so lovely to him.  He was grateful she was not trying to analyze him.  He did not want this to become one of her patients.  With a start he realized he wanted to be her friend.  He looked into her eyes, "We are going to need more wine for what comes next."

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. "And what comes next?"

He leaned in. "Reciprocity."


	12. Reciprocity

**Chapter 12 - Reciprocity**

"So it is time for me to tell my story."

"Yes." He smirked.

"And what do you want to know?"

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" His smirk grew.

"Why don't you ask _me_ the question you are dieing to ask?"

Was that a full blown grin?  "Tell me about your relationship with Neville's family?"

"So you know about them, about what happened to Frank and Alice."

"Only the students are unaware, they are too young to remember."

"I will need some wine for this.  Interested."  He turned down a refill.  She nearly downed the entire glass at once.

"Let's see, where do I begin?"  She suddenly took a great interest in her hands.  "Well, first of all you need to understand that I was an only child of two only children.  That meant I had no family to speak of, save my parents. When Alice and I met we were still in diapers.  We grew up like sisters but only better, we were practically twins. We didn't even need to speak to each other to know what the other was thinking. It was as if we shared one mind, one spirit.  We also knew she was special.  We didn't really understand it but we know she had…abilities."

"One day, when I was about seven, we were playing in her yard when a wild dog ran in.  He was foaming at the mouth and growling.  We started to panic and ran for the nearest tree.  Alice could climb like a monkey.  I, not being blessed with natural grace, tripped and fell.  That beast was about to descend upon me and all I could do was scream and brace myself for the attack.  The next thing I knew I was floating in the air, up the tree, next to Alice."  

Severus did not speak a word while Sophie told her story. "Neither of us really knew what happened. We would later find out that she came from a long line of wizards.  Her mother began to teach her things and I would sit in on the lessons, gladly signing up as the test subject.  It was an adventure for me.  I became privy to a world I thought only existed in books and movies."  

Sophie was calmer than she was before, and seemed to really enjoy sharing this part of her life.  "My favorite part was when she took me flying," she said happily. "We would perch on her Mum's broom and go soaring through the air.  It was amazing. The world zoomed by underneath as we watched people who had no idea they were being watched.  Touching clouds and racing birds…it was glorious, absolutely glorious.  It is the one thing about being here that makes me sad, to watch the students fly around and knowing that I will never feel that again.

"I had a pretty hard time explaining to my mother why I was so bruised all the time.  She eventually made me take dance and piano lessons to try to make me less awkward.  She never really understood and I didn't want to tell her.  I didn't know how she would react to the fact that my closest friend in the world, the girl I spent every waking moment with, that I loved more than life itself, was a witch – and I wasn't willing to risk her reaction." Sophie absentmindedly stirred the remnants of her wine in her glass.  

"Then the summer we turned eleven she got her letter.  She was going away to school and I was devastated.  I begged to go too, but obviously I couldn't.  I made her promise to write me every week and tell me absolutely everything and she did.  She wrote me once a week, sometimes two or three times.  I have seven years worth of letters in a hope chest at the end of my bed, perfectly preserved."

Here she stopped and Severus prompted her to continue, "What did you do while she was away?"

"I took piano and dancing lessons.  My dancing ability was only just to say the least.  To my mother great disappointment I would ever be the sol --truth be told I was just grateful if  I didn't fall on stage.  But the piano was different -- there I excelled.  It became my friend when I couldn't talk to Alice.  It understood when I was sad or happy.  It would lull me to sleep…Eventually I became a concert pianist."

Severus looked stunned and she wanted to laugh. "Not what you were expecting?"

"Not in the least."

"Come with me."

She led him into her bedroom and in the corner stood piano; highly polished and exquisite.  She sat down at the bench and paused before she began to play.  Her fingers pressed the keys effortlessly and the most melancholy music was produced.  The piano practically wept as she played a tune completely from memory.  Her fingers slid along the keys, and, as if in a trance, she played on.  Severus was impressed with her virtuosity and surprised at how sad the song was that she decided to play.  It seemed out of character for her. 

"Mahler," she spoke upon finishing the piece. "No one could quite capture a moment like Mahler."  She suddenly became very self-conscious.  It had been a long time since she played in front of an audience and her discomfort showed. "We should continue."

Sophie walked back into the living room and sat on the couch, Severus followed suit. She stopped to finish her wine and he sat not saying a word.

"Now where was I," she said almost nervously. "Alice met Frank Longbottom her fourth year and they were inseparable from the start.  I hated sharing her but I understood.  I knew love was destined to find her, she was that kind of person.  She believed in the power of sunsets and that there was no stronger magic in the world than the first kiss of true love.  The happiest day of her life was when Neville was born.  He was such a beautiful baby, so chubby and always smiling just like Alice.  I was his godmother.  He used to say I was his fairy godmother like in the stories we used to read to him.  He was such a bright child."  She waited for a cutting remark from Severus but it never came. 

She continued, "I was with him when we found them…He was barely three I had taken him to the zoo.  He ran ahead of me when we got home and opened the door calling for his parents, dieing to tell them about the baby gorillas…

A slight tremble came back into her voice. "He froze at the door… "

The tremor grew. "When I got there I saw that the house had been ransacked.  Everything was broken.  They even tore into the walls. I scooped up Neville in my arms and was about to run to the neighbors to call the police."

Her voice cracked.  "Then I heard it…It was a moan, primordial, inhuman, and I knew it was Alice.  I ran into their bedroom and saw them.  Frank was sitting on the floor hitting his head against the wall.  Alice was in the corner rocking and moaning…

"They had been tortured, severely.  They were no external marks on their body.  I knew it was Cruciatus.  It was confirmed when I noticed the Dark Mark burned into the far wall…I put Neville down and ran to Alice.  She didn't recognize me, she couldn't speak.  Her eyes were empty, hollow.  Neville ran to his father crying, 'Daddy, Daddy,' but he didn't even look at him.  They lost all mental capacity, all touch with reality.  They were completely insane…I could only imagine what they went through, but it quickly became painfully apparent.

"Later we would find out that a few remaining followers of Voldemort attacked them to try to get information on his current whereabouts.  They didn't know anything, though I am not convinced they would have revealed what they did know."  She wrapped her arms around herself.  "It was a terrible blow to the community. They were so well liked.  Everyone thought they were safe, that it was over." She paused to compose herself but she could feel herself start to fall apart.

"Anyway..…I ..I…just stared at my friends and their child and suddenly realized how useless I was.  I played piano for God Sakes, what could I do.  When it became apparent that the conventional wizard methods were not going to help the Longbottoms, I decided I had to do something.  I quit touring and went to the University to pick up a discarded Psychology degree.  I thought that maybe I could find something to help them come back.  I thought that somewhere in the shadows of the mind, locked away was my friend and that I could find the light that would bring her home.

"I was relentless.  I studied everything I could get my hands on.  I became and expert in methodology and techniques. But for all my work, and for all my accomplishments in the field, and for every damn paper I had published, I could do nothing to help them.  After six years of trying I had to admit I had failed. I had failed her.  I had failed Neville."

Sophie was shaking.  Doing everything in her power not to cry,  she took a few deep breaths before continuing.

"Neville suffered the most.  He was never the same after that. He was frightened of everything, terrified of going anywhere alone.  He became incredibly clumsy.  I wanted him to live with me, I wanted to make sure he got the counseling he obviously needed, but his grandmother refused.  Personally, I think she liked keeping him that way.  I think….I think she felt it would keep him safe.  His ineptitude became a convenience.  Who would bother with a wizard who could barely manage the simplest of spells?  

"She had a fit when she found out that I was coming to Hogwarts.  She made me promise her that I would not take him into sessions.  Neville didn't want anyone to know we were so close anyway.  I think he felt that people would think he was crazy and not just awkward.  Then I find out he is avoiding the issue completely, preferring to let his friends think his parents dead…I'm not sure I can blame him, really.  It has to be a special kind of hell to see your parents and want nothing more than to be held by them when they don't even remember you."  She got up and walked around the room to the fire.

"So there you have it."

Severus sat back and looked at her. He was searching for the words but somehow anything he thought of seemed inadequate.  She was in pain.  It was the same look she had Halloween night when she ran out of the Feast.  He had the overwhelming need to comfort her.  As he had little experience in the field he took a tip from her methodology.  He walked over to her and put his arms around her and held her close to him.  She rested her head on his chest and cried.


	13. The Magic in Boxes

**Chapter 13 – The Magic in Boxes**

It was the start of the Christmas break.  Most of the students went home, so Sophie would have a lot of free time on her hands.  She was trying to think of what she could accomplish during that respite.  The idea of not doing anything at all and just relaxing was not a possibility, frankly she was never very good at being idle.  She could do some research.  She should do some research is what she meant to say, but in her heart, she knew what she really wanted to do.  She wanted to see Severus.  It was a while since they spoke, their last meeting being so awkward.  

Lost in a wave of memories and grief,  she found herself sobbing in his arms, cursing herself for her weakness.  He was the last person she wanted to fall apart in front of.  She liked to at least keep up the illusion that she was in control of her emotions, at least to him, a man seemed to value control above all else. 

 Secretly however, she did commend herself for finding out that he had a heart beneath the layers of clothing and sarcasm.  

Their conversation was not what she had expected.  She thought he would be filled with more self-loathing and self-pity.  She expected a lot of excuses as to why he was not liked by others and why he was so distant.  But he made no apologies or justifications.  He answered her questions completely and showed a depth to his character she did not think was there.  He did have friends, he did feel love.  Though he was avoiding those things now it was more out of stifling painful memories than an inability to experience them at all.

What surprised her most of all was that he had compassion.  She was not prepared for that.  She was fighting to keep her self-control in tact but feeling his arms around her, knowing what his life had been like and seeing he still had the desire to comfort her, was disarming.  She desperately wanted to kiss him.  Desperately.  It wasn't a strong enough word to describe how he made her feel.  He was not unattractive.  Actually his appearance had markedly improved over the last few months.  But it was more than just a physical attraction,he was brilliant.  Again the word seemed inadequate.  He pushed her, and she pushed back. 'Foreplay,' she thought with a grin.

___________________________________________________

Severus Snape looked at the boxes that now filled his rooms.  His conversations with Sophie had ignited a desire to reminisce about his past.  It dawned on him that not all his memories deserved to be hidden.  

He took out a box full of family heirlooms.  Among other things he found a clock that told time in any region of the world upon request, his father's cloak, still smelling of his cologne, and a family portrait painted when he was a child.  He was a little taken aback by how innocent he looked.  'Wouldn't Sophie love to see this,' he thought haughtily.  'A Muggle painting, no moving figures.'  He laughed, wondering what she would say about his appreciation for Muggle art.  

He thought of her as he filled his quarters with artifacts from his past.  "I wonder what she would think of this," he spoke aloud.  "She would say this was….healthy, that I was facing my past."  He supposed she would be right.  

Severus often found himself thinking of their last encounter, of her story.  He found some consolation in the fact that she was not infallible.  Things seemed to come so easily for her.  She fit in right away, was liked right away, and genuinely seemed to be an asset to students.  He recognized the fact, however,  that her ardor came from not accomplishing the quest she set upon.  She was punishing herself for not being successful at solving a problem that was without a solution, at what was out of her hands. He paused.  Now who was he talking about really?  He shook his head as he continued to look through old boxes.

He hesitated as he came across an old album.  Slowly he opened it to find pictures of his wedding day.  He and Cecilia had eloped and spent time in France.  Figures from another lifetime, waved blissfully at him.  

Cecilia.

It wasn't until his discussion with Sophie that he realized that Cecilia had never really left him.  She was alive in every cell of his body.  Then he realized why he had such an adverse reaction to Sophie.

Since he lost his wife, hadn't thought of being with another woman.  He hadn't even been attracted to anyone since then.  These feelings awakening in him was like cheating on her memory, cheating on the wife who died for his sins --and suddenly, his heart was breaking all over again.  He could no longer deny he had feelings for Sophie.  Looking back at that moment he held her, he wondered what his actual motives were. Holding her filled a need for himself as much as it was a comfort for her and, in the end, he questioned who really got the most out of it.

Since she came into his life he could feel himself change, wanting to be another person.  It did not escape Professor McGonagall and Madame Hooch that he took greater care in his appearance.  They liked to tease him about it.  They got pleasure, perhaps a little too much pleasure, out of seeing him uncomfortable at the attentions that he was getting.   He took points away from a third year Ravenclaw for not paying attention in class.  She actually was paying attention, but not to her cauldron.  She was staring at him, moony eyed, and frankly he didn't know how to react to that.  

Thinking of Cecilia so openly, sharing that part of himself with Sophie, felt right.  It felt like perhaps it was time to move on, but could he. He had been so sure of himself before her. His future didn't look bright and did he really want to subject her to that.  Voldemort destroyed his first love.  What would he do if he found out about Sophie?  Perhaps it was what would bring Voldemort out of hiding.  Is that a chance he was willing to take?

_______________________________________________________

It was Christmas morning.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were the only Gryffindors left at Hogwart's.   They decided to camp out in the common room after a night of very spirited games and conversation.  Well, gossip more than conversation.  

_"I think it would be sweet," Ginny tried to explain.  "They are really good for each other."_

_Ron was aghast.  "Sophie and Snape.  Are you loony?  She's gorgeous. Why would she want to be with him?."_

_"Don't tell me you haven't noticed him lately.  He looks like a different person.  His hair is soft and his skin bright.  I think he got this teeth fixed or something.  He is quite handsome, actually."  Hermione would not be out done by Ron's compliment of Dr. Young. 'Gorgeous indeed,' she thought._

_"See, she is good for him.  Can you think of anyone who could get him to have a snowball fight?  With us nonetheless."  Ginny felt her point proved._

_"She does have a way with people."  Ron granted._

_Harry remained silent, unsure of his feeling towards the beauty or the beast._

They woke up to find a mountain of gifts at their feet.  The house elves were tireless.

Ron grabbed his first gift and found yet another Weasley sweater courtesy of his mum. "It's blue."  He was stunned. "Has the entire world gone mad?  First we spend all night talking about Snape's love life, or lack of one, and now my Mum has gone color crazy."

"I asked your Mum to change the color," Hermione stated while rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  "I thought you would like the change.  The color brings out your eyes." 

Ron blushed.  "Thanks," was all that he could manage.

They tore through their packages.  Harry got a wizard's camera from Sirius. "To create some good memories" said the note attached.  He was reading its instructions when an "Ahem" took his attention to the center of the room where Ron was standing.  

"This was the first year I got to do Christmas the way I always wanted to, so I wanted to give out my presents myself."  He distributed his gifts looking anxiously for the reaction.

Harry froze and then slowly looked up at Ron; he was holding two tickets to the Quidditch Finals in England.  "How did you get these?  They have sold out for weeks…They must have cost a fortune."

"Don't look so grateful who do you think the other ticket is for."  They smiled at each other.

Ginny reached over and gave Ron a hug, tears almost in her eyes.  "How did you know?"  She was holding a dress that she had been talking about since their last trip into Hogsmeade.

"How could I not, you haven't talked about anything else for weeks.  Just don't tell Mum I bought it for you.  It is a little more revealing than she or I really care for, and I can't handle another howler."

"You are such a doll," she said with a kiss.  "Oh, by the way, I got you tickets to the Quidditch Final too.  I guess now the four of us can go together."

He smiled. "They're my tickets and who invited you," he joked as he hit her lovingly in the arm.

The three turned to Hermione who was silently staring into a small box.

"Do you like it Mione?" Ron was nervous, maybe he pushed the line.

She got up and walked over to him and, without saying a word, brought her hands up this face and kissed him gently on the lips. Bringing her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest, she hugged him. "I love it."

Inside the box was a white gold locket which held a picture of them both.

He was relieved that she got the message, but doubly so that she liked the message she got.  Ron was prepared to tell her she could change the picture if she wanted to.  That he just wanted the locket to contain a picture and he just happened to have one of the two of them, alone, sitting on the Quidditch pitch at dusk.  He had to remember to thank Colin for his help.

"It's about bloody time," Harry whispered to Ginny.  She was about to say something but thought better of it.  Harry looked to the floor and found more packages.

"I thought we opened everything," he distributed the packages to the addressees. "They're from Sophie." Harry was surprised to note.

He opened his gift to find a new book bag with his initials embroidered on the top.  Hermione's had striking looking hair combs with turquoise stones.  Ron and Ginny both got new robes.

"Wow, she's generous. These are really nice," Ron said while admiring the robe. "Talk about costing her fortune."

"Not as much as you might think, she makes them herself," Ginny disclosed as she held up the robe to her body and admired it, ignoring the shocked stares from her friends.

She finally looked up.  "What? She asked for ideas on what people would like."  She turned to Ron, "The robes have material on the bottom so you could adjust it for your height.  She said she would gladly hem it for you when you need it seeing as how you are growing at an alarming rate."

"What do you mean she makes them herself?  How is that possible?  When does she find the time? Are you sure she's not a witch?" Hermione flung questions at Ginny.

  
Ginny stopped for a moment.  "She doesn't sleep much.  It's like she can't…like she can't stop moving…like….she's afraid to or something.  I don't know really.  She's always looking for something to do, she can't stop thinking about stuff or working on something.  To be truthful, I think she' a bit mental.  What's that she talks about all the time. – Obsessive/Compulsive.  Maybe that's why she became a psychologist, to help herself."

This was the most Ginny ever disclosed about her relationship with the doctor.

"Are you in sessions with her?" Ron's curiosity got the better of him.

"In a way I guess…We talk a lot.  She's a good listener.  She lets you go on and on and sort of work things out. I think she is great.  But I think she is also really lonely.  That's why I would love for her and Snape to get together.  I think they would be good for each other."

__________________________________________________

Back in a room, in a dungeon, a certain professor awoke to find a small package at the foot of his bed.  He looked inside and a slow, warm smile found its way to his lips.  It had no name but he knew who it was from.  


	14. The Shoulders of Butterflies

** Chapter 14 – The Shoulders of Giants**

Severus Snape placed his gift on his dresser as he sat on his bed and stared at it.  It was a small wire framed butterfly, mosaic green and silver tiles decorated it wings.  Delicate and painstaking in its detail, it was obviously hand made.

This did not help him in this decision to keep Sophie at arm's length.  This gesture made him want to run to her now more than ever.  He sat thinking of what he could possibly give her back that would mean as much to her as this token meant to him.  He would devote time to this.  She deserved as much consideration as she had given him.

_______________________________________________

Everyone went to get ready for the Christmas feast.  Harry told them he had an errand to run and left before they could ask what.  He walked through the cold and found himself on Sophie Young's doorstep.  He stood there for a while and stared at the door.   "What am I doing here?"  He turned to leave and stopped.  He turned around went back to the door raised his hand to knock and froze. He shook his head and turned around again and began walking away.  He stopped again and turned to look at the domicile one more time. He inched towards the door and stood there waiting.  

Having watched his actions for the last few minutes Sophie thought it was time to let him in.  She opened the door and smiled to him.  He smiled back and went inside.  Without a word he sat down on her couch and stared at her.

"And what can I do for you young man?"

"I wanted to say thank you for the gift.  I was really surprised."

"Why surprised?"

"Well, I know Ron and Ginny work for you and see them daily and I know Hermione came and spoke to you.  She told us all about that, but you and I never really spoke one on one and…well…I didn't think you…"

"I…?"

"Thought of me enough to give a gift to."

"I think a lot of you Harry.  More than you realize.  That has nothing to do with the gift, however.  I like making things for people.  I find it relaxing and I enjoy making people happy.  I think you deserve a little happiness."

"Is this the part where you analyze me and make me talk out my problems?" He tried not to sound sarcastic but failed.

Sophie looked at him knowingly. "I am not sure I can help you Harry."

He stared at her not quite knowing what she meant. 

"Your problems are not those of normal teenagers are they?  It is not a matter of self-esteem or unrequited love, of a lack of confidence or friendship.  You are not affected by the normal fears and frustrations that plague the rest of your classmates. You have no illusions as to who you are and what you are.  Your problems come from knowing what you have to do and not wanting to hurt those you love."

He looked at her.  "How can you know that?"

"You were my reason for coming here Harry.  Arthur Weasley is a good friend of mine.  He was worried about you.  We approached Dumbledore this past summer to ask if I could come on board and offer my services to you.  I have been watching you closely from the moment I got here. I have been talking to anyone who would have any input about you.  I think I know your history better than you do."

"And what do you see exactly?"

"I see you have no delusions as to what your destiny is.  I see that you love your friends as if they were your brothers and sisters. And, that, you are hiding your fears and thoughts from them because you know that they will never let you fight it alone."

He continued to stare at her.  She really was an odd creature, yet more perceptive than he gave her credit for.

"Harry, we both know who Voldemort is after.  We both know you are his main target if for no other reason than what you represent.  He needs to defeat you to prove he is all powerful and I fear you have no intention of letting him do that, no matter what the cost."

Yes, more perceptive than he gave her credit for. "So are you going to Dumbledore."

"I doubt anything goes on in this place that he doesn't know about."

"And he won't try and stop me?"

"I think he knows he can't."

Harry considered her words. "I don't really have a plan you know.  I am waiting for him to show himself and I thought I would confront him.  I need to get to him before he gets to anyone else."

"You don't have to do this alone you know."

"Yes, I do." His voice hardened.

"Why?"

"You're the one who's supposed to be an expert on my history, why don't you tell me?" His anger was seeping out in his words.

"I don't read minds Harry.  I'd be a much better Psychologist if I could.  You talk. I listen.  You tell me why this is your fight and no one else's."

He looked at her with narrowed eyes, verging on tears, a small tremor on his lower lip.  He spoke slowly but forcefully, "You were not there when he killed Cedric.  I was…No one knows what that did to me.  It was my fault he was dead.  I did not utter the curse but I might as well have.  The entire thing was set up to capture me and he got caught in the crossfire.  I am responsible for his death.  How many people have to die before this ends?"

'His blood on your hands.' Sophie thought of her conversation with Severus.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think of my parents sacrificing their life for mine,  or that I see Cedric's ghost asking me to take his body back to his parents.  Do you have any idea what it's like to hear your Mother screaming as she dies night after night in dreams so vivid you wake up drenched in sweat and tears?  Who's next?  Ron, Hermione…Hagrid?  This can't go on. I will not be responsible for another death.  I couldn't bare it… so I'll face it alone."  His shoulders fell as he spoke, the burden too much to hold.  "I want to be an ordinary person.  I'm sick of being someone who finds himself destined to leave death in his wake."

She put her hands on those slender shoulders.  "You are not ordinary.  You are exceptional.  You are powerful; or you will be should you allow yourself to live long enough to see it.  Think back to these last years Harry.  Think back to what you have accomplished.  You faced your tormentor and defeated him repeatedly.  You have succeeded where greater wizards have failed.   Most importantly Harry, you have friends that would die for you, as you would die for them.  Do you think that sort of love is not a powerful magic in and of itself?"

"I will not involve them."

"They are already involved. Harry, you have shown great bravery in these last years.  I can not pretend to know what you have gone through, but I do know that they have been with you throughout it all.  They have pledged their loyalty to you and will fight to their last breath.  Whether you want them to or not they are in for the duration.  They deserve to know and to be involved with the plans that you decide to undertake.  They deserve at least that."

She watched as he did not seem convinced by her words. 

"Whether you want to admit it or not you have a family.  A pretty extended family.  Do you not think they will suffer when you go?  Do you not think their suffering will be amplified a thousand fold because they were not able to help you, knowing that perhaps they might prevented you from getting hurt or worse?  You wanted a family more than anything else and now that you have one you plan to exclude them out of the biggest battle of your life."

He still did not speak.  She was forced to admit defeat. She lamented, 'Let this go Sophie, this is not the time.'

"Harry, I ask you to be careful and remember that there are people who love you.  Should you need to talk about anything they are there for you."

"I know."  The words were barely audible.

There was so much he was not considering, so much he was refusing to consider.  She wondered if she should…"Harry how do you feel about Ginny?"

He was completely thrown off by that question.  "What do you mean?"

"I know you know how she feels about you and I'm pretty sure you do as well.  I want to know what you think about her."

"I don't know…she is Ron's sister."

"Your powers of observation are keen aren't they?"

"Well… I mean I never thought of her as anything else."

"Really?"  

How does she do that?  It's incredibly annoying.  "She is a sweet girl.  I don't want to comprise her in all this."

"So you do feel something for her."

He shook his head. "I never allowed myself to.  When I saw her this year I noticed she grew up.  I noticed she became…quite beautiful.  And yes, I do know how she feels about me.  I always have."  He swallowed hard after he said these words.  "None of that matters. I realized  a long time ago what my fate was and I know she could be hurt.  I keep her away to keep her safe."

Sophie's eyes softened.  "Harry, isn't it hard to keep the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Especially shoulders so young.  You deny yourself a chance at a relationship because your have preordained your doom.  I was under the impression that you thought Divinity a sham.  Your destiny is your own.  The world is not closed to you yet, Harry Potter."

He smiled.  She was crazy but he did feel better, though he is not sure she had really changed his mind about anything.

Sophie realized she was at an impasse.  She would have to wait for the next session.  Hopefully there would be one.

"You should go and get ready for the feast.  I will see you there."

With that he turned and left.

Sophie shook her head as he disappeared over the clearing.  'Oh Harry,' she thought, 'You think you are protecting the ones you love, but it is at a price they might not be willing to pay.'


	15. With A Bow On Top

**Disclaimer – **Any characters you recognize belong to JK Rowling and Warner Bros., a few publishers and a bunch of lawyers.  I am not making any money from this story – not a dollar, a pound, a peso, or a knut.

Sorry it has been so long between chapters – I am working with a beta now and hope to get the glitches out of these stories.  There will be a bit of a pause between chapters as I go back to those already posted and correct any grammatical atrocities I have committed.

With that being said, I would like to thank Diana, and her Purple Pen of Death, for her help in not only fleshing out my errors but making this and my other stories better through her questions and insight.

Thanks again to all those who reviewed here and to my e-mail.  Keep them coming.

**In The Shadows Of The Mind – **

**Chapter 15 – With a Bow On Top**

The Christmas Feast would be an intimate affair this year.  Only a handful of students and faculty remained.  Severus Snape was planning on staying in his quarters.  He was not sure he was prepared to face her yet.  Half a lifetime spent keeping his emotions in check proved a poor preparation for the overwhelming need he had for her.  In the last few weeks he had found there was more to her than beauty.  He had hoped he would find faults, faults that would dissuade the feelings that were increasing on a daily basis.  No, she was not perfect, but she was more remarkable then he was willing to admit. 

He found himself mesmerized by her present.  She took a casual comment, one he mentioned in passing, really, and turned it into the most thoughtful and special gift he had ever received in his life.  She had forced him to relive a past he buried in the one part of his heart that was not totally dead.  

He stopped to look at his renovated accommodations.  The once-barren walls were full of the faces of days gone by.  Relics from his family's rich history, which he felt he did not truly deserve, now decorated his rooms.  For the first time in decades he allowed himself to enjoy the history and legacy of his family.  For the first time in decades he felt comfortable looking at these things at all.

It was time to move on.  Somewhat anyway. 

He had made his decision that though he wouldn't mind fostering a friendship with Sophie, anything beyond that would not be helpful to either of them.  He was a marked man and he had to remember that.  No, the most he could hope for would be friendship.  This was the thought that was in his mind as he entered the Great Hall for the Feast.  As much as he wanted to just sit in his rooms and be alone, the idea of seeing her, if only in this setting, was a guilty pleasure he would allow himself.  He would curse that thought once he saw her.

Sophie was standing in the far side of the room animatedly talking to Professor Sprout.  She had apparently decided that this being a special day she would dress up.  He would find a lump in his throat as he saw her, a vision in green velvet.  The low neckline revealing her sculptured collarbone and just a hint of what lay beneath, the bodice affixed tightly to her hourglass frame as the gown draped over her hips and onto the floor.  She had worn her hair up and twisted in the back allowing a few stray tresses to frame her face.  She was laughing.  'Merlin, what a smile,' he thought.   He stared at her for a while when the tittering of young Gryffindors broke his concentration.  He turned to find Potter and Weasley giggling at him.  Giggling!?!  He raised an eyebrow and sneered, "And what, dare I say, is the cause of your current wave of gaiety, boys?"

They looked at him and smiled.  "We were just watching you in your new appreciation of Muggle art, sir," choked Ron, trying to get the words out.

"Ten points, Weasley, for your cheek and your inappropriate references."

"It was worth it, sir." Had Ron not known better, he would have sworn Snape was withholding a smile.

Just then Snape's eyes traveled to the door and a slow grin came over his face.  "I see Dr. Young is not the only one who decided to dress for the occasion."

They turned to see Hermione and Ginny enter the hall.  They were not in robes but opted to dress in regular clothing like Sophie. Hermione wore pale pink and had somehow managed to tame her unruly locks into soft full curls. The square neckline accentuated a lovely necklace that she evidently wanted to draw attention to. Ginny wore the dress Ron gave her.  It was royal blue and hung on to her frame as if it were made for her alone.  Snape gave a wicked smile as he noted Harry was actually blushing more than Ron.  They watched as the girls walked over to Sophie who gave both girls a warm hug.

"Gentleman," Snape stated, "I do believe you are being summoned."

He led the two astonished boys to the Feast table.  As it was such a small gathering, one large table was set to accommodate the entire party.

Sophie was talking to Hermione. "What is this beautiful adornment around your neck?"

"It's a gift from Ron."  She could barely contain her excitement.

"I'm happy for you." Sophie replied softly.

"It was the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me.  I almost burst into tears when I saw it."

Sophie relished the look of wistful teenage innocence in Hermione's eyes.  It suddenly dawned on her: how little of that she saw in this place.

With a beaming smile, Sophie turned to Ginny.  She gave her an inquiring look.  "I see you have some plans yourself this evening."

"I know you said I shouldn't rush things, that Harry is going through a lot and may not be ready to respond to me in the way that I want him to.  I understand that, but I see it this way……If it's true that he's being hunted, then he may not have a long time left. And, I will be damned if I'm going to waste any more time being shy.  One way or the other he will have to tell me if he feels anything at all." There was a fierce determination in her eyes.  It was the same look Harry gave Sophie that morning, unwavering tenacity with the slightest undercurrent of pride.

"I do admire your resolve but trust in your instincts Ginny.  Listen to your head as well as your heart."

"Thank you and I will.  By the way……Wow.  Did you make that dress yourself?"

"Actually no, I bought it in Hogsmeade the other day.  I was trying to take my mind off things and shopping has always been a happy distraction for me.  This dress called to me from the window at Lynnea's Dress Shop."

"Are you planning an ambush of your own?" Ginny said with a sly grin.

Sophie gave the girls a crooked smile. "Now, now that will be enough of that.  You two should go and find your _friends."_

Ginny and Hermione found their way to Ron and Harry who had not said one word since the girls entered the room.  Ron pulled out a chair for Hermione and then sat next to her. "You look amazing."  The expression on his face and the unsaid words in his eyes were enough to make Hermione want to sing. Meanwhile, across from them Harry had taken Ron's cue and pulled out a chair for Ginny as he sat next to her. "You look….nice…..Ah….very nice."  She could see the confusion in his eyes.  'He is so afraid of hurting you.'  The words Dr. Young spoke rang in her ears.  

At the head of the table Sophie was watching the four closely.  She was worried about Ginny.  Harry was not ready to be honest about his feeling towards her, and Sophie feared that crossing the line, as Ginny planned to do, would do more harm than good.  Suddenly, she had the feeling that she was being watched and turned to find Severus Snape taking the empty seat next to her.

"I find it interesting that there is always an empty seat next to you. Must be an occupational hazard," he said silkily. "Are people always afraid every conversation will turn into a psychiatric evaluation?"

"Come now, sit and make merry," Sophie responded, countering his silk with a bit of her own.  "Perhaps that is asking too much. How about simply trying not to annoy every living thing around you." She smiled warmly at him.  He did his best to look annoyed at being forced to sit next to her.  Across from them Professor McGonagall and Madame Hooch gave each other knowing glances.  They were going to get these two together if it killed them.  And at this rate it might. 

The evening was full of exuberance and levity.  Before they know it was midnight. Professor McGonagall and Madame Hooch offered to escort the students back to their dormitories.  They had wanted to continue their conversation.  Minerva whispered something into Maura's ear and the two burst out laughing as they looked over shoulders at Snape who spent the entire evening watching Sophie.

She was aware of his attentions and found herself a little reluctant to tease him about it.  'You are getting soft,' she admonished to herself.

When most of the room had finally emptied, Severus was left casually rubbing this forefinger and thumb in a slow circular motion.  Sophie eyed him appraisingly.  He was preparing to say something to her, that much was obvious.  It was difficult for him to say, of that she was sure. With the faintest of hesitations, he spoke to her.

"I wanted to….thank you for your gift."  

She was visibly relieved.  "I was afraid you would find it out of line," she said simply. "Your story touched me and I wanted to thank you for sharing it and being open with me.  I know that must have been very hard for you."  

"I have been trying to think of some sort of appropriate thank you."

"There is no need," she assured him.

"I disagree."

She smiled. "All right then.  What did you have in mind?"

He smiled back, "How about lunch tomorrow?"

In the Gryffindor common room Ginny and Harry found themselves alone.  Ron and Hermione had disappeared and neither wanted to interrupt them.

"I'm so glad they finally got together," Ginny said.  The awkward silence was making her mad.

"Yeah, so am I.  It does feel weird though," Harry admitted.

"How do you mean?"

He shrugged, "Well, it changes everything, doesn't it?"

Her shoulders tensed.  "Change can be good Harry.  People evolve, relationships evolve.  It's what makes life worth living, the idea that tomorrow can be different from today.  That it can be infinitely better if we allow it."

"You sound like Dr. Young."

"I should be so lucky.  She is a marvelous person.  I would do well to follow her lead."

"You're fine just the way you are."  Talking more to the wall than to Ginny.

"And how am I?" she said looking at him with beseeching eyes.  She wanted so very badly for him to take the first step.

"You are a good person, smart and funny.  You are braver than people give you credit for," Harry responded, still staring at the wall.

"Thank you.  I think the world of you as well."  She meant to say it in a more enticing manner, but it came out like she was complimenting a puppy for performing a trick.  She was not ready for this.  Looking at him now she realized he wasn't either.

She sighed and gave him a smile, "Hey, would you like to play Wizard's Chess or something while we wait for the love birds to come out of hiding?"  

With a look on his face she could not read, he answered, "All right."  

As they were setting up the board he looked at her as if for the first time.  'Was she always this pretty?' he thought.  'Were her eyes always so blue?'  He mentally shook himself back to reality. 'Ron would kill me if he knew what I was thinking.' He turned and re-focused his attention to the game and not his opponent.  
 


	16. A History Lesson

**Author's notes** – Elements from Severus's story were inspired by Dennis McKiernan.

Also, I would like to thank Diana, my beta extraordinaire, for her help and suggestions.

**In The Shadows Of The Mind – **

**Chapter 16 – A History Lesson**

Sophie awoke the next morning and practically hopped out of bed.  Fresh from dreams of silver snakes and hot springs she jumped in the shower to cool off.  Sometimes one doesn't need to take courses in the deciphering of dreams to understand the meaning behind them; sometimes they smack you in the face with the force of a freight train.

She sat in her study, unsure of what to do with herself.   She tried reading a psychiatric journal, but found she lost any ability to concentrate.  She toyed with the idea of getting a ridiculously early start on Neville's birthday gift, but opted against it.  For some inexplicable reason, her hands were slightly shaking.  Most would probably not even notice, but it was enough to make an ordinary sewing machine, an implement of torture.  

Her fingers involuntarily played an invisible piano.  It was a nervous habit of hers from many years ago.  Her subconscious was playing, Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14 in C Sharp Minor, 'Moonlight': Presto Agitato.  David Preston Steele, her music teacher, used to love to hear her play that.  She had a crush on him as well.

A soft knock roused her after nearly two hours of fidgeting.  Severus Snape stood on her doorstep.

Immediately she noticed a change in his behavior.  There was a fluidity in movements, almost as if he were dancing, yet eager and, somehow, childlike.  He seemed really pleased with himself and was outwardly trying to stifle a smile as if he alone knew a very special secret.  Sophie found her curiosity peeked by this sudden change in Snape's demeanor.  

"Good day, Professor," she greeted politely.

"Good day, Doctor," he gave a small bow. "Are you ready for a trip?"

"A trip?……Dear Professor, you have me quite intrigued." 

He could no longer contain his smile.  "Sometimes my ingenuity impresses me as well."

"Indeed….So what is on the agenda?"

"Hop on," he instructed huskily.

"Pardon?"  What exactly was she supposed to be 'hopping on?'

She looked over his shoulder, as he indicated, to find a highly polished, brand new broom.

"You bought me a broom?"  she said, utterly baffled.

He mounted the broom and motioned for her to do the same.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

He did not say a word.  She went around behind him and sat on the broom placing her arms around Severus's waist.  Before she knew what was happening, they were in the air. Higher and higher they flew over the treetops, around the castle, skimmed the surface of the lake and towards the mountainside. 

The feel of the air rushing by her face was exhilarating.  Her hair came out of the clasp and was flowing behind her.  She felt as free as a wild horse running across a vast open field. There were no longer boundaries, no longer constraints.  

She found herself embracing Severus.  What had begun as a simple maneuver to keep herself from falling off the broom, had now turned into a full blown affectionate hug.

Sophie watched the landscape beneath them pass in a blur of colors and shapes. She took in every sight she could, mesmerized by her surroundings.  The sensations were exactly as she had remembered as a child on those stolen nights with Anna, like nothing else mattered in the world because they were above it all.  No matter what happened below they were free and could escape on command.  Uninhibited, uncontrolled, suddenly there was no problem she could not solve, no person she could not help.  The emotions swept over her as she held Severus closer to her.  She giggled in his ear as she exclaimed, "This is magnificent!"

"This is only the beginning," he returned.  When she pressed him for more information, he refused to elaborate.  Nearly an hour later, they arrived at their destination, landing on a small plateau on the side of a mountain. It was one peak in a dark range Sophie was sure she had never seen before. They stood on a crevice that looked impossible to reach by any other method than broomstick.  "Where are we?" she asked curiously.

"This is the Cave of Polyhymnia.  It is the only known location of a very special stone.  Follow me."

Sophie knew this was the most she was going to get out of him, so she followed quietly.  They entered a dark cavern carved into the mountain.  They walked through the winding labyrinth, in silence for several minutes until Sophie spotted a bright light ahead of them.  They crossed the threshold and found themselves in the bottom of a great grotto.  Looking up, it seemed to extend the length of the mountain, endlessly upward.  The walls twinkled as if dotted with a million stars all of varying colors.

He relished the look on her face, the sheer joy and awe as she asked, "What is this place?"

"If you follow folklore, this is called the Cavern of Creation."  He waited for some sign of recognition but none followed.  "Legend has it that during the time of The Parting, when the world became divided between those who could do magic and those who could not, this cavern formed.  The greatest wizards of the day banded together at a field, and from their joined abilities, this mountain range rose from the earth.  This cavern grew in the middle. It is the birthplace of all magic in the world."

"The Parting?  Were we all magical at one time?"

"That is how the story goes. At one time the world was full of magic.  It was pure and powerful.  Nothing like it exists today. Then, it changed.  No one really knows how it started, but through time a portion of the population could no longer see the pixies in the forest or the gnomes in their back yards.  They became oblivious to the magic that surrounded them.  Afraid of extinction, these wizards created this place so that from these tiny pebbles, magic could grow and flourish even after they died away."

He spoke as if simply telling a story but Sophie was spellbound.  "Is that true?  Do they work?"

He smiled at her ebullience.  "I am afraid it is just a fable.  But these stones are the rarest gems in the world.  They only exist here and the ones you see are all that survive.  Moreover, we are the only two people in the world that know it is not just the subject of fairy tales but a tangible place."

"How do you know about it?" she inquired.

"I…inherited the information."

The elementariness of his tone astounded her.  "Are you telling me you are descended from one of the wizards who created this place?"

"If you believe that this place was actually created and not discovered, then yes."

"And no one else knows about it?" Intriguing.

"No." 

She looked at him for a long minute before asking, "Why tell me?"

He watched her silently for a few minutes trying to carefully construct the next few sentences that he would utter. 

"I have come to believe that I made some incorrect assumptions about you and your abilities," he said with only the smallest trace of acrimony and an even smaller trace of concession. "Though I find your practice nothing more than an exercise in futility and the dredging up of incidents past a grave misuse of energy, I can no longer say you are completely useless."  

"Apology accepted," she smirked.

He smirked back.   "Pick a color."

"Pardon?" she found herself saying for the second time today.

"Pick a color."

"Blue."  She paused for a moment. "Robin's egg blue."

"Excellent choice."  Without another word he took to his broom and flew further into the cavern.  After nearly twenty minutes, he returned.

"Let me see it," she said with the patience of a child on her birthday.

"No."

"No?"

"The stone needs to be prepared before you can even handle it," he explained. "Only a wizard can pass it on to a Muggle.  The premise being the magical ability will only go to those we deem worthy.  Otherwise any Muggle with the inclination can try to gain power."

"I thought it was all a fable?"

"Most of it is.  I think the story was made around the basis that only those who possessed magic could touch the stones.  It will burn through your hands otherwise."

She stared at him, his eyes shined and he was smiling.  He was the same as he ever was, but different as he could be.  She could not place what it was that had changed, but she liked it.  Frankly, she liked him before.  She had a hard time admitting to herself that she has a soft spot for this man; a man she could never hope to comprehend.  But one thing she did understand, whether he wanted to admit it or not, and she _knew_ he would not: he had feelings for her as well.  This very private man was sharing a part of his life with her that he hadn't with anyone else for decades.  The connotation was strangely exciting. 

He was staring back at her. 'Dear Merlin, she's analyzing me.  I should have known better.'  He did this for her as a gift.  He hoped she would not read more into it than that.  One of the more vocal parts of his brain was not buying that, however.  No, that part of his brain reminded him what it felt like to have her arms around him as they flew.  That part of his brain reminded him that he was sharing his history and sacred secrets to this person he was claiming to simply be thanking for a gift. That part of his brain also reminded him that he was not done.

"It is time for the last part of your gift."

"There's more? I can hardly stand it."

He led her quietly up the path they came, back to the entrance of the cavern on the hillside in time to watch the sun starting to set.  Against the backdrop of dusk the dark mountains became alive with color -- red and blue and gold.  It truly became an enchanted place.  Sophie took a deep breath and turned to Severus who again had mounted his broom.  "Hop on.  You're driving."

"What?" she said with a gasp

"You will be leading us back."

"Can I do that?"  The idea of her flying had her head spinning.

"I make it work; you can tell it where to go."

In all the years she had flown with Anna she never once led.  She never presumed to be able to.  Now she found herself grasping the front of the broom as it levitated into the air.  She was suddenly very nervous.

"Could you put your arms around me?  I feel like I'm going to fall off any second," she said with trepidation.

He hesitated.  There was a very specific reason he did not want to sit so close to her.  After they hovered in the air for seemed like an eternity, he leaned closer,   putting his arms around her waist and his head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." she said.  Her voice trembled, whether from the anticipation of flight or the feeling of his embrace, even she could not tell.

He nodded and swallowed hard.  He needed to keep his concentration on the task at hand.  They began to glide through the air.  The ride was jumpy at first.  She kept starting and stopping, unsure of how to make this thing go where she wanted.  But, before long she was soaring, gathering speed and confidence. 

He found himself smelling her hair as it whipped against his face.  Vanilla…and almonds.  She smelled of vanilla and almonds.  He closed his eyes for a moment. It felt so good to hold her.  He wanted to stay there forever.  He felt her breathing in his chest and heard her delighted laughter as they made the journey home.  When he finally spotted the castle over the horizon, his heart dropped.  Why did the trip home always go so much faster that the trip out?

He landed the broom in front of her home, fearing that she would crash if he let her do it.  She jumped off the broom and swung her arms around him, crushing him in an almost vice-like grip.

"That was the most amazing thing I have ever done….I don't know how I could ever thank you." she exclaimed, the excitement vibrating through her hug.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it.  I wanted to give you something as special as what you had given me."

She pulled back.  "My gift was a token of a budding friendship.  This was so much more….In fact,"  she paused to demonstrate deep contemplation, "considering how strongly you feel about giving in turn, it would seem to me that I owe you something more."

"I assure you that is not necessary."

"Oh, but I insist." 

"And what did you have in mind?"

"Therapy."

He stiffened at her words, fighting the anger that swelled immediately in his chest.  After all this she still sought to analyze him. "You still think I need therapy." 

"Oh, I think you need the most critical kind of therapy."  

He could no longer contain his indignation. He tried.  He tried to be pleasant.  He tried to befriend her and all she wanted was to pick his brain further.  "And what would that be?  The kind that has me hooked up to electrodes, or the kind that has me deciphering ink spills?" he said archly.

Her facial expression did not change.  "No. The kind that has you coming into my home and making love to me all night long."

He stared at her.  'What did she just say?'  He was befuddled, positively befuddled.  She did not say anything further.  She just opened her front door and smiled at him.

"Right," was all he managed to say as he walked inside.  She quietly closed the door behind him.

**Author's notes - **

Chapter 17 of "In the Shadows Of The Mind" entitled Need is between an R and an NC-17. 

Personally, I consider it more a hard R than anything else, but it is a sex scene, and it is somewhat detailed. In complying with Fanfiction.Net's policies, I have not posted that chapter here. You can go straight to Chapter 18 without losing too much of the story. If you want to read that chapter, you will find it on Checkmated.com (Requires a password) and the Hogwart's_Boudoir Yahoo Group, in the Snape "R" section. I posted it in the "R" section because it is more romance than sex, and the NC-17 portions really make up so little of the story. Each site has different criteria for how things are rated and I tried to abide by those criteria.

I hope you will continue to read and review this story wherever you find it.

Thank you for your consideration, 

The Treacle Tart.


	17. Need

**Author's note – **

Chapter 17 of "In the Shadows Of The Mind" is between an R and an NC-17.  

Personally, I consider it more a hard R than anything else, but it is a sex scene, and it is somewhat detailed.  In complying with Fanfiction.Net's policies, I have not posted that chapter here.  You can go straight to Chapter 18 without losing too much of the story.  If you want to read that chapter, you will find it on Checkmated.com (Requires a password).

I hope you will continue to read and review this story wherever you find it.

Thank you for your consideration, 

Lydia

The Treacle Tart.


	18. A Different Need

**Special thanks to Diana, for her help on this chapter.  Any mistakes you find are my own.**

**In the Shadows of the Mind**

**CHAPTER 18 – A Different Need**

For the second time that evening they found themselves staring at the ceiling out of breath. This time, she turned to him.  She curled up to his side not saying a word.  His arms found their way around her.  They laid there for some time in the silence.  Neither really knew what was to come next.  Both were content to lay in the stillness of the night in each other's arms.

Time passed, and Sophie realized she was starving.  With a start and a smile she turned to Severus, "Hey, weren't we supposed to have lunch? I've been deceived."

He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "I _was going to take you to Hogsmeade actually, but it seems you had a detour in mind."_

She blushed, "Yes…well…that's beside the point, really……I do believe I have provisions in the kitchen."  She got out of bed and walked across the room to her closet.  She returned clad in a large T-shirt, holding a robe for Severus.  

"This should fit," she offered.

He sat up and turned to face her.  Deceivingly steady hands grasped the robe while a pair of solemn black eyes looked up at her. Her hair lay scattered across slender shoulders as she stood in front of him in that oversized shirt. For the first time since he'd met her she looked frail and delicate. Looking at her sweet, fair face something akin to anguish settled in his stomach. Laying the robe on his lap, he placed his hands on her waist, letting his head drop forward to lean against her belly.  She stroked her fingers through his hair wondering what he was thinking.  She desperately wanted to ask but resisted, leaving him to his thoughts.  He finally let go and rose, quietly wrapping the robe his subdued body. 

Sophie went into the kitchen and pulled out some bread, cheese and fruit.  She started to pour herself some wine when he entered.

"Would you like some?" she asked.  He nodded.

He was being rather quiet as they ate, and this concerned Sophie.  She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable and for the first time since they entered her home, she felt that she might have rushed things.  'Damn it.  It shouldn't be this hard.'

As if reading her thoughts, he took the wine from her and smiled softly.  "You keep food in your quarters.  It explains why you miss so many meals."

"I try to make myself available to others as much as possible.  That sometimes interferes with normal meal times.  Sometimes I just work through meals completely…I'm surprised you notice that I am not always there."

"There is very little about you I do not notice," he said, his voice soft and rasping. 

"I notice things, too." She tried to match his timbre.

"And what do you notice?"

She gave a small swallow.  "That you should be a lot happier than you are……. I, for example, feel content and blissful while you, having shared the same experiences, seem as if the sky is falling." She looked at him intently.  "Is the sky falling, Severus?"

A whisper. "Yes, it is."  A deafening quiet followed. "I have to leave."

Confusion. "I was rather hoping you would spend the night."

Sorrow. "I can't."

Pain. "Why?"

Pain. "Because this can go no further.  It has gone too far already."

Silence.

Anger.  "Forgive my stupidity, but I got the impression that we both enjoyed the events of this evening and I, for one, wouldn't mind revisiting them."

"Tonight was," --incredible, marvelous, miraculous-- "lovely."  Even he cringed at the choice.  "But a relationship of this sort is not possible for me now."

"What does that mean?" Sophie was indignant.  "Why is different now than a few moments ago?"

He did not answer; he simply got up to leave.  She blocked his exit.

"If you think I am going to let you walk out on me like this, you are mistaken….."  She gathered her strength and continued.  "Giving myself to you is not something I do lightly.  I do not make it a habit of sleeping with men to have them leave right afterwards…….I care for you, Severus, and I thought that you cared for me……."  She was shaking, whether from anger or fear, she was not sure.  "If you can look me in the eye and tell me tonight meant nothing to you, then I will let you pass.  I initiated this evening, and you owe me nothing save the truth.  But if you cannot admit that, then you _have_ to admit that there is something very special between us and that it deserves to be explored." 

She could see the conflict in his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts. Finally he spoke, looking as if he was fighting the words that came out of his mouth: "Tonight meant a lot to me….More than I am able to admit. But it can't go on.  I have watched you religiously since you came here.  I can tell you that you are a vegetarian, that you bite your nails when you are nervous, and that you work till all hours of the night only sleeping when you are at the height of exhaustion.  I can tell you that you run your fingers through you hair far too much and that you mumble to yourself when you think no one is looking.  You have a deep attachment to chocolate covered strawberries, and you hum at different intervals throughout the day. What I cannot tell you is what you want to hear; whether I feel it or not is irrelevant.  You and I can never be in an intimate relationship.  It has to end now." He shifted his eyes to look past her as he brushed by.  

She flew into a rage and followed him, "I have news for you, Severus; we are in an intimate relationship and have been before tonight ever happened.  As much as you like to think you are in control of your emotions, you are not. You simply choose to ignore all that happens around you for fear of intimacy, for fear that maybe, just maybe there is something more in this world for you."

"This world holds nothing for me," he said in a tone that matched hers. "Don't you understand? My death warrant was signed the minute Voldemort returned.  I am living on borrowed time and probably sooner rather than later, he will come to collect……You are looking at a dead man……. I must be prepared to die, and I can't have you complicating my life."

"I pity any man who views love as a complication." Her voice was as hard as stone.

He froze not wanting to believe what he just heard.

"Shocked, are you? Well yes, I said it.  Severus Snape, I love you.  And if you think those words roll easily of my tongue, you are misguided. If you think you are the only one in Voldemort's line of fire, you are also egotistical.  I took my life in my own hands the minute I had the audacity to forsake my world and be a part of yours.  I am just as much a target as you, if not more, because I do not have the power to fight back.  I allow myself to be vulnerable and defenseless in this world because I choose to fight.  I also choose not to let fear control my life, and if it is true, then I am also living on borrowed time.  I refuse to waste that time.  I refuse to turn away from love under the delusion that it is noble.  _I will die knowing that I had fought for a life worth living."  _

Her words poured out in rapid succession. For several moments, all that could be heard was her breathing.

Severus's shoulders dropped slightly. "I do not fear dying," he whispered in a haunted tone. "My fear is for the living.  For those I leave behind, for those who will suffer because they were associated with me……  I cannot have any more blood on my hands."

His words hit Sophie like a brick wall.  Suddenly, she realized why he was pushing her away….Cecilia.  "You're afraid he will make me suffer like……"

"I died that day," he said a gruffly.  "I finally got a bit of my life back.  I finally remembered what joy felt like……..I looked at you and..." He stopped and swallowed before he continued, "…I ached for you from the moment I first saw you.  I dreamt of what it would be like to touch you.  I tried to fight it, but I couldn't.  I tried to hate you, but you made that impossible.  I tried to just be your friend, but I wanted more.  Tonight I gave in to the hunger that has been consuming me these last few months, to the growing need I had for closeness since hearing of Voldemort's return.  I was weak, but there is time to correct that. If I walk out that door now, I can face death with a clear conscience knowing that I did not cause any more suffering in this life."

"And you consider denying love not suffering?" she pleaded.

He did not answer. 

"There will be suffering in this life anyway, Severus.  All you are saving yourself from is your own ego.  You act as if turning your back on those who care about you will make them suffer less.  Why?  Because you may not be around to see it happening?  I would rather put my heart out for all to see and fight for it rather than just accept a destiny foretold by a mad man.  He will come for us anyway, Severus……I know you are prepared to die.   What I am asking is-- are you prepared to live?"

 "You make it sound like I have a choice," he managed to say.  

"We all have choices, Severus," she said softly. She walked over to him, raised her hand, and stroked his cheek, mimicking her earlier action. And as before, he took her hand and kissed it. He held it to his face and closed his eyes. After a moment, he finally looked at her.

He spoke tenderly: "I am making a choice.  I choose to try to make those around me safe.  I choose not to endanger anyone's life any more than it already is.  I choose to leave now because the thought of anyone harming you in my name shakes me to my foundation, and I cannot bear it.  It may be the coward's way out, but it is what I must do."  He leaned over to her and gently kissed her forehead.

He entered the bedroom and came out a few minutes later, dressed in the clothes he wore during their flight.  Sophie had not moved from the spot where he kissed her.  He turned to her one last time, memorizing her as he had done previously that evening - the curve of her face, the lines of her body.  Her.  Without another word, he left.

Sophie dropped to the floor and wept. 


	19. Broken

**Sorry for the delay in posting. Real life has been very uncooperative lately.**

**I must relay a thank you to Diana for helping me work through this chapter. As always it wouldn't be as good without her help.**

**I also want to send out special thank yous (is that a word?) to those who reviewed here but also those who emailed me personally. Your encouragement has been unbelievable.**

**Chapter 19 – Broken**

Three days later, Sophie still had difficulty getting out of bed. Images replayed before her eyes like a silent movie; no words, just disjointed movement, surreal and colorless. She could still smell him in the sheets – herb and fire and musk. All she had the strength to do was stare out the window at the snow that had begun to fall earlier that morning. 'The new year is coming,' she thought solemnly. 'Perhaps, I should resolve to control my emotions once in a while. Or better yet, not have any at all.' 

She usually exercised better judgment. She usually understood people better than they understood themselves. But then again, she had never met anyone quite like Severus Snape. 'How could I have been so wrong?' she mourned, chastising herself for her arrogance. 'You assumed that he felt as you did, that he would jump at the chance of being with you. Instead he ran out the door.' She had to admit he gave her good reasons for his fears, but it did not help the situation. Now, she only loved him more for his sacrifice.

Was it a sacrifice? 'Maybe he just did not want this as much as you did.' The more she thought about it, the more she tried to convince herself that that was the case. Her own condescension and presumption and impudence were her downfall. She assumed too much and was paying the price for it. Now it was time to get out of bed.

For a brief second, she considered braving the weather and returning to her hot spring in the Forbidden Forest. The heat of the spring mixed with the chill in the air would be invigorating. But then she remembered her last trip and her encounter with Severus…………Severus. How was she going to continue to work here? How was she going to face him after all the things they said and did? She stopped to think of what they did, and she started to get warm all over. 

"Damn it, no," she said aloud. "It is not going to end like this." She sat up still tangled in the linen. "All your stupid talk about fighting for a life worth living," she mocked herself. "Then, go fight for it. Or are you just all talk Sophie? Are you a damn coward?" Now she was angry, and with her new anger came determination. 

Life was too short to waste on regret. Life was too short to waste. Life was too short. 

She decided it was time to start feeling like a woman again. She got up to take a shower. As she scrubbed her hair with fierce and resolute fingers, her mind was preparing a speech. Phrases like, "wasting time"…."need each other"…."so much loss"…."love, Severus love, " were spoken out loud while she dressed. After several minutes, she appraised herself in her mirror. She let her hair hang down over a pink sweater. Pink always made her feel feminine, and she needed all the help she could get. When she was satisfied, she grabbed her jacket and, pausing to take one last deep breath, she opened the door and stepped out. 

She nearly stumbled on the mass that blocked her path. On the ground, barely breathing, was Draco Malfoy.

It took a minute for Sophie to realize who it was. If it hadn't been for the blond hair, she would never have recognized him. She bent over him, placing a hand on his shoulder, and softly called his name, 

"Draco. Draco, can you hear me?" He strained to look up at her, swollen eyes trying to focus through the glare of the sun and dried blood. He was badly bruised; a cut under his right eye trailed blood down his face, his lip was split, and his cheek was black and blue. Sophie couldn't help but notice the bruises on his neck that looked suspiciously like finger marks. A wave of nausea almost overtook her as she wondered what other marks lay beneath his clothes. 

"Oh God in Heaven," she whispered through rapid breathing and tears. She tried with all her might to lift him, but his body lay like dead weight on the ground. With much trouble, she finally managed to get him inside and on the couch. She kept trying to talk to him, to get some answers, but he remained silent, breathing heavily as if winded. When he was able to sit up, she gave him a glass of water. Slowly, he sipped the fluid, flinching as it hit his battered lip. She grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around his weary form.

"Let me take you to the infirmary," she offered. He only shook his head in response, as vigorously as he could manage despite the obvious pain of the movement.

"Okay." Sophie had dealt enough with Draco to know that he needed some space. She retrieved a first aid kit from the bathroom and clumsily began an iodine prep. She tried to calm herself as she spoke, "This is going to sting a little, but I want to dress some of your wounds." He gave a short nod. As gently as she could, she dabbed the solution in his face. She thought he would wince from the pain, but instead, he seemed to be responding to her hand's touch on his face, almost leaning into it.

Sophie sat adhering bandages to his open wounds. She cleaned him up as best she could and tried to make him as comfortable as possible while he sat mutely. After almost an hour, he sighed and finally spoke. "Will you hold me?" The words were hardly more than a whisper, and he could not bring himself to look in her eyes.

Sophie felt her heart break at his simple request. When had she forgotten that he was a child? When had she forgotten that he was not the enemy? She put the medicines down and sat back on the couch holding her arms out to him. He did not look at her as he leaned into to her arms and curled up against her. Time passed. He did not speak or cry; he seemed numb. Sophie rocked him gently and stroked his hair. 

While she held him, Sophie thought of her mother and the way in which she held her after Alice's death. Mum was always so good at giving comfort. She always knew just what to say and do. Sophie never felt as inadequate as she did right now. Years of training and dealing with people still left even the most adept professionals ill-prepared to deal with someone they had grown to care about. And she had grown to care about Draco. If the horror she had felt at finding him on her doorstep, beaten and nearly unconscious, was any indication, she cared quite a bit. When did she develop such a soft spot for the Slytherins?

One thing she did know was that Draco did not need a therapist right now; he needed a friend, he needed a mother. Where the hell was his mother? Sophie shook away the anger. Not now. Instead she went back to the thoughts of her own mother and her ability to comfort. She drew from that bond and that love and her sorrow found words in a song from another life. With tears falling down her cheek, she sang softly and continued to hold him close - 

_"Broken windows and empty hallways,_

_a pale lit moon and the sky streaked with gray,_

_human kindness is overflowing,_

_and I think it's going to rain today._

_Scarecrows dressed in the latest style,_

_frozen smiles that chase love away,_

_human kindness is overflowing,_

_and I think it's going to rain today._

_Lonely……Lonely, _

_tin can at my feet,_

_I think I'll kick it down the street,_

_that's the way to treat a friend,_

_Bright before me,_

_the signs of glory,_

_help the needy,_

_and show them the way,_

_human kindness is overflowing,_

_and I think it's going to rain today."_

Within minutes, he was asleep.

Severus Snape was sitting in Albus Dumbledore's quarters sipping tea and trying to forget. 

"Severus? Severus, are you listening?" There was no reproach in his voice, only concern.

"I apologize, Headmaster," Severus answered in an empty voice. "I have been out of sorts the last few days." 

"I see," he replied, barely hiding his amusement. "Care to talk about it?"

'Why are his damn eyes twinkling?' Severus thought with exasperation as Albus spoke. "There is not much to discuss, sir."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Dr. Young, would it?" He was now boasting a full-blown grin. 

Snape sat quietly, one eyebrow raised, wondering exactly how much the ancient wizard knew. "Why do you say that?" he finally asked.

Dumbledore poured more tea. "It seems two jovial people where spotted flying a broom together a few days ago…….I wouldn't have mentioned it, but the witness swears you and the lovely doctor were out for a trip." he said with a hint of delighted amusement.

Severus considered denying the incident completely, perhaps throwing a full blown hissy fit at the accusation, but he did not have the energy, nor did he trust, even for a moment, that he would be believed. Damn omnipotent fool. "It was part of a gift," Severus said in as neutral a tone as possible. "Dr. Young gave me a rather distinctive Christmas present. I was simply returning the favor. She had flown with a friend when she was younger and missed the experience. I thought it would be…………nice."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding. "Ah yes, that would be Alice Longbottom then."

Severus looked up, "You know about all that?"

"When Doctor Young approached me about becoming a counselor here, she was very forthcoming. She insisted I understood in no uncertain terms, the depth of her dedication." He candidly added, "She can be very persistent when she wants something."

'You have no idea,' the professor thought sorrowfully. He had spent the last few nights picturing her in his mind. The wicked smile she gave him when she invited him in; her expression of ecstasy when she peaked; the passion in her eyes as she stood there in an over-sized T-shirt proclaiming her love, and the tears that followed at his rejection. How close he came to giving in, to gathering her in his arms and taking her back to the bedroom. How warm her body felt next to his. He had hoped the memories would be enough to sustain him, to satiate the desire that had overtaken his sanity. Instead it made him miss her, fiercely. It made him feel more empty and alone then he ever had before. It had been only a few days. 

Dumbledore must have noted the turmoil on his friend's face. "You must care for her deeply to bestow such a personal gift."

Again Severus pictured himself throwing a tantrum; the indignation on his face as he denied the claims, throwing in some stomping feet and perhaps a hex or two for good measure, but again, he knew better. "I have come to think of her as…possibly…not as ineffectual as in my original hypothesis. "

"A glowing recommendation coming from you." He had the audacity to smirk. 

"You seem to be getting a bit too much amusement out of all this." It was difficult not to sneer at the man.

"Forgive my impertinence. I meant no disrespect, of course. I do have to admit, however, that I enjoy seeing someone stand up to you…almost as much as you do."

"She gets under my skin in a way no one else has dared," he admitted. He stared down at his tea, now cold from being forgotten. He let his finger run along the edge of the saucer, to the bottom of the glass and up to the rim of the cup.

Dumbledore watched his movements with a mixture of fascination and sorrowfulness and an understanding not many would have. "She affects you, Severus. Is that a bad thing?"

His ire rose as he felt his patience snap. "Albus, why must everyone question my judgment? Since when did everyone become such an authority on my motivations and needs? I have as little patience for this line of questioning as I do for her attempts to…."

"To?" Albus asked.

"Nothing…" Snape froze and fell back in to his chair. "It is no longer an issue."

"I see," and he did. "Seems a shame, really."

"What does?" he asked, knowing full well he was walking right into Dumbledore's game.

Dumbledore paused, looking at the young man sitting in front of him. He was young after all, though it was safe to say he had lived though several lifetimes worth of agony. He offered a small smile.

"I ran into Mr. Potter one afternoon, sitting by the lake, all alone," he began seeming to change the subject. "When I asked him what was the matter, he looked at me much in the same way that you are right now. I finally looked across the lake and I noticed Miss Granger and Miss Weasley sitting on the other side, talking." He paused, waiting for this bit of information to sink in. "After a little_ innocent_ prodding, he finally admitted that he was developing feelings for the sibling of his best friend. When I displayed joy at the news, he looked up at me in bewilderment, again, much in the same way that you are, right now." He paused again to smile at Snape's pursed lips. 

"Apparently," he continued, "Harry did not seem to enjoy these new feelings that were overtaking his reason. I tried to explain that love does that to people. It confuses the senses. It turns your world upside down, the Muggles say. I also explained to him that though nothing in this world can cause as much pain as love, nothing else is more worth living for. He had somehow come to believe that he was not deserving of love. He came to believe that her affections towards him were unwise given the perils he knew he would have to face. He had convinced himself that he _and she_ would be better off never exploring the wonders that love could bring." He took another sip of tea before he continued. "Can you think of anything more tragic than the denial of love, Severus? Can you imagine something worse than spending what you may consider the last days of your life, alone? Can you think of anything more foolish?" He looked at his friend again and watched as his expression changed. He held he was seeing hope enter his sad eyes.

Snape looked into Albus's eyes, facing the twinkle. 'Omnipotent old fool, indeed. Who is the fool after all?' "Yes headmaster, he replied, "I think I can. I think can think of something worse than _a child_ feeling that way……"

Before he could finish that thought, there was a knock at the door of the study. Dumbledore walked to it and slowly opened the door to find Sophie Young standing there.

"Is Professor Snape here?" she asked breathlessly. Upon hearing her voice Severus stiffened. He was never one to flee, but for once, he considered it not the worst option he could face.

Dumbledore led Sophie to where Severus was sitting.

"I need you to come to my home," she said rapidly. The surprise in his eyes made her want to laugh. "No," she tried to explain, "you see, it's Draco. He came to me this morning. He has been badly beaten and is in shock. Something has happened and I will need you there, if I am ever to find out what it was."

**Author's note**: Song lyrics taken from "I think it's Going to Rain Today" by Bette Midler. 

Please review.


	20. Confessions and Choices

**I must relay a thank you to Diana for helping me work through this chapter. As always it wouldn't be as good without her help.**

**I also want to send out special thank yous (is that a word?) to those who reviewed here but also those who emailed me personally. Your encouragement has been unbelievable.**

**Warnings: Mentions of Violence and Non-Con.**

**Chapter 20 – Confessions and Choices **

Draco Malfoy's eyes fluttered open. As they focused, panic filled him. 'Where am I?' he thought. He recognized the room he was in but could not quite place the location. The smell of vanilla filled the air, and he realized he was with Dr. Young…with Sophie.

"Dr. Young?," a dry voice called out timidly. 

"Finally awake, Mr. Malfoy." He knew that voice, and it did not belong to Sophie. He turned to find Severus Snape sitting in the chair across the couch.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I was about to ask you the same question." Snape replied.

Sophie entered the room bringing some drinks and food over to Draco. She placed the tray on the end table and knelt down next to her uneasy patient. 

"I asked him here, Draco." She began, placing her hand on his. "I think he can help me help you." 

"And how do you figure?" Draco's usual haughtiness had returned, but his tone was tinged with despair.

"Because, Mr. Malfoy, I once was where you are now." Snape's voice held no pity or mercy. He spoke with the authority that had made students cower in fear over the years. "I have been in the hell you are living and have managed to survive. From the looks of it, little has changed, save for the fact that you are much younger than the others that are usually initiated to the cause."

He eyed his Potions professor skeptically. He knew Snape was a former Death Eater, but he was never truly sure whose side he was _really_ on. He chose not to risk anything for now and sat stoically.

"You seem to doubt my intentions." He added a bit of silk to the steel of his voice. "Let me see if I can summarize what the last few months have been like for you." He leaned in towards Draco. "Your summer break consisted of military training and war games, not trips to the beach house on the Riviera. Weaknesses in your armor, be it psychical or magical, were met with periodic and somewhat sadistic punishments. Probably more than once limbs were broken, if for no other reason than to show you how it felt. You witnessed killings, rapes, disfigurements, and the disemboweling of young and old, men and women, and probably an untold number of animals. I would also imagine being the offspring of Lucius meant any sign of frailty was not tolerated." He sat back. "Tell me, Draco. Am I close?" 

Draco paled more and more with every word Snape spoke, until he finally ran to the bathroom to vomit. Sophie glared at Snape but did not reprimand him. As much as she hated the way he was speaking to Draco, she realized the time to coddle and comfort was over. She tried to talk him through things. To give him avenues to vent and speak but Draco did not respond to that as he should have. Perhaps this would wake him up.

After several minutes he returned; his eyes were red. He wrapped his arms around his wiry frame and spoke in a trembling voice. "I was used to not meeting my father's expectations of me. I am no stranger to cruelty or to periodic beatings , but this was so much more." His eyes shifted to the floor, as if he didn't even have the energy to lift them. "We would go for days without eating or sleeping. They would hold our heads underwater until we fainted. More than once, people died from the training. I was lucky in that they tried to be a little easier on me for being who I was, but that only fueled my father's loathing of my lack of ability." He sat down, his eyes still focused on the floor. "I hoped things would get better once I was back in school, but it has only gotten] worse."

He stopped speaking and swayed, as if on the verge of collapse. Sophie walked over to him and helped him to lie down. She put his head on her lap and stroked his hair as she had earlier. Severus started to speak, but Sophie glared at him again, preventing him doing so. In a low voice she spoke, "Draco, what happened in October?"

He became rigid at her words. For weeks he had sat in this room avoiding this topic. He had not talked about that incident since the first session. He was still not sure how much he should reveal. Always careful to talk only about things she could easy check up on with other students, he avoided anything regarding his activities at home. His only goal was to survive the year. It did not help that he liked coming to see her, that he felt safe with her, that he wanted to confide in her, that she genuinely cared for him. At least, he hoped she did. She could just be using him for information. Using him like everyone else had. Maybe. Maybe not. But whether he wanted to believe her or not, he doubted she could help him out of the nightmare that his life had become. As these thoughts and fears flooded him, he started to have panic. He was on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Sophie realized he was struggled and sat him up. She leaned over to fetch a glass of water and handed it to him. He took it but did not look at her nor acknowledge her. At this, Sophie realized he had not looked her in the eye once since she found him on her doorstep. He was falling into his usually routine of avoidance. This time, however, she would not let him do it.

"Draco," she said sternly. "You and I have danced this dance masterfully these past few months. You tell me as much superficial nonsense as you can muster, and I try to extract as much information as possible. What I have come up with this: you are terrified. Something happened this fall that pushed you to the brink and you thought your only recourse was a feeble suicide attempt. There are hundreds of ways you could have succeeded, but you chose one that would almost assuredly get you caught. Whether you realize it or not, you were looking for help. You were looking for a way out. We _have_ the power to help you, to get you out, but I can do nothing if you do not trust me. I have brought before you someone who has endured the harshness that you are now living. I am showing you that you that you have options and can live a life full of purpose, but you need to talk to me, damn it." 

He was defiant. "You can't help me. There is no way out."

Sophie felt a familiar rage build up in within her. Throwing her arms in the air, she cried out, "What the hell is it with this place, that all these people feel such a sense of helplessness?'" She grabbed Draco by the shoulders. "You can get out. You can change the course of your life. We do have free will. We do have choices. We can fight. And we can win. You are not alone in your battles. There are literally hundreds of people who want to support you. Draco, the world is not a dark place where we await a violent and horrid death. It is full of light and laughter and hope. I have spent months trying to get you to see that, but I guess I have failed."

She stared into his gray eyes. "_You_ came to _me_. Well, you got my attention. Now what the hell do you have to say?" 

He swallowed hard as he looked at her. He did have a choice right now. He could either tell her everything and hope she could help or he could leave and continue on the path his life was leading. Since he doubted he could survive the latter, he went with the first. At the very least it gave him a fighting chance at some semblance of a future. He turned to Snape.

"Do you know what a Dark Revel is?" he asked in a rasping voice. Snape slowly nodded. Draco turned to Sophie and asked, "Do you?" She shook her head. Draco continued, "My father always went to these gatherings, and I was always sent away. Last October, he decided it was time for me to attend and see what the world had in store for me, to see what rewards awaited a loyal servant." The disdain in his voice was palpable. "He made it sound like it was going to be fun. Like it was a big party." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and going on. "We got to what was basically a dungeon, and I could hear laughing. We went inside where I saw a group of about five men huddled over something, cheering. When I got closer, I saw that they were rooting as one of them was ...attacking a girl, barely eighteen. She was screaming and bleeding…. He finally slapped her and told her that if she did not shut up, he would kill her. She screamed louder and, without a moment's hesitation, he slit her throat. The men standing around him were angry, not because of what he did, but because they didn't have their turn." He paused as a wave of hatred coursed through his body. "Although," he added, "one man did not let something as …insignificant as death stop him." Draco was now shivering violently; there was no color left in his face.

He took several deep breaths before he continued. "I looked for my father, to tell him what was happening, only to find him throwing knives at a man shackled to the wall." The fear on his face was now replaced with disgust. "The room was full of people torturing Muggles for sport. I couldn't find a quiet corner to hide. I just kept walking around looking for a way out. I don't even remember how long we were there when before we finally left. My father kept going on and on about how lucky I was because I would not have to wait to be of age as the others did, that he got special permission for me to begin right away, and that my initiation would happen this year." He stopped to look directly at Severus. "That's when it hit me. I realized what I would have to do to earn that dark mark." He ran a hand over his face. "I wanted to die right then and there. Later, I found myself back in my room. I undressed to find blood on my shirt, and it wasn't mine. I lost it. I spent days wondering around like a zombie. The next thing I knew, I was walking with Dr. Young down to see you."

Sophie was shaken. She remembered Severus' mentioning _amusements,_ but she did not think they went that far. Suddenly she felt naïve - stupid and naive. 

Severus broke the silence. "Things have degenerated so much," he sighed. "The promise of power and of glory used to be enough to get you interested. Pledging loyalty and accepting the branding of the Dark Mark used to be enough to get you in. Over the years, as the members became more and more depraved, the rituals became more and more barbaric. These orgies of perversion began shortly before I left. I wondered if they had stopped, with or with out Voldemort influence."

Sophie was incredulous. "How could they kill indiscriminately without anyone finding out?'

Severus looked at her gravely. "The Muggle world is full of people with no connections: runaway teen-agers, the homeless, the orphaned. It is easy to find people that no one would look for. There was never a shortage of entertainment."

Sophie thought for a moment and turned to Draco. "What happened that brought you to my doorstep?"

He sighed deeply, too ashamed to continue. He had already gone so far, already said so much. Too much. Then, he paused. 'Did it really matter any more? he thought. He pushed on, speaking slowly, trying to detach his body from his words. "It was another Revel. Wanting to advance me further, I was going to be allowed to participate in the festivities." He looked down. "Men had surrounded me when they brought up a girl. She was about my age. They told me to ' go to town.' She stared at me, pleading to be left alone. She was crying and, nearly hysterical. I just stood there. They kept urging me to go at her, mocking me for being so slow. I was stalling and my father knew it. Finally he pushed me aside, saying that I was saving her for him, and he attacked her." Draco became very quiet, trying to quell the tears that were threatened to overtake him. "She stared at me the whole time, begging for help. When my father was done, he took me outside and started to thrash me. He said he would make a man out of me one way or the other. Then, I blacked out. I woke up in time to see them carry out the lifeless body of the girl my father molested. She had been cut up. Her...her eyes were still open." With the last bit of strength he possessed, he added, "I got myself here, though I can't really tell you how or why. This is just where my body took me."

They sat in the quiet, all drained; Draco, for finally sharing his pain, Severus, for remembering his past, and Sophie, for thinking of how to make it stop. She spoke first, "I gather that you have come to realize that this is not the direction you wish your life to go."

"Of course not, " he said in anger and grief. "I thought there was some greater purpose. I thought there was a reason we were fighting. I didn't know it was bullshit. I didn't know we just killed for the hell of it…But what can I do? Where can I go?" The vulnerability in his voice was painful. 

Severus spoke, "I was once where you find yourself now, Draco. I had nothing. Death would have been…liberation. I found the one thing that could help…I found a friend and a purpose. As I see it, you have a few alternatives. You could go on with your life as it is. I trust you know where that will lead you. You could run away, but you would be found, and the penalty will be inconceivable. You can let us help you. We can go to Dumbledore and he can give you sanctuary." Draco did not like his options. Severus walked over to the boy and sat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Draco, you have a lot to think about. You will lose a lot by letting us help you, but you can gain sanity and principle. I am going to take you back to your room. I can give you some Dreamless Sleep Draught to help you through the next few days. We can only help if you want us to. And, only you can decide if you want us to."

Now, fully depleted of all strength, all Draco could manage to do was nod. Severus helped him up and started to walk him out. Sophie ran over. "Wait." She lifted Draco's chin and held it to her face, gently. She smiled a small smile and kissed him on the forehead saying, "I promise you that I will do my best to help you in whatever decision you make." He stared at her blankly. She bit her bottom lip and nodded to Severus. And they left. 

Sophie spent the day cleaning up all traces of Draco. She felt so empty and alone. Though she always missed Alice, she seemed so lost without her now. She desperately wished she had a close friend to confide in.. She realized now that she had spent so much energy trying to pursuing Severus, either in friendship or something more, she did not take the time to foster other friendships. While she was well acquainted with many of the staff, those relationships were casual. She stopped to think of Severus again. "I really have to get another pastime," she chided herself out loud. Thinking back on the past few hours, she had been impressed at how he took charge the situation. He openly shared his experience with Draco in an attempt to draw the boy out. She smiled as she thought how tender he was to him at the end; how he offered the boy some respite, and more importantly, time. 

Evening fell peacefully. Sitting alone on her couch with a book on her lap that she was not reading, Sophie weighed her choices in her mind. She began the day intent upon winning Severus over, showing him that he did indeed love her and that resistance was futile. Now, she had another view of him and his relationship to her life. She realized he was an essential part of her practice. He was her link to the house that was going to have many more of its members placed in the same danger as Draco was now facing, if they are were not already facing it. Without Severus, she would never have gotten as much out of Draco as she had. And without him, she would not get much more out of the other Slytherins. She needed him, and she had to put her feelings aside and do what was best for the students, even if it meant being alone. He did not want a personal relationship, and so she would have to acquiesce. It would be the only way to still be able to communicate with him at a safe and impersonal distance. "Well, this sucks," she said in bemused resignation.

She was contemplating how she was going to fill the rest of the Christmas break when there was a knock at her door. 'What now?' she thought as she opened it wearily. In her doorway stood Severus Snape. "Oh!," She was startled. "Come in. Is everything alright?" She was beset with fears that something happened to Draco.

Severus did not say a word. He picked her up in his arms and kissed her fiercely as he took her into her bedroom.


	21. These Dreams

**Special thanks to Diana for her insight and perfect suggestions and to those of you who reviews here and to me personally.**

**Chapter 21 – These Dreams**

Somewhere, in the place where dreams refuse to yield to reality, Sophie was flying. Ascending through the air, laughing and singing, through billowy clouds and into the stratosphere she soared unburdened by earth and fear. 

Sitting on a cliff in the distance was a man. Spotting her, he approached. Slowly, he encircled her, dancing, if slow music was playing in the distance. His eyes burned into hers as he gradually quickened his pace, swirling faster and faster, until she was spinning, spiraling as in a whirlwind. 

As the pirouettes slowed and gentled, she found herself in his arms, sitting on a cloud. He was smiling, and in that smile, she found safety. He kissed her feverishly, he caressed her, he covered her body with his. She trembled in the growing anticipation of his movements. Her body tingled with each touch as her fingers wove through long, soft hair. He silently explored her body, fingertips and soft lips marking their territory. She dragged her nails lightly down his back. 

Was he quivering, too? 

Sophie awoke to find that smile and those eyes next to her. It was not a dream, not in the literal sense, anyway. She smiled back as she raised her arms over her head in a long drawn out stretch. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Some," he said softly.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"I lost track of time." His gentle smile now turned into a twisted grin. "Do you know you snore?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Pardon?"

"You snore. Quite loudly, actually, when you sleep on your back." His grin grew wider. "It's really a wonder I slept at all."

She turned away from him in a huff taking the entire comforter with her. "You're so bloody romantic. Tell me how _do_ you keep your admirers away so efficiently? How do you keep riots from breaking out over you?"

He ignored her comments. "Actually, sleeping on your stomach only stops the snoring; it doesn't seem to restrain the drooling. You must have been dreaming about me."

With this last remark a rather fluffy pillow found its way to his head. As Sophie continued the assault she managed to say, "When did you get so bloody comical?"

He grabbed the pillow from her hand and threw her back on the bed, pinning her down. Hovering millimeters from her face he stared into her eyes. "I believe I was told to seize the day, as it were. I believe I was dared to live a little. Not to be so tight. I am simply following doctor's orders." He leaned in and kissed her neck, not releasing her arms. He placed a small bite on her ear before whispering, "It would seem that perhaps next time you may want to consider your diagnosis a little more carefully, Doctor. Your prescription has yielded some unforeseen side effects." 

"And pray tell, what are these side effects that have you so distracted?" She threw in her own wicked smile as he began to show her.

"We really should get out of bed." Sophie's voice came from under the covers of a much disheveled bed.

"Why?" Came another voice from under the mass.

"It's past noon."

"So?"

Untangling herself from the blankets, she sat up laughing. "What has gotten into you, Severus?" Though she was reaping the benefits, she was shocked at his new attitude. "What happened to the uptight, buttoned up, workaholic with the billowing robes who used to make children cower with barely a look?" 

A head slowly found it way out of the heap. "I sent him away." His voice was now more serious.

"Why?" As much as she was enjoying, this she had to know. 

"Do we have to talk about this now? I am still basking in the glow and you are ruining it," he quipped.

She gave him a small smile. "We can talk about it later, darling, but I am still getting out of bed. I seemed to have worked up quite an appetite after last night."

He watched her leave the bed and walk across the room, naked. "You are beautiful," he marveled. She smiled as she put on an old velvety green robe. She threw a black one at Severus. He recognized it as the one he wore the last time he was there. She disappeared in to the kitchen. "Oh, bloody hell, you win," he said aloud as he muttered to himself, "what fun it is to stay in bed alone?"

He found her in the kitchen brewing tea and eating a scone while scanning a Muggle newspaper. Not looking up, she spoke: "It seems the house elves were here last night and left quite a few supplies." She peeked at him over the top of the paper. 

There was that damn wicked smile again. "Yes…..well….I did ask for some things….They do their job so comprehensively."

She watched him pour tea into his cup and chose a muffin from the pastry basket in the middle of the table.

"Now that is odd. I would have pictured you as more a dry toast sort of man."

"I am an enigma, aren't I?" He smiled out of the corner of his mouth.

Watching him she could no longer delay the conversation she had started earlier, the one that had been on her mind since he returned last night. She did not want to ask, really; in fact she knew she shouldn't even bring it up, but…

"I can't bear it any longer. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Stop being coy; it's maddening. Why did you so suddenly change your mind?"

He watched her sitting there. For a tall woman only a few inches shorter than he was, she looked decidedly small in an oversized robe. She picked her knees up and rested her feet on the edge of her chair, drawing her arms around them. She looked so innocent and sweet. How could he possibly make her understand? If she, the one person save Dumbledore himself; she who knew him better than he ever allowed anyone before, was asking this questions than he had to be straightforward and honest, and for a man like Severus Snape this was asking a lot. He sat up straight and looked at her. "I don't know…I guess I just decided to let go."

Sophie was more confused now than ever. "Of what?"

"Everything……I let go of the guilt over Cecilia's death, over still being alive. I let go of the hatred and misery that had become my barricade against those who were trying to be my friends…Of hoping for death and pretending it was righteous." He paused for a few minutes and looked into her eyes: soft brown ones with specs of green that glittered in the sunlight, and currently held confusion and just a bit of apprehension. 

He continued. "Yesterday I was taking a boy with a battered body, a bruised soul, and dead spirit to his room. The parallels between us are obvious, so I won't challenge your intelligence by pointing them out…. He turned to me and the only thing he said that entire time was 'Why does she bother with me?' It was a question I had been asking myself for three days. I didn't know the answer but I managed to talk on an on saying things like 'Because you are worth bothering with', 'Because beneath this brusque exterior is a good person who cares about those around him whether he will admit to it or not', 'Because life is but a few precious fleeting moments and we owe it to ourselves to make them worth living.' I began to realize whom I was actually talking to, and I started to reproach myself for my stupidity."

His eyes began to soften and his voice began to rasp. "Cecilia would **not** have wanted me to waste the life she died for. I owe her at least that. She would have wanted to me to fight for a life worth dying for, to make my destiny my own and never allow anyone else to decide it for me. She gave me those abilities years ago, when he gave the last gift she ever could to me. Who am I to waste it? What kind of person would that make me?" 

He smiled then as for the first time in a couple of decades he felt the guilt burdening his shoulders lift and dissapperate. He smiled and it was glorious. "Walking back here I felt emancipated…I felt like a child on Christmas morning, getting the gift he had prayed for undauntedly all year. Since hearing of Voldemort's resurfacing I have waited for him to come to me like the Angel of Death imposing a sentence…… Then you came and did something to me I thought I could never forgive. You gave me a reason to live. You forced me to find that part of myself I had buried by doing nothing more than loving me and making me love you." 

A lump formed in Sophie's throat as he said these words. She sat quietly, tears filling her eyes.

He let out a deep breath and took her hand from across the table. "Mind you, I am not the type to go around picking flowers and reciting poetry, but perhaps allowing people in and not constantly pushing them out will be a good start for me…for us."

She got up and walked over to him never releasing his hand. As he pushed his chair away from the table, she sat down facing him, straddling his lap. Putting her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his shoulder. He pulled her in closer to him and inhaled her scent. She smelled different today, like him actually, but sweeter somehow, and he wondered if he smelled that good to anyone else.

She continued to nuzzle his chest silently as he spoke: "Are you going to say anything or are you just going to keep me trapped in this provocative position?"

She straightened her back to meet his gaze with her own. "You have affected me as much as I have affected you." He was not sure how to react to this statement. Truth be told he never considered her any different from when they first met.

She snuggled back into his chest and continued. "I try very hard to give the impression that I am capable of living without the aid of anyone else. I learned how to fix things, to make things, to build things out of a need to rid myself of the necessity of others. The truth is after Alice, I refused to allow myself to be so exposed again. I do what I must to facilitate my work but shy away from personal relationships. I have only had two other intimate relationships in my life, and they both ended because I could not open up, because I pushed people away, because I was scared of getting hurt." For the first time Severus could ever remember she sounded vulnerable. He heard sadness in her voice before, anger, frustration even fear but never this; never this defenseless. 

"You were a challenge to my professional ego," she continued. "I fell in love with you in spite of myself. I found a kindred spirit with whom I connected with as I never had with anyone before. I fell in love with you because you knew my grief and understood what it meant. Understood what it was to lose yourself to another…for another. You made me admit for the first time in a long time I needed someone……that I needed you."

Whatever he expected, it was not this. She always seemed so confident, so in control of everything. But could that not also be said about him? Did he not also put up a façade? A masquerade? A thought suddenly came to him. "And I turned you away," he said softly.

"You did what you felt you had to do. I'm sorry for putting you in a position that forced you to decide, whether you eventually came around or not."

Still straddling his lap, she shifted slightly and brought her hand up to his chest, drawing small circles on it. He rested his forehead on hers and spoke, "I do love you. I loved you from the first time we met. I hated myself for it. I since have come to believe my irreverent actions were some subconscious need to sabotage any chance with you."

"Spoken like a true Freudian," she laughed.

"A what?"

"Never mind……….We did have a stormy introduction, didn't we?"

"Looking forward to calmer seas ahead?"

"I hope not. I rather enjoyed the waves." They laughed, and Sophie wrapped herself around him tighter. 

"What happens now?" she asked.

"Now I shower and begin my much neglected preparations for yet another term of attempting to educate the mindless and disinterested."

She rolled her eyes. "All right, besides that?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," he replied.

"Do we make our relationship known?"

"If I am not mistaken," he said with a smile, "the only people who thought we weren't already in a relationship were the two of us. I doubt seeing us together would be much of a surprise to anyone."

Sophie sighed in agreement and begrudgingly got up and stretched. As comfortable as she was, her legs had started to fall asleep. She sat down across from Severus. As she poured herself a fresh cup of tea, she furrowed her brow. Severus could see the wheels turning. She finally looked up at him. "I have been wanting to ask you something else?"

"Now is as good a time as any, I suppose."

"You had once told me that you knew that I 'worked till all hours of the night only sleeping when I was at the height of exhaustion.' How did you know that?"

That wicked little grin crept back on to his lips. "Quite accidentally," he began, though not too convincingly, "I found that one could get a direct view into your home from the Astronomy Tower. That is, if one uses a telescope."

"Accidentally, eh?"

"Quite…accidentally."

"I'll have to remember your penchant for voyeurism," she drawled. 

"It's your turn to answer a question."

"You and your damn reciprocity. You know, I am beginning to hate that word."

He laughed. "Why do you keep so busy?"

She gave a small shrug. "Excessive fatigue has become the only way I could fall asleep, other wise I just lie there reliving the horrors, whether they be my own or my patients'……..I took up hobbies to give myself something to do…I knit, I sew, I do all sorts of crafts. Poor Neville has a closet full of clothes I have made him…..bags……trinkets. It was nice to make gifts for the others."

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "I suppose we will just have to find more creative ways of tiring you out." 

  



	22. TêteàTête

**Special thanks to Diana for her insight and perfect suggestions and to those of you who reviews here and to me personally.**

  


**Chapter 22 - Tête-à-Tête**

Sophie sat studying the antique wizard that occupied the seat directly across from her. She and Dumbledore had really not spoken much since she had arrived. Her intuition told her there was no need, that this ancient sorcerer would know everything there was to know without her having to tell him anything. Still, he had requested this meeting and a status report on all that she was doing. She was all too eager to comply.

"You seem nervous." He noticed she was rubbing her hands.

"No, not really. Just a little anxious, I suppose," she admitted and smiled shyly.

"I hope I am not the cause of this condition," he twinkled.

She gave him a sly grin. "I can't explain why, but being here reminds me of a few…. youthful indiscretions that landed me in front of my middle school principal... my father…or one summer..... the chief of police."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at the last part of her confession. She laughed.

"It's not what you might think. It was a little matter of a protest where I got a bit carried away," she said.

"Carried away....Is that what you young people are calling streaking in front of the magistrate at a political rally?"

She was astounded. "There really isn't anything you don't know, is there?"

Now It was his turn to laugh, and then he sighed, "Oh how I wish that were true. No, I just make it a habit to know everything about the people I allow into Hogwarts. I cherish this place and the people within it. That is why I wanted you here as much as it seemed you wanted to be here. It is why I have asked you here now. I can see your presence has had an effect on several students …….and even some of the _faculty_." 

She gave him a crooked smile as she attempted to keep her blush from reaching Weasley proportions. "I have made myself available to them as best I could. I have tried to be an asset. I have not accomplished nearly what I had hoped I would, but we I have made some headway anyway."

"Why don't you update me on your progress?"

Sophie took out a notebook with some information she had recorded for this meeting. "I have spoken to 143 students in total. The vast majority of these consisted of one to three meetings. Of the 143, 57 were Hufflepuff, 43 were Gryffindor, 42 were Ravenclaw, and 1 was Slytherin. Of the students I have seen 63% were female and 37% were male. There are 12 students I meet with regularly. Many students expressed fear and anxiety around the death of Cedric Diggory, but few are actually willing to admit that the revival of Voldemort had any bearing on their lives. It seems that if their parents are in denial, they choose to be also. The added courses, however, have made them more aware and on some level, they know they are preparing for battle. None deny that they believe he has returned. Save one, there is no student that I have met thus far that I feel is taking an active role in pursuing a career as a Death Eater. I do have a list of about 8 potential students I feel are borderline and about 22 that I feel can be easily swayed due to an affinity to weakness and poor judgment in the past."

Sophie handed a list to Dumbledore who scanned the page not seeming too surprised at what he saw. Sophie continued. "Many students express the normal concerns all teenagers have: poor self image, unrequited love, lack of self esteem or self confidence, rebellion issues, issues with parents or those in authority, a sense of being stuck between becoming an adult while still being a child. Very basic and routine tendencies. For the most part what we have is a group of typical teenagers dealing with typical teenage angst. There are two very distinct exceptions, first being Draco Malfoy."

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes as she spoke. "Am I to assume he is the one you believe to be in active recruitment?"

"I'm afraid so. Active, but not….enthusiastic. It has been difficult to get information from Draco but, mostly thanks to the efforts of Professor Snape, Draco has finally begun to give some detail of the happenings in his life that have caused the events up to now. As we left it some weeks ago, we are allowing Draco time to decide what his course of action should be. We are basically asking him to betray his father to regain control of his life. Considering how much he has to lose by doing so, we are not rushing him. The decision is his and his alone. I am hopeful that he will decide to seek our help, and with that, I am also confident that he can help us persuade more members of his house to seek the same sanctuary. I feel that my being a Muggle has been the main reason why they have not come to me, mixed with the fact that they have a general distrust of anyone not in their house, of course. Frankly, they do not trust each other much either. My relationship with Professor Snape has caused him to fall out of favor with some of them as well. 

"Unfortunately, Draco may be our only lead. Currently, he is doing everything he can to keep his meetings with me a secret. If we can get him to openly admit he is seeing me, then I feel we have a better chance of getting them to open up as well. From what I have been able to gather from our conversations, there is some training of the younger forces going on and many of the other students are involved. I also suspect that the four Slytherins who did not return to school this year are missing because they did not survive the training."

Dumbledore let out a deep sigh; he had suspected as much. He did not speak as Sophie continued.

"I am hopeful that we can reason with Draco. I am aware time is short and that we have simply been lucky that there has been no attack yet, but we are at a delicate point with him. He could easily revert back to his prior propensities and that would not help anyone. I have written down some of the specifics of our conversation for you. I need to stress that I am only giving you this information because up until now Draco has been coming to me as recompense for his unauthorized activities. Should he decide to seek our assistance in his current situation, I will invoke my right as a doctor and his as my patient for confidentially as I do with the others in my care. I will gladly give you my impressions of the students, but none of the particulars of our conversations."

Dumbledore slowly nodded in agreement. "Of course."

Sophie paused before she continued. "The other student I feel we need to keep a close eye on is Harry Potter."

Again Dumbledore did not seem surprised at the information. 

"Harry has refused any help from me despite my attempts to engage him in conversation. I have made little headway despite the relationships I have fostered with his closest friends. He has come to speak to me on one occasion only and made it quite clear that he refuses help from me or anyone else around him. He has a deep seated guilt over the death of Cedric and claims full responsibility. I believe you have discussed this with him also."

Dumbledore concurred. "He spoke to me about that right after the Tri-Wizard Tournament and subsequently last month when we had a conversation by the lake. It took some work on my part to actually get anything out of him. I commend you for what you were able to ascertain. There are some violent battles being fought in that boy's mind."

"He has an unwavering, if misguided sense of what he feels he needs to do and will not be dissuaded. I fear he will attempt something drastic. I suggest keeping a close eye on all his activities if you are not already doing so. I do not think he will seek me out. I think we need to find an authority figure he feels close enough to be able to confide in and someone I could use as a proxy to treat him. He will not speak to me directly. He sees me as someone who is trying to prevent him from doing what he feels he is predestined to do and someone who could endanger those he cares for he most by wanting him to include them in his plans. We need someone who can talk to him as a friend and to whom he will listen without it seeming like he is in therapy."

Dumbledore considered her proposal. "I see. It is an interesting strategy."

She smiled. "Sometimes we need to get a little creative. He is heading down a very destructive path, and we need to put up a roadblock. Do you have any ideas?"

"Oh, I think I can thank I can come up with a few candidates." He was not looking forward to telling Severus of his nominees. Speaking of Severus…

"Tell me Dr. Young, how is my Potions master? It seems you have been consuming much of his free time. I have not seen him outside of the occasional meal in weeks." He had a warm smile on his face. Sophie could not stop it this time – she was blushing like a Weasley.

"Yes………well……we have spending a lot of time together lately."

"I do not mean to pry, Sophie," he spoke her name as her father used to; it made her relax instantly. "I just wanted to let you know that I was very pleased with your relationship. It has been a while since I have seen him so happy. I am assuming he is happy because he has not taken points from Gryffindor in a long time, and it used to be a given they would lose at least fifty points this time of year.'"

"Why this time of year?"

He just smiled. "His birthday is coming up, isn't it?" she asked.

"You are quick, aren't you?"

She let out a chuckle. "He doesn't seem to be the type that would have an aversion to birthdays."

"We tried to give him a surprise birthday party one year. He was so startled he hexed half the room before he realized what was going on. "

They both laughed at this. "I am glad you told me. I would have hated to miss an opportunity to harass him."

"I am certain you will make the most of it."

A plan began to formulate in Sophie's mind even before she left the office.

Severus Snape was making his way to his office. He heard faint music floating the air. He started when he realized it was coming from him. He was humming. Humming!?! Shrugging his shoulders, he continued on his way. He had not been himself as of late, a fact that many people noticed and chose to comment on. The female portion of the faculty seemed to get the most pleasure out of teasing him on his extracurricular activities. They were taunting him as if he were a hormone driven teenager. 

Well….He smiled. He really didn't care what other people thought. It had been a long time since he felt this connection with another person, and he would not ruin it as he had almost done previously. He still castigated himself for almost pushing her out of his life. 

He was now thinking of today: his birthday. He had never liked celebrating it. It was not a matter of aging but of being in the spotlight. Not since he was a Death Eater did he crave attention. This year, however, he felt he wanted to celebrate. Maybe he would take Sophie out on another flight. She loved it so much the last time. He was contemplating possible destinations when he arrived at his office and opened the door.

He was met with the warm glow of candles on a cake set alight on his desk. Standing behind it in a long black wizarding robe stood Sophie who began to sing some old Muggle tune, "Happy Birthday to you…." Her voice was deep and flirtatious. Towards the end of her serenade, he let out a laugh as he was fairly positive no one ever referred to him as "Dear Severus" in his life.

Having closed and locked the door behind him and quickly invoking a Silencing Charm to deter passing individuals who would decidedly to join in, he moved over to her.

"You have to make a wish and blow out the candles….It is a Muggle tradition."

"I am familiar with the process." He paused, looking down at the confection and gently blew out the candles. Running a finger in the frosting and bringing it to his mouth, he tasted the sweetness. "Lemon. My favorite. How did you know?"

"I have been told the house elves do their job very comprehensively," she grinned. 

He took notice of her attire. "That robe seems a tad too big for you."

She smiled, "It's part of your birthday present." He looked at it closer. It was black; the material was a heavy velvet; the trim was embroidered with green and silver threads running along the seam. It was striking.

"When did you find the time to make this?"

"It wasn't easy, I tell you. I only found out about your birthday a few days ago. I worked around your classes. I actually still have quite a bit of work to do on it, but I did want you to see it today. It is probably the best one I have ever made."

He ran his hand over the material. "You appear to have a knack for choosing the most wonderful gifts."

"There is another part of your birthday surprise."

An eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips, he purred, "Oh really?"

"Really." She unbuttoned the robe and removed it, allowing it to pool around her feet. Severus's eyes traveled from the fallen garment up a bare leg and decidedly naked body.

He licked his lips. "Those are some very powerful candles. Remind me to order a case." He was captivated by her laughter, by the blush in her cheeks, and by the delight in her eyes. How warm he felt just being with her. Speaking of which, it was the dead of winter, he couldn't help but comment, "It is an especially cold February day. You must have been experiencing quite a draft under that robe."

"Ah, the things we do for love."

Putting his arms around her waist, he pulled her towards him and kissed her, savoring her taste mixed with the sweetness of the frosting. He rubbed his face into the crook of her neck and ran his fingers up the length of her back. As he inhaled the aroma of vanilla and almonds he decided it was time for a birthday treat. After adding a Locking Charm to the Silencing one, he picked her up and propped her on his desk. "I think you have altered my opinion of birthdays."

She gave a husky laugh. "That was my master plan." She started to remove his robe.

"You had a master plan now, did you?" He dropped his robe on the floor and began to unbutton his shirt.

"I always have a plan." She started to unbuckle his trousers as he removed his boots.

"And what else does this plan entail?" Now he was almost completely naked.

"A lesson…One hundred and one alternative uses for lemon frosting." She ran her finger along the frosting and spread it across his lips. She then leaned forward and licked the cream away before sucking on them. When she finally pulled away, she found him smiling out of the corner of his mouth.

"Let me see if I understand the nature of this lesson." He proceed to run his finger along the frosting. Excruciatingly slowly he began to smear it down her torso, from the valley of her breasts to her navel; she arched her back as he used his tongue to retrieve the icing. 

"You are a quick learner, aren't you?"

"I try."

She licked her lips in anticipation. "I think you missed a spot."

  



	23. Into The Eyes Of Yesterday

**Special thanks to Diana for her insight and perfect suggestions and to those of you who reviews here and to me personally.**

**Chapter 23 – Into The Eyes Of Yesterday**

It was a particularly warm Sunday morning in March. Sophie woke up to find arms wrapped around her waist and a pair of legs entwined with hers. These mornings were her favorite. Neither she nor Severus kept early Sunday appointments so they customarily spent the morning lingering in bed and generally avoiding the outside world.

She could feel his warm breath on her neck and she relished it. She wanted to stay like that forever, but Dumbledore had requested their attendance at a staff meeting later that morning. Why it could not wait until Monday was beyond her. She gently tried to wake her dormant lover. 

"Severus?…Severus, darling……..we need to get up."

No response. She turned over to face him. He looked so peaceful, she hated to disturb him, but… "Severus," she whispered as she kissed his forehead. "Severus." She kissed his nose. "Severus." She kissed his lips and realized that he was kissing her back. "You are awake, you prat."

He was now sporting a full grin. "I wanted to see how far you would go to wake me up."

She hit him with her pillow. "Get up." She went to leave the bed and he pulled her back.

"Who said you could leave?"

"And who is going to stop me?" She put on her best pouty face. He proceeded to pin her arms down while he got on top of her.

"You are officially my prisoner. I will hold you here until I feel you have earned the right to leave." He subsequently sat on her. 

"You are insatiable." 

He leaned in. "I have a lot of lost time to make up for."

She lifted her head and gave him a quick kiss. "If I promise to make up for it in spades this evening, can we get up? We are expected at a staff meeting in an hour, and I will need lots of caffeine to get through it."

He furrowed his brow as if deeply considering her proposition, "I will agree to your terms, but that means I get to call the shots this evening."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He lowered his head and kissed her huskily before setting her free.

A full breakfast was waiting for them at the kitchen table. Sophie shook her head. "Do you have those elves on retainer or something?" she inquired.

"They aim to please."

"Really…that's what I like about you as well."

He smiled out of the side of his mouth as he buttered his toast. Sophie found herself constantly struck with how different his demeanor was from when they first met. He was relaxed and playful, even down right mischievous at times. Living a childhood he never had, maybe; enjoying a life he refused to live before, probably. But most of all he was happy and allowing himself to be so. As a psychologist it did her heart good to be able to witness it; as his lover it did her heart good to share it. ]

"Do you have any idea what this meeting is about?" Sophie asked while sipping her coffee.

"None at all."

"You seem unconcerned."

"I see no reason to fret about something I can not control. I will know soon enough and can worry appropriately at that point."

She just shook her head. "I wish I had your fortitude."

"Trust me. You have other assets that are much more desirable." They smirked at each other.

When they finished eating Sophie announced, "I am going to take a shower. I will be quick, I promise." She gave him a soft kiss and walked to the bathroom.

She got undressed and entered the shower; the warm water dripped down her body. The idea of just staying there and letting the water wash away the day was appealing but remembering her pledge to be brief, she started to soap her torso. Suddenly a thick voice asked, "Do you want to me to get your back."

She gave resigned smile, "We are going to be late, aren't we?"

They made it to the meeting on time - barely. The entire staff was sitting in Dumbledore's office. Sophie was surprised to see the cozy office enlarged to accommodate the assembly, but then once again she had to remind herself where she was.

Professor McGonagall moved over to allow Sophie and Severus to sit together. Sophie enjoyed the fact that Severus' s co-workers got so much pleasure out of their relationship. For a man who had convinced himself that he was to spend the rest of his life alone, he had a lot of people who cared about him. 

Dumbledore entered the room. He looked more solemn than Sophie ever remembered him looking. He surveyed the faces that were seated before him, taking a mental roll call. When he was pleased that everyone was present, he spoke.

"My friends, I am glad you all made it here this morning. I will begin by apologizing for interrupting your weekend, but I felt this could not wait. As many of you know we have spent the past six months trying to keep track of Voldemort's movements as well as those of his followers. As our efforts to convince the population of his revival have not been as successful as we had hoped, we have doubled our endeavors."

"Our spies have informed us that there is activity in the Death Eater's camps. We were aware of the fact that they had started to regroup and were actively training. We also became aware of the fact that that were trying to recruit new members. On a positive note it appears they have not had much success either. We did find out that they are initiating their children much earlier than is the tradition. That was confirmed to us by the efforts of Sophie and Severus. It has also been confirmed that their training methods are relentless and violent as it seems some have not survived the preparations. We believe the reason for this aggression is that that they are planning an offensive very, very soon."

"The latest bit of information however is the most disturbing. It seems that they are choosing to target Hogwarts. I do not think I need to stress that we need to be on our highest alert. I also don't think I need to specify exactly who we feel they will target, suffice to say I am enlisting the help of a few allies in this battle. I need everyone to keep an open mind and to remember we are all fighting for the same thing. " Dumbledore walked over to a door at the far end of his office and admitted a few people: Arthur Weasley and his two oldest sons, Charlie and Bill entered first, followed by a shaggy dog and his handler.

It was at the sight of the man holding onto the dog that caused a gasp to escape Sophie's lips, a gasp that caught the attention of every set of ears in the room especially those of the man sitting to her right. Sophie was oblivious to all of it. A recollection of days long past swept over her. Before her stood a faint memory of robin's egg blue. She was staring into the eyes of yesterday…into the eyes of Remus Lupin.


	24. Allies

**Author's notes**:  Here I go, trying to get as much in before the next book as possible.  Yes, after the release of the next book, my fic, like all others, will be shunted into the world of Alternate Universe as I sincerely doubt JK is planning on writing in a Muggle psychologist.

I sincerely hope you all continue reading this as I plan to finish it.  A special thanks to those who have reviewed and who have written to me, personally.  It has been quite an adventure.

As usual thanks to Diane for making this readable.  Any mistakes you see are my own**.**

**Chapter 24 – Allies **

His eyes met hers, and he smiled. He hasn't changed much, has he? she thought. The room was silent, waiting for something to happen as it surely would, but Sophie did her best to keep her composure. She looked at the gentle face of Remus Lupin and smiled back trying desperately to control the turmoil that was going on in her mind…in her heart….everywhere. Sophie could not bring herself to look at Severus; the anticipation of the conversation that was going to follow this meeting was already filling her with dread. Mingled with the joy of seeing Remus again was the apprehension of the difficulties his presence was going to cause in her still fragile relationship with Severus. 

Severus watched the way they looked at each other and felt an ominous pit growing in his stomach. He was afraid to think of what that gasp and those glances meant. He sat stoically, waiting for Dumbledore to resume the discussion. Whatever he was feeling personally was nothing compared to what was happening in the rest of the world. At least this is what he was trying to convince himself. 'Things were going so well,' he thought bitterly, 'which only proves if things appear to be going well then you've obviously overlooked something.' The staff room watched the exchanges. The already tense room was now almost unbearable. They were bewildered to say the least; no one really knew what it all meant, but they all knew it could not be good.

It took a minute before Dumbledore began again. "As I stated previously we, are looking to some outside sources to protect Hogwarts and those who are under our supervision. You are familiar with Arthur Weasley. He and his son, Percy, who is not with us today, are working for us within the Ministry. They have been working tenaciously to try to convince people of the dangers that are approaching. They have managed to convince many of the people in the Ministry, but most of those in positions of power have sided with Cornelius Fudge, the current Head. With the help of Alastor Moody, he has managed to convince the Auror Academy to increase their training in preparation for what lies ahead. Arthur and his elder sons, Charles and William, have spent the last four months in a very intensive and accelerated instruction regimen and will join Remus Lupin in patrolling the school. William will also be in charge of training the faculty in some basic but highly successful defensive skills that the academy has been developing these last few months."

Dumbledore braced himself as he revealed the next bit of information. "For what you are going to see now, I need you to remain composed until I have a chance to speak." Everyone remained in silent consideration. Suddenly the room erupted in bedlam as the shaggy dog transformed into a man. Sophie remained quiet as she studied him. He looked familiar and then, in the commotion that was going on around her, she heard his name, Sirius Black. Searching her memory, it struck her, Sirius Black was Remus's childhood friend, the man accused of turning Harry's parent's over to Voldemort, the man accused of killing Remus's other friend. Sophie struggled to remember his name …Paul …Patrick…no, Peter. It seemed to matter little. She had a vague recollection of his escape from Azkaban a couple of years ago and if she remembered correctly, he was headed here, to Hogwarts ………to kill Harry. She could feel Severus stir in the seat next to her. Oddly enough, he did not seem terribly surprised. 

Dumbledore raised his hand and called for calm. Everyone complied. "I realize this comes as a shock to many of you but things are not always as they appear in the _Daily Prophet_. Sirius Black was wrongly imprisoned. Peter Pettigrew is alive and is the main reason that Voldemort threatens us today. Sirius is Harry's godfather and has been in contact with him since his escape. His sole reason for being here is to protect Harry. Harry trusts him and I trust him. I hope you will as well." 

There seemed to be dissent until Severus got up to speak. "If I may, Albus." Dumbledore nodded and Severus continued, "As many of you are aware there is no love lost between Black and myself. So, as much as it pains me, I will personally assure you that he is innocent and has been working not only to protect Mr. Potter but to supply the information that Headmaster has shared with us today at great personal risk to himself." The room was stunned into silence. The revelation that Sirius Black was innocent was difficult enough to accept, but Severus Snape vouching for him made no sense at all. And, despite knowing the truth of his own innocence, no one was more stunned than Sirius himself. Remus simply smiled.

A shaken Minerva McGonagall spoke, "_You_ trust him, Severus?"

Severus Snape straightened his back and stood at his full height. His voice was clear and solid. "In matters that concern Harry Potter and Hogwarts, yes I do."

The staff was hesitant, but knowing that the rivalry between these two spanned decades and knowing the levels of that rivalry, Severus' s endorsement seemed to be enough. 

Dumbledore gave a sigh and continued the discussion. "Sirius will be here as a personal bodyguard to Harry. He will remain in his Animagus form. You are to refer to him as 'Snuffles.' He will be allowed entry into all of Hogwarts. If we are to succeed we will need your complete cooperation. You will need to make arrangements with the Weasleys as to your training. I will also ask you to keep me abreast of anything that seems unusual, no matter how trivial you think it is. I thank you for your efforts and your continued support." With that, the meeting was over. Dumbledore motioned for Sophie and Severus to approach. The Weasleys began to schedule times with the staff, leaving Sophie and Severus to join Remus, Sirius and the Headmaster. The friction in the air was suffocating.

Black stood looking at Snape. He was unsure what to make of his adversary's support. His natural distrust for the man was making it difficult to believe what had just happened; then he noticed that Severus was holding the hand of the woman next to him. A very attractive woman. Sirius paused. She looked familiar. Very familiar. He watched as this woman released Snape's hand and walked over to Remus. She put her arms around him. 'Holy Shit!' He remembered where he had seen her before. Her picture was in Remus' place. In his bedroom, actually. Sirius' s glance went from the couple in an affectionate embrace to Snape, back to the couple, and then back to Snape. Snape was seething, quietly, but seething nonetheless.

It was Dumbledore who spoke first. "I gather you both know each other."

Sophie released Remus and blushed. She turned to the onlookers and said, "Remus and I are old friends we've known each other for many years and it has been ages since we saw one another." She turned to Lupin, "Did you know I was here?"

"I only found out a few days ago when Albus contacted me about coming back to Hogwarts. I wasn't sure how you would feel about seeing me. I am glad to see you are as happy to see me as I am to see you." He smiled warmly.

"I am thrilled," she exclaimed as she threw her arms around him again. "I thought I would never see you again and then with the rise of Voldemort, I was afraid of what you might do."

"I knew my place was here. I am just glad that I could be useful now." 

Sophie gave him one last squeeze before letting go. She moved over to Severus and took the previously abandoned hand. "I believe you two know each other as well."

Remus saw the pleading looking her eyes and understood what she was trying to tell him. "Yes," he replied, "Severus has actually been good enough to supply me with Wolfsbane potion for a few years now."

"Anything to advance the cause." He remained stoic.

Dumbledore turned to Sophie, "I believe Sirius here is a possible solution to our little problem with Harry."

She gave him a knowing smile. "I was wondering if you had ulterior motives for bringing him here. It seemed an awfully huge risk to take merely for a bodyguard."

The others looked on in confusion. Sophie explained, "I am afraid Harry is in danger of taking matters into his own hands. He has been dealing with current events by himself, suffering in silence, not opening up to me or apparently any of his friends about the things he is feeling. I was hoping we could find an adult he could trust enough to open up to who could help me treat him without him knowing I was treating him."

"That's right," Sirius started, "You're a Muggle head doctor."

Sophie smirked, You have a way with words, don't you?"

He ignored her observation. "What do you mean by, 'Taking matters into his own hands'?"

Sophie was unsure of how much to say. Now did not seem like the right time, but would there ever be a right time when a life was in jeopardy? "I am afraid that when Voldemort shows his hand, Harry will attempt to battle him alone."

Sirius shook his head. "Harry would never do anything so foolish. "

'Denial, what a surprise,' thought Sophie. "I think you should talk to him, but I beg of you to choose your words carefully. He _will_ shut you out if he thinks you will try to stop him. He is intent upon saving his friends even, if it means sacrificing his own life. At least he thinks he will be saving others. He feels responsible for Cedric's death as well as Voldemort re-birth I need you to talk to him and tell me what he says and I will tell you what I would like you to ask him and what to look for."

It seemed straight forward enough to Sirius. "I can do that," he replied.

"Excellent….Well, I think that is quite enough for today. We will need to meet later, of course." She turned to Remus and said, "I am hopeful we could meet later as well." 

He nodded. "We will be settling into Gryffindor for most of today. I will be available this evening."

"I will visit as soon as I can. Goodbye." She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Turning to Sirius and Dumbledore, she nodded. "Good day, Gentlemen." She turned to leave and Severus went to follow, looking preoccupied. 

Sirius stopped him "Wait, Severus……….I wanted to say thank you for sticking up for me. I must say, I was surprised." He gave a smirk, "It must have really hurt to say it."

"You have no idea………But keep in mind, Black, should you do anything to make me regret my overture, I will spend the last days of my life hunting you down and using you for Dementor bait."

"Now that is the Snape I know and love." Sirius was glad to hear the familiar venom.

"Good day." Snape gave a curt nod and walked away.

After they left Sirius turned to Dumbledore and asked, "Are they a couple?" 

"They are in a relationship," he replied.

"How did he get so lucky?"

"I hope he realizes how lucky he is," Remus muttered under his breath. He turned to his companions. "I think it is time for us to get to work." 

  



	25. Memories

**Chapter 25 – Memories**

Sophie and Severus left the meeting together. Sophie was trying to construct the forthcoming conversation in her head. This was not going to be easy, and knowing Severus as she had come to know him, he would want answers, and would accept nothing other than the entire story.

Hesitantly she spoke, "I suppose you want to talk."

"Really? What gave you that idea?" He was angry. Almost as angry as he was during their first meeting. 'And that went so well,' she thought.

"We should go to my quarters; they are closer than your home." He was about to erupt. His ability to control his emotions was always a marvel to her, but never as much as this moment. 

They arrived at Snape's quarters within minutes. They stepped in. Sophie was astounded. She hadn't been to his residence since the night after her first meeting with Draco. Severus always insisted on meeting in her office, now she saw why. The formally barren rooms were full of family heirlooms and personal items. She walked around slowly examining the pieces. The room that used to consist of some sparse furniture and a library now had paintings and tapestries, clocks and antique furniture, items she could not even classify suffice to say that they looked ancient. On a baroque table in the corner of the room was a huge pile of books. Walking over to them she was further stunned to find they consisted of Muggle literature: Shakespeare, Faulkner, Joyce, Melville, Dickens.

"What happened here?" She couldn't believe her eyes.

"Are you trying to avoid the topic at hand?" he said, his voice full of irritation.

Sophie couldn't stop her gaping. "I am trying to convince myself that I still have some sort of hold on reality. This _is_ the same residence you kept last fall, right."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

No, funny was last thing she felt like being. "Where did all this stuff come from? Did you go on a shopping spree?"

He sighed. "These are all relics from my family; some date back centuries, some are more current. They were all in storage until recently when I decided it was time to take them out."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with our discussions into your past, would it?"

"You give yourself far too much credit, dear doctor. I simply decided that leaving it in storage defeats the purpose of keeping it as long as I have."

"Why haven't you shown me before?"

"That is not the issue we are here to discuss."

She sighed and looked down. "No, I suppose you have some questions you would liked answered?"

"How observant of you," he deadpanned.

"Where would you like me to begin?"

He did not answer. 

"I see. From the beginning it is. Shall we have a seat?"

They sat down on opposite ends of a sofa facing each other. Sophie was impressed at the comfort of the piece and commented, "Is this leather?"

"Dragon hide."

"Lovely." He did not respond. 'All right,' Sophie thought, 'here goes nothing.'

"It was about a year after Alice and Frank entered the asylum. I had taken a leave from touring to help with Neville. There were no improvements; in fact, things looked very bleak. There was nothing that could be done to help them. No charm, no potion, no spell could bring them back. I think even Dumbledore was called in……It was becoming apparent that the wizarding world could not help them. I was convinced that there had to be a way to bring them back and that I would find it. I went to my parents and told them I was quitting touring permanently to return to school to continue on the degree in psychology I abandoned. 

"At this point my parents were aware of what Alice was and what had happened to her. My mother insisted that Alice would not want me to give up my calling to help in a matter I had no ability in. Needless to say, we had an enormous row and I stormed out. After a few hour my parents went looking for me……….It was raining very hard that night. A cold, bone drenching, relentless rain. They never saw the truck that hit them. They were instantly killed when the other driver lost control and rammed into their car. I returned home the next morning to find policemen looking for me………I had to identify the bodies." 

She paused for a few minutes before she could continue. Severus conjured some water for her. He thanked him as she took a long sip. 

"When I found out what had happened, I fell apart……..I knew I had killed them. It was my fault they went out at all. My mother hated driving in the rain." Her voice cracked "I never could control my emotions, and rather than have a civilized discussion, I had a tantrum and stormed out. They followed out of concern and were killed while I wandered the streets all night feeling sorry for myself." Tears freely coursed down her face as she made no effort to dry them. "The next few days were a blur. I vaguely remember a funeral and being alone in that big house. Ghosts of my past were everywhere, and the only person in the world I felt I could go to was sitting in a padded room with her arms restrained for her own safety." 

She ran a hand through her hair as she contemplated what she was going to say. Severus sat unmoving, his face betraying nothing as he listened. "I don't think I ever felt more alone in my life. I got the idea that I could vanish from the world and no one would care…….Then, it hit me……I was alone, I could vanish. Who would look for me? It was not just a feeling of being isolated, it was a fact. I had no family and my best friends were gone. Suddenly life was a burden that I wanted desperately to be alleviated from." She stopped again to take another drink. She was now facing the wall, unable to look at Severus in the eyes. 

"I found myself walking around aimlessly. It was easier than rambling around an empty house. Before I knew it I found myself on a bridge overlooking a wide stream. I stood looking over the side, thinking how wonderful it would be to let the water claim me and save me from this dismal life. I don't remember how long I was there; it seemed like hours……..And then I heard a voice say something like, ' It seems a bit cold out for a swim, don't you think?' I looked up and there was a man. I took one look in his eyes and I knew he was there for the same reason I was. We stood staring at each other for some time. I don't think I spoke at all that first night, I just nodded and walked away. The next night I went back and he was there again. I did not go over to him I just watched him from a bench several yards away. This went on for some weeks. I always found him there just looking over the side at he water, waiting for it to speak. Finally, I got the courage up to walk over to him. He actually spoke first."

"_I was wondering when you would finally talk to me."_

_"You knew I was here."_

_"I wait for you every night."_

_"You never say anything to me. Why?"_

_"I reckoned you had something to say and would say it when you were ready."_

_"I came to make sure you would not jump."_

_"I never planned on jumping. I just like to stand here and examining the small bit of control I have over my life."_

_"You have control because you can jump off a bridge?"_

_"I have control because I keep myself from jumping off a bridge."_

"As silly as it sounded I understood what he meant. I understood him completely. I invited him over for tea and we ended up talking until dawn." She turned to Severus. "You see w,, we were in the same place back then. My family was dead, and I blamed myself. My friends were incapacitated. He thought that three of his best friends were dead and that his other friend was responsible. He had no family either and couldn't see Harry. We were both alone in the world and we clung to each other." Severus still did not respond so she continued. 

"He was a drifter, he had no home to speak of. I had an enormous house and numerous resources. It seemed as if we were fated to meet, destined to help each other. When I found out he was a wizard, it seemed to confirm that notion. I had wizard pictures of Alice and Neville and he found them. He was overjoyed until I explained I was a Muggle. I on the other hand was thrilled to find that he was a wizard and quite an accomplished one. He would become invaluable to me in my studies. I had taken on a double workload in order to finish my doctorate as quickly as possible. While I learned all I could from the University he helped me relate it to wizard's terms. He helped me see that what I was learning applied to all persons be they Muggle or wizard or otherwise. I helped him during his transformations. My family had an underground storage facility that was concrete and very secure. Before each full moon I would help him into the restraints, and the next day I would release him and help him recover. We lived that way for three years while I finished my education. He helped me when I started treating Alice and Frank. He became my assistant. We would spend mornings with them and afternoons doing research. Many of the early papers I published had his name in the credits."

Sophie waiting for Severus to respond. He had not said a word in a long time. She would not offer the rest of the tale unless he asked. She held out the tiniest bit of hope they he would not ask for more information. No such luck.

"So you had a close friendship and a working relationship?"

"Yes."

"Were you lovers?"

Sophie had always preached honesty. She always felt that the truth was the only way to live your life because lies only begot lies. For the first time in a long time she wished she wasn't so damn moral.

"Yes, we were."

He did not react. Sophie waiting for something, anything that would tell her what he was thinking at that time. She knew that at this juncture she might as well tell him everything.

"Not right away, of course. It was actually over a year before we became intimate." Still no reaction. "I told you I had lovers before you, Severus. I did not withhold that part of my past."

Sophie's heart dropped as she saw the expression on his face. So much for controlling his emotions.

  



	26. Eruption

**Chapter 26 - Eruption**

"You did not withhold information!?!" 

Sophie wondered how he managed to speak so loudly while his jaw hardly moved. "You withheld the most important piece of information…….You knew of my…relationship to that bunch of criminals. You asked me about it quite early on, so you were more than aware there was a history, and a violent one at that. You knew there was a lifetime of hostility and hatred. You also know that I am not one to forget my past so easily and your trepidation here makes it devastatingly apparent you were aware of how this little bit of news was going to affect me. I find this so very rich coming from one who has the gall to preach honesty and openness, all of which makes you a hypocrite as well as a liar," he roared.

"May I speak?" she said softly.

"Please do. I am fascinated as to how you plan to explain this."

"First of all, yes, I did ask you about your relationship to Harry's father and his friends very early on. You said to me and I quote, 'Dunderheads and sycophants, mindless and cruel. We hardly knew each other but we hated each other nonetheless. I did not feel they earned their popularity and they did not feel I was worthy of the reputation that I had. There is really not much more to tell as on that story.' I admit I had ulterior motives for asking that question, but it had little to do with our relationship and more so with your relationship to Harry. I had only thought about it again after we had gotten together, and at that point the whole thing sounded to me like a normal adolescent rivalry. I did not assume that you would still be holding a grudge after twenty years over childhood nonsense. To be honest I never thought I would see Remus again, so I felt it was really a non-issue. And while we are on the subject of my hypocrisy, why is it that you constantly degrade my profession dredge up my past. Or does that only apply to circumstances that do not affect you," she said angrily.

"The enmity between that mob and myself is not history. I live it every day," he hissed. "And, as Dumbledore sees fit to constantly bring them back here, I am forced to deal with it on recurring basis whether I choose to or not…. And by the way the childhood nonsense you discussed is seven years of being tormented for being different. Seven years of being mocked for being ambitious, of being dubbed the school freak because I had abilities they could not comprehend. They made me the school outcast to everyone not in my house, and even they admired this gang for their Quidditch abilities. _And_ if may continue, let us not forget that they also decided it would be funny to almost kill me by using me as werewolf fodder. You must excuse me for holding a grudge against a group that would find enjoyment at my being mauled and mangled."

"If you hate them so much, if they caused you so much pain, why did you stick up for Black just now?"

"That has nothing to do with this conversation…....unless of course you gave him a go as well."

She had had enough. Walking over to him, she slapped his face with all her might. "How dare you?" She hissed. He had never heard such venom her voice. "What gives you the right to stand there and talk to me like this? Who are you to judge personal history? I have answered your questions. If you refuse to answer mine, then this discussion is over." She made to leave but was stopped by his hand on her arm.

Barely breathing, he asked, "Do you love me?"

As if in pain she answered, "With every fiber of my being……..Would I allow you to badger me if your feelings did not matter to me?"

"Then I ask that you do not renew a relationship with Remus."

"I can't do that."

"So much for my feelings mattering to you." He dropped her arm and walked away.

"Severus, please, you must understand. Remus and I have a history. He is an important part of my life. Without him I would not be the person I am today. Without him I might not _be_ at all. You are asking me to deny a part of myself. I cannot do that."

"You said you thought you'd never see him again," he said to the wall.

"I didn't." She swallowed before going on. "He did not leave on the best of terms. I thought he had walked away forever. Finding him again is like getting a piece of my life back, and I am not sure I can let it go again."

_"He left you." _Severus was stunned_._

Her eyes softened. "It is a very complicated story, Severus."

"Enlighten me." He was rigid.

"I don't think you are prepared to hear the rest of it."

His rage was apparent. "We have already surmised that you are not necessarily the best judge of my reactions. Do not flatter yourself by thinking you can predict my feelings here. Put your professional vanity aside and allow me to be the one who makes that decision as to what I am ready to hear or not to hear."

"I will not talk to you while you are in the middle of a tantrum." She turned to walk out the door. He blocked her way.

"Tell me where you are going," he demanded.

"It is none of your business," her tone was formal.

"You are going to see him, aren't you?"

Sophie took a deep breath. "Let me pass, Severus. You are in no condition to continue this conversation."

He was livid. "Do not profess to know what condition I am in. What was there between you that you can not separate yourself from him?"

Looking into his eyes, all the life gone from hers, she said, "A child, Severus. There was a child."

____________________________________________________________________

They stood face to face for several minutes in silence as Sophie's words echoed about them.

"I did not know you had a child."

She was now pale, having difficulty in speaking, "I didn't….I miscarried." He did not respond. As the emotions filled her she could do nothing but allow them to spill. Whether she felt he could handle the news or not, he was going to hear it.

"When I found out I was pregnant, it was like I was getting another chance at life…… Suddenly all the ugliness in the world vanished and instead there was joy and hope. I felt this is why Remus came into my life, to give me this gift." She was staring through Severus. "We were so happy; preparing the baby's room, picking out cribs. We were sitting in the living room debating names, when I started having pains. We went to bed figuring I had just overexerted myself. I woke up and found I was bleeding. We called an ambulance and we were rushed to the hospital. But there was nothing that could be done. I lost the baby." 

Sophie turned to sit as she was finding herself exceedingly nauseous. Severus did not move from where he was standing. Sophie found comfort in the fact that he was unnerved. Serves him right, she thought. 

She went on. "He thought I was somewhat withdrawn before that. He was always telling me to open up and that I was always in another place. Afterward, I was completely detached. I threw myself into my work and distanced myself from anything personal. I was rarely home, and when I was, I buried myself in research. I denied the fact that Remus was hurting, too. I completely disregarded his feelings while he did all he could to see to my needs. Eventually the emotional wasteland that we were living in got to be too much for him. He told me he felt his presence did nothing more than remind me of the life I almost had, of what I lost. When I could not contradict him, he took it as his cue to leave." 

"He abandoned you."

"I abandoned him long before he left." She finally turned to him. She could not read the expression on his face. 

"And after all that, you still want him in your life."

"You just don't understand. I never wanted him _out_ of my life. But even I came to realize he deserved better than what I was giving him. I came to realize we were meant to be friends and trying to make it more put too much of a strain on our relationship. It was a destination we would have reached in due course, but unfortunately we were not in control of the route taken to get there."

There was another long silence. 

"Severus, say something."

And suddenly he looked broken as he spoke, "What do you want me to say? I understand your feelings on this but I need you to understand mine. I lived a lifetime putting my feelings aside, living in darkness, and I was content. Allowing you into my heart was not a decision I came to easily. Finding your life so deeply entwined with someone who I have spent two decades thinking of as my enemy puts me at conflict with myself. Asking me to accept it is asking me to deny who I am, and I cannot do that any more than you can."

"Severus, even if I promise to never speak to Remus again, it is not going to change history. I cannot go back in time and erase him from my life. If you can not accept it now, you will never be able to."

"Then I guess there is nothing more to say."

"I guess not."

"Goodbye, then."

"Goodbye."

Without turning back, she walked out the door. 

  



	27. Sifting Through The Ashes

  


**Chapter 27 – Sifting Through The Ashes**

Severus watched the next few hours pass, minute by minute. When he lost Cecilia he had the comfort of knowing she was in a better place, that she was free, that she was safe. This was a different kind of hell. He had tasted happiness again only to watch it fly away from him like the down of a dandelion on a summer breeze. Floating away in slow motion just out of reach. His mind's eye was looking at the face of Remus Lupin. He could not stop imagining them together, picturing them making love, hearing her whisper his name. The anger continued to rise within until he found himself choking on his abhorrence. Grabbing his cloak, he rushed out of the dungeon. As gifted as he was with his wand, with his potions, with his Dark Arts abilities the only he weapon he planned to use was his fists. He would relish the satisfaction of ramming them repeatedly into Lupin's light brown haired, blue eyed head.

He flew to Gryffindor as if on a Firebolt and forced his way inside. In the common room he found Lupin laughing and talking to a room full of people. Without noting who else was present, he walked over to him and grabbed him by his robe.

"Torturing me has become quite a pastime for you, hasn't it?" he growled.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"I am savoring the moments before I reduce you to a pile of bleeding rubbish on the floor." His hand was about to wrap itself around the werewolf's throat when Severus heard the unmistakable voice of the headmaster behind him.

"That is quite enough, Professor Snape." He turned to see Dumbledore (minus the usual twinkle) along with Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione.

"I said, that is quite enough." Severus released his grip on Remus' clothes. "I believe Mr. Lupin asked you a question. What exactly were you doing?"

"Lupin and I have some business we need to discuss, privately."

"All due respect, Snape, I do not think we have anything to discuss that can not be shared with everyone," Remus said coolly.

Snape turned to Lupin with daggers in his eyes and then he realized Sophie was not there. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Don't toy with me. You know perfectly well who."

"Sophie?" No response. "I haven't seen her since this morning. She said she would come to see me but she didn't. I assumed you two were probably having quite a battle, so I figured she would see me when you were done harassing her."

Severus went to lunge after Lupin again when a large black dog burst through the doors. Everyone turned stunned as he transformed into Sirius Black. Dropping some bags that were in his mouth he fell to his knees. He was sweating and having trouble catching his breath.

"What is it?" Remus read the expression on his friend's face, and it was not good.

"Your doctor friend………..Sophie………..She has been kidnapped."

____________________________________________________________________

The words floated like a ghost suspended in mid air, haunting all those in the room. "She has been kidnapped." No one moved, no one made a sound. They simply looked at Sirius as he tried to calm himself down. 

Dumbledore took control. "You had better explain yourself, Sirius."

Sirius stood erect, surveying the scene before him. Harry and Ron were standing between Snape and Remus. Remus looked as if he has been knocked about and Severus looked like he did the knocking. A familiar anger was starting to build in him but then he looked over to Dumbledore who was staring at him closely. This always had a calming effect on him. Reorganizing his priorities and making a mental not to have a word with Remus later, he started his narrative.

"I was wandering around the grounds, trying to recall all the hidden passages we used to use as children. I looked up to see Dr. Young running across the courtyard. It looked like she was going from the dungeon to the dark forest, so I followed her. She went to Crimden's old hut, which by the looks of the renovations, is now her place. I could hear her throwing things around and using language normally reserved for heated Quidditch matches." With these words he looked over at the Potions master who appeared to have found something incredible interesting on the far wall. "She emerged about twenty minutes later, and I could tell she was going off grounds so I followed her."

Remus interrupted. "What made you follow her? Surely she is allowed to enter and leave the grounds as she sees fit. She is not under any suspicion, is she?"

"Look, you all know her, but I don't. Remus never talked about her, and I come here to find that she has immersed herself in all your lives. Some more than others. I find all that suspicious so I followed her. Right now, I don't know who to trust and I wasn't about to take any chances."

He waited for retort from Snape, but he remained cautiously silent. Sirius continued, "I followed her to Hogsmeade. Turns out she just decided to go shopping. She went in and out of a dozen stores before she actually came out with a bag. She turned back down the street. It looked as if she was headed back, and then she stopped. She froze. A man was walking towards her. It looked like she did not want to meet him, so she ducked into an ally. I followed and hid behind a trash bin. I guess she didn't realize she walked down a dead end, because almost immediately, she went to turn around and leave. By this point the man has followed her and had her trapped. He said something like ' What a pretty prize you'll be.' She screamed. I went to pounce on the guy but it was too late. There was a flash of a yellow light, and they were both gone. All that was left was her stuff on the floor."

"Did you recognize the man?" Remus's voice was strained, his face pale.

"No, I never saw his face."

"Why the bloody hell did she go shopping?" Ron was incensed.

Ginny spoke up, "She said once to me that it was a happy distraction for her. That she liked to go shopping to take her mind off things."

They all turned to Severus who had not taken his eyes off the far wall. Harry looked at him and saw something he had never seen before - anguish. Pure and absolute anguish. Feeling that he needed to do something, he went over the bags Sirius had dropped on the floor. "I wonder what she bought," he asked innocently. He reached in the bag, but Hermione stopped him.

"Harry, don't. She may have been shopping for something personal."

"No, Miss Granger," Dumbledore spoke with an authority she had never heard from him before. "If we are to figure out where she is, we need as much information as possible, including what brought her to Hogsmeade in the first place." He motioned to Harry to continue and he complied. Out of the bag Harry pulled out a toy locomotive. It was a replica of the Hogsmeade Express. Upon this revelation a moan, guttural and despondent, was heard from the corner of the room. Severus was trying to steady himself as he fell back onto an armchair. "Dear Merlin, it's for me………..she went there for me."

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________________________________________________________________________

He was unaware of the room full of people waiting for his explanation, nor did he care. Snippets of a conversation, which seemed like ages ago came into his head. 

_"When I wanted a toy train, she bought me a potions kit."_

_"Why did you want a toy train?"_

_"I was eight. Isn't it a normal desire for an eight year old?"_

Again, it was just something he said in passing and again, she extracted it. He wouldn't even have remembered saying it if it wasn't for the evidence before him. Guilt overwhelmed him, a soul consuming guilt as he hadn't felt in years. His vacant eyes met those waiting for answers. He didn't have any. All he could do was think about his actions and hers. Whereas his first reaction was to find the source of his misery and obliterate it from this mortal coil, her first reaction was to make peace with a gesture that was poignant and kind. This is when he realized that he did have a heart, because he could feel it breaking.

"It was a gift for me. It was something we talked about a long time ago, something I had forgotten about. I believe it was meant to be a peace offering."

"You really laid into her, didn't you, you selfish bastard." Remus was irate. His usual calm and composure was gone and in its place was a fury that made you wonder if he could turn into a werewolf at will. "It killed you that we had a connection, didn't it? It killed you that she loved me once. What happened, you arrogant son of a bitch? Did you demand she never speak to me again? She told you to stuff it, didn't she? Your egotism and your stupidity got her kidnapped. She would never have been out there if you would just grow up. How long are you going to keep this up? When will you finally get on with your life?"

The words stung because it was exactly what he was thinking as well. Severus remained silent. His pain was evident and his lack of retaliation only caused pity, even from Remus, who regretted lashing out. Years of loneliness softened his heart and the expelling of the poison that was building in his blood calmed him down. He spoke softly, "I'm sorry."

Severus shoulders slumped. "You shouldn't be. You were right ………about all of it."

"I had no right…You couldn't have seen this coming. None of us did. Right now, it is all irrelevant. The question is, how do we find her?"

  



	28. Searching For Answers

  


**Chapter 28 – Searching for Answers**

Weeks passed without a word. Severus spent most days the same way, silent and isolated. After about three hours of sleep he would rise to search for a clue, any type of clue. He would return to teach his classes, eat a quick meal, and return to searching until he was so overcome with exhaustion that he finally laid down for a restless sleep. He began to understand why Sophie did this. Utter fatigue was the only way to fall asleep in the first place and to make it deep enough that he didn't dream. Dreaming was the hard part. Taking his Dreamless Sleep Draught would make him sleep through the night and he couldn't waste that much time asleep. He had to search.

He wondered if it was the guilt of knowing she was in danger because of him that made him so steadfast. Or perhaps it was the fear of who had her and what they would do to her. Deep down he knew the real reason he was frantic; he loved her. The thought of another moment without her sent him to levels of hell he had not known existed and he had visited many levels. Rest would only come when he was holding her again. When she was safe. If it was the last thing he would ever do, he would tell her he loved her and that he would never hurt her again.

He was not the only one who was frenzied. Sophie's disappearance affected many people. Remus and Sirius spent hour upon hour retracing her last steps, exploring Sirius's memory, looking for something that told them where she could be or who took her. Sirius was beset with guilt for not acting sooner, for not preventing her capture. His remorse only grew as he watched his friend deteriorate. Remus never talked about his time with Sophie. Sirius had seen her picture in his home, he had seen Remus stare at it with a smile on his face. It was the same smile he gave when he talked to Harry about his parents, a smile that was remembering another, though not necessarily a simpler, time. Was anything simple, really?

Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione spent most of their time comforting Neville. He was the most visibly shaken by it all. Sophie was his connection to his parents. She would take him to visit them long after his grandmother said he should stop. That he should move on. In his mind she had come to replace the parents he barely remembered. She was the one who never missed a birthday, who always had an encouraging word, who always told him he was so much more than he would allow himself to believe. He missed their Tuesday morning breakfasts in her living room. Even when she started seeing Snape, she never missed one, and she never failed to make it just their own. Sitting in the common room with his dorm mates, he realized she was right. He was hiding from the world; he was ignoring the situations in his life because it was easier than facing them. Sophie faced them; she was brave even though she was in pain. He needed to be as well.

He found himself sitting with friends. People who truly cared how he felt. Before he knew what was happening, he was confiding in them. He told them everything. How he could still remember the vacant look in this father's eyes when he found him sitting on the floor. How he felt when he first called to his mother in the middle of the night and no one came. How he cried himself to sleep for what he lost until he was nine and cried every night since for what he could no longer remember. About his paralyzing fear of using magic, because he had come to think of it as a destructive force. About how he hid the truth for so long because not talking about it meant he could pretend it was not true. He went on and on for seemed like hours; and when he stopped; he found arms around him; telling him it would be all right, that he was not alone. He found 

himself believing it.

______________________________________________________________________________

In a dark room, a boy sat staring at the ceiling, his stomach rolling with fear. His father contacted him and told him the initiation would begin during Easter Break and that he had a special treat in store. Just replaying the conversation in his head was repulsive enough, let alone the thought of what the sadist considered a special treat.

His thoughts wondered to Sophie. As far as he knew no one in his house knew he was in sessions with her for anything other than punishment, so he had no one to share his frustrations with. Not that that would be an option normally, anyway. On one level it was a relief. He hated seeing her. He hated the emotions she evoked in him. He hated needing to have her around. He hated her for making him love her, to love her like the mother he wished he'd had. The last few months had been torture. They were patient while he made a decision, but he knew his time to choose was coming fast. He also knew he had little choice about what that decision would be. 

He realized long ago that he was a coward. He doubted he would survive the initiation, so why fight the inevitable. He had made his decision long ago but avoided telling Sophie, or Snape for that matter. She seemed to care for him, to hold out hope. He hated knowing he would hurt her, disappoint her, but it was the only way really. He thought about writing her a letter and explaining everything, but then he remembered she was gone. At his heart broke a little; he wouldn't even have the chance to say good-bye.

______________________________________________________________________________

It was time for the Easter break. As most of the students dispersed to their homes, the staff, the Weasleys, and a handful of concerned students decided it was time to properly organize themselves if they were to find Sophie. They spent days going over the leads that they followed and the dead ends that they reached. They explored possibilities and theories. Two people were noticeably silent throughout the proceedings. Severus Snape trusted Albus Dumbledore to relay his findings as Remus Lupin relied on Sirius Black to do the same. After about four days of no progress, Severus cracked.

He slammed his fist on the table before standing and leaning forward. "We have been avoiding the most obvious answer to this." The room was soundless waiting for him to continue. He was about to voice the one thing that they were dreading to hear, the one thing they were hoping would not even be considered a possibly. "Voldemort had been taciturn for far too long. We knew he was planning an attack on the school. It seems to be a strong possibility that he chose to take the one person here who could not defend herself against him. What better way to prove that no Muggle or Muggle born is safe? What better way to personally challenge Dumbledore and Hogwarts itself but by taking one that we were responsible to protect?"

"What do you suggest we do, Severus?" Professor McGonagall tried to be gentle. "Do you think we did not consider that a possibility? The fact remains that we have no proof. We can't very well call a Death Eater meeting and demand her back. We would have to instigate the war we have been fighting to prevent. We would be endangering the lives of the population we vowed to safeguard for the sake of one life. I understand Sophie is a special person to many of you, but even you would have to admit that she would rather die than see the cause go down for her sake. It may seem that what we are doing is futile but it is the only way to try to help her while still maintaining some semblance of peace."

"Then what are we fighting for?" The room turned to face Remus Lupin; he was still looking down at the ground. Slowly, he raised his head to face those gazing at him. "I thought the point of our efforts was that no one would be at risk. So that no child would grow up without a mother or father. So that we wouldn't have to worry about losing our friends and loved ones to violence and hatred. I thought we were supposed to fight to protect _everyone_." 

He turned to Minerva. "You are right. Sophie would not want to jeopardize lives and our cause for her life. But that doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean we should leave her in their hands because we are afraid of the outcome. Voldemort declared war on all of us years ago. He started this, and we have to finish it, otherwise what is the point of fighting at all?"

Remus looked over to Severus. "We need to figure out what our next move is. We all know you are the best man to lead in this battle. What should we do?"

He was about to answer when the door burst open. In the doorway stood a battered Draco Malfoy. In his arms, with her head slumped back and her arms spread limply, lay a motionless Sophie Young. 

"Please help her," was all he could say before he fell to ground and into blackness.


	29. The Greatest of These Revised

_Addendum 7/13 - I got some words of criticism about the flow of the conversation in this chapter.  I re-read it and had to agree.  It needed work.  I was so caught up in making sure certain things were said, I lost sight of how it was said. I changed some of the conversation and added background.  I know the stiffness is still there, but I need them to say certain things to each other.  I hope this is better._

My fic is now officially AU. I am only changing one thing. In OoP, we learn Neville's mother's name is Alice. I called her Anna. At some point I will go through this story and change it, but for now please bear with me.

I thank everyone who sent words of encouragement and praise. I am really touched by your reviews.

**Warning:** The account in this chapter deals with a late term miscarriage. For those unfamiliar with it, it is quite an agonizing process. I dedicate this to my brother, whose personal experience I share with you through this fiction. Those who might have difficulty with this should be advised. 

Special thanks to Diana for helping me work out the major story problems with this chapter.

Thanks, 

Lydia

The Treacle Tart

**Chapter 29 – The Greatest of These…**

Poppy Pomfrey looked around her crowded infirmary and sighed.  'Don't they understand that thatthta t  I need to keep this area sterile,' she thought irritably as she attempted to clear them out - again.

"There's nothing you could do here. They need time, and your sitting around watching them will not make the process any faster."  They ignored her - again.  Under normal circumstances she would have happily pulled them out by their ears, but her heart went out to the two men who kept vigil.  Hour after hour, they stared down at the comatose woman before them, not daring to look at one another.

Madame Pomfrey walked around to her other patient.  He was conscious but mute.  He stared at the ceiling seeming completely unaware of the world around him.  He refused to talk; he refused to do anything but blink at the ceiling.  The mediwitch stroked his hand as she spoke tenderly. "Draco, dear, how would like to order something special from the kitchens?  Those house elves are just itching to make you a treat for bringing the good doctor home.  Anything you want child, just mention it."  He didn't move.  He did not acknowledge her presence - again.  This had been her routine for the past six days. She shook her head and wondered when she lost control.

"Fine, then."  She gave one last look around at the occupants of the room and walked back to her desk.  She had medicines to prepare and she knew the slightest change in the condition of either of her patients and one of those two, if not both, would contact her.

Severus Snape could not take his eyes off the empty shell that was once Sophie.  How could this be all that was left of one who was so full of life?  If he did not feel guilty enough before, this was enough to push him beyond redemption.  She was severely wounded.  He remembered Poppy's face as she told him Sophie had injuries over most of her body, over all of her body.  She wouldn't go into the severity or the nature of certain injuries and he couldn't bring himself to ask.  Outwardly her bruises were healed, but they could only speculate as to what was going on inside.  Mercifully, she seemed to be sleeping through the suffering that visibly showed on her otherwise peaceful face.  

A voice that seemed miles away was talking to him, calling him, "Why?"

"Why what?" was his response to the man who had been his shadow since they entered the infirmary.  It was the first words they had spoken to each other since Draco brought Sophie back from wherever they were.

"Why doesn't she wake up?"

It was odd hearing something in the room other than the soft sound of Sophie's breathing. Comforting somehow. And, for reasons even he couldn't understand, he felt compelled to answer. "Whatever happened to her was savage. Because she is a Muggle, Madame Pomfrey's help is limited."

Remus looked grateful for an answer, though not for the words that answer contained. "What does the fact that she is a Muggle have to do with anything?"

As if addressing to his class, he spoke slowly and plainly.  "Wizarding cures work because the mediwitch stimulates the magic within us.  Within each of our cells, magic is present.  She activates that magic with incantations, charms or potions and the healing takes place from the inside. It is our own magic that re-grows our bones and replenishes our blood particular to our own specific structure.  Personal magic, and personal cures.  Sophie doesn't possess that.  Poppy can heal the wounds _per se, but she cannot remove the trauma that Sophie experienced.  All we can do is wait for a sign that she knows we are here…..and that she may wake up."_

Though containing that edge of superiority he always possessed when he spoke, there was also a solemnity in Snape's voice the Remus was not used to hearing. "So she may never wake up?" he asked.

"Some Muggles remain in comas for years."  At this, Remus Lupin's shoulders fell, but he made no move to leave from his spot.  He continued to stare down at the ashen face that was his past.

The two continued their silent guard on the woman they both loved.  This is the notion that permeated Snape's thoughts for the next few hours.  'The woman they both loved.' As much as he wanted to think of something else, anything else, he could not. He finally spoke:  "Are you still in love with her?"

Lupin's head jerked up.  Severus was not one for subtlety was he. Remus was left unsure of what to answer the question, he wasn't sure was even asked.   But this conversation was going to happen one way or the other and it was time to clear the air. "I never stopped loving her," he said frankly.

"An odd statement coming from the one who ended the relationship."  

There was a bit of hope in his voice, and Remus was left wondering what he was really trying to say. "Did she tell you why I left?" he asked.

Snape hesitated.  It went against his nature to speak at length about anything personal.  It went against all he held real to be speaking to Remus Lupin, at all. But then again his reality was altered the minute he met this odd creature sleeping a dreamless sleep in front of him. Did it matter now? What else was left for him to hide from? "She told me of the miscarriage and her actions afterward."

Lupin raised an eyebrow and said with a bit of incredibility," She…she told you about the miscarriage?"

"Yes."

Lupin sat in quiet contemplation for a few minutes before speaking again.  He looked around the room earnestly,  as if some piece of furniture or a portrait on the wall could explain to him what he had just heard. His mind suddenly was fluctuating rapidly between his past and his present…and it made no sense.

"She told you about the miscarriage." He repeated.  "What…Did she tell you a lot… about us?"

He hesitated again. Unnatural, was all he could bring himself to think. Sophie's sleep, this conversation, his life – all of it unnatural. "Only after your appearance," He finally answered.  Until you came to Hogwarts she never mentioned a thing."  The bitterness was evident.

"Really?  What..What else did she tell you?"

His head snapped up, and for the first time in days, he was looking Remus Lupin in the face. "What concern is it of yours?"

Remus sighed, now this was the Severus Snape he knew. "Severus," he began. "I have been watching you here as much as I have been watching Sophie.  There is no doubt that you love her and knowing you as I do, I know the depths of a love that would have you tolerate my presence here for so long.  I am not here to hurt either of you, but I think you and I need to talk about this." His words were almost pleading. "I promise I did not come here to win her back," he added as an afterthought.

Severus merely closed his eyes. He felt foolish and hated that Remus Lupin was the one speaking sensibly. "I apologize," he said stiffly. "It has been a long time since I've…cared for someone in this capacity.  These emotions have been inactive for so long they appear foreign to me now."

Now that Remus understood. "You're only human, " he said. After a long pause. he finally added, "Though I would have a hard time making the student body believe so." 

 Severus looked at Remus suspiciously. "Are you…teasing me?"

He smiled.  "You and I could be friends, you know.  It is not out of the realm of possibility."

"Friends? Perhaps you are suffering from some long-term damage from your Lycanthropy.  I believe you are delusional."

"Am I?  It would seem to me that we have a lot in common," Remus began. "We are two misunderstood people with a very select group of friends, a very select group that we allow in to our personal space.  We have a capacity for acute emotions but keep them in check.   We both have a past that influences our present and our future.  We both deal with demons on a daily basis, though mine are physical while yours are more psychological.  We both want to see the destruction of Voldemort, though our reasons are different.  And most of all, we both love Sophie and are loved by her.  That last one ought to be enough."

Severus sat in silence for a moment before responding.  Too much introspection was never a good thing, he thought.  Once you start thinking, you start looking for an outlet to share those thoughts.  And, subsequently,  you might one day find yourself sitting in a room with a man you've hated most your life, speaking your mind  "It took all I had to allow Sophie into my life.  To be completely honest, I am not sure I have much left in me.  Seeing Draco drag her unconscious body…hearing the extent of her injuries…wondering what happened to her these last weeks, has eaten away at the fiber of my being.  It has all left me empty and…beyond anything I thought I still had the capacity to feel." 

Remus watched Snape.  In their school days, Snape was famous for his aloof demeanor and controlled disposition, for his immunity the pains most young people struggled with. Remus marveled again at the intensity of the devotion he must have for Sophie to make him so open now.  She always did have ability though, didn't she?  To make people …more than they ever were.  "We both want the same thing, Severus.  We want her better and telling us how wrong we are about everything and over analyzing everyone…but herself." He gave a small smile.  "There must be more to it; her being taken away from us, and being brought back.  The fact that I have been sitting here for days without any scathing or scorning remarks from you, tells me that we can get beyond our past and help each other…and help her."

And now, the thought that settled itself in his mind the second he realized Sophie and the werewolf were more than passing acquaintances, resurfaced.  "Why _did you come back?"  He had to know for sure._

It would always come down to his wouldn't it, Severus? "I was needed," he answered simply. "It's been a long time since I felt I could actually help someone…And I won't lie to you, I also wanted to see her again.  Though not because of the reasons you might think.  I really just wanted to make sure she was all right.  I knew her work with the Longbottoms wasn't working out.  I knew how that affected her and I knew how she would react to it. Badly, of course. I guess I needed to see that she was able to move on.  In case you were wondering, Dumbledore told me of your relationship before I came.  How he knows so much is a mystery, but I am grateful because it allowed me time to think over what my priorities were and where she would fit in my life now.  I knew then, as I know now, that only Sophie can decide where her heart belongs and it never really belonged to me."

Severus believed him if for no other reason than he needed to believe something.  So if Remus Lupin was not the enemy, what was he, because he certainly wasn't a friend. 'What he was, was compassionate,' Severus acknowledged silently.  Remus asked a question not long ago, and though not a friend, he deserved an answer.  And Severus would answer it, because as much as he hated to admit it, he was compassionate as well. "Sophie told me of how you met, on the bridge.  She told me that you lived together and were lovers, that you helped her with her studies and her work with the Longbottoms.  She told me she became pregnant and lost the child and that shortly thereafter,  you left.  She took responsibly for the parting saying that she…was unable to deal with the circumstances of her life."

"So you already knew about Alice and Neville?"

"We talked extensively about our pasts." He confessed.

Remus Lupin was astonished. "Forgive my asking, Severus, but you have to understand in the matter of a few short months, Sophie has shared more with you than she did with me in years.   It was the thing that drove the wedge between us.  She seemed to have an inability to trust.  The fact that she disclosed so much to you is a testament to her feelings for you.  I hope you see that."

As if he did not hear the last part of his statement, Severus asked, "Why did you leave, really?"

Remus  thought for a moment and damned himself for asking so many questions.  It only made sense that Severus would have his own. He moved to the window and sat on the sill; without looking at Severus, he began, "Do you know how a Muggle miscarries?"  He did not wait for a response.  "Wizards don't need to open up the human body to examine it.  We don't need to  expose the heart in order to repair it.  When a witch loses a child it is a matter of charms and incantations to remover the fetus and begin reviving the body.  For a Muggle it is a much more painful…more visceral experience."  

He paused as a shudder ran through his body.  Though in his heart everyday, he had not thought about the specifics in years.  "She was in her seventh month of pregnancy.  She woke me, telling me something was wrong.  She was… sitting in a pool of blood.  I don't think I was ever so frightened in my life. We took her to the nearest Muggle hospital.  All they could do was tell us that Sophie's body was rejecting baby and that he was going to lose it.  The problem was that it was late in the pregnancy.  Her body had already started a sort of pre- labor and the only way to expel the baby was to deliver it."  

'Honesty was not all it was cracked up to be,' he thought sorrowfully.  He closed his eyes completely shutting out the world as he spoke. "Hours of blood, Severus.  Hours of tears and agony to deliver a child who would never breathe… whose eyes you would never see…whose voice you would never hear  call your name.  Hours of asking the gods why did they punish you this way.  Hours of thinking of all the memories you would never have…of the life you would never have."  He opened his eyes, but still would not turn to Severus.  

"The baby was a girl.  I held her in my hands for an eternity and wept; for myself more than for her, I suppose.  I desperately wanted to tell her of the plans we had made for her.  I wanted to tell her that the mere anticipation of her existence gave me some of the happiest times of my life, and even if I would never have them to experience, I had the hope of her and that would always be a part of me."  With a heavy sigh, he turned to face Severus. "I died that day, I think.

 "I did all I could to comfort Sophie.  I knew her anguish was equal to mine, if not more.   But I felt guilty.  You see, werewolves can't breed.  Miscarriages usually happen right away.  Since we were so far along, we thought everything was going to be fine.  Obviously, we were wrong.  I felt responsible for the loss and I think she did as well.  I tried to work through it, to save our relationship; but Sophie dealt with it by retreating into herself, snapping the thread that was holding us together.  In the end, I knew I was just a reminder of the pain…of the loss.  So I left.  I needed her to help me heal, she needed time and space.  She could not help me, so in the end I knew that only way to help both of us was to leave."

His mouth was dry and he looked for something to drink.  Without a word, Severus conjured some water for them both.  Without a word, they drank.  After some time Severus whispered, "I'm sorry."

Remus smiled. "Thank you," he said sadly.

"I can see how an experience like that could bond two people together," he admitted.  "I asked her to not see you, and she refused.  I assumed she wanted to rekindle your relationship…that she was choosing you over me.  She told me that wasn't the case, and I didn't believe her."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, old man." Lupin said softly. You had no way of knowing."

"I could have handled things better.  I was blinded by my feelings for her and my hate for you.  I didn't understand the depths of your relationship, nor did I try to."

"She is a special part of my life Severus. I always felt knowing her is a privilege; but loving her was my honor."

Severus simply nodded in agreement.  "I admire your resolve…I don't know if I would have had the fortitude to leave and move on.  I can't get myself to leave her bedside now."

Remus took a deep breath and nodded.  They were so much more alike than either would admit.  "You call it fortitude.  Some called it cowardice.  Some might call even it selfishness. Part of was looking for something I didn't have. I had this sense of I wanted….what I needed, and it wasn't what I had." He paused to sit back next to Severus.

"Do you ever read Muggle literature, Severus.  I used to read everything I could get my hands on when I was living among them. I was immersed in Muggle writings, especially religion.  I found it fascinating, the way they explained the world through faith and idealisms, without ever attributing anything to  magic.  After the loss of Emily..."  He paused and took a deep breath, and looking at Severus, he said, "Sorry…I named her Emily.  I thought…I thought she deserved to have a name."

Severus only nodded.

He took a deep breath before he continued.  "After the loss of Emily, I needed comfort so I picked up a copy of the Christian Bible and came across this."  He handed Severus a tattered scrap of paper with some handwritten lines.  He read, _"…If I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love I am nothing.  If I give away all I have and if deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing….Love bears all things, endures all things, believes all things….Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I been fully understood.  So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."_

"You see, Severus, I came to realize that though I felt this way she would never feel the same about me.  Maybe she was just not ready to return these feeling then.  Maybe she needed something I could not give her.  The point is I felt that we needed to be able to find this, if not within each other,  then with someone else. As foolishly idealistic as that might sound, I felt we both deserved as much.  Trying to make something out of what wasn't there was not helping either of us.  She would not break it, so I had to.  I guess you could say I loved her enough to let her go.  In doing so she found you so I reckon she found what it was that she needed and maybe I did do the right the thing."

Severus suddenly realized he was feeling something for this man that he felt for few others…respect.  "Friendship is a highly over rated concept I think," he began, "Perhaps simple civility might serve us better."

"Perhaps," he said with a smile.

Someone looking at them might have seen a faint reminder of two young boys in those smiles, the traces of another place, of a long history, of innocence.  Perhaps it was the hope of innocence regained that that caused him to speak; perhaps the glimmer of a life of love and friendship, of faith and hope, of the promise of peace, that finally reached him in a place where nothing else could.

Whatever it was, he spoke in a coarse voice full of sorrow, "I think it's my turn to tell a story."

Severus Snape and Remus Lupin turned to the tear-stained face of Draco Malfoy.


	30. The Death of the Death Eater

Greetings all.

Special thanks to all those who reviewed and critiqued and reviewed again. 

A heart felt thanks to Diana for her help, as always.

Do not adjust your computers - I start off this chapter with the end of my last.  I felt that little bit of introduction was needed.   

I now return you to your regularly scheduled fic…

_______________________________________________________

Someone looking at them might have seen a faint reminder of two young boys in those smiles, the traces of another place, of a long history, of innocence.  Perhaps it was the hope of innocence regained that that caused him to speak; perhaps the glimmer of a life of love and friendship, of faith and hope, of the promise of peace, that finally reached him in a place where nothing else could.

Whatever it was, he spoke in a coarse voice full of sorrow, "I think it's my turn to tell a story."

Severus Snape and Remus Lupin turned to the tear-stained face of Draco Malfoy.

**Chapter 30 – The Death Of The Death Eater**

_"Welcome home, Draco."_

_Draco could tell by the tone of his voice that he was very pleased with himself.  That usually was not a good sign._

"_You had better be prepared for the tasks ahead, boy.  Failure is not acceptable.  Anything less than utter obedience, allegiance, and aptitude will be met with a fate that will have you begging for the Dementor's kiss."_

_"Yes, sir."  Draco looked his father in the eye, to avoid his gaze would have shown weakness.  Weakness would be met with brutality.  It was a savage game that they had been playing for years._

_"I have been allowed to coordinate your initiation ritual and I think you will be pleased with my selection."  He laughed.  It sounded more cruel than usual, and this left Draco with an all too familiar heaviness in the pit of his stomach.  He did not know what to expect, but the mere implications of the possibilities left him unnerved._

_"I know you have chosen well, Father," he responded plainly._

_"Get out of my sight.  I will summon you in the morning for the beginning of the ritual."  He dismissed Draco with a wave of is hand._

_"As you command, sir." Without another word he left his father's study.  He passed the  parlor on his way to his room to see his mother sitting with a half empty bottle of scotch in front of her, mindlessly fixing her hair. "How could one so beautiful be so ugly?" he thought with a contempt he had never felt before.  He stared for a moment at this sight.  Though it was not an unfamiliar one it left him with a sense of worthlessness and despondency that replaced the indifference he usually felt.  _

_What was a mother supposed to be? She was supposed to protect you and care for you . She was supposed to love you unconditionally despite your faults.  She was supposed to be devoted to you enough to throw down her own life.  Wasn't she?  This woman before him was a stranger.  They had no connection since the physical one that was severed at birth.  He tried to remember one, just one, moment in their history were she comforted him, cherished him, loved him.  He could not.  With one last look and  a small, nearly inaudible sigh, he continued the desolate journey to his room._

_Looking around, he did  not know what to do with himself.  Speculating about what was in store for him tomorrow would not help the night pass, so he sat on his bed and waited for tomorrow, because tomorrow he would die.  Tomorrow would be the last time he disappointed his father.  The last time he would have to would suffer at the hands of the madman who controlled his father's life.  The last time he would feel worthless, scared, and alone.  Tomorrow would be an end to the daily torment and the emptiness.  Somewhere through  fear and the tears he actually found a sense of relief.  _

_He would be free.  _

_He felt a peculiar sense of regret came when he thought of Sophie.  She gave him the one thing his parents never could with all their wealth and resources; she gave him hope. She cared enough for him to give him the only peace he had  ever known in his life._

_He also thought about Potter, Weasley, and Granger.  It was with surprise and sorrow he realized they would never know the truth.  But how could they?.  Would they ever believe that he has cruel to them because he was jealous of the bond they shared.  A bond he knew he would never share with anyone without a price.  _

_Friends.  _

_The concept was an alien one to him.  He liked to believe he was better than they were, that he was stronger because he did not need the connections that others needed to survive on a daily basis.  He laughed at the irony of it all.  Ron Weasley would know riches that Draco Malfoy would never possess._

_He stared at the silver vial in his hands.  Professor Snape had been supplying him with Dreamless Sleep Draught for months now.  It was the only thing that kept him sane.  This was the last dose he had left, but it didn't matter since he would not need it after tonight.  He put it on the table next to his bed and stared at it.  For some reason he did not want to take it.  He wanted to dream tonight.  He wanted to face the nightmares one last time to prove that he could.  It would be the last preparation he would have before the real nightmare began._

_After many hours, he finally fell asleep.  He dreamt of torture.  He dreamt of madness.  He dreamt of bloodshed.  He was awakened up by an ungodly sound which left him shaking.  It was only after some minutes that he realized they were his own screams.  This was most definitely not a good sign._

_He got up slowly and prepared for the day.  He showered, dressed in his finest robes, and then took hold of his wand. A gasp escaped his lips as he stared at his own reflection in his antiques mirror.  It pained him how much he resembled his father.  Picking up the mask that was left for him during the night and placing it over his face made the transformation complete.  _

_At least they would not see the tears in his eyes and the anguish on his face.  They would not have the satisfaction of seeing the torment as he died, and for this, he was grateful.  It was a poor solace, but a solace nonetheless.  He steeled himself as best he could and began his descent to the underground dungeon where his initiation would take place. _

_How many times did he make this decent before – a hundred, a thousand?  Each time was the same.  A long-established shudder ran over his body as he entered the room.  Trips to it stood for nothing other than punishments and Dark Arts training.  Over the past few months the floor had become stained with the blood of failure.  He stopped to remember the sight of those dying around him as others looked on without mercy or consideration.  Who was left to give mercy now?_

_A heated glow caught his attention in the corner of the room.  A fierce fire burned in the hearth scarring it with blackened soot.  On the floor, before the flames, an inauspicious skull stared at him.  In the fire, burning red hot lay the brand that they would sear into his arm if he competed the task before him.  It surprised him how little he felt right now, as if he were already dead._

_"Welcome, urchin," the voice hissed.  Draco looked into the dead red eyes of Lord Voldemort and was instantly taken aback by his appearance.  He looked frail and weak, as if he would disintegrate completely in a strong wind.  What could that possibly mean?  Draco didn't have long to think about it as another voice beckoned him. Five other masked figures stood waiting in a circle.  He recognized his father right away. Lucius Malfoy wore his uniform with pride and stood taller than the rest. Draco's father had a place of honor n the circle._

_It was his father who began the ritual._

_Reaching into a sack, he pulled out an agitated snake.  Raising it over his head, he broadcast the invocation:_

_ "Invinscium, dolarium, morticus."  The others joined in the chant. "Invinscium, dolarium, morticus.  Invinscium, dolarium, morticus."  Lucius then twisted the snake's head and wrenched it from its still withering body.  As black-red blood began to drip onto his hand, he bent down in the center of the circle and drew the Dark Mark on the cold cement floor, all the while the chant continued:_

_ "Invinscium, dolarium, morticus.  Invinscium, dolarium, morticus."  _

_When all was completed he resumed his spot in the circle and turned to Draco. He motioned for him to stand within the circle and face him._

_"You have been chosen to enter the house of the pure. You have been chosen the wear the mark of the Dark Lord.  To be worthy you must profess your loyalty to the Dark Master.  Are you prepared to take your place among the untainted?_

_"Yes," replied a voice devoid of emotion.  The flames in the hearth burned hotter._

_"Are you prepared to take your place among the purifiers?"_

_"Yes."  The flames in the hearth flared wildly._

_"Are you prepared to do the bidding of the one and only Master?  The true Master?_

_"Yes." The flames in the hearth shot out into the room._

_"The flames have accepted you.  It is time for your rite of passage."  At this Draco was directed to the far side of the room where a figure under a shroud was lying motionless under a marble slab. _

_Lucius Malfoy was now whispering to his son.  "I think you will be pleased with my selection for the ritual."  He removed the covering to reveal the weakened, battered body of Sophie Young. Wearing only her under garments, she was shackled to the block.  Her face and body covered with bruises.  "Sorry she is not untouched, but she put up quite a struggle."  There was ecstasy in his tone that caused a fury to build inside Draco.  _

_Lucius continued, "It had come to our attention that you and the doctor here had been spending time together.  I knew you must have had ulterior motives for spending time with her.  You are a Malfoy after all."  He paused to glare at his son before he continued.  "Though I really couldn't blame you.  She is quite…succulent, is she not?"  There was malicious laughter in the room. Draco did not move._

_"The time has come for you to prove your skills and your loyalty Draco."  There was no mistaking. This was a challenge._

_Draco was not sure how he was still standing.  The sight of Sophie and the signs of what they did to her sent shock waves through this body.  The proposition of what they expected him to do to her made his knees shake.  He was prepared to die.  He was prepared for the torture.  He was not prepared to take her with him.  If he did not act fast she would die, and he couldn't allow that.  _

_'For Merlin's sake she held me.  My own mother never held me.' The thoughts came unbidden._

_He began talking not really knowing where it was headed.  "May I unshackle her?  I prefer it if they fight."_

_Lucius broke into nefarious laughter. If Draco had not known better he thought he heard pride. "You may handle her as you wish, as long as you display your ability with the Unforgivable Curses.  And take your time; you will want to savor this."  His tone implied that this was a reward of some kind.  Draco grew more enraged with every word spoken._

_He walked over to Sophie and looked into her eyes.  She was conscious, but barely so.  "Well, it seems you are I are going to get a little closer after all."  He tried to mimic his father's drawl.  Her eyes shot open with fear and confusion.  He allowed a flash of sympathy to wash over his own.  It was only a momentary lapse, but Sophie saw it.  She hoped he knew what he was doing.  _

_His mind was racing. 'How the hell do I get out of this one?' As discreetly as he could he scanned the room looking for inspiration.  And then, it hit. Not ten feet away he spotted the loosened wooden planks.  His escape.  When he was young, and had not the shelter of Hogwarts, he used this house elf tunnel to escape his father's fury.  It came in handy  on the nights when alcohol and anger brought out Lucius's inner conflicts.  _

_Draco knew it had never been discovered, but he did not know what state it was in.  It was wide enough for both himself and Sophie to go through and hidden enough so it would be a while before the others discovered it.  But he needed to get to it, and ten feet may have well as been ten miles in his current situation.  He would have to do something drastic, and he was running out of time.  _

_He decided to play the part.  "My dear doctor, you are looking lovely today."  He slowly began to remove the restraints. "You like to tease little boys, don't you?"  He lazily ran his wand from her neck, down her torso stopping at the line of her panties.  He winced as he noticed a sinister bruise there.  He continued, "You are about to find out what happens when you tease.  You have been a bad girl…and you will be punished."  He leaned in over her and reached down to bite her neck.  He clamped down harder than he intended and her body seized from the pain.  She went to lift her hand and he grabbed her wrist and looking into her eyes.  "I would suggest you reserve your energy.  I have plans for you."  He locked eyes with her, hoping. Pleadingly his eyes said, 'Trust me.'  Slowly, she lowered hands.  At this point she was completely free from the restraints.  It was time for him to make his move before they got suspicious. _

_He positioned himself so that he could grab Sophie and drag her to his exit, but he needed a diversion.  "I think we should begin with a demonstration of one of the Unforgivables," he bellowed to his audience.  He turned to Sophie, "Be prepared to do my bidding."  _

_He was telling her something and he knew it.  Do what he says.  He did have a plan.  God help them both. _

_With complete concentration and all the power he could gather within himself he raised his wand and screamed, "IMPERIO!"_

_Before they realized what he was doing he had his wand pointed to the Death Eater to the right of his father.  "Attack!" he ordered and the hapless Death Eater drew his wand and began to throw hexes disorienting his comrades.  One broke out into screams as his legs began to melt.  Another fell to ground trying to tear his own skin from his body. Finally, the others tackled and restrained the wizard before he could attack Voldemort himself._

_In a seething rage, Lucius screamed, "Draco!" He looked up and pointed his wand, prepared to kill the treacherous conspirator. But when he looked for him, Draco was gone.  And so was Sophie._


	31. A Long Way Home

**Special thanks to everyone who took the time to review here, and to me personally.**

**Much love to Diane for her help.**

**Chapter 31 – A Long Way Home **

"I managed to get into the tunnel.  She could move a little, but for the most part I just dragged her with me." Draco's ashen skin seemed to pale further as he spoke, as the memories that plagued his consciousness for days, were released.  There was a slight tremor in his voice, and that detached expression, that was common on his face, was not full of his usual aloofness, but of something new.  Something he was not used to feeling and wholly unsure how to express. 

"She was like dead weight," he continued. "It took longer than I had hoped to get through, as the passageway was overgrown with roots and partially collapsed.  The only thing that saved us was that they didn't follow.  I can only guess they searched the house first and then the grounds, not realizing where we went.  I was always careful that my father never knew I used that passageway, so I doubt he knew it even existed at all."  Draco flinched at the thought of Lucius discovering how they had managed to escape and felt a tinge of pity to the individuals around him when he did.  Lucius's temper was legendary, as was his sadistic streak. 

Draco pushed those thoughts aside and continued.  "After about a couple of hours we came to the end of passage and onto the open grounds.  It led to a stream that runs through the westernmost corner of our property.  I knew if I followed that stream, it would lead me through the countryside towards a Muggle village.  I got us some supplies, wrapped her in my robes and brought her here. It took over three days, but…"

He paused to look at Sophie, the first time he truly allowed himself to since they got back.  She looked so normal.  Sleeping. "She was never conscious," he said mostly to himself.  "I thought she was dead."

"If you thought she was dead, why risk bringing her here?" Remus Lupin was looking at this boy with a mixture of trepidation and respect. 

"I guess…I hoped…she wasn't," he answered, surprised by his own words.  "Either way, I wanted to bring her home.  If she had any chance at survival, it would be here."

They stood silent for a moment and stared at each other.   Instinctually, Draco waited for the tirade, the words of hatred towards the Death Eaters in general and his father in particular. He looked for anger in the werewolf's expression, but found none.

"That was a brave thing you did," Remus finally stated.

Draco continued to look at Lupin with hesitation and uncertainty.  "I didn't think I was being brave," he said softly.  "I didn't really think of anything.  I just wanted to keep her safe…to get her out.  I never really thought about…me." He furrowed his brow. "You know, that's the funniest thing about all this. I never really thought about how it would affect me.  I don't think I ever did that before."  He wondered for a moment if that was what it felt like to love someone, to truly care for someone.  It was like nothing he ever felt towards anyone else before, so he had no example to go by, just these feelings that made his heart heavy.  It made him feel vulnerable and exposed, and he wasn't sure if he liked it.

"This makes you a hero, you know."  Lupin's words stirred him from his thoughts.

"Really…I thought it made me a target."  His voice became small and the weariness of words shone through. 

"We can protect you."

Draco smirked and shook his head.  "There will most probably a price on my head; knowing my father, a pretty generous one. I doubt that I could ever leave Hogwarts again, if I am even safe here."

"I will keep you safe."  Severus Snape's voice quietly entered the conversation.

Draco's eyes met his.  "You can't."

Severus wasn't sure what struck him more, the hopelessness in his grey eyes or in his voice.  "You were once told that you would be supported when you chose which path you decided to follow.  You have made your choice, and I will abide by that promise.  You need not worry about your safety, about your housemates, about your life."

"It wasn't your promise," Draco reminded him.

"It should have been." His voice was firm, his eyes, apologetic.

A single tear fell down Draco's face, leaving a glistening line on his pallid cheek.  He whispered, "I don't deserve it."

"You acted with honor…and valor… and bravery that few could have shown facing what you did," Severus countered.  "You used your mind and your abilities to their utmost potential, despite casting an Unforgivable, which I think will be overlooked in this case." He gave a small smile. "You showed the resourcefulness and cunning that epitomizes what Slytherin House once stood for.  Add to that, a selflessness worthy of the respect of all the other houses.  You do deserve it and more."  

"Thank you," Draco said before the exhaustion finally took hold and the fight to hold back a stream of tears was lost.  Severus Snape looked down at a boy who was more unlike his father than he would ever know, doubting Lucius had the capability to even comprehend the emotions his son was expressing right now.  He sat besides Draco, and as if Sophie herself was commanding him to do so, he held the boy.  It was a position had could grow quite fond of he decided, even if he felt clumsy while doing it.

They fell into silence again.  Draco turned to Sophie's sleeping form.  He stared at her for a long while before he addressed his companions.   "You know, I couldn't stop thinking that it was all too easy."

"What do you mean?"  Lupin looked at him curiously.

"Well…when I distracted the Death Eaters, I expected Voldemort to attack me himself, but he didn't. I mean, I found it odd that he was not performing the ritual himself in the first place.  I had always understood that he was the one who did it all and then branded the mark on your arm."  He looked at Professor Snape, who was nodding.

"I did find that an odd point in your recitation."

"I didn't have too much time to dwell on it before everything fell apart, but I have to admit to being surprised we would got out of there alive.  As days passed, and I thought about it more and more, I couldn't help but think there must be something we don't know about."

"Do you think Sophie saw anything?"  Lupin asked.

"If there was anything to be seen I am sure she saw it.  She has an uncanny knack for picking up the minutiae of any conversation and holding on to it," Severus added, the side of his mouth raised in a grin.

Lupin slowly nodded in agreement.  "She will have a lot to deal with when she wakes up."

Severus raised his eyebrow and said, "You are painfully optimistic for a werewolf, you know that?"

Remus raised his eyebrow in reply. "Someone has to be, Sunshine."

"I might have to rethink this foray into civility we were discussing.  I cannot guarantee your safety should you ever use that epithet again in public."

Remus smiled, and to his utter surprise, so did Severus.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Albus Dumbledore walked into the infirmary to find Draco Malfoy asleep in his bed.  After hearing Remus's description of his rescue of Dr. Young, Dumbledore could not help but smile at the child. 'No, not a child anymore,' he thought forlornly, 'a man.  A man with a difficult road ahead of him.'   Yes, all his children had to grow up sometime, but he had wished to keep them children for just a little longer.

With a sigh Dumbledore turned to the figures watching over Sophie.  

Remus Lupin was sleeping soundly in the chair closest to his comatose friend.  In him, Dumbledore saw yet another child who was forced to grow up much sooner than should be expected of anyone so young.  It showed in his graying hair and the soft lines of his face, but mostly in a maturity he first noticed when Remus entered the Great Hall decades ago.  Whether his affliction aged him prematurely or he was able to handle his burden because of his maturity, Dumbledore would never be sure.   

He finally turned to Severus Snape, the only occupant of the room to be awake.  Dumbledore smiled.  Alas, some never got a chance to be a child at all. Severus finally acknowledged his entry into the room.  "It is too dark to tell for certain, but I would swear your eyes are twinkling," he drawled.

Dumbledore gave a small laugh.  "Do you ever sleep, Severus?"

"Infrequently.  I find it to be highly overrated." 

"Poppy is worried about you,"  Dumbledore replied softly.

"About me?" Severus laughed. "Of all the people in this room, I should be the least of her worries."

Dumbledore shook his head.  "Even after all these years, after all that has happened, you still can not accept the fact that there are people who care about you?"

Severus sighed, "Caring about people is also highly overrated."

"I thought you were growing past all that."

"I was…I did…and because of it, I find myself here.  The world was an easier place to dwell in when I was prepared to leave it.  Wanting to live is painful enough without sitting here, watching helplessly as my life dies before me."

He paused as Dumbledore placed a hand on his shoulder. His mouth was suddenly very dry, but he continued to speak. "It wasn't too long ago I would have found the irony poetic.  How odd it is that I, who was prepared to die now fight to live, and she, who thrived in life…"  He could not finish the thought aloud.

"You need to have faith, child."

He snorted, "Child?  Tell me, do you and Lupin get together to think of the most inappropriate pet names for me."

"Speaking of Remus," Dumbledore added, his voice full of a childlike curiosity. "Am I to assume that this presence here after all this time is an indication of a truce?"

After a shrug of his shoulders, Severus replied, "I guess you could say that."

"Would it be inappropriate to say that I am proud of you?"

Severus looked up as if he were ready to retort and stopped himself, he had neither the energy nor the desire.  "Thank you," he finally managed to say.

"You should get some sleep, Severus.  She will need you at full strength when she wakes up."

"Are you so certain she will?" Severus asked.

"Aren't you?"

"I don't know."  There was a tremor in his voice which reminded him of Draco, and suddenly he understood how lost the boy must have felt.  "This past year has shown me how little I know about anything. I thought I knew, Albus.  I thought I understood." Images passed before him: the first time he saw her face coming out of the shadows of the staff room,  a leisurely bath in a hot spring, a mischievous face covered in snow, laughing, crying, singing, yelling, ecstasy, agony, regret, loss, hope.  The world no longer made sense.

"All I do know is that I cannot leave this room. I am all too aware that she may only open her eyes for one brief second, and if she does, she will see me.  She will know that I was here and did not leave her side, that I am sorry for causing her any pain.  I will tell her that I will avenge the things that were done to her till my last breath. I know that I need her to know that I  loved her. Those are to be the last thoughts in her head before she leaves me forever.  And they will be…I will be…or die here, beside her, for the waiting."

Dumbledore looked at his young friend, his hand still placed on his shoulder.  He gave a gentle squeeze, but said no more before leaving the room.


	32. Flying For The Very First Time

**Thanks to my faithful reviewers and those who email me personally.**

**Love and kisses to Diana. Thanks for your help in spite of all you are going through.**

**Chapter 32 – Flying For The Very First Time**

Some days had passed, that was all Severus Snape was really sure of. Two, three, a week, more. He was in a dark room. Was it a room? Where was he? Was he home? His tired eyes could make out a faint light ahead, far in the distance. Without knowing why, he started to walk towards it. Tried to. He kept walking, walking, walking. But no matter how long he walked or how far, it got no closer. So he began running. Running for his life. No, that was not it. He was running to something. To someone. To her. He was running to her. _He was running to his life._

Now he was falling. No, floating through the air. No, he was flying. On his broom. On their broom. The one he got because of her. The one he got for her. He was searching for her. Trying to. He could not control the broom. It would not let him. It flew itself. Over her house. Over the Forest spring. Over the mountainside. 

And then he stopped, frozen in the stillness, frozen in the darkness. He was not flying anymore, just hovering. Waiting. 

The light was moving. The light was coming closer. It was moving towards him. She was coming home.

"Severus." A gentle voice drifted through the darkness. It was warm and sad. Was it her? Was she calling him? Was she coming home? Was he?

"Severus." It was not her voice. It was someone else's. Who was it?

"Severus." 

With the little strength he possessed, he opened his eyes, temporarily blinded by a stream of light that poured through an open window. He was still in the infirmary, still in the wooden contraption someone generously called a chair. Sophie was still unconscious. There was no hovering broomstick. It was just a dream.

Remus Lupin looked at him with concern. "I'm sorry I woke you, but you were moaning in your sleep. I was afraid you were having a nightmare. You…you were crying."

Severus was disoriented by his own weariness, the intensity of the blasted light and his own lack of reaction to Lupin. Why wasn't he irritated and aggravated? Why was he comforted by the presence of the ruffled werewolf? In a rush it all became clear: where he was, why he was there, the past few days. In a rush it all became clear: Sophie, suffering, pain, fear. Internally, he admonished himself for being so weak as to fall asleep. She could have awakened and he missed it. 'Wait,' he thought in mounting alarm.

"Crying? I was crying?"

Remus's face softened. "You seemed to be in a lot of pain."

Severus merely shook his head. "Odd."

"Odd?"

"Yes," he said, somewhat bewildered. "It was possibly the most pleasant dream I've had in over twenty years."

Remus cocked his head slightly. "What did you dream of?"

Severus quirked his eyebrow at the inquisitive werewolf. "Are we going to start painting each other's finger nails and fixing each other's hair now, as well?"

"Wow," Remus replied in astonishment. "You _are_ really bad at this friend thing, aren't you?" A smile spread across his face. "It was just a simple question."

Of all the smarmy…"I wasn't aware that being on friendly terms permitted you access to my private thoughts." Severus was invigorated by the return of his more acerbic nature. This was more like it. This felt right.

Remus was not willing to let him slip back behind his veneer so quickly. "No, I reckon it doesn't. It's just that, usually, a dream that makes you so happy that you cry is something that one usually wants to share with someone else…if only to make the feeling last a little longer."

Severus sighed and dropped his shoulders as he released the tension that threatened to snap his back. It was getting to be too difficult to keep fighting, getting to be too difficult to push. "When did you get to be so wise?"

"I was always wise," Remus replied with mock indignation. "This is just the first time we've spoken long enough for you to see that. This has to be some sort of record for civil conversation between the two of us, come to think of it."

Severus couldn't help but agree. He paused to try to determined when he got to be so chatty, and when, in the name of Hades, did he decide to _share_ so much. This could not possibly be good, but something told him Remus was right. Severus did want to talk about it, he did want to share it, to make the feeling last just a little bit longer. "Very well," he acquiesced. "I was dreaming of Sophie. She was…she was coming to me."

"Wow," Remus uttered, his face slackened in surprise.

"You have quite a way with words; it's a wonder we had not had a conversation sooner," he snorted.

"I'm sorry, Severus." Remus's face softened again. "I know you love her. I know you love her a lot. I guess I never realized how deeply she…she affected you." 

"Yes, I have a hard time coming to terms with it myself," Severus mumbled as he rubbed the back of his stiff neck.

The werewolf shook his head. "Is it so hard to be in love?" he asked. 

"It's damn impossible," was the muffled reply.

It was difficult to see Severus suffering so. Remus had always thought of Snape as the cause of suffering, not the one afflicted. But here in front of him sat a man drowning in emotions he could not control, and to lose control was not something he did willingly. Ever. In knowing the man for a few decades, Remus had learned at least that much. "Things look dark now," he began, "but it won't be like this forever. She _will_ wake up. On some level you must believe that too, if you are dreaming about it."

The Potion's master just pursed his lips. "My dream was just the manifestation of my hopes. It proves nothing other than that it seems the only way to get a restful night's sleep is to go a week without any respite." He paused. "And, that there is a fine line between the most pleasant of dreams and the most horrific of nightmares." 

Remus sighed and gave a small smile. "Sorry for the attempt at optimism, old man."

"I am not old," Severus huffed. "I am certainly no older than you." This werewolf was taking too many liberties. "And do you think it is possible for you to come up with a moniker for me that does not cause me to want to impale you on a broom?"

With this, Remus laughed out loud. "Fine, fine. Why don't you tell me more about your dream?"

'Wonderful, let's start with something easy. More sharing,' Severus thought irritably. He released another dramatic sigh. "There wasn't much to tell. I couldn't see where I was, but everything I saw reminded me of her. I was hovering on a broom-"

"You were on a broom?" The werewolf could barely contain his amusement.

"Yes…..What the hell is so funny about that?"

"That _was_ you and her on a broom at Christmas, wasn't it?" Remus said through barely restrained giggles.

"What are you talking about?" Severus asked nonplussed, and shifting uneasily.

"I heard a story….a rumor….about you and Sophie flying on a broom. I recalled you hated the damn things from the first time you mounted one. I convinced myself that it had to be some misunderstanding, that you would never willingly fly one, but it was you wasn't it."

"So what if it was?" Severus hated himself for sounding like an affronted first year.

Remus did all he could to keep from sharing his amusement with one who could hex him unrecognizable and without leaving the slightest trace of evidence. "You are lost, my friend. Lost," he managed, his face turning red from his attempts to stifle his laughter. 

"Do want to hear the rest of this or not," Severus said testily, "Because frankly I was more entertained counting the tiles on the ceiling."

Remus cleared his throat. "Two thousand, one hundred and thirty six. Now, please continue."

With the second raised eyebrow of the day, he continued. "I kept going towards her, but she was always out of reach…always just out of reach. I was walking at first. Then running. Then, quite suddenly, flying. I found myself on a broom that seemed to be flying itself. She…something was coming towards me when I woke up."

"So, she never spoke to you?"

"No."

"Interesting...and you were on a broom the whole time." Remus paused to ponder the significance of that. "When _was_ the last time you flew?"

Begrudgingly, Severus answered, "December. Late December."

"I see." Remus was now choking with laughter.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, breathe will you. We are already low on beds in this place." He motioned to Draco who was sound asleep.

With a deep breath and a chuckle, and wiping a tear from his eye, Remus spoke. "Was it as horrible as you remember?"

With a small shrug Severus simply said, "No." 

Remus could barely hear the answer but he could see the change in Snape's demeanor as he said it. "No?" he asked.

He was staring over Remus' s shoulder. Somewhere Severus thought he heard a sweet, gentle laugh, and he was sure he could smell the faintest trace of vanilla. "It was…exhilaration. It was deliverance. It was joy." His eyes dropped to the floor. "As if I was doing it for the first time." 

And then, Remus understood. He understood why a man who hated flying bought a brand new broom, and he understood what flying that broom meant to him. Remus understood why such a man having had such a flight, would be dreaming about it now. And, he understood the depths of a joy that would leave that man, one who had spent a lifetime fighting his feelings, crying in his sleep over the idea that the woman he loved would return to him. But mostly he understood it was time to stop talking. At least for a little while.

Remus's long silence caused Severus to look up questioningly. "So you are capable of not talking for three consecutive minutes. Will wonders never cease?"

"Sorry," Remus said softly. "I was lost in thought."

"Well… yes…. that is understandable, being in uncharted territory and all."

Remus looked up sharply and would swear that he saw the smallest upturn of Severus's lips indicating a smile. "Are you teasing me?" he asked.

"No. I am mocking you." Snape answered. "A subtle difference, but one I am sure you will come to know well in time."

Remus gave a crooked smile. "Two can play at that - " 

"Severus." A fragile, shaken voice interrupted. A fragile, shaken voice was calling. "Severus."

They both looked down to the see a pair of soft brown eyes peering through an ashen face.

The world began to swirl in a mass of light and sound and Severus dropped to his knees and knelt in front of her; his quivering hands grabbing her flaccid one and his eyes, disbelieving, searching. "Sophie?" he asked,  afraid to believe what he was seeing. "Sophie?" he asked again. "Can you hear me? You… you are safe. It's all right. I promise." 

He looked up slightly panicked and completely unsure of what to say or do next and was stopped by the sight of Remus whose face showed the same combination of trepidation, fear, and surprise that he was feeling. And for reasons he could not fathom, he added, "Remus is here, too."

She licked her dry lips. "Am I in heaven?" she asked, her voice slightly stronger.

"No," he said with a small laugh. "You are at Hogwarts."

"I thought I was in heaven…" She slowly shifted her eyes back and forth between Severus and Remus. "I thought I was in heaven because hell must have frozen over to have you two talking to each other like this."

His heart leapt. She was back. She was home.

**Author's note – This is not the end, I promise. There is more…so much more.**


	33. Miles to go

Special thanks to my wonderful reviewers – your words keep me going.

Much love to Diana for her help in bring in Sophie back.

**Chapter 33 – Miles to go…**

He was unable to speak.  Words raced through his mind: passages from some long forgotten narrative, epic poems about heroes and kings, lyrics to love songs the children would listen to in the quiet recesses of their room.  But no matter what tale was being told in his mind, Severus's mouth wouldn't allow him to utter a thing.  

There was so much he needed to say, so much he wanted to ask her.  The what and hows seemed to stick in his throat; the whys and whos burned him.  At the moment, all he could do was stare into her soft brown eyes as they locked with his ebony ones.  With a heavy heart, he gazed at pools of velvet chocolate, mourning the loss of the shine that once dwelt there; that reflected his soul when he found the courage to look inside. He could not help but notice the weariness that was excruciatingly evident in the ashen skin, and the suffering of these weeks that were etched in the tiny lines that marked her face.  

And through the graying haze in which she awakened, she noticed the same things about him.

Their last words to each other were forgotten, thrown into the abyss. Disappearing into the ether.  Discarded, because they no longer meant anything to anyone.  Nothing else existed at that moment - not the world, not the past, not the pain, not the fear.  They both knew it was a brief serenity that would all too soon be destroyed by the inevitable questions that needed to be asked and the explanations that no one wanted to hear but would demand.  

Despite the specter of the future that taunted them, they cherished this brief moment of quiet, this one small respite.

Remus watched them with an absolute joy marred by a slight jealousy.  He couldn't help it; as happy as he was for both of them it only served to further remind him of what he walked away from.  The companionship, the closeness, the ability to speak without ever saying a word, the ability to live in each other's eyes.  Though he didn't have this with Sophie, he left behind the possibility that he could have that one day.  He let go and in doing so he lost it all, the closest he had ever been to unconditional love.  Leaving was an action he never regretted, but grieved over everyday since.

Suddenly, he felt like he was intruding.  They did not need him lurking about, prying on a most intimate reunion.  No, what they needed now was privacy.  He knew what was going to come, and if he could hold if off, even for a short time, he would do it - for her and perhaps for Severus as well.  Trying to be as quiet as possible, so as not to break the trance between his friends, Remus Lupin headed for the door.

"Don't go."  To his surprise the words came from Severus Snape.

Remus turned to face him, "No, you need your time alone; I'll go and tell everyone Sophie's finally awake."

"No Remus, please stay."  It was now a plea from Sophie.  "They will know soon enough.  I want some time with you both alone before it all starts."  Her voice was frail and hoarse, little tremors weakened the once unbendable timbre.  She seemed so fragile laying there, small and nervous in starched white sheets. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

She swallowed hard and licked her dry lips before answering. "Broken…like I was picked up and dropped…hard," she stated... "Where's Draco?"

"He's fine.  He's asleep in the next bed."  Severus pointed to the boy who was curled up in a fetal position in the bed next to hers.  A portion of blond hair arced from his forehead, the tip grazing his pale cheek. "My hero," she whispered as she watched him sleep.  "Did he tell you?" she asked.  "Did he tell you what he did?"

"In excruciating detail." Severus's voice disclosed his indignation. The temper, kept at bay by fear and sorrow, surfaced.  Her pale form stiffened slightly at his words and the tone in which they were delivered.  Fidgeting like a child waiting for reprimand, she waited silently for his reaction, frightened of his words. The site left him heartbroken. "Sophie," he began.

She merely shook her head, "No…not now," was all she said.

He did not push.  If she was nothing else, Sophie was a talker.  When she was ready, she would tell them.  It seemed, however, that there were other things she wanted to talk about. "My better judgment tells me not to ask," she began, "but I have to.  Was I hallucinating a few minutes ago or where you two talking…civilly to one another?"

"Do you know what she is babbling on about?"  Remus asked Severus.

"I'm still wondering when she had this so called better judgment and why wasn't I told about it."

Sophie looked from one to the other is stunned silence.   Severus couldn't help but laugh as he took her hand.  He leaned in and kissed her forehead.  Breathlessly, he spoke, "Oh, how I missed you. Don't ever leave me again."

Sophie closed her eyes and concentrated the spot on her forehead made warm by his lips.  Her eyes remained closed as she replayed Severus's laughter in her head, a rare gift to be cherished.  She finally opened them to face the stark reality of the white infirmary room. As a doctor she strived to help people heal so they could walk away from such places; as a patient, she doubted she would ever be ready to leave it.  "Can you help me sit up?" she asked.

Severus took her arm as Remus walked around the other side and helped prop her up comfortably.   At the sound of the movement, Draco stirred.  His eyes fluttered open and began to focus.  A blurred shadow became a person. He found himself staring at Sophie Young, her eyes open and her lips curled in a soft smile.  He furrowed his brow as he tried to determine whether or not he was dreaming and whether or not he wanted to wake up.

"Dr. Young," his voice strained.

Her smile widened.  "I think you have earned the right to call me Sophie, Draco."

"Are you okay?" he asked timidly. 

She gave a small shrug, "All things considered, I think so.  Are you?

He shrugged back. "All things considered."

'What to consider? Too much, far too much,' she thought grimly.  In the blink of an eye a child became a man, a hero was born, a family was lost and all she could think to say when faced with all of that through his grey eyes was, "Thank you."

He looked away, not wanting to have this conversation. "Don't-"

"No," she interrupted, "you need to hear this.  You….I thought it was the end for me.  I don't think I have ever been so scared in all my life.  When I saw you, it broke my heart.  I didn't know what you would do or if you would do anything at all.  When you started…I thought I was lost.  But then…you…you were wonderful, Draco.  I owe you my life."

He just shook his head.  This was wrong.  All wrong.  "You don't owe me anything…I owe you, I think."

"You owe me?" she asked incredulously.

"That's what I felt when I saw you there," he said without looking at her. "That I owed it to you to help you."

'So much goes on in that mind of yours, Draco.'  All in the blink of an eye. Everything changes all in the blink of an eye. "I think you and I have a lot to talk about."

He just shrugged his shoulders again.  

She agreed with his assessment, "I know…not now…I don't feel like talking too much right now myself.  But soon."

"Okay."  She only just heard his reply.

The weight of the world was beginning to come down on Sophie and she swayed, becoming dizzy from the heaviness in the air. 

"Can I get you anything?" asked Remus, concerned by her weakening state.

"Water…I think… And maybe something to eat.  Bring some for Draco too; he looks like he hasn't been eating well."

Draco looked up surprised. "Yeah…that…that would be all right," he replied.  "Thank you."  

Remus smiled out of the corner of his mouth as he watched the young man.  Draco sat completely confused by Sophie's regard for his well being.  It was obvious he was not used to someone being concerned about him.  Until that moment, Remus had thought Draco would have a hard time adjusting to being alone in the world.  It was not something that was easy to do; he knew it all too well.  But looking at him now, Remus wondered if the challenge would actually be allowing people to care for him.  Sometimes that was harder.  Unconsciously, he turned to Sophie as that thought came to him.  Without saying anything else, he left for the kitchens.

Poppy Pomfrey saw him leave and went to check on her patient.  She wondered if Severus had finally turned him out.  'Shame,' she thought. 'But, that truce could only last so long.'  She gasped as she entered and saw Sophie sitting up.  

"Why didn't you come get me?!?"  She was irate. "Get out now. I need to examine her.  I have been far too lenient as it is."  

As she shuffled him out the door, Severus huffed, "A wonder why we didn't get you straight away."

"Enough from you.  Out!"

"I'll be right outside," he called out to Sophie.

Madame Pomfrey turned to her patient, her countenance immediately softened. "Welcome back," she said warmly

Sophie smiled at Madame Pomfrey in reply and watched as the medi-witch drew the curtains around her.  "Sorry Draco," she said to her other patient. "I think the  good Doctor will want some privacy."  Draco just laid back as he gave Sophie one last look.  

Madam Pomfrey cast a Silencing Charm around Sophie's bed and as gently as she could she asked, "How are you feeling, Sophie?" 

"I've been better," she answered as Madame Pomfrey's waved her hands over Sophie's body, scanning her condition.

"You've been through a lot," the nurse said softly.  She braved a smile as she tucked some of Sophie's hair behind her ear.  "You seemed to have healed quite nicely, dear.  I have been in contact with a Muggle physician about you and we have a few ideas how to treat you.  I'm sure Severus will be more than happy to work with the doctors to create some…"  She stopped talking when she noticed Sophie was really listening. "Sophie. Sophie, dear."  Nothing. "Sophie, I know nothing I say can change what's happened, but I can promise that you will be fine from now on. It isn't much, but you can take some consolation in the fact that you will not have any permanent scars…..permanent physical scars."

Sophie nodded and opened her mouth to say something, but stopped.   The medi-witch saw the confusion and uneasiness in Sophie's eyes and answered the questions she knew was being asked.

"I haven't gone into details about your injuries to anyone other than the Muggle doctor," she began.  "I didn't know if you would return to us, so I didn't think it was necessary to discuss them until you came back and could make that decision for yourself."

Sophie nodded and again opened her mouth as if to speak, but stopped.

"It's all right, child," Madam Pomfrey whispered. "It will be all right."

Sophie looked at her and nodded silently again as she reclined, sinking into the cool pillows.  Curling on her side, her eyes focused on the vivid white walls of the infirmary, and on those walls a thousand pictures flashed.  Days and weeks of despair and darkness imprinted onto pure white walls.  Faces of strangers, eyes full of hatred staring at her from bright white walls.  Poppy came to her side and held her as the wave washed over her and the tears fell down onto the bed. She rocked Sophie still whispering words of reassurance and safety into ears which couldn't hear anything. 

"It's just so much," Sophie finally said. "It's just so much."


	34. Not in Vain

**Moving right along.**

**A special thank you to those who took the time to review. Much love to Diana for her help in making this fic what it is.**

**Please bear in mind this fic was started prior the release of Order of the ****Phoenix****, so some elements are out of canon. Sirius is alive, Arabella Figg is not a squib, etc.**

**WARNING: Descriptions of violence and non con. Not graphic, but detailed enough.**

**Thanks for your continued interest.**

**Chapter 34 – Not in Vain**

"Are any of you familiar with Muggle poetry?" 

It seemed an odd way to start this conversation with the group situated in front of her. She looked around at the apprehensive faces. They did not know what to expect, so they were all a little afraid to talk. Sophie understood. Her first request was already a little disarming for them all. 

She remembered her last conversation with Severus very clearly.

_"Are you sure you wouldn't want to discuss this a little more privately?" Severus didn't want this to turn into a spectacle._

_"No, Severus. Many people are going to need to hear this and I only plan on telling this story once. After I speak, I hope to never discuss it again. Some parts we will need to go over and I am prepared for that, the bulk of it will be presented, and then discarded into the past where it belongs."_

She was still in the infirmary, still in her hospital gown. It had barely been a day since she regained consciousness, but she wanted to do this and do it quickly. There was so much to tell, so much to prepare.

Few in that room wanted to be there. Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall all thought this should have been done in private. Arthur, Bill and Charlie Weasley all felt they would be a little more comfortable if they heard it from someone other than Sophie. They did not know her as well as the others, and they couldn't help but feel it was an intrusion. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron and Ginny Weasley felt that they did not belong at all, although they were just as curious as everyone else. Draco Malfoy was pretty sure he knew what she was going to say, but he was not sure he could listen to it without falling to pieces. He found himself doing that a lot lately.  Neville Longbottom, who also had some first hand knowledge of the work of angry Death Eaters, was thinking the same things. No, only Sirius Black, Poppy Pomfrey and Arabella Figg felt that they should be there. Sirius, because he felt responsible for failing her; Poppy, because she felt Sophie needed her support; and Arabella because she needed to know what Sophie saw.

Though it seemed like a good idea at the time, looking at a room full of people while divulging her inner most secrets and anguish was going to prove to be a daunting task.  Even for one who usually had so much to say.  It was too late to turn back now.

She continued to speak, her voice cracking and uncharacteristically soft. "I know starting this conversation talking about Muggle poetry seems incredibly absurd, especially when you think about what we are here to discuss. But, you see I read a lot as I have some trouble sleeping sometimes and...when I get nervous or…lines of poetry run in my head," she finished with an awkward smile. "The past few weeks were no exception. Maybe I was trying to make it less real, I don't know …I guess …I guess I should just start at the beginning." She let out one last sigh of frustration and began.

"I went shopping. I was looking for something in particular for a friend. It was important to me, so I left right away and I really didn't tell anyone where I was going. I went to a few stores before I found what I was looking for. As I was heading back I looked up the street and saw a face I was hoping to never see again. It was Aaron McNulty." Severus tightened at the reference and shut his eyes. Sophie noticed his reaction but continued anyway. She had a long way to go.  

"He was a Death Eater that had convinced the Ministry that he was under the Imperious Curse and was not a follower of Voldemort. I was in charge of questioning him, trying to get information on Death Eater activity and his involvement. He was less than forth coming to say the least. I insisted he was lying and was almost successful in getting him sent to Azkaban.  Lucius Malfoy, however, had more influence than I and got him acquitted. When I saw McNulty on the street, I knew he would recognize me, so I ran.  Probably not the best course of action, but even I am prone to my impulses and baser instincts." She sounded apologetic and had to pause for a moment to rememerb her place.  

"I ran down an alley only to find a dead end. I turned to get out and he was right behind me. I'm guessing that I fainted because the next thing I remember is being in a dark room on the floor. I don't know how long I was out. My clothes were torn, I had none of my things, and I had a splitting headache. There was very little lighting the room so I had no idea of what time it was or even the day. I saw a chair, a cot and a lavatory in the room, nothing else. After what seemed like hours the door opened and McNulty walked in..."

_He walked over to her and knelt down to her face. He held his hand to her face and stroked her chin. "I knew we would meet again," he said, coldly. "I can't tell you how much I am going to enjoy this." He ran his hands down her front and traced his finger over her breast. She automatically slapped his hand away. With a cruel sneer on his hateful face, he raised his large hands and struck her across her face. He leaned down so they were nose to nose. "I am a patient man. I have waited a long time for this and I plan to enjoy it. I will, however, have to wait my turn. But trust me you bitch ,you'll never forget it."_

_He got up and left her to the darkness again_.

"More time passed before someone else entered. It was a girl; she had to be in her twenties. She didn't look at me; she just brought in some food and water, never saying a word. I could tell she was scared out of her mind."

_"Who are you?" She didn't answer, so Sophie lowered her voice and said more softly, "You aren't one of them are you? You are like me. Am I right?"_

_"She went to leave and Sophie grabbed her arm. "Please…." The girl looked at her and just shook her head, "I'm sorry," was all that she said._

"It went on like this for days; she would come in once or twice and give me some food or water. Each day I talked to her a little more trying to build on her sympathies. I would slowly get information from her. She was a squib, not a Muggle. Her name was Ellie. She was a daughter of one of the Death Eaters. Her father offered her to Voldemort as a servant because she was useless otherwise. I thought it was cruel, but then I realized it was the only way to save her life. At least that is how she saw it. She wouldn't tell me about where I was or who was there or about anything other than the few tidbits I could get from her. I could tell she was terrified. It was after a week or so that I realized she was scared _for_ me. 

"Shortly after that, the interrogations started." With a tight swallow and a quick scan of the room , she continued.  "When the door opened, I expected to see Ellie, but a man I didn't recognize came in and told me to get up. I did not accommodate as quickly as he liked, so he kicked me and told me to move. I got up as best as I could at which point he grabbed my arm and dragged me down a long corridor. I was instructed to sit in a chair in the middle of a room where about four men stood. I recognized McNulty and Malfoy, but not the other two. Lucius seemed to be in charge and started to ask me questions."

_"Dr. Young. I can't tell you how pleased I am to see you after so long. It has been years hasn't it." His voice was smooth and sultry, his movements languid and graceful. "You were quite a thorn in our side, Doctor. I lost more than a few friends to Azkaban because of your meddling. You can only imagine my delight when the Dark Lord informed me that you were mine to play with. I have some wonderful plans for you." Sophie didn't say a word; her mind was spinning. Fear. Anger. Escape. Death, Severus. Remus. Draco. Ellie. _

_Lucius sensed her fear as it swelled thick in the air, and he inhaled deeply, savoring it. He licked his lips and looked at her. "Let's begin with a few questions._

"He seemed to know why I was around and that I was at Hogwarts. I am sure a few children of the Death Eaters mentioned it. He asked who I was treating and what the Weasleys were doing here; he asked why Remus was back. He did not mention Snuffles at all, so I can only assume he has no idea about him. He tried to get information about our plans, about Dumbledore, but he seemed most interested in Harry. He wanted to know what he was doing, where he went, what he was studying. I got the idea that Harry was an essential whatever his plans were."

Sophie gave one last quick look to Severus whose eyes remained shut.  "At first they would just hit me or slap me around. As the days passed it got more …..Well, it was just more." She looked at the faces around, hoping they understood. She did not want to go into the details of the beatings or the "more," which entailed being brutalized by Lucius repeatedly in front the others. She could still feel his hands on her body; she could still smell his cologne and his sweat. His laughter ringing in her ears with his words of seduction and anger; his mocking as he forced himself on her. She could still taste him, the blood in her mouth; sometimes hers, sometimes his. Stone grey eyes, without the slightest hint of remorse or compassion,  would be forever burned in her mind. Her only comfort was that Lucius didn't plan on sharing her with the others. Not even McNulty who was chomping at the bit for a chance. 

She reminded herself she was safe, she was home.  These people would not blame her , they would not judge her. And though she found herself believing her own assurances of security, she still needed to keep some details to herself. She hoped they understood. 

Her friends looked at her with sympathy. Remus spoke first, "We get the idea, Sophie, we can….imagine." He turned reluctantly to Severus who was doing just that…imagining. His face was contorted in a way which sent chills down Remus's spine. At that moment he realized how happy he was that this man was no longer his enemy.

"Thank you," Sophie sighed. At this point Poppy brought her some water and gave her a reassuring smile as she whispered, "You're doing fine, dear." Sophie nodded in gratitude. She sipped her water and took some long, drawn breaths.

"This would go on for a while," she continued.  "I am not sure how long as at this point, as I lost all track of time. Ellie would come to me in the evenings, help dress my wounds, and make sure I was okay. She had tears in her eyes every time she came in and I couldn't help but wonder if the tears were for the torment I had undergone…or… for what was to come."

Her voice now steadier, she pushed on. "I can't tell you how I survived it all. Sometimes I just wanted to give up, but these silly lines of poetry kept running through my head. Growing louder in my mind every time they started in on me. I don't know why but they gave me courage."

_"If I can stop one heart from breaking,_

_I shall not live in vain:_

_If I can ease one life aching,_

_Or cool one pain, _

_Or help one fainting robin_

_Unto his nest again,_

_I shall not live in vain."_

" I finally remembered it was a poem that I had in my office when I first started treating people. And for some reason, it would not leave my mind. I knew I was going to get out of this. I knew I was going to survive, I just had to endure….Then, things got worse."

_"As much as I am enjoying you, my sweet, I am growing a little tired of this game. I see you are a good soldier and for that, I am grateful. It gave me an excuse to have some fun." He stroked his fingers down her abdomen and drew a small circle around a bruise on her hip. _

_"But it seems I received some information that quite disturbs me so we will need to step things up a bit." Through her haze she tried to focus on his words. She was disoriented, tired, and very weak and she had a bad feeling about what he was going to say. _

_"It appears that Draco and you are acquainted. Well acquainted.  I am wondering, Doctor, if you care to enlighten me about this or if perhaps we should bring him down here and you can watch as we extract the information from him." His tone was clear to Sophie. If she did not think fast, Draco would be in danger. She had had a glimpse of what these people were capable of and the thought of having harm come to Draco was worse to her than everything she had already endured. Finally able to reply, she tried to sound as revolted as possible "Your son is just like you, you bastard. He is not as proficient, however. You need to teach him some manners." _

_She hoped he got the message and it appeared he did. Then he started to laugh. _

_"I see. I guess I should commend him for his tastes." He studied her for a moment and then gave a malicious smile. "I think I just thought of a use for you, my dear." He leaned over her and whispered in her ear, "Though I will miss the opportunity of watching you get your throat slit, I think the alternative can be just as…entertaining." He then ran his tongue down her ear and over her throat before he bit her.  His teeth pierced her skin, drawing blood. He stood open licking her blood from his lips._

"After this, they left me alone for a while a few days at least. The next time I saw them I was….rendered unconscious. I awoke to voices. I was aware that I was almost naked on some stone slab with a blanket or something over me. It was removed and I saw Draco there. 

_ "Sorry she is not untouched, but she put up quite a struggle.  It had come to our attention that you and the doctor here had been spending time together. I knew you must have had ulterior motives for spending so much time with her. You are a Malfoy after all. Though I really couldn't blame you. She is quite…. succulent, is she not?" The others laughed._

_"The time has come for you to prove your skills and your loyalty, Draco."_

_"May I unshackle her? I prefer it if they fight." At this Sophie's heart dropped. 'Dear God. No.'_

_Lucius's iniquitous laughter filled the room. "You may handle her as you wish, as long as you display your ability with the Unforgivable Curses. And take your time; you will want to savor this." _

_Draco walked over to Sophie and looked into her eyes. "Well, it seems you are I are going to get a little closer after all." He looked at her, a Lucius like sneer on his lip.. It made her nauseous.  She wanted to cry out to stop him… and then she saw it…. if only for a moment…a flash of something….of hope….of a plan. 'God help us all.'_

_ "My dear Doctor, you are looking lovely today." He slowly began to remove the restraints. "You like to tease little boys, don't you?" He paused a moment to lazily run his wand from her neck, down her torso, stopping at the line of her panties before he continued, "You are about to find out what happens when you tease. You have been a bad girl….and you will be punished." He leaned in over her and reached down to bit her neck. He clamped down harder than he intended and her body seized from the pain. She went to lift her hand, he grabbed her wrist and looking into her eyes. "I would suggest you reserve your energy. I have plans for you." His eyes were pleading, 'Trust me.' Slowly she lowered her hands. She realized she was now completely free from the restraints. _

_He positioned himself next to Sophie. "I think we should begin with a demonstration of one of the Unforgivables." He bellowed to his audience. He turned to Sophie, "Be prepared to do my bidding." This was it -  her cue. It was now or never._

_Draco screamed, "IMPERIO!" She was pulled off the table and within seconds they were in a tunnel. She was half walking, half being dragged, only slightly aware of the turmoil taking place behind them as they made their escape.. _

"The rest was a blur. I think I could hear Draco talking …or something, and I was vaguely certain we were outside. The next thing I remember I was here in the infirmary."

Everyone was silent. Between Draco's version of events and Sophie's, a story unfolded that left all lost in bitter memories of the last war. Arabella Figg watched Sophie through narrowed, probing eyes. She spoke, "There is more, isn't there."

Sophie nodded, "You are perceptive, aren't you?" Arabella gave her a half smile. 

"While I was waiting for the last call, Ellie began to speak to me. I don't know why. Maybe after all that time, she finally decided if I died it wouldn't matter, and if I lived I deserved the information.

_"Here, drink this."_

_"Thank you."_

_Ellie kept stealing glances at Sophie. Sophie picked up the cues. "It must be hard for you here. Watching this day on and day out."_

_"Hard for me?"_

_"You do not seem like the kind of person who would enjoy this."_

_"Well…no...How could I?"_

_"Why don't you leave?"_

_"They would find me. They always find me."_

_"Have you tried to leave before?"_

_She did not answer right away, she kept dressing Sophie's injuries. _

_"Yes," she finally said softly._

_"I can help you."_

_"No, you can't."_

_"You think I am going to die, don't you?"_

_"You don't?"_

_"I am not one for giving up. I plan on escaping. And when I do, I promise to help you."_

_Ellie stood quiet for a while. As insane as it seemed, she believed her. "I think I could help you."_

_"Escape?"_

_"No. They watch me too closely, but if you do get out I think I can help you with ….with….him."_

_Sophie understood what she was saying. It didn't take much to realize who **he** was. "Go on."_

_"Well ….I….see a lot…you know? They hardly notice me.  They consider me… insignificant."_

_"Okay."_

_"He…. he is really weak. He can't do much. That is why he has been so quiet so far. I think the spell they used to bring him back got was done incorrectly. Either they did something wrong or miscalculated something. He needs something else to gain his full strength."_

_"What?"_

_Ellie swallowed hard, "Blood."_

_"Blood?"_

_"Harry Potter's blood. It was used when they initially revived him. He needs a continuing supply of Harry's blood to keep him alive. So far he has been surviving on the Death Eaters' blood, but he needs the original blood used in the spell to give him full power. They have been trying to think of a way to lure the boy out without raising suspicions. They are afraid if people find out, they will not be able to capture him or they might be attacked and he is in no condition to fight back. They have been trying to find a way to get him out of Hogwarts without anyone finding out why."_

_"Are you sure about all this?"_

_She nodded, "I am the only one, other than Lucius, allowed to go near him."_

_"Why Death Eaters' blood? Why not bleed Muggles?"_

_"It has to be a wizard's blood, anything else would be toxic. As it is, wizard's blood is only just keeping him alive."_

Sophie watched everyone the room carefully as she told her story.  She set it up as best she could. It was time to act. "That's when I formulated a plan," she stated. "If Severus worked on the Polyjuice Potion to make the effect more long lasting, we could put a Muggle spy in disguised as Harry, and when Voldemort ingested the blood he would be poisoned. Ellie is certain he would die almost instantly.  We could end it.  We could end it now."

"You have someone particular in mind for this spy, don't you." Arabella eyed her keenly.

She simply nodded.

"Like hell!" was the response from several points across the room.

**Author's notes** – "Not in Vain" was written by Emily Dickinson.


	35. How Can a Man Die Better

**A very special thank you to my reviewers; all of them - those who love this story and those who don't.**

**Much love to Diana, who makes me work at this.**

**I dedicate this chapter to Angelfeather for her encouragement and her thoughtful words.**

**Chapter 35 – How Can A Man Die Better? **

Sophie was not sure who had interjected their opinion first, but almost immediately, Severus, Remus, Neville and Harry started yelling.  The room instantly filled with irate and frenzied voices and she closed her eyes in preparation for the onslaught.

"There is no way, in the name of everything Holy, that I will allow you to ever return to that-"  

"Sophie, you can't be serious."

"Aunt Sophie, you….you… can't. You just can't…."

"There is no way I am letting you impersonate me.  It's not your fight…."

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" In voice oddly reminiscent of the clap of thunder and the roar of a lion, Albus Dumbledore took control of the situation.  "You will all cease this behavior without delay."  Everyone in the room stood silent.  Sophie had never, ever, heard of him losing his temper; his mask was thought to be nearly impenetrable.  Vivid blue eyes glistened with some emotion she could not place; neither anger nor annoyance as she expected. It was more sadness than anything else. And it was directed at her.

The Headmaster turned to Sophie and eyed her for a moment.  Though he was looking at her pale face and thin frame, he saw something else. He saw Severus as a boy and a man. He saw Neville visiting his parents in the hospital. He saw Harry and the parents he doesn't remember.  He saw Remus and Sirius and a thousand other faces lost over the course of two decades. She said she had a plan, and though he considered her a bit too impulsive, what he saw before him was more a warrior than woman. Something in her tone and her demeanor told him to pay attention. "Dr. Young, what exactly does this plan entail?"

Sophie suddenly became aware of the tension in the room and started to shiver involuntarily.  Once again a room full of eyes was turned to her in anticipation of a story she was going to tell. In some ways this was worse than the first time; there would be no sympathy for her here. Some part of her brain told her to run away, and for the first time in a long time she wanted to listen. 'Not now,' she thought, 'you can do this.'  Getting herself under control, she took some deep cleansing breaths before speaking.  "I don't have all the details worked out but the main part of my plan is this:  I know that some work has been done on the Polyjuice Potion to make the effect longer lasting, so that one will not need to constantly replenish the source.  I think Severus can continue that work to allow the ruse to take place. With me masquerading as Harry, someone else masquerading as a Death Eater will bring me to Voldemort as a prisoner.  He needs a continuous, fresh supply of Harry's blood, so he won't kill me outright.  The worst that will happen is some…sport.  I am prepared for that. He will want blood right away, so chances are he will ingest it quickly, before anyone has time to figure out something is wrong.  The point is, as soon as he drinks it, he will be poisoned.  When we know for sure that he is dead, we can summon awaiting Aurors or something.  Then they can come in, wands-a-blazing, and capture the remaining Death Eaters." She waited nervously for the reaction.

"Is this necessary, Albus?" Surprisingly, the first remark came from Minerva McGonagall. "It seems as long as we keep Harry safe, Voldemort is useless.  We have managed to go almost the entire year without an incident.  Since the Ministry already doubts his return, how are we going to convince them to let us use the Aurors?"

It was Sophie who answered.  This was a comment she was prepared for. "Are we to wait until something happens before we act?  We all know he is back.  We all know he wants – no, needs Harry.   It's only a matter of time before he comes after him, or someone close to him.  Are you willing to let that happen, because I'm not?  This could work.  I know it.  We just need to work out a few bugs."

"A few bugs?  There are so many bugs, this plan is infested."  Severus scowled.

"What problems do you foresee?" Sophie returned curtly.

He drew in his robes around him. "How are we going to get the personal bodily sample from the Death Eaters to add to the Polyjuice potion?

"I don't know," she answered plainly.

"How are we going to get the Death Eater we plan to imitate out of the way before our plan is discovered?"

"I don't know."

 "How are we going to get all the Death Eaters together to make the attack successful?"

"I don't know."

"How are we going to signal the Aurors, if we can even get them to help? 

"I don't know."

"How are we going to get the Aurors to the site?"

"I don't know."

"What if I can't get the potion to have the effect you are looking for?"

"Then you're not trying hard enough."

They stared hard at each other for while before being interrupted by Draco.  Everyone turned to the figure that sat in the far corner of the room.  He had spoken little since his return; everyone was a little more than confused by his voluntary insertion in this battle between Sophie and Severus.  "I think I can answer one of your questions." He paused.  Sophie nodded for him to continue.  

"At the end of the school year there is supposed to be a mass initiation ceremony.  A bunch of trainees are supposed to receive the Mark.  Everyone should be there.  Voldemort is usually given tributes so a Death Eater presenting Potter in front the whole group would not be seen as unusual, and everyone you would want to capture would be there."  

Sophie stared at him with pride and excitement.   "Perfect. That's just the thing we need."

Muttering voices filled the room as people discussed this development. "Why hadn't you mentioned this before," Charlie Weasley asked.  "It seems a pretty important bit of information to share, doesn't it?"

Draco looked at his hands. "Because up until very recently, I was supposed to be a part of it."

As everyone sat in contemplative silence, Sirius spoke up next.  "We have a pretty good idea who most of Death Eaters are.  I don't think it would be too difficult to _detain_ one for a few days.  Taking a hair sample shouldn't be a problem then."

Sophie smiled at him before turning to the Potion's master. "That takes care of two of your objections, Severus."

The din of voices became more enthusiastic as they were seeing the possibilities of this plan.  It was Bill Weasley who offered the next suggestion: "I think we can ensure that many Aurors are available at the right time.  We have been experimenting with Muggle tracking devices that would allow us to pinpoint where you are.  Voldemort won't be able to detect those because they don't work with magic. He considers anything of Muggle origin beneath him, so we are confident he has no idea these devices exist. Once we have the coordinates we could use instant portkeys to get us to the spot.  The wizard impersonating the Death Eater can easily set up the destination port with little trouble, and we would be there within seconds of being alerted. As long as someone can disable the wards."

The room was mired in silence.  They could not only see the possibility, they could see success. It seemed too good to be true.  They had a plan, and it could work.  

It was Ginny Weasley who asked Sophie the inevitable.  "Who will go with you?"

"I will."  The response came from several points in the room.

It was Severus who spoke up. "Don't be absurd.  It can only be me."

Remus was not going to be swayed that easily. "Why you?"

"First of all, I am the only one who understands Death Eater protocol.  I am the only one who knows what to say and when to say it.  I am also the only one who has a Dark Mark.  Voldemort can sense it.  If we are to make him believe that a Death Eater is before him, then a Death Eater must be before him."

"Wouldn't the potion duplicate the Mark With everything else?"

"It is not a matter of having a picture on your skin.  The Dark Mark invades every cell in your body until it envelops you in whole.  It binds you to him by the joining your souls.  If we really plan to follow through with this madness, it is the only way."   He seemed despondent, but he also seemed to accede.

Neville stood twisting his hands. "You can't do this."  His voice was filled with anguish, his eyes with tears. "Why does it have to be Sophie?  We just got her home and now we're just going to send her back.  Is he going to destroy everything I care about?"

Sophie's shoulders dropped as she listened to his plea.  With a heavy heart, she called him over to her.  Slowly he walked over and sat on the bed besides her.  She took his hand and gave it a squeeze before she gently placed her arms around him.  "Neville, sweetie, I know you are worried about me.  But I need you to be strong right now.  I need you to understand what we are doing is not about you or me; it's not even about your parents, or Harry, or anyone in this room.  It is about _all of us_, about our future…about peace."

The Headmaster watched her comfort him for a moment before he spoke. "Voldemort has hurt so many, Neville," he began. "The ripples of that pain encompass hundreds of thousands of lives such that no one in the end is untouched.  For the first time in my recollection we seem to have a chance to stop it; to truly put an end to it. Unfortunately, it is an opportunity we cannot ignore."

The honesty in his words struck Neville, but did little to lessen the weight on his chest.  He began one last appeal to Sophie, "How can you just leave again?"

"Oh Neville," she said with a small smile, "I am just tired.  I'm tired of seeing those I care about hurt.  I'm tired of living a life of fear.  I'm tired of seeing children fight the battles of adults.  It is no way to live."

He slowly nodded, his eyes staring past her to some point on the wall.  

She placed his chin between her thumb and forefinger and gently guided his face till it was parallel to hers. "Remember when I spoke about hearing poetry in my head? Sometime though the ordeal the poem changed.  I was hearing something different:"

"Then out spoke the Brave Horatius,

The captain of the gate:

To every man upon this Earth

Death cometh soon or late.

And how can a man die better

Then facing fearful odd

For the ashes of his fathers

And the temples of his gods?"

**Author's notes: Excerpt taken from "Horatius" by Thomas Babington Macaulay.**


	36. The Battles Within

**Chapter 36 – The Battles Within**

Like everyone else in the room, Albus Dumbledore found himself contemplating the significance of her words. 'Words,' he thought sullenly, 'a simple connection of letters with meanings that empower, embitter and terrify.' He watched as she paled slowly throughout her account. Despite the stirring words she just spoke, she was still very weak from her ordeal and needed to rest. A lot was going to be asked of her in the coming weeks and she would need all her strength. 

"All right everyone," he began, "Dr. Young has given us a lot to think about. We will regroup in one week's time to go over this plan again and to discuss preparations for its execution. Everyone will leave to give her time to recover -- that includes you two as well." He motioned to Remus Lupin and Severus Snape. 

Sophie found herself flustered amid a chorus of "Get some rest," and "We'll see you soon," before the group left her bedside. Ron Weasley lingered for a moment while Neville was getting a warm hug and a few words of assurance from Sophie -- not to mention a promise for a long overdue breakfast. As he left, Ron went over to Sophie and stood silently at the bedside, his hands fidgeting at his sides. He wanted to give her a hug or something, but it felt incredibly intimate and he didn't want to overstep his bounds. Sensing his reluctance, Sophie reached up and embraced him. 

"I thought I said you were allowed to show all your emotions, not just your temper," she teased. He laughed at her reprimand. Leaning in so no one would hear, he whispered something into her ear. She shot a quick look over to Draco, who was warily staring at the floor. She smiled at Ron and nodded. He returned the smile and left to put a plan of his own into action.

As the room emptied Remus walked over. "Are we ever going to have that talk?" he said with a crooked smile. Sophie loved that smile, one that always had such a calming effect on her. Even now in the middle of all this, Remus could still make her feel like everything was going to be fine by just being there.

"Yes," she finally replied. "We will. Just not yet." He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and went to leave but was stopped by Sophie's hand on his. 

"Remus." His skin was so warm. She had forgotten how warm he was. "Remus…Thank you…for everything. For giving me time and space and for coming back. I don't think you can know what that means to me." She lowered her voice and continued, "And thanks for whatever you did to Severus." He gave a small laugh and headed out the door. 

Sophie and Severus looked at each other, their recent conversation replaying in their heads. Ignoring their silent exchange, Dumbledore walked over to Sophie and took her hand in his. "Do not hesitate to call, my dear, should you need anything, and please use this respite well. There is much to be done when you are ready." 

She stared at his eyes, no hint of a shine in them, and suddenly found herself very tired. As Dumbledore made to leave he walked over to Severus. "I will be waiting for you in the corridor to take you back to your quarters. You _will_ get some rest and you _will_ begin the preparations for your assignment." His tone was that of a command, not a request. Snape's only recourse was to comply.

_______________________________________________________

In the silence that followed the Headmaster's departure, Severus studied Sophie. He was trying to pinpoint the moment he fell in love with her. Was it at first sight? In retrospect that was probably lust. His life was being torn into pieces around him and he needed to cling to something…or someone. Was it during their encounter in the Forbidden Forrest or the now infamous snowball fight? 

He had always thought it was during their "sessions" where they shared their histories. Whenever he had thought it was, he was now convinced he was wrong. It was now, at this very moment, that he knew for certain he was in love with her. In love in a way he had never been before in his life, ever. In her arrogant, foolishly impetuous way, she let him know exactly what it was that she was made of. Lupin's words came back to him, 'Knowing her is a privilege; loving her, an honor.' 

"Are you angry with me?"

Her words woke him from his reverie. "I should be," he responded sounding almost hurt. "Why didn't you tell me before? A little warning would have been nice."

"Because I knew you would try to talk me out of it," she answered truthfully. "Truth be told, I didn't have all the factors in place and I was afraid you' be successful. I never meant to exclude you, but I needed to tell everyone in order to gain support…I'm sorry. It wouldn't be the first time I have been called manipulative." 

He remained silent while she continued. "It has to be done, Severus. We would be saving untold numbers of lives." Still, he said nothing.

"Severus…Please….I don't think I can….." A finger on her lips prohibited her speech.

"I love you, you unreasonable, insane fool. Finding a way to save the world with as few lives lost as possible, is a preposterous idealism that can come from none other than you."

Her shoulders dropped and her eyes closed in relief. 

He smiled softly as he traced a finger across her chin. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you?"

"Where have you been for the last two hours?" she asked with a bit of a laugh. 

"I don't mean the antiseptic version you tried to pawn off as the truth."

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "I think you know what happened to me. I think it is safe to say you have probably witnessed worse. I am still alive, and relatively unharmed. There is so much to-"

"Who-"

She stopped him. "I don't think we should do this."

"I need to know," he replied softly.

"Why? So you could fly off into a jealous rage? Severus, I need you focused. I need you clear headed. I need you vigilant, not vengeful."

His eyes, already black as night, suddenly grew darker. "You are asking me to alter a potion for you to use in your suicide. I will be accompanying you on this mission so my life is also in the balance. We will bring a hundred others into this battle, all on the word of a servant girl who could have been nothing more than a plant. I am clear headed about my role in all of this. I do plan to focus my wrath at the people who harmed you. My vigilance will be vengeful, you cannot control that. All I want to know is who. I want to concentrate my hatred and anger on those who harmed you. I can't make you understand why I do, but I do."

Eyes as black as night now on fire. 

She caught a glimpse of what must have made him a valuable Death Eater, a glimpse at why he was respected…feared. Despite the anger and hatred that came with his words she knew his need for revenge was born of his love for her and the helplessness that it brought out in him. Helpless to control his feelings, helpless to save her, helpless to stop what was coming. Being vulnerable wasn't something he was good at, and in the end, keeping secrets from him was something she wasn't good. 

"Malfoy," she stated. "It was just him, though the others were not completely innocent...he was...it was him."

He slowly nodded and seemed calmer and Sophie was not sure it was an improvement. When he saw her tense up, he quietly brought his hand to her face.

"Thank you for trusting me." He leaned down and placed a delicate kiss on her lips. "Rest now. I'll be back in the morning." She simply nodded back, too tired to say another word. He stayed until she was asleep and left to find Dumbledore, who, true to his word, was waiting for him in the corridor.

___________________________________________________________

Sophie awoke several hours later to a pair of bright green eyes staring down at her. She could see they held anger, but perhaps even more, dismay. For a second she was tempted go back to sleep, but those eyes beckoned. He was ready for battle. She had been trying to get him to talk for months, this might be her only chance.

"Hello Harry. I wondered when you were going to come and see me."

"Who do you think you are and what do you think you're doing?" he demanded with resentment and spite.

"I think I am a tired woman who is trying to sleep, but somehow I gather that is not the response you are looking for."

"This is not your fight."

"And it's yours, I suppose.'

"Of course it's mine."

"How do you figure?"

"Where have you been for the last five years?" He was incensed, his words fierce, his eyes glowing. 

'He could give Severus a run for his money,' Sophie thought. 

"Where were you all those years he was chasing me around trying to kill me, using others to get to me?" Harry continued. "I have been the one who held him off for so long. I am the one who banished him years ago and I am the one who is responsible for bringing him back. Peoples have been dying in my name since before I can remember and I've had enough." 

Sophie tried to interject, but he was unyielding. 

"Even now, as he makes plans to capture me yet again, you come along and tell me you are going to use my likeness to confront him while I sit back and watch my clone fight my fight for me." 

As he spoke his voice rose in incredulity, in outrage. "I get to sit here and wait for news of whether you are dead or alive? I get to watch as hundreds of Aurors get called into a battle started to prevent me from getting harmed-"

"Oh, will you shut up already!" Sophie was fed up. Who does he think he is? "Who do you think you are?"

Harry sat blinking, his mouth agape.

Sophie spoke in a voice filled with as much outrage as his: "Where were _you_ for the ten years Voldemort was slaughtering innocent children, massacring whole villages, brutalizing Muggles simply because they were easy targets? Where were you when his followers tortured for pleasure? Where were you when they burned homes with the residents still inside? Where were you when they made widows and orphans and reveled in the sheer number of the lives they could destroy? _Oh, that's right, you weren't born yet_. How dare you sit there and tell me this is your battle. I have spent the last two decades watching friends suffer, watching them die and not being able to help. I have spent the last decade trying to get Death Eaters convicted for the most heinous of crimes. Trying to save the beleaguered minds of their victims, trying to help their loved ones find peace and perhaps help them get on with their lives. You lived most of your life oblivious to the truth. _You_ got to live in the luxury of ignorance. 

"I'm sorry you lost your parents to this maniac. But guess what? You are one amongst thousands to have suffered. I am sorry that you have been singled out for things over which you have no control, but the entire world is without control as we await his next move. So excuse the hell out of me for wanting to end this while I can. Excuse the hell out of me for seizing on an opportunity that could save lives. Perhaps you should try to think of a way you could be helpful in all of this instead of complaining about not being in the spotlight."

He flew in to a rage. "Is that what you think? That I want to be in the spotlight? I did not ask to lose my parents and live with people who delighted in my misery. I did not ask for this scar on my forehead that mocks me daily. I did not ask for my godfather to be convicted of a crime he did not commit and then made to suffer for twelve years. I did not ask to fight Voldemort my first year here. I did not ask for him to petrify my friends and kidnap Ginny in my second. I did not ask for him to kill Cedric last year. I did not give him my blood for his resurrection, he took it from me as he took everything else. He seeks me out. I don't want any of it but we are connected in some sick and twisted way and I can't help that. I have to fight him. It is the only way it will end. It is destiny. It is my destiny and _you_ know that."

She paused once again reminded how little there was left of a little boy in Harry Potter. "Harry," she began in a gentle tone, "I do know is that we have a chance to stop it. We have a plan and it's a good one. It does involve you. Perhaps not in the way that you thought, but it does. It centers on you, actually. You need to pull back and allow others in, Harry. You need to let others help you. You need to let your friends and family in. You need to realize that your battle is _our_ battle. It is what I tried to tell you so many months ago in my office, what I tried to make you understand. The fight_ is_ yours, Harry. It is just not the fight you thought it would be."

Harry stared at her, an unrelenting fury in his eyes. Outside the infirmary window they could hear the sounds of students talking and laughing. Harry slowly turned to look out into the courtyard where a small group had gathered and watched their faces, faces that had no idea what was happening on the other side of the window. He seemed to come to some sort of decision, and without another word, left the room.

Sophie wished she had the strength to cry.


	37. Groundwork

**Sorry for the delay. I was waiting for the other website I post on to catch up.  You should probably reread the last chapter to understand what is happening here.  I promise the next update won't take as long.  We are so very close the end.   **

**As always thanks to Diana for her help. **

**A special thank you to all those who reviewed here and to me personally.**

**Confidential to bluemeanie – are you out there. Are you okay?**

**Chapter 37 – Groundwork**

The week passed quickly. 

Sophie, out of the infirmary for the first time, sat next to Albus Dumbledore in his office. It was time to start the preparations for war. Only the people who were in Sophie's hospital room when she revealed her plan were in attendance. For safety's sake, everyone agreed that no one else would be brought in until it was absolutely necessary. 

The only exception was the presence of the entire Weasley family, Sophie insisted that Molly attend the meeting. Working with Arthur, one could presume to know Molly. He spoke of her with the type of affection that would only come after years of love, passion, and devotion. Whatever adversity they faced, they faced it together. She had a right to be there, more than anyone else. Her husband and three oldest children would be going directly into battle; the two youngest, extraordinarily entwined in the life of the lead protagonist.

She found herself staring at Molly, at the untidy red hair and sweater that seemed too big for her. Molly was the quintessential mother, a homemaker who loved to care for her family, who protected them with the ferocity of a Hungarian Horntail defending her young. Molly appeared to be the picture of calm stoicism, but Sophie knew she was anything but, sitting stone-faced, flagged on either side by her twin sons, George and Fred. 

Sophie took one look at them and understood what Ron had meant by them being completely different. Her recollection of the twins came from years of horror stories laughingly and lovingly retold by Arthur. She remembered one in particular about them adding an ingredient to a potion which turned the professor's hair pink. She then realized with a start it had to have been Severus who was their victim. It would make sense, considering the aforementioned teacher's punishment entailed making them the human guinea pigs for their classmates' work for the rest of the year, resulting in no less than twelve trips to the infirmary. 

On this day, the two boys shielding their mother were anything but jovial and mischievous. They looked decidedly calm, if not slightly calculating. But most of all they had Molly's look of fierce determination and strength. Any mother would be trembling at the things they were discussing, and on the inside she probably was. She had the most to lose personally in all of this – she had everything to lose. Sophie needed to do all she could to prevent that from happening. 'This could be done with minimal injuries to our side. Couldn't it?' she thought fearfully.

Bill and Charlie had already begun to assemble the Aurors who were more than willing to go in. Truth be told, they were excited about being pro-active and not just waiting to clean up after an attack. Bill had the floor: "We have approximately sixty eight known, free and active Death Eaters. There are about twenty or so new recruits. We can get one hundred Aurors to the site, giving us a better than one to one margin. 

"Our choices are limited but with the help of Draco Malfoy we have come up with a rough sketch of the site of the event. He has helped us determine approximately where everyone will be. This ring will be used as the base." He held up a silver band. "When activated it becomes an reversed portkey, a homing device. It will transport us approximately three hundred yards from the center. Once activated, we will be able to surround the party without being noticed. Hopefully, this will allow us enough of an edge to capture and detain the Death Eaters quickly." 

Questions were asked and answered for the next several minutes. The group discussed several troubling issues, but Minerva McGonagall asked the question that unnerved the room completely: "What do we do with the Death Eaters when we have captured them? If the Ministry refuses to believe that Voldemort is even back, how are we going to explain why we have just taken it upon ourselves to arrest almost a hundred people?"

"We will have Voldemort's dead body as proof of his existence and it is not too far-fetched to assume that the Death Eaters will turn upon themselves as soon as their leader is gone - if history is any indication," Bill replied. Minerva pursed her lips and sat down. She wasn't as optimistic as when this meeting started and suddenly, neither was Sophie. Then she looked at Molly, and started to think again of what was coming. Without a word, she came to a quiet resolution. 

Remus and Sirius then began to discuss possible candidates for a "friendly visit," the Death Eater who would be "detained" while they used his identity to gain admittance. Sirius seemed sneer the words more than say them. 

Remus took over the discussion. "We need someone who could get to Voldemort with little difficulty but could also smuggle in Sophie/Harry without alerting anyone. We need someone who is pompous enough to interrupt the entire proceeding for his own agenda. We need someone who is close enough to the Dark Lord that his motives will be seen as self promoting and glory hunting, two traits Voldemort would expect from anyone making such an offering. He has to be a powerful wizard who no one would question. He also has to be seen as someone capable enough to pull this off. He has to be trusted. He has to be Lucius Malfoy."

The room erupted in protest and alarm. Remus waited patiently for the hysterics to die down before continuing. "If anyone is interested, we do have a plan." 

At this Sirius knew it was time to step in. "Will you calm down, for Merlin's sake? If you listen to us you will see why we chose him." 

When the room was paying attention again, Remus continued: "Snape will be polyjuiced to look like Draco. He can go to the manor right before the event and present Harry to his father as a peace offering. Once inside, Lucius will be restrained and Snape can them assume his identity. They can proceed to Voldemort without giving anyone time to notice that anything is amiss. It will be the quickest and safest way of going forward."

"What if they can't restrain him?" Arthur raised a valid point.

Severus answered: "I can assure everyone in this room that Lucius Malfoy will be dealt with." His tone was grave and absolute. No one questioned him.

Albus Dumbledore was the only one who had the courage to speak after that remark. "I suppose the only question remaining is can the potion can be altered in time for the Gathering?"

"I have begun to research the possibilities," Snape replied. "I see no problem with lengthening the effect of the potion. I am currently trying to determine what, if any, side effects we would suffer, given the alteration of the various ingredients necessary to lengthen the potion's viability. I am accepting volunteers for testing." At this remark the Weasley twins twitched. Sophie had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Yes…yes…I am sure we can find those willing to help you with this, Severus." Dumbledore gave him a knowing smile. He paused as he looked around the room. "And so it goes." He sighed. "You have all met the tasks before you with the dignity and gravity that the situation deserves and for that, I am grateful. The sacrifices we make will help ensure our future…to ensure _the_ future. Remember all you are responsible for. If you follow your hearts, I am confident that we shall not only succeed in this mission but prevail for the good of all. That being said, I ask each of you to consider seriously the plans formulating in your minds, as they affect us all." With those last words several people in the room shifted and thought at the same time -- 'How did he know?'

_______________________________________________________________________

Sophie was now heading back to her rooms escorted by Neville. "Are you going to be all right?" he asked, breaking the peculiar silence that accompanied their walk. 

She smiled, 'So it was his turn to be the concerned parent. She said, confidently, "I think so. Will you?"

"I think so." His voice was small, but it held no quiver. Sophie paused to admire his features. He looked…older. He had aged drastically since her disappearance. The roundness of his cheeks was gone, as was the awkwardness of his stride. He had lost considerable weight and seemed so very tired. She sighed as she remembered how she once thought no one would even notice if she fell off the face of the Earth. His sad eyes told her that that was no longer the case, that it never was the case. She wondered if it was truly better to be cared for and worried over…to be loved and missed and needed. Was it truly better when all it meant was someone else to leave behind?  

"I think you need to get some rest," she said, not yet willing to relinquish her role as the responsible adult.

"So do you. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

She smiled. When had her pudgy little Neville become her protector? Perhaps it was time to look upon Neville as the adult he truly was, and not a child? Perhaps it was time to look at the man in front of her, and not the boy of her memory? Perhaps it was time to let go of the past? "I think I'll be okay," she finally answered. "I have some things to consider and I think I'd really like to be alone."

"Okay," he answered slowly. "But I am coming to check on you first thing in the morning."

"Breakfast will be at seven sharp." She gave him a long, warm hug before he left. Even men need hugs.

He disappeared down the path to his dorms. Her little boy had grown up and she was surprised at how much that saddened her. She opened the door to her home and immediately her senses were assaulted by aroma of fragrant flowers. Bouquets were spread from wall to wall in a sea of reds and pinks and whites and blues. They were magnificent. "I guess Neville isn't the only one who would notice if I fell off the face of the earth," she said laughingly.

Her small kitchen was full of fruit baskets, candies and chocolates. She found a basket in the corner full of wine with a note:

"_Chocolates are good but I thought you'd like this better. _

_With love,_

_ Remus"_

"Oh, Remus," she said to herself, "there is so much to say." Suddenly, a rush of sorrow and panic ran through her. There was so much she needed to say, so much she needed to do and so little time. So precious little time.

Her hands shook as she attempted to start a fire in the fireplace. She really didn't want to be alone tonight but couldn't admit that out loud. The flames had finally began to flicker when there was a knock at the door.

Slowly, she walked over to the window to see who it was before opening the door.

"Severus."

He stared at her for a moment before he spoke. "You checked to see who it was…You never did that before. You always just opened the door."

She gave a small smile. "My impetuousness has gotten into some trouble as of late. Let's just say I plan to be a little more careful to whom I open doors." He stiffened as she spoke, seemingly unaccustomed to hearing that tone in her voice, to hearing fear. His brave, if not slightly insane, Sophie was afraid.

"I guess he was right. You shouldn't be alone," he stated.

"Who?" Sophie asked.

"Neville."

"Neville?"

"He sought me out and demanded that I go to you straight away and stay the night. He did not want you to be alone and told me it was my responsibility to make sure you were looked after."

"Neville?" She was astounded. 

"I all but expected him to ask me what my intentions were towards you and what my plans were for the future." He smiled. "He has never stood up to me before. Tonight, we spoke man to man."

"My Neville." She shook her head. "I had always promised him the childhood I thought he deserved. I should have known better than to make a promise like that."

"You did it out of love. You gave more than you could ever know, to the boy he was and the man he's become." He walked over to her and took her hand. "I promised him I would stay, but only if you wanted me to. I understand if you want to be alone after what you went through, and I will leave if you insist."

She stood looking at his hand. "I want you to stay," she said her eyes not meeting his. "I want a chance at resuming the life I had before…before…I reckon we should talk."

Shaking his head, he took her in his arms and held her as tightly as he could. "No. You were right…There is nothing you can tell me that I couldn't figure out for myself. Years of being a Death Eater has told me enough about what has happened to you. If you need to tell me to alleviate some of the pain that you are going through, then I will gladly listen. Don't tell me because you think that I or anyone else has a right to know, because we don't."

She smiled into his chest as he held her. "Thank you," was all she could say. A part of her knew he needed to know more, that she needed to say more. But another part of her was relieved – the part that needed to move on. Perhaps after the war. Perhaps. 

"I would like to go to bed now, Severus." Without another word he picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bed. He gently laid her down and pulled up a seat next to her.

Sophie felt another a wave of panic go though her. "Aren't you going to join me?" 

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to," he answered honestly.

"Don't you want to?" She hated how frail her voice sounded. She hated how needy she sounded.

"There is nothing I would like more," he said gently. "Considering what has happened, I wasn't sure you'd feel comfortable."

Panic was quickly turning into anger and she sat straight up. "Is that it or is it that _you_ would not feel comfortable?"

He was visibly confused. "What does that mean?"

"Perhaps …you...Severus, please don't feel obligated to stay with me."

"Please, Neville would have my head on a platter if I left." He mocked.

"That's not what I meant. I -"

"I know what you meant," he interrupted. "Sophie, I thought I had lost you forever. First when you left my rooms after our argument over Remus, then when you were kidnapped, then when you were unconscious. I died a little more each time. Getting you back is a gift I am not sure I deserve, but one I have no intention of wasting. I don't know what I can say that to you to make you understand what you mean to me. I love you. Saying that is not something that is easy for me to do. I am not prone to exclamations of love or emotions…well, I wasn't. There is no place else in the world I would rather be than in that bed with you right now. But if all you need me to do is be next to you to make you feel safe, then I will do that too. You have control."

It was then that she realized what he was doing. He was letting her direct the evening. He was letting her decide what they would do. He was giving her the control she had lost. If she thought she loved him before, she knew it was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. 

She needed to get her life back. She needed to find the person she was before everything happened. It may not be the right decision, but it was her decision. She didn't want her last feelings of intimacy to be full of violence and anger. She wanted Severus, she wanted to feel love and have it replace everything else. 

"I want you to get into bed with me." He moved to comply with her wishes. "Wait," she said, "I want you to get into bed naked." Without a word he undressed before her and slid into bed. 

She continued to follow her orders. "Now, undress me." He undid the buttons on her blouse and slid it off her shoulders. Slowly, meticulously, he continued to disrobe her. His eyes held her, kissed her, caressed her. His eyes were making love to her, his hands, however, did not falter from her instruction until she was completely unclothed. His love for her took precedent over his need for her. He needed her to know she could trust him, that he would give her the space she needed, and more importantly the power.

"Kiss me," she requested. Severus brought his hand to her face and cupped it under her chin. Soft plush lips met in a chaste kiss, feathery and light. "No," her voice was thick, "k_iss me_." Her tone was explicit. It was an order.

"May I touch you?" He asked, almost shyly. His voice silky and smooth, his breath, hot against her ear.

"Yes." She matched his tone.

There was no hesitation. Placing his hand on the back of her neck he brought her towards him. He captured her lips, her tongue, her mind with his movements. Bringing his other hand around her waist, he stroked her back as she melted into the kiss.

They made love that night. Quietly, delicately, melodically their bodies intertwined, erasing weeks of anger and dread, of isolation and despair, of hopelessness. The world disappeared around them.

The night would find them wrapped in each other's arms. In silence, they watched the rain make patterns on the windows. They remained that way until Sophie could hear the regular, deep breathing that indicated Severus was asleep. It was only them she broke the silence. It was only then that she allowed the darkness to over take her. That night, the moon, the rain and the shadows would be the only witnesses to her tears.


	38. Loose Ends and Promises

To make up for the long gap in posting, here is one very long chapter.  This consists of six vignettes that take place during the days preceding the final battle.

Warning - Here there be fluff.

We are nearing the end, folks.  Thank you for your encouragement and your patience.

As always thanks to Diana for her invaluable help.

**Chapter 38 – Loose Ends and Promises**

**Part 1**

**Promises Made** **- **

Ron Weasley watched as his friends left for the summer holidays.  For the first time in months, he allowed himself to feel sorrow.  He was glad most of them had no idea of what would transpire at the end of the week.  But as happy as he was that in their ignorance they would be able to enjoy their break, it pained him that he couldn't say goodbye.  Not in the way he had needed to, anyway.  

For the first time in months he allowed himself to feel sorrow.  Would he ever see them again?  Truthfully, he didn't know.  His role in what was coming was ambiguous.  He was supposed to stay behind and guard Harry while the others left.  And though he knew little about what was to come,  he did know that after years of battles fought and won and lost, Harry would not be idle.  Ron also knew that as Harry's friend --as his brother -- neither would he; and though it pained him to even contemplate, neither would Hermione

He wouldn't ask her to stay behind if he needed to follow Harry.  First of all, he knew she wouldn't; her bravery was one of the things he admired most about her. Secondly and more importantly, he loved her.  Not in the way a normal 15 year old falls in love.  In a way that burned her face into his consciousness.  In a way that made his heart weep when she left the room.  In a way that made him ache when he held her, because he knew no matter how tight his grasp, she would never be close enough.  Perhaps it was the result of the life they lived -- full of adversity and tribulation -- that bound them to each other so intensely, so intensely it hurt.

Yes,  for the first time in months he allowed himself to feel sorrow.  

But now it was time to push the feelings of sorrow away.   There was no place for the luxury of emotions in time of war.  It was an indulgence no one could afford.

Through the window, he caught sight of Seamus running to catch up with Dean.  He couldn't help but smile as he watched Seamus push his  best friend towards Agatha, a Hufflepuff, whom Dean has been talking about for months.  Though he felt far removed from that world, he found himself immersed in the scene, so immersed, that he did not hear her enter the common room.  

Hermione Granger watched him.  He had changed so much this year.  She missed Ron the prankster, the Ron with an irrepressible temper, and the Ron of endearing blushes.  The Ron before her held himself with the maturity of a man three times his age, and though she was proud of him and who he had become, she hoped she had not lost the boy to the man just yet.  There had to be casualties though,  didn't there? This was war,  after all.  

With this thought, she sighed, and as she did, he turned to her.  He watched her, fondly, sitting there in her faded jeans and his old Chudley Cannon's shirt hanging over her hips.  He smiled.  In that smile, she caught a glimpse of the boy.  In the boy she saw hope, and she smiled back.

Ron walked over to where she stood and put his arms around her, lost in the scent of peaches and cream.  He stood back a little to look at her face and saw the worry,  knowing he needed to make it go away. So he did the first thing that came into his head.  He tickled her.

She fell to the floor in fits of laughter and joy, which drove away the stress of the last few weeks.  This was her Ron and no matter what was to come,  he would always be so.  When he finally stopped his assault she was lying underneath him.  Too tempted to resist, he kissed her.  Too happy in the moment, she kissed back.

After some time he helped her up and they sat on the couch together, not breaking the contact they made from their first embrace.  He spoke. "Are you all right?"

"As all right as I could be, I suppose….Are you?"

"I think so."

"But you're not sure?"

"No, it's not that.  It's just that the waiting is getting to me.  I have never been the patient sort and knowing what is coming, but not knowing what I am supposed to be doing, is killing me."

"But you know what you are supposed to be doing.  You are supposed to be watching Harry.  _We'll_ be watching Harry."

"Hermione, you know as well as I do that Harry has no intention of just sitting here while hundreds of others are fighting..…and you also know that I can't let him do it alone."

She was quiet.

"I suppose there is no way of asking you not to follow us."

She pursed her lips.

"Sorry, I had to try."

"I will be wherever you are, wherever Harry is.  It is what has gotten us by all these years;  I don't plan to change that now."

He knew she was right.  She had a way of seeing these things.  Woman's intuition, maybe.  Or perhaps something more.  But that was her all over, wasn't it - something more? They sat in the quiet for some time longer until Ron spoke again. His face was more solemn than she had ever seen.  He cleared his throat and spoke.  "I have something for you."

"What for?" she asked.

"Just because," he replied. "But before it give it to you, you have to listen to the speech I've prepared."

"I knew there had to be a catch," she said out of the corner of her mouth.

He smiled as he reached into his pocket and then began:

"When I first met you I knew you were special.  At first I thought it was because you were so smart.  I'd be lying if I didn't admit that you saved us on more than one occasion.  As I got to know you better, though, I realized you were more that just a brain.  You were brave and clever.  You were….passionate and determined."  

His voice started to falter, but he pressed on.  "You were beautiful in ways I never knew a person could be.  I realized a long time ago that you were more to me than just a friend.  I realized that my day was better just because I could share it with you.  I want to share everyday with you now and forever."  He opened his hand to reveal a delicate golden band with a violet amethyst in the center.  Hermione stared at the ring in his hand not quite knowing what to do with herself, but trying as best she could to keep her composure.  He continued.  "It's a promise ring.  The stone is called an amethyst and I was told it represents love, friendship, and peace.  It seemed right, you know."

Finally lifting her face to meet his, Hermione stared at him.  

"I know we can't officially get engaged," he continued. "If Voldemort doesn't kill us, then my Mum or your Dad will.  Everyone will say we are too young, but really, I haven't felt young in a long, long time.  Maybe we are, but I want you to have this anyway.  It means I promise to make it official one day.  It means I want everyone to know you are mine.  It…it means I love you."

Hermione just continued to stare at him.  She finally looked back down at the ring, composure be damned   "It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."  Tears began cascading down her cheeks.  "I love you, too."

His heart considerably lighter, he got down on one knee and place the ring on her finger.  Feeling her legs go weak, she knelt down next to him.  "You never cease to amaze me, Ron Weasley.  Just when I thought I knew everything about you, you show me something new.  This morning I was afraid of what the future would bring.  I was afraid that there might not be another sunrise to look forward to.  But there has to be, doesn't there? There just has to be."  

Together, they got up and left the common room. Hand in hand, they walked outside to the lake side that had quickly become their private hideaway.  The future would have to wait just a little longer. 

________________________________________________________________

**Part 2 **

**Promises Kept -  **

Sophie sat on her couch watching him hover. She usually made breakfast for them, but he wouldn't hear of it.  He insisted on bringing it from the kitchens.  Since she came home he felt it was his job to take care of her.  Those new duties included making sure she ate properly -- he hated seeing her so thin.  He was now busying himself with tucking her into a blanket -- he thought he saw her shiver.  She felt fine but she would not stop him; he was a man possessed, and at the moment, the object of his obsession was enjoying the spectacle.

"Would you like more tea, Auntie Sophie?"  

She had to smile.  

She tried to picture what Neville would look like as a thirty year old man.  Would he still call her Auntie Sophie?  She sincerely hoped so.  But then again, would she be around to hear it? The thought brought a lump to her throat.  Neville was so much more than Alice's son: he was the child she always wanted, the one she never had.  He was the inspiration for her career, for her life.  Would he ever know how much she loved him? How special he was to her?  How special he was at all?  It was her job to make sure, wasn't it?  It was the promise that she made to a three year old boy: to protect him, to see him grow up to be the man he was destined to be.  Now she was leaving him behind.  'Oh Neville,' she thought, 'how I have let you down.  Your parents are no better now than they were twelve years ago.  And now, I am preparing to leave for a battle that I may never return from.  What have I done?'

"Stop that."

Brought back from her reverie, she stared at him.  "Stop what?"

"Stop worrying about me," he said plainly.

Her shoulders fell.  "Am I that obvious?"

"You are not the only one who can read faces, you know.  I have become quite good at it myself."

"Oh really." His candor brought the smile back to her face.  "Tell me, dear prophet, what do you see?"

He gave her a small smile back. "I see that you are worried about me.  That you are afraid I will be left alone.  That you are failing me and abandoning me."

She stared at him in disbelief.  He knew.  Somehow, he knew.

"I know that face….It is the same one I would see month after month when we visited my parents.  It is the same one you would get when you would tell me about another experiment that didn't work the way you had hoped.  The same one you gave me when you told me that you had failed them because you thought you had failed me, too."

"Oh Neville…." she began, but the words would not find a voice.

"You promised me that you would do whatever you could to help them….to help me.  You promised to always be there for me and to give me the life you thought they would want me to have.  I know you think that you didn't do all those things, but you did.  Maybe not in the way you wanted to, but you did.  You never made me feel like the squib I thought I was.  You pushed me to be more, even when I didn't want you to.   You always made me feel special and loved.   You did all you could.  I always knew that.  I never faulted you for not being able to help them, you know.  I think it's about time you forgave yourself."

"When…when did you become so grown-up?"

He shrugged. "When I realized it was time to stop being a boy, I suppose.  Time to stop hiding from things that I really couldn't control and time to fix the things I could.  I realized that there were others who had problems worse than mine.  They didn't have friends like mine or people who loved them and cared for them.  There are worse things than losing your parents…like having no one else there to pick up the pieces."  As he said these words there was a soft knock on the door.  He got up as if fully expecting a visitor.

"I invited someone to eat with us this morning."  He answered the door and returned with Draco.

A whispered, "Draco," was all that she could manage.   They never really talked since she got back, though she tried.  He never seemed to be ready.  Seeing this and seeing it was bothering Sophie, Neville took him upon himself to help them along.  

Draco stood tensely in the kitchen.  He looked so small compared to Neville, who seemed to have grown into a man almost over night.

"Hello, Dr. Young," Draco said with a furtive smile.

"Sophie," she corrected.

"Right…Sophie"

"Sit down, Draco.  I'll get you something to eat and you two can talk."  Neville disappeared into the kitchen giving them some privacy.

"How are you, Draco?" she asked softly.

A small voice.  "All right." 

"How is it being back?"

Smaller still.  "Fine."

"Any problems with your housemates?"

Slightly cracking.  "No."

"Draco, you don't have to be afraid to speak to me.  You act as if I am angry with you instead of extremely grateful to you for saving my life.  Now,  are you going to talk to me or are we just going to stare at each other for the rest of breakfast?  If you recall,  I can do that for an extended period of time."

Barely a whisper. "I'm sorry."

Sophie knew that tone, he was dying  inside.  "Draco, don't be sorry.  You have nothing to be sorry about.  You acted with more valor and intelligence than anyone would ever have expected.  You made sacrifices and difficult choices.  We made promises to you and we plan to keep them.  But you have to let us.  You have to trust us beginning now.  Right now.  This very moment."

With a shaking head.  "I don't……."

"Don't what?"

"I'm so sorry for what they did to you." Tears began to pool in his grey eyes. "It's my fault.  All of it.  If I hadn't been seeing, you they never would have done what they did. …And my father…I know what he is like…I know what he did to you…I know what he –"

"Draco, you are not your father," she interrupted. "You could not predict his actions and you are not responsible for his psychosis.  He did what he did out of his own delusions and anger.  He used you as he uses everyone in his life, to achieve his aspirations.  You are a pawn to him.  He is not deserving of you or your guilt.  He doesn't deserve the emotions you're wasting on him."

 "Aren't I just like him, though?  Haven't I always been?" As much as Draco tried to separate himself from his father there was no escaping his lineage. At least in his eyes.

"You are nothing like him."

"Aren't I?  Don't you think I used you?  I came here week after week and told you nothing until I was forced to.  I strung you along because it was what I needed to do.  I use everyone in my life.  I have no real friends, just strategic affiliations.  Everyone else sees that.  Everyone knows I'm not worth anything.  Why don't you?"

His impassioned words struck Sophie.  Despite it all,  he still did not see.

"Come with me?"  She got up and led Draco to her office, directing him to a pile of papers on her desk.  Rough drawings and scribbled notes outlined what appeared to be blueprints and plans for a room.  

"What do you think this is?"  He made no indication of having an answer.  "These are the plans Ron and I have been working on to add a room here…a room for you.   It was his idea.  While I was in the hospital, he came to me.  He told me that he thought you would need a place to stay since you would not be returning home and that this would be the best place for you because it would be the only place that you would be safe.  It was Ron's idea.  _Your nemesis._  These are his sketches.  His, because he sees in you what I do, what Dumbledore does, what Professor Snape does and what Neville does. He sees the possibility for who you are afraid to let yourself be.  I can't change your life for you.  Things happened, choices were made, and now all we can do is move forward."

"You make it sound so easy," he said in a strangled whisper. "Like I just have to pull myself together and I can make it all go away."

"Pain doesn't disappear on it's own, Draco," she said sympathetically.  "We can't run away from it and pretend it isn't there."

"What if you aren't ready to face it?"

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Then you try to find a way to live despite it. But you prepare for it, you prepare to dealt with it.  To fight it."

Draco picked up the plans and looked at them. A crude drawing of the house was surrounded by notes scribbled in the margins.  Though somewhat sloppy, the work put into the draft was evident. After a few moments, he spoke softly. "I'd….I'd like a window?"

"Pardon."

"I'd like a window.  My room never had one…it always felt like a prison to me.  I like a big window I could sit in front of."

"I'll see what I can do." She said with a smile as she reached over and hugged him.  

And for the first time ever, he hugged her back.

__________________________________________________________________

**Part 3**

**The Promise of Today**

Severus Snape sat in his quarters with a small silver band twirling in his fingers.  The band was the key to the mission, the key that would bring a couple of hundred people into the fiercest battle the wizarding world would ever know.  In his hand he held the key to the future.  

He desperately wished it was in someone else's hand.

While putting the ring away for safe keeping, he heard a knock.  Very few people ever came to visit so he could only imagine what that knock meant.  He opened the door and was very surprised to see Sirius Black on the other side.  

"Black," he managed to get out as Sirius, uninvited, entered his private rooms.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your intrusion?"

"We need to set some things straight," Sirius replied, his manner gruff and stern.

"Forgive me. I was unaware I cared in the least about anything you had to say." Severus matched his tone.

"Cut the sarcasm,  Snape, for just a minute.  I am not here to fight." Sirius's tone softened. "I just can't continue with all this without having it out with you." 

"What are you going on about?"

"Why did you do it?"

Bewildered, Snape stared at Black.  "You will have to enlighten me.  As usual , I haven't the foggiest clue what you are talking about."

Sirius took a deep breath. "Why did you defend me at the meeting when I first returned?  You were quick to tell everyone that you trusted me,  and it never sat well with me.  You had no reason to say anything at all.  You had no knowledge of anything I was doing and no reason to help me, but you did and I need to know why."

Snape slowly shook his head back and forth. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does," answered Black.

"No, you twit, it doesn't.  But that was always your problem, Black, wasn't it? You were far too busy worrying about yourself and how things affected you.  There are hundreds, if not thousands, of lives at stake and we are the only ones who can make a difference, yet you are consumed with a gesture made months ago.  Can't you just accept the fact that it was something that needed to be done, and let it go?"

Sirius would not let Snape get away that easily. "It would, coming from anyone other than you.  You have spent a lifetime hating me.  It is more of a past time for you than anything else and we both know that. Don't stand there and tell me you saw an opportunity to help the cause and took it, because we both know it wasn't too long ago you were hoping to have a first row seat in watching me get the Dementor's kiss.  Spare me the gallantry and the feigned indifference and tell me the truth."

"I owe you nothing.  In fact, you should be grateful that I even did what I did.  You never did anything to deserve my endorsement."

"Exactly.  So why give it?   Why did you suddenly become so generous?"

"I do not have time for this.  You can see yourself out."  Snape turned to leave the room but was stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Snape,  please.  I am really not here to be confrontational," Sirius said, sincerely. "Remus told me about your truce.  I was impressed that you could be so open to him.  He and Harry are all I have.  It is important for me to see in you what they see, especially since you went out of your way to help me.  I can't make you understand what I am feeling.  I have spent twelve years in hell and I plan to fight till my death for my freedom and for those I love.  There is nothing else for me in this world.  For me to have any kind of future,  I must clean up my past.  I'm sorry I was an arse as a kid, but I _was_ just a kid.  I am sorry I gave you a hard time, but I had no idea what was coming.  Don't you think it's time we moved on?  I am not asking you to be my friend, but it I think that we may be able to co-exist without every conversation turning violent.  If not for your sake, or anyone else's, then do it just because it's time to let go."

"Just like that?  As if years of torment did not affect me?  As if my pain meant nothing because suddenly you found a conscience?"

"Sna…..Severus, in three days time we could all be dead, so I know that this doesn't really matter to anyone other than me.  No, you do not owe me anything.  Yes, you have every right to tell me to shove it up my arse and get out.  You want to piss on my grave, be my guest, but we are not kids anymore.  I am asking to understand you better, that's all.  If we must die, can't we do it knowing we found some sort of peace between us?"

Severus Snape stared at this man with a mixture of the loathing that he could not disguise and the surprise that he actually understood what Sirius was trying to say.  For the briefest moment he thought of Sophie….of Remus…of Cecilia.  Sirius was right.  In three days time they could all be dead and what would it mean to anyone.  

He raised his hand to his tired eyes and rubbed them.  "Fine, why don't we have a drink?"

Sirius visibly relaxed.  "Thanks."

Severus poured two glasses of whiskey.  As he watched Sirius down the amber liquid like water, it occurred to him that only a truly harsh life would make something so potent, so ineffective.  He understood that all too well.  With a sigh he began his tale. 

"At the end of Tri-Wizard tournament Dumbledore asked me if I was ready to do what I was needed to do.  Do you remember that?"

Black nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Did you ever wonder what that was?" Severus asked.

"I always assumed it meant spying again, like you did when you turned."

"Let's be realistic, Black.  If I had returned to Voldemort I would have dead within seconds.  No, what I did was contact a few _friends_.  We were a network of sorts.  Wizards walking the line of light and dark who could get information.  Wizards who were not afraid to dig and get dirty.  They are all over Europe and Asia,  we even set up satellites in North and South America, and Africa.  No one really knew were he would end up, but no one wanted him in their back yard, so this Network was created to protect everyone.  Its members are known to no one other than myself, and most are known only though codenames and owls.  Within three weeks of being up and running I received words that _He_ was spotted in France…_with you_."

Realization slowly began to creep into Sirius's features.

"You must imagine my delight in thinking I could finally turn you in to Dumbledore and expose you as the traitor I always knew you were.  I was delirious in my joy.  But even in my enthusiasm, I had to make sure.  I needed first-hand proof before revealing you as a fraud.  I Apparated to your last known location and after about a week, I found you."  Severus paused, taking a quick drink before continuing. 

"I did not find Voldemort's right hand, I did not find you in your treacherous glory.  I found you chained to a wall, beaten and brutalized.  I found out that you were captured a few weeks prior and were tortured because you would not reveal any information other than your name.  

"You must understand-- I was disappointed.  Bitterly so, actually.  Not only was I wrong about why you were there, but you were the man they said you were.  I know what the Death Eaters are capable of.  I know how they find their amusements, and I could imagine how they toyed with the godfather of the one they most wanted to destroy.  What better way to lure Potter to them than by using you as bait.  But you gave them nothing.  Not even the slightest information that might mean the difference between life and death.  You would have died, and not in any merciful way."

"It was you.  Wasn't it?"  Sirius seemed to wake up from his trance.  "You were the one who distracted them.  You were the one who helped me escape."

"Despite popular opinion, Black, I am not a monster.  We are fighting for the same thing, after all.  We are loyal to the same people…I waited around until I saw an opportunity.  You were unconscious and alone.  I loosened you shackles enough for you to be able to pull free while still appearing to be confined.   After setting the woods on the other side of the camp on fire,  causing a primitive but effective distraction, I Apparated to a safe spot.  The next time I heard about you, you had managed to escape.  You were free, so as far as I was concerned that was that end of that."

Sirius watched as Severus finished the last of his drink.  He seemed unable to speak as his mind processed this information.  "You saved my life:  You took no credit at all and you act as if it was no big deal."

"It wasn't.   It was bad enough you were innocent of a crime that kept you wrongly imprisoned for twelve years, but I would be damned if you would be a martyr as well.  I mean,  really, how much disappointment am I  supposed to deal with in one lifetime?"

Sirius smiled.

"Don't smile at me. It is quite repugnant."

"Would you accept a 'Thank you'?"

"Black, I want nothing from you."

"Fair enough.  What happens now, because try all you want,  I will never believe you hate me as much as you say you do."

"You can think want ever you want. It makes no difference to me."

"Fine, fine.  I'll make no promises about tomorrow, but I think we can safely call a ceasefire for the time being."

"Does this mean I am no longer welcome to piss on your grave?"

Sirius smiled again.  "I wouldn't have it any other way."

__________________________________________________________________

**Part 4**

**The Promise of Yesterday**

A light coating of dust covered the faded flowers that adorned the box.  Sophie traced a daisy with reluctant fingers.

Another life.  

The box held the sweet memories of another life, one remembered with the warmth one feels when wrapped in a child's worn blanket.  One remembered with fondness one feels for the teddy bear with the torn arm, or the beloved who shared a first kiss.  One remembered with the sadness of watching the last bit of snowman, hours in the building, melt away.  One remembered with the regret of words unsaid and deeds undone.

A brochure from the inn up north.  They always managed to miss breakfast.

A handkerchief with the phantom smell of his aftershave.

Ticket stubs from the theater.  'What was that awful play I dragged him to?'

An old letter filled with the possibilities of days that would never come.

Pictures.

One of a picnic by the lake.  Right after the picture was taken he threw her in for some rude comment or another.  

One of him reading in that old armchair he refused to get rid of no matter how much she pleaded.

One of him asleep.  It was the only time he ever really seemed at peace.  

He was so beautiful.

She loved him then.  She thought she did, anyway.  She realized too late she was unable to love anyone at that time.  She just didn't have it in her.  She needed time to understand what was happening to the world….and herself.

Truth be told, he deserved better.  Kind and gentle, loving and affectionate, intelligent and passionate.  Remus was everything she needed then.   And she…

What was she to him?

Kind and gentle, more or less.  Loving and affectionate, too scared to be either effectively.  Intelligent and passionate, sure, but not the way he was, not the way she should have been.

Regret.

There it was again.  

He said he was leaving and she let him.  It was the only time he ever denied her anything.  The only time he ever put his own feelings first.  He needed more than she had to give.  And even then,  in his one moment of self preservation, even then, he was helping her.  He had set her free.  Relieved, she wouldn't have to see the pain in his eyes when she pushed him away.  Grateful, he would no longer be hurt by her selfishness

Sophie almost didn't hear the soft knocking on her door.  She was not surprised to see the subject of her thoughts leaning in her doorway.  He always knew when she needed him, even now.  His hair hung over his eyes, almost covering them.   He always wore it like that and she teased him about it at every turn.  It seemed a crime to her that he covered his eyes.  Those robin egg blue eyes that haunted her for years.  Her hand came up to his face and pushed the hair to the side.  

"You need a hair cut, Remus."

A laugh.  It still felt like home. "Some things never change do they, Sophie?"

"Everything changes, Remus.  We just pretend not to see it."

He cocked his head to the side.  "What's wrong?"

She looked down. 'What isn't?' she thought.  "Why don't you come in?"

Looking around the rooms he smiled. "You still have this old stuff, huh?"

"I have a hard time letting go sometimes."

He sat on her couch and stared at the armchair that faced it. "Is that…."

"The very same."

"You fixed it.  I thought you would have burned it at the first chance."

"I couldn't do that.  It meant too much to you.  It cost about three times what it was worth to fix, but I did it anyway.  It was worth it, I think."

She offered nothing more.

"Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"

She was hesitant to start, knowing too well the deluge that would ensue.  But time was running out.  She could feel the sand in the hourglass slipping through, eating away at the precious seconds that she had left.  After a deep breath she began:

"Do you hate me, Remus?  …No, don't answer that.  You should hate me.  You probably do on some level, but you would never tell me that.  You are too considerate for that."  She found some comfort in his small smile.  

"I have spent the last couple of hours looking over my personal papers," she continued.  "I only have a few days left to get everything in order.  Getting my affairs prepared has turned into me trying to make some sense of my life, trying desperately for closure, to finally say the things I should have said so very long ago.  The problem is,  I don't know what to say to you.  I don't know how I am supposed to apologize for the mess I was and for the pain I caused.  

"How can I make you understand the person I was if I don't understand her?  Frankly, I don't even like her. She pushed everyone away because it was easier than letting them in.  Because she was a coward.  Because she was foolish.  I can't tell you how much I regretted everything that came to pass.  How much I missed you and how much the time we spent together meant to me. How much I loved you."

There was that smile again. "What makes you think I don't already know all that?"

"All what?"  

"Sophie," he began.  "I left because I knew what we were two people who were alone in the world, who needed to hold onto something – anything -- for fear of falling.  We created this world for ourselves where we were the heroes, avenging the wronged and falling in love along the way. It made for an epic fairy tale.  But life did not live up to the fairy tale. We were simply people who were fallible and terribly fragile.  We tried to write our own happy ending, and when it didn't come, neither one of us wanted to admit it.  We convinced ourselves that it was better to be together if for no other reason than it was better then the alternative.   But it wasn't better.  No matter how much we loved each other, it did not make up for the other things our relationship was lacking.  Not to mention it was the wrong place at the wrong time.  I needed to move on as much as you needed breathing room.  In the end, we both needed to go looking for other things.  I am glad at least one of has found it."

He brought his hand up to her face and held it there.

"I _am_ happy that you have found what you needed.  Truly.  And I have not lost the hope that I will too some day.  Hell, if Severus Snape can find love, anyone can, right?"  

That laugh. His sweet, sweet laugh always made everything right again.

"Oh, Remus, I did miss you so much. It was so hard to be without you…but I came to realize it was harder being with you.  You're right.  We were playing pretend, and I would have let it go on.  I wasn't as brave as you were.  It took a long time before I was comfortable being with myself.  It was only then that I was able to be with someone else. But no matter what place Severus holds in my heart it will never replace the claim you have. Promise me you won't go away again.  Not forever."

"Sophie, I never went away completely.  I couldn't.  I just couldn't come back until we were both strong enough to face our past as lovers and our future as friends. I think we can both go forward from here, together, as it should be.  Are you ready?"

"I'm scared, Remus."

"You'll be fine.  I finally got you back, so I don't plan to let anything happen to you now."  He put his arms around her and held her close.  She looked over his shoulder to the open box sitting on her table.  Another life.  Another chance.

__________________________________________________________________

**Part 5**

**The Promise of Tomorrow**

He knew she was watching him.  Somehow,  he always knew she was there-- behind a tree, around a corner, from a window.  He knew she watched him, worried about him, loved him.  For some reason,  though, it also always surprised him.  He tried to convince himself that she was just concerned about him, as if he were just one of her brothers.  It was easier that way, to deny there was anything there.  What was love at their age, after all?  Did either of them really have a clue?

He grew up never knowing positive emotions, any kind of affection, truth be told. Compassion or understanding, patience or hope, were strange to him.  Years ago, at the tender age of eleven, his reality was torn apart. The life that he knew was nothing but a story, a fable. He learned he had a history, he learned his name meant something.  He learned there was a world that he never knew of that considered him its greatest son.

He had always considered it a blessing, a dream come true, really. There was laughter where there was once only indifference.  There was adventure where there was once only isolation.  There was joy where there was once only misery.  There was family. Yes, once he considered it a blessing.  Now, he wasn't so sure.

Letting people into your life meant more people to disappoint, more people to miss when they went away.  Wouldn't they all go away eventually?  More people to worry about,  and these days, he worried about a lot.  It meant more pain and losses when none of that mattered before, really.  Would he really care if the Dursleys died?  He might have a passing regret, but he would get over it.  It was cold of him and he knew that, but he could not create a connection with them now as much as he might have wanted one when he was younger.  He sighed as he though of that: how at one point in his life he lived for the hope of a kind word, or Merlin forgive, a hug.  

Family.

Do they even know what that word means?  

He never truly did until now, until this very moment.  The people that he considered --his family -- were preparing for a battle.  It was foolish to believe that that they would all come back.  And in it all, he could do nothing.  Banished to his room like a child.  

He sat in the common room staring in to the fading fire thinking about how futile it all was.  These last few days were killing him, slowly and completely.  As much as he wanted to keep his promise he could not sit around waiting for news of death and destruction.  Providence told him he was to play a bigger role in all of this.  He knew it and he knew that they knew it.  He was trying to figure out what that role would be when he sensed her there.  

He did not see her but he could picture her: Hair the color of an autumn sunset, falling over slender shoulders in loose curls down to the small of her back.  Biting her lower lip, wrinkling the nose dappled with light brown freckles.  Glittering eyes telling the story her voice could not, full of adoration and fear and sorrow.  Feet shuffling back and forth, not quite knowing what to do with her hands. 

Damn.

Damn them all for putting these thoughts in his head.  Dr. Young, Dumbledore, even Ron and Hermione had something to say.  Didn't they know what could happen to her if the Death Eaters found out?

When he heard the story of Sophie's ordeal he knew he was right in keeping Ginny away.  They were after him.  No they needed him.   What better way to draw him out then to hurt the one he loved?

'Where did that come from?'  He was visibly startled that the thought crossed his mind.  Loved?

  
When he sat up in alarm, she walked forward.  "What's wrong?"

"Noth…Nothing."

"Are you sure? You just jumped up like you were burned or something."

Burned…on fire.  Good assessment. "No,  really, I'm fine…I guess I'm just a little on edge lately."

"Yeah…I understand…so am I."

 His shoulders fell.  "How stupid of me.  Of course you are, your brothers and all?"

"Not just them.  All of it, really.  It seems so unfair.  We should all be able to live our lives and do the things we were all meant to do.  The simple things that should make up every life:  Going to school, playing sports, gossiping, laughing - like normal people.  Instead we are in the middle of a war with a power hungry maniac whose face most of us have never even seen.   It seems unreal, doesn't it?  Like it should be happening in a book, not in our lives.  I don't think I ever felt so defenseless, so… There is so much I want to say and do and I don't know if I will ever get the chance.  And now I sit here waiting for news that the people who I love most might never be home again.  I should be able to do something, shouldn't I?"

He stared at her in amazement; she just summarized everything he was feeling.  Reading his mind and pulling out his thoughts as if she were reading them from a journal.  Who was this girl?  Who was she really? 

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He was brought back from where ever he was.

"I was just thinking about what you said and………"

"And…."

"And how much it mirrored what I have been thinking," he said, surprised a this own admission.

"Does that surprise you?"

"I guess it does."

She gave him a crooked smile.  Her eyes softened and she spoke softly.  "It shouldn't.  As much as you think you are alone, you're not.  You haven't been alone since you come to this place, since you came into our lives."  

She moved closer to him, slower closing the distance between them.  "I know you are not sure what to do with a family.  I can tell you from years of experience it is _not_ easy, always having people around asking you questions, wanting to be part of your life, always worried about you or trying to talk to you when you don't always feel like talking.  I used to wish for nothing more than to be left alone.  But the thing is,  you get used to having people around.  People to laugh with and sometimes cry with."

She found herself sitting next to Harry, close enough to see the light flush crawling over his cheek. "Just because we weren't there in the beginning in doesn't mean we won't be there in the future.  I hate to tell you this,  but you are stuck with us. As far as Mum and Dad are concerned there is an eight Weasley child…Well,  ninth, really.  I don't think Hermione is going away any time soon either."  And then she giggled and smiled.  

Suddenly,  he was a fifteen year old boy again.  A boy sitting with a girl he liked.  There was no pending battle, no psychotic fanatic with a vendetta against the world.  He felt warm and calm…no…that was not right…he felt…happy?  Was he happy?  Could she do that when no one else could?  Could she make him happy by just talking to him…by just being there?  "I think I like that idea," he finally said.

"Of having a family?"

"Of…Of you always being there."

"Oh," was all she could manage.

"Ginny, I don't know what is going to happen…To any of us…But when it is all over,  I think we need to talk about some stuff."

"Can't we talk about it now?" she asked, hopefully.

"I can't.  I…There is a lot that could happen.  I don't think it will all be good, but I will do everything in my power to make sure there is a tomorrow and then, when we have a better idea what it will hold, I want to pick up this conversation.  I just can't have it now.  There is too much between now and then.  Do you understand?"

"I think I do.  But you won't mind if I do something in the meantime while I wait do you?"

"What?"

Without another word a ghost of a kiss lightly brushed his lips, so quickly he didn't have time to close his eyes. Gathering courage, she leaned in again, a little more forceful perhaps, a little more confident.  

Inches from his face, she spoke with the lightest of whispers. "Do what you have to do,  Harry Potter.  Just come back."

In the emptiness left in the wake of her departure, he sat.  As the last ember of the fire died away he fell asleep, a smile on his face as he dreamed of glittering eyes and an autumn sunset.

**Part 6**

**The Promise of Eternity**

The sun rose that morning as it always did.  Sophie wondered why is it surprised her.  She wondered why she felt the universe should recognize that today was the day before Armageddon.  Tomorrow would either be the beginning of an age of peace that the world had not seen in decades or of a darkness that would suck the essence of life from the Earth herself, and damn it, the universe should acknowledge that.  But no, the sun rose, breaking through the misty darkness in hues of violent blue and bristly orange.  It should inspire hope of new beginnings, but it failed to.  Instead,  it filled Sophie with the regret of knowing it may be the last one she would ever get to see.

She spent the previous night watching Severus sleep.  As the candlelight flickered against his face, she was struck with how peaceful he looked.  In that moment he reminded her of Remus -- two tortured souls who only found solace in slumber because the waking world held too many pains.   

She thought of the life they tried to build together and how silly it was of her to attempt a romance in a time of turmoil and chaos.  In the end, however, we have very little say in who we love and how deeply.  It can not be forced.  She learned her lesson with Remus.  There was no reason she should not have been head over heels in love with him.  He was handsome and kind, intelligent and funny.  His condition never bothered her, she never really thought about it much.  But it just didn't work between them.  Instead,  she falls for a temperamental, moody, volatile, guilt-ridden man who lived the life of a monk with a death wish.  Then again,  she was an over emotional, impulsive, workaholic psychologist with control issues and difficulty with intimacy.  

A match made in heaven.

When it became apparent that she would not get any sleep that evening, she quietly slipped out of bed and into the kitchen.  Sophie had always been a proponent of the medicinal properties of a hot cup of tea…and a cookie.  Few knew that nothing worked as well to comfort nerves like a hot cup of tea and a cookie; if they did, she wouldn't have much of a practice.

She held the hot cup in her hands up to her face and inhaled the sweet aroma.  If only for a moment she would allow herself to get lost in the fragrance of blackberries and sage.   Curled up in Remus's old armchair with her tea and a gingersnap, Sophie let out a small sigh.  She had spent many hours of late in this very chair,  trying to prepare herself for tomorrow.  The picture of Molly Weasley would not leave her mind.  Sophie lost her family a long time ago and though she loved the people in her life now, it is not the same as the ties that can only be formed from of years of interaction, history and love.

Molly was the most devoted mother Sophie had ever met.  She wondered if she could make the sacrifices that Molly made for the well-being of her family.  Birthdays were always personalized.  Broken hearts were mended along with old socks.  Extra attention was given to those who felt isolated and extra space to those who felt confined.  But perhaps, most astonishingly, she instinctively knew the difference.  She welcomed her children's friends into her home as if she gave birth to them herself.  But as loving and sympathetic as she was, she was first and foremost their defender, their protector.  She left little doubt as to her strength and the heights she would go to keep those she loved from harm.  And as dedicated as she was, she supported them as they prepared for battle.  A battle Sophie felt responsible for.  Perhaps not the need for such a battle, but responsible nonetheless.  

"You need to stop doing this, you know."  Though barely above a whisper, his silky voice filled the room.

"Severus, how long have you been up?"

"Long enough to see that you are harboring doubts about tomorrow."

"And why shouldn't I harbor doubts?  Wasn't it you who just a short time ago was telling me my plan was ill conceived and reckless?  That it was madness and folly?"

"It is…but even I have to admit at least it's a chance…and that's more than we've have in a long time."

"People will die, Severus," she said sullenly.

"That is a foregone conclusion," he replied honestly.

"Does it have to be?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"I have been thinking about this for a long time.  You and I hold the key to all this.  We can achieve what we need to achieve while still saving lives in the process.  I think I have a plan, but it will require that we both agree."

"Why just us?"

She gave no answer but stared hard into his eyes.  In those eyes she had seen love and hate, fear and courage, confusion and clarity and she now saw something else, understanding.  Perhaps it was something that he thought of as well.  Perhaps

"You don't want us to activate the ring," he finally said.

"Once Voldemort is dead the rest will fall away.  They will fall into silence for fear of being discovered as they have for the past fifteen years.  There is no need to bring the others into this.  We can finish it."

"You can't think it will be that simple," he admonished.

"Why not?" she protested.

"You leave too much room for another to take his place.  He grooms people to seek power, to hunger for it.  They will see his passing as an opportunity to become him.  In the end that is what we are all convinced we want; to be him, to have control over everyone, to crush those who would dare contradict us.  We need to destroy them.  If we are to do this alone we will need something else."

"Destroy?" she asked through a dry throat.

"They have killed hundreds….thousands, probably, over two decades in the name of sport.  Don't you think they deserve what they get?"

Sophie winced at the thought of hundreds of Aurors rushing into battle.  The look in Severus's eyes told her he had something else in mind.  "What do you mean?"

"You are not the only one who has spent time thinking of this.  I have held that ring in my hands every night for months thinking of a way around using it.  I have enough blood on my conscience to last a lifetime."

"You have come up with something, haven't you?"

He gave her an appraising look and seeming to come to a decision spoke. "Get dressed."

It was a command that Sophie did not dare to refuse.  Without uttering another word she put on some clothes and followed Severus to his private rooms and his private laboratory.

It was a room she had never entered, though she was the only one who knew of its existence.  She scanned his supplies and tried to quell the shiver that ran through her core.  He had supplies that had been banned for years, books that have been considered too dark for even the Restricted Section of the library.  This was a room no law-abiding wizard would allow himself to enter let alone admit to having prior knowledge.  Her eyes were caught by a cauldron in the far end of the room quietly simmering.  Curiosity getting the better of her, Sophie peered inside to see a thick fluid of silver and blue bubbling.  

"What is it?"

"It has no name. It is a concoction I have been working on for a very long time."

"How long?"

"Since the day they took Cecelia away."  

Sophie had been with Severus long enough to know that that was a topic not up for elaboration. "What does it do?"

"It links the wearers of the mark."

"I don't understand."

"It started as a potion to remove this mark that is a daily reminder of my folly and foolishness.  I used pieces of my skin, my blood, the mark itself for years, only to find that nothing worked.  The only way to destroy the mark would be to destroy the one who placed it there.  But along the way I discovered something else.  This potion made with bits and pieces of my failure would not remove the mark from me, but would react to it.  One day while testing the potion, I accidentally burned myself on my forearm.  Lucius contacted me the next day to tell me his arm burned and that others in our old circle had the same burn in the same spot.  This was years before Voldemort's resurrection.  They had thought it was him calling.  Only I knew the truth.  Only I know that anything that happened to the drinker of the potion happened to all those who bore the same mark, but the effect was very short lasting.  By my best estimation it lasts about 5 minutes after the initial ingestion, connecting the drinker to his…compatriots."

"What are you saying?" She started to tremble at the implication of his words.  "If you take this potion and something happens to you,  it happens to all Death Eaters." Her voice started to become frantic. "If you think we are going to …"

Severus gently placed a finger on her lips to calm her. "The only way to destroy the mark would be to destroy the one who put it there.  My taking the potion will not be enough to destroy everyone.  On the contrary, killing me would release everyone from the bond. No, Voldemort has to drink it.  And then he has to die …and then, I die."

"NO!" Sophie's legs when limp and she was about to fall to the ground.

Before she could, he took her in his arms. "Hush, my love.  Don't speak.  Don't say anything."

Realization swept over her and she broke.  He said nothing as he held her close. Sometimes words were just not enough.  Sometimes silence said more than a thousand words could ever convey.  Sophie knew Severus well enough to know that no words she uttered could change his mind.  She wanted a way to reduce the number of casualties, to save as many lives as possible, and he was giving it to her.  That fact that her heart would break was beside the point really.  Whether it was her heart, or Molly Weasley's,  or one of a thousand nameless faces, it did not matter.   What mattered was that it would all end, and end forever, and they could do it.  

They had to do it.

A lifetime passed in a matter of minutes as they stood holding each other, neither wanting to let go, both knowing what would happen tomorrow.  There was no longer speculation of how things would work, only an unforgiving comprehension and pain.

She finally spoke. "How do we get him to drink it?"

"He has to take it when he takes your blood.  It has to be mixed with your blood when he drinks it."

"I have to drink it."

"I have to inject it into your blood stream. You are a Muggle with no Dark Mark; it will not affect you at all.  Your blood will kill him.  The potion will take care of the rest. And we will finally be rid of this mark and all those connected to it.  They will all die and we don't have to endanger anyone else."

"You say it so casually." She wanted to leave to run away, to keep running until she could not feel anything anymore.

"Sophie, look at me." Her eyes, now rimmed with red, met his.  His eyes, black as onyx, shone brighter than she ever remembered seeing them.  "In the short time we have been together you have given me more than I allowed myself to hope for in years," he began, "More love, more dreams, more joy than I ever thought I would ever deserve. If I must die at least it will be with the knowledge that I am dying with honor and having tasted a happiness men who live three times as long would never get to know, because of you I have lead a life worth living."

Sophie heard her words from an eon ago come back to her, and though she wanted him to say there had to be another way, she knew he made up his mind.  He had seen enough death in his life, so when given a chance to prevent it he would take it.  Not because he wanted to be a martyr, but because there was enough suffering in this world.  She did not trust her voice, anything that came out of her mouth would only end in tears and she would not waste this time crying.  She brought her hands up to his face and caressed his chin which was unshaven and rough.  Fingertips danced over a stubbled cheek as she allowed the smallest of smiles to find her lips.  She tilted her head slightly, and as gently as she could, she kissed his lips.  They shared a tender embrace, and though it was not as passionate as their other encounters it was no less emotional.  There was no ripping of clothes and scattering of buttons.  There was no screaming of anyone's name.  There was love in its purest form and it was soft…and warm…and kind.

They spent that day making love.  

Hours spent mapping his body, memorizing the lines of his lean frame, the contours of his face, the curve of his hip, his scent, his taste, the sound of his breathing, and the beating of his heart.  She kissed every inch she could find.  She drank him.  She inhaled him.  She allowed herself to be absorbed by his ebony eyes and reveled in the darkness there because it was his…and hers…and theirs.

And he worshipped her.  He flowed into her and through her and around her.  She was the sun that burned brightly in his life, that warmed him, and gave him light in the shadows he called home.  He encased her in his love because it was all he had left to give.

In the silence that followed they laid together, fighting the fear that was threatening to overwhelm them. Sophie rested her head on Severus's chest, twirling her fingers in the scant fur that covered it. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" she asked.

"As ready as I will ever be." He brought his hand to her face and lifted her chin to meet his.  "I have something for you."  Reaching to the nightstand beside the bed he pulled out a small velvet pouch and handed it to Sophie.

Her fingers trembled slightly as she grasped it.  Inside the bag was a necklace, a platinum chain that held a small opaque blue stone cut like an emerald.  Sophie draped the chain over her fingers and held the stone in her palm.  "It's beautiful," she whispered. "It's the stone from the cavern, right? The seed of magic."

He gave her a warm smile.  "I wasn't sure you'd remember.  I should have known better."

She snuggled into him.  "How could I forget the day my life began?"

It would be a while before either could speak again.  Severus took the necklace from her hand and placed it around her neck and began an invocation:

"Entrusted to you, our future lies

upon my word and honor true

and, destined you are to carry forth

giving birth to life anew.

From this seed, may magic grow

in the heart of the bearer be

of faith and love and hope wrought

into the light of eternity."

Sophie waited for something to happen, sparks to fly or her body to tingle or anything that gave the slightest indication that the jewel was something more than a stone. Though it lay cool against her skin, silent ands till, her heart told her it was something more.  It was a symbol of a love that grew despite despair.   And for some reason it gave her hope.


	39. At Dawn

Chapter 39 – At Dawn 

Severus Snape stared at his reflection one last time, took one last moment to clear his head and focus on his mission.  On _the_ mission.

Without a word he swallowed his potion. The altered Polyjuice tasted unsuitably sweet and tickled as it traveled down his throat.  Before he could utter a word, his own face disappeared and in its place materialized the scornful expression of Draco Malfoy.  He was surprised how comfortable he felt in the boy's skin, how perfectly Draco's sneer fit with his own.  He wondered if Sophie felt that way in Harry Potter's skin.

He twirled the silver band in his fingers once more.   

It was time.

_____________________________________________

Lucius Malfoy was not a happy man.  His son's betrayal had cost him dearly in rank and favor with his Lord.  Luckily, he could offer up that derisory wife of his as a sacrificial lamb.  She had long since worn out her usefulness to him.  He needed a new heir now, and quickly.  He always had his eye on Portia's daughter, Pansy.  She was underage, but would be sixteen next year and ripe for the picking.  He could always get anything out of Portia Parkinson; she had given herself over many times with little effort on his part.  The acquisition of her only daughter would be easy enough.

He watched the sun rise over the horizon.  The last few days have been very difficult as he made the preparations for the initiation.  It angered him that he had had to do the work alone while that twit, Pettigrew, got to stand at the side of the Dark Lord in the spot that is was rightfully his.  He would have to do something about that.  That simpleton was not going to reap the fruits of his labor.  He had worked too hard and had given up too much to attain his position.  Yes, he would have to do something about the Dark Lord's pet rat. 

A few of the more creative methods of disposal were coming to mind when he heard the sirens that indicated someone was in the garden.  Someone was able to bypass the wards around his grounds.  Lucius could only change those around the house itself as his compatriots were constantly in and out of his premises, and trying to teach that mass of idiots to travel through the wards was more trouble than it was worth. No, only one person could make it that far without being detected – Draco.  

So Draco was paying a visit, was he?  Perhaps this day would hold more for him than he thought.  Perhaps he could win some favor back with another sacrifice.  He was so caught up in his thoughts of revenge, that he jumped a bit when he heard a knock at the door.   'What Draco was playing at?' he thought suspiciously.  He pulled the silver serpent's head at the top of his walking stick to reveal his wand; clutching it tightly in his right hand, he walked to the door.

It was Draco, and he was levitating what appeared to be…a body.  The body of a dark haired boy.  Who looked just like…Harry Potter?  Lucius nearly dropped his wand.

"Good day, father," Draco said plainly.  "I have come bearing a gift."

Lucius stood staring at his son and the trophy he brought with him.  A scan of his wand proved that the boy was indeed Harry Potter.  Lucius was practically frothing in delirium.  He had Harry Potter.  He could deliver him on the day of initiation in front of every follower to the Dark Lord.  This would not only re-establish his lost standing, but would cement him as the second in command…second only as long as Voldemort lasted.

He stepped past Draco and into the courtyard to make sure that no one was around to witness their entry.  He pushed his son inside, and the prostrate body of Harry Potter followed.

"So," he bellowed.  "Think this little token will be enough to get you back in my good graces, Draco?" His nostrils flared as he spoke. "Do you have any idea what that stunt of yours cost me? Do you have any idea what I had to do to keep the Dark Lord from destroying me and everything in a ten mile radius when you escaped?" He managed to roar through clenched teeth.  "Tell me one thing that would keep me from killing you now," he snarled, pushing the tip pf his wand into the hollow of Draco's throat.

Draco stood calmly and looked at Lucius's inflamed face and wild eyes.  "I am sorry, father, but it was the only way I could get close enough to Potter to get him here."

Lucius pushed his wand further.  "You expect me to believe that trifle?"

"I had been trying to cultivate my relationship with the doctor for months, father.  She has ties to the Weasleys and to Longbottom.  I knew she was the link I needed.  Her abduction ruined my plans.  I had to get her back to ensure my place in the group. I wanted to present Potter to the Dark Lord at the initiation.  I knew it would guarantee my rank."

'You have learned something after all,' Lucius thought, a bit of pride caught in the back of his throat only to be swallowed down just as quickly as it appeared.

"So you were willing to sacrifice your father for own placement?" he snarled.

"Excuse me, father, but I think you would have done the same," Draco answered plainly.

Lucius could not help but admire the boy's courage.  He was right, of course.  Lucius would have probably done the same for his own advancement.  Nonetheless, the boy must be taught a lesson.  "Draco," he tutted, "do not assume to know me so well.  Had it been my plan, the good doctor would have been in my hands much faster than you managed…and much less dramatically."  He paused to cast a silencing charm around the room.  "Though I can understand your motivations, you must realize that you put me in a most precarious position and I do not take that lightly.   So I'm afraid you will have to pay the price for that."  With a twisted smile he raised his wand and in a soft, amused voice he spoke, "Crucio."

Draco's screams shook the house.  No one heard them.

It was like music to Lucius's ears; the piercing scream of agony swirled around him and cradled him like a lullaby.  He loved it more than anything else, the sheer misery he could cause with a word and a wand.  He hated using the killing curse; there was no enjoyment in that - over all too quickly, but Crutiatus was a thing of beauty to be revered, and this particular stint was practically a religious experience.  He paused to allow Draco to catch his breath.  It would not do to have Draco pass out; Lucius planned on drawing this out for quite a bit. He looked at his son on his hands and knees on the floor.  Potter's prone body had fallen to the floor when Draco did, but he remained unconscious – lucky for him.

Lucius bent over Draco, and placing his wand under his son's chin, he pushed it up so that Draco's bloodshot eyes could meet his own.  "I don't know what sort of game you are playing, but you have chosen your opponent poorly.   I do thank you, however. Your work has all but guaranteed me my place in the hierarchy, and for that I will make this quick. I will have two trophies to deliver today.  One I will allow to remain alive, as his presence is needed.  But the other one…well, Draco…Let's just say no one really cares about the condition that body will be in."

Lucius pointed his wand directly between Draco's eyes. He was about to speak when-

"Drop your wand."

Lucius froze. Harry Potter stood uncomfortably close, his wand digging into Lucius's back.

"Draco," he sighed.  "Draco, can you not even stun someone properly?  Have you no ability at all?"  He spun quickly, the tip of his wand crashing into Potter's.  "I have no time to play with you, boy.  Though, trust me, I would love the opportunity to show you what a real wizard can do.  This foolishness has gone on long enough, I have a few guests that I need to attend to.  Now, be a dear and come quietly." He smirked.  Through a sickly grin and stark white teeth, he laughed. "I will happily remove your tongue to insure it."  Green and black sparks sizzled from the end of his wand. He had forgotten Draco was behind him until he heard… 

"Memini Meminisse." 

The words cut through the air and the force speared Lucius, dropping him to the floor.  He wailed as every cell in his body began burning, his skin quickly blistering, his trembling hands, bleeding.

"What…what dark magic is this?" he croaked.

"Like that, do you?" Draco drawled.  "It's a little something I've been working on for a while now…a special gift just for you."  His eyes glittered and grew dark.  "A bit of ancient magic no one has bothered with for centuries.  It's amazing what one can dig up when one is truly motivated."  He moved in closer until his mouth was upon Lucius's ear. "Tell me," he whispered, "how does it feel?"

"What have you done to me!?!" Lucius growled through gritted teeth.

"I have done nothing to you.  Nothing, but make you remember."  He stood up straight and looked down at the prone man.  "How many were there?" he asked. "How many have you killed for pleasure?  How many have you tortured for sport?  Tormented out of boredom?  Did you think they would go away easily?  Did you think they wouldn't spend eternity waiting for their chance for revenge?  You should know better than anyone else revenge is never forgotten…only delayed."

Draco watched as Lucius's breathing began to calm. "Memini Meminisse," he shouted again. Lucius's scream echoed throughout the room.  A slash appeared on his right check and blood began to race down his face. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"They're in you cells, you know, embedded on your skin.  Every life you take leaves a mark on your soul, every person you destroy claims a part of your memory and remains there.  Every hex and curse, every drop of blood spilt permanently becomes a part of your being. And this wondrous little spell uncovers them, releases them, frees them to remind you of what you have done.  Alas, the person who suffered those pains is long dead, so there is not one to bear the agony anymore.  No one but the person who holds the memory."  He spoke the words slowly, savoring every syllable as it left his dry lips.

"The more you have harmed, the more memories there are to uncover, hence, the stronger the reaction." He paused to survey the blood pooling on the floor around Lucius. "I must say, father, even I am surprised as how powerfully a few rounds of the curse has affected you.  Your cruelty has even surpassed all than I had imagined."  He sneered.  "More's the pity.  I was hoping this would last longer."

Lucius began to laugh. "I….I must say you have impressed me," he managed through heavy breaths.  "I didn't think you had it in you."

"I learned from the best," Draco replied softly.

"Draco…think of the power we could attain."  Blood sputtered about as he spoke.  "You could destroy the Dark Lord with this …you could be the Dark Lord."

Draco's eyes went dead.  "Opportunist to the end, aren't you? Sorry to ruin your plans, but Voldemort is no longer human enough for this spell to affect him.  You are only just yourself.  No, this spell will only be used for one person this day."

"You won't do it," he leered.

Draco didn't answer.

"You have never killed," Lucius continued.  "You are afraid to.  You know what the taste of death will do to you.  You know what the smell of power can do to you." He paused to catch his breath.  "You fear it because you want it."

"I never wanted to kill," he began, "I only wanted to please, to belong. But that part of me was killed long ago. You see, I am only just human myself.'" He pointed his wand at Lucius's head. "Goodbye,'' he whispered hoarsely. And with all the strength he possessed, he screamed, "Memini Meminisse." 

Lucius's body shook and twisted.  Invisible hands hoisted him in the air and contorted his body as blood began to pour from his pores.  His mouth was open, but he could not gather the air necessary to breathe.  A sickening crunch sounded as his body began to compress. A shaking bloody claw reached out for Draco.

Then nothing.

He fell to the ground and his lifeless body began to collapse onto itself until nothing was left but a pile of indistinguishable rubbish on the floor.

Draco dropped his wand and fell to his knees, and a steady stream of tears trailed down his expressionless face as he stared at the pile of what was once a man.  An oddly steady head went to reach out but stopped in mid air. This was the end of so much. Too much. His attention was caught by the shuffling of feet behind him.

"Are you all right?" Harry Potter asked.

"No," Draco answered without turning around.

The stood like that for a while, Harry afraid to speak, Draco unable to.  It wasn't until they heard voices outside the front door that they moved.

They both grabbed their wands and pointed it at the front door, where two figures stood looking into the room. One was shocked, the other, furious.

"You had better have a damn good explanation for being here," one roared.

Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter stood facing Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.


	40. The End

**Author's notes at the end.**

**Chapter 40 -   The End**

Sophie and Severus stared in stunned silence.  Guised in the likeness of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, they remained in the doorway and watched the disturbing mirror images of their polyjuiced selves in the foyer of the manor. 

They had watched Draco Malfoy, kill his father using a magic so old and dark that it could land him in Azkaban as fast as any Unforgivable.  They had watched Harry Potter, his bitter rival for their entire tenure at Hogwarts, help him do it. They had watched as Draco broke down beside the remains of what was once his world, and listened to the quiet voice of Harry offer comfort.  What they had seen was not what was bothering them now, however; the bigger problem lie in the fact that the boys were there at all. 

"What are you doing?" Sophie asked, her voice tight with anguish. 

"What are you doing here?" Snape asked, his voice tight with fury.

It was Harry Potter who spoke.  "We are here because we were meant to be here.  It was part of the _Great Plan,_ wasn't it ?  To call the troops in for the battle and see this through to the end, although I guess you had other plans."  In his shaking hand he held up the silver band, charmed to summon the team of Aurors when the plan was executed; the silver band Snape left in his chambers with a note from himself and Sophie.

Instantly, Sophie realized what had happened.  Harry had found the ring and the note. "Harry," she began.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" he yelled, his green eyes bright with rage. "Don't you dare say a damn word, you bloody hypocrite.  All your talk about involving your family and friends, how they deserved to be there for you, how you can't do this on your own.  Nothing but lies and ridiculous counsel that I almost listened to."

"Harry -"

"I don't want to hear any more of your psycho-babbling. You are nothing but a fraud and a deceitful, conniving-"

"That's enough, Mr. Potter." Snape was doing all he could to contain his temper.  "In your spurned-hero indignation you have put his entire mission in jeopardy.  With your rash decisions and your misguided impulses you have put us all in danger.  Did you forget that your very presence here is the one thing that could bring Voldemort back to full power? Your egotism and selfishness and –"

"It was my idea, Professor," Draco said in stilted voice.  "He came looking for Sophie in her quarters after he found the ring, and I was there.  He told me what he found…the ring…and the note… and I talked him into coming here.  I was the only one who could get us close enough to make sure the ring would be delivered."

Sophie closed her eyes and tried to remain calm. The seriousness of the situation was hitting her.  Harry Potter was dangerously close to Voldemort, and moreover, he was reachable. And she was powerless to do anything to protect him.  In his foolish need to protect her, Draco had put himself in danger as well.  The plan was disintegrating and here, in the shadow of the house of Malfoy, with a hundred Death Eaters approaching, she was helpless to do anything about it.  They would all be killed and it was all her fault.

Severus, sensing her fears, called them all to attention. "Whatever the reasons, you are here now and we have to alter the plan if we are to have any modicum of success. First of all, you need this."  He pulled a syringe from his pocket and began to prep Sophie's arm.

"What is that?" Harry asked as he watched the needle pierce Sophie's skin and the dark fluid disappear into her arm.  He watched her polyjuiced green eyes rolled to the back of her head. As her legs started to give way, she nearly fell to the ground.  Draco sprinted to her side and supported her as best he could.

"Are you all right?" he asked her.

"I…I think so," she answered groggily.

"She'll be fine in a moment," Snape remarked. With Draco's help, he gently placed her on the ground to rest.  "Draco," he began, "is there any place where you can hide Harry?"

"I'm not hiding," Harry glowered resentfully.

Snape sprang upon him.  "Listen to me, you self-righteous little whelp, I will not have our only chance at putting an end to Voldemort shattered because you can't see past your own self importance.  You are to be as far away from Voldemort as possible."  

It was Draco's face, but Snape's venom -- and it was not to stop him. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you are doing."  Their eyes locked and they stood, unblinking, for a few moments before Sophie spoke. "The potion, Harry.  The potion I just took links the wearers of the Dark Mark.  When Voldemort ingests my blood he'll ingest the potion with it.  When he dies, so will the others."

Harry and Draco exchanged looks quickly before they turned to Snape, "And so will you," Draco croaked. "You'll die, too."

His features softened slightly for just a moment.  "It is a small price to pay, Draco.  One life for a thousand.  One life for peace.  It is the least I could do."

Harry quietly shook his head.  He felt foolish and suddenly, just like the child everyone kept telling him he was.  The word " hero" was only a word after all.  It was something earned, not born into.  It meant courage. It meant sacrifice.  It meant him getting out of the way.  "We'll go," he finally said.  "But we are going some place where we can watch, and if things look like they might not go the way you planned, we're activating the ring."

Snape stared at him before giving a curt nod.  There was no time for debate.  The four regarded each other for a moment before Draco and Harry left through the foyer.

Snape eyed the greasy spot of matter that was burned into the Persian rug. Without a word he left Sophie sitting on the floor while he went to retrieve some of Lucius's clothing.  While rummaging through Lucius's personal effects, he came across a hair brush with a dozen or so stands twisted in the bristles.  He changed out of Draco's clothing and into that of the boy's father.  On his way out of the room he caught the sight of himself passing an old mirror. Snape eyed his reflection thoughtfully: a child in the ill-fitting clothes of his father, in more ways than one.

When he returned to the sitting room, he found Sophie just as he left her.  With one last smile he asked, "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." she answered resignedly

Uncovering the container he held tight in his hand, he quietly inserted the hair and quickly drank it down.  Sophie watched as the form of Draco Malfoy morphed into that of his sadistic father.  With one last deep breath she spoke in the youthful voice of Harry Potter. "Come along, Lucius.  We have a date with the Dark Lord."

________________________________________________________

Voldemort sat sovereign before to his court. His loyal Death Eaters stood around him with offerings.  A group of jumpy looking recruits remained unnaturally still, waiting for the ritual to begin.  His second, Peter Pettigrew, stood close to his side, whispering words of flattery and devotion.  The young servant squib stood off to his left, awaiting his orders. His eye's traveled down her thin frame and her eyes quickly looked away. He paused only to smile at her uneasiness.  She had no idea what she was in for once he was restored to full potency.

This initiation would be a gala, an extravaganza to rival their greatest Dark Revels.  They would grow in strength and number today. Victory was near, he could smell it in the air.  Sweet, like virgin blood.  He licked his lips at the thought and looked once more at the young squib.

His knights stood in the courtyard of the Malfoy mansion, preferable due to its secluded location, its heavy wards, and its opulent grandeur.  It was stunning in a way only someone with the best of breeding and the most extensive of financing could create.  Lucius had done something right for a change. After today, however, he would no longer have need for the parasite who wore out his worth long ago.  Voldemort would claim the property and the fortune as his own, of course.  Lucius owed one last tithe to his lord and master.

Despite his weakened state, he was feeling powerful today and soon he would have the resources and manpower to go that final step: to claim the Potter boy and return to full power.  Dominating the world would quickly follow.  His time had come. 

Voldemort smiled.

~~~~~

The sight of that sickening smile made Snape's stomach churn as he approached the Dark Lord dragging the prize under a shroud.  Severus allowed only a brief look at the traitorous Pettigrew and caught the glimmer of a silver hand sticking out of his robe.  He quickly turned his attention to his former master.

"Lucius," Voldemort drawled. "You have brought me a gift, I see."

"Yes, my Lord."  Snape sank to his knees and bowed before Voldemort. 'One must always remember one's place,' Snape thought bitterly.  The Dark Lord would accept no less.

"You may rise."

Snape rose slowly, careful not to look directly at Voldemort.  To do so would be a sign of pride that even Lucius, in all his pomposity, would have never displayed.

"Would you care to present this gift, my dear Lucius?" Voldemort hissed in that way he always did when he said "Lucius."  It was a sign to Snape that the ruse was working.

"With all due respect, my Lord," he began with a small bow, "I will wait until it is my turn, as my rank would dictate.  I do not wish to insult your loyal followers."

Lucius never had to wait his turn in the hierarchy, as he was usually at the top of the chain of command, but Voldemort was a strict follower of protocol, therefore Lucius was a strict follower of protocol, and protocol had placed him at the bottom rung of the ladder. He would wait his turn to present his offering as he was expected to. His walking before Voldemort, flaunting the gift, however, was a classic Malfoy maneuver.  Only Lucius  would have the audacity to prove he still had the ability to command a room and his Lord's attention.

"Your package intrigues me, Lucius," Voldemort said with an odd glint in his eyes.  "I don't think the others will mind if we alter the proceedings of the day to satisfy my curiosity."  He turned his attention to the assembly. "If anyone has an issue with my changing your place in the societal order, I'm sure they will air their grievances."

No one moved.

Voldemort twisted his lips into a cruel grimace. "You see, Lucius, there are those who know their place in this world.  Those who understand what is expected of them…and how to act according.  You are instructed to present your offering as an auspicious start to today's festivities."  He sat back, too weak to continue, the tone of speech notwithstanding.

Snape moved forward, dragging the shrouded figure with him.  "My Lord.  I hope you will not think me insubordinate if I say I am offering you the one thing, above all others, that will ensure our success.  As a token of my devotion and unwavering loyalty to you and our most noble cause I present to you Harry Potter."  With a grand flourish he tore the shroud away to reveal the weak and barely conscious form of Harry Potter, his eyes glazed, his face bruised.

The gathered crowd erupted in gasps of shock and disbelief as they craned their necks to see if Lucius was speaking the truth.  Peter Pettigrew, his hands nervously twisting continuously since Lucius entered the courtyard, nearly toppled over.  Even Voldemort, who rarely showed any emotion other than contempt or fury, was taken aback.

"Lucius," he began, an uncharacteristic tremble in his voice.  "What is the meaning of this? How-"

"It was a plan long time in the making, my Liege. One I conspired with my son upon the capture of the doctor."

Voldemort's blood red eyes bore into Snape's skin. "Do you expect me to believe you staged that entire fiasco?" he began. "That you subjected yourself to three days of punishment, that you offered you wife's life as retribution?  Do I appear a fool, Lucius?"

"If I might, my Lord.  I knew there would be repercussions…but I also knew there would be great rewards."

Voldemort stared at Lucius for a minute before he slowly nodded his head, His eyes reassessing the man's loyalty.  Perhaps even his sanity.  "What of your son, Lucius?  Where is he?"

"I am afraid, my Lord, that young Draco –"

"Is right here, my Lord."

Snape's head whipped around and his eyes locked with Draco's.  Draco quickly acknowledged the glare and turned his attention to a most amused Voldemort.  

"Forgive my intrusion, my Lord," he walked before past Snape and in front of the Dark Lord where he got down on his kness and bowed his head.  "We feared retaliation before our plan was revealed.  Please accept my most humble apologies for the subterfuge, but we felt it was a means to an end.  I hope you understand and do not for an instant believe we were acting in anything other than your best interest and the interest of our cause." 

"I see your son share's shares your unique brand of ambition, Lucius," he said with a laugh. "You may rise."  Draco obeyed and took his place next to his father. 

Voldemort eyed them both. "While I appreciate your efforts," he began, "you realize that I can't have my subordinates acting of their own volition."

"Shall I tend to them, my Lord?" Peter Pettigrew' s lip quivered from his eagerness to deal with Lucius.

"No, Wormtail.  This is one situation I will like to deal with personally.  I think it will be a proper way to re-acquaint the world with my regained strength. Don't you agree?"

"Of course, my Lord. Forgive my presumptuousness." He bowed jerkily several times before stepping behind Voldemort's chair.

"Boy," he rasped at Draco, "I give you the honor…take the dagger."  He pointed to the mahogany box that sat at his feet.  Without hesitating, Draco walked over to the box and opened it to find the centuries old jewel-encrusted ceremonial dagger nestled in a cushion of dark thick green velvet.  The small, ornate sword glittered in the sunlight.  The very same dagger he saw slice through the neck of a wriggling snake at what was supposed to be his personal initiation ceremony.  

He was so close...so close to ending this.  He gripped the handle tightly in his hand and walked over to the semi-conscious form of the prisoner.  He concentrated on the image of Harry Potter and not the reality of Sophie Young.  Without the slightest hint of remorse he plunged the blade into the soft skin and cut a trail from shoulder to elbow.

Sophie screamed as she was brutally brought back to full alertness by the slicing of her skin.  It took a moment to realize that the hoarse cries of a boy were coming from her mouth.  As her eyes focused she remembered where she was, and anger raged through her.  Severus was only supposed to stun her slightly, not incapacitate her.  The thoughts of fury quickly subsided when she realized the blood running from her arm was being collected by Draco Malfoy.

When Draco had filled the chalice, Severus called out, "My Lord.  I ask permission to heal the prisoner.  You will need his blood fresh and you wouldn't want him to die from unnecessary loss… And besides, he's bleeding all over my courtyard."

Voldemort gave a small laugh at Lucius's remark, fully aware that the second part of that statement meant more to the elder Malfoy than the first. "Very well," he remarked. "Stop the bleeding, but don't heal the wound, Lucius. I look forward to the trail of scars that will mark him as mine."

With a quick tap of his wand Lucius stopped the bleeding but left the gaping slash on the thin arm. Sophie, seeing the grey-white bone showing through the muscle of her arm, fell on her knees to the ground and nearly passed out.  The rapid loss of a pint or two of blood made her dizzy and she was on the verge losing conciousness fully.

"Attention, Potter," Voldemort said with a sneer. "I want you to watch this very carefully." 

Lucius grabbed a fistful of Harry's hair and forced his gaze onto Voldemort, who lifted the chalice to his nose and inhaled deeply. "I've waited a very long time for this and my patience will be duly rewarded." He paused to smile. "The irony is delicious, is it not?" he continued gleefully. "The boy who banished me all those years ago would be the one who brought me back…and would be the one who gave me the power needed to be Lord and Master of all.  I thank you, Potter, I will promise now that I will waste no time in exterminating that Mudblood friend of yours.  Then I will move onto that wretched group of red-headed wizards who dare call themselves pureblood.  You see, Harry, I am merciful. You won't have to wait for their destruction.  I'll get it over with immediately.  That is my gift to you."

His thin lips curled slowly into a horrid grin. He lifted the goblet again into the air and with a gruff, "Cheers," began to drink.

Severus closed his eyes, Sophie turned away, and Draco held his breath.

Voldemort drank, his hand shaking, blood dripping down the side of his mouth.  He dropped the glass to the floor and began to laugh, his bared teeth stained red.

They waited. Severus slowly opened his eyes and realized with utter terror that it hadn't worked.  Nothing was happening. There was nothing to indicate that anything had changed.  Voldemort stood laughing before him.  

"Wormtail," he bellowed his voice strong and deep.  "My wand."

The jittery little man handed Voldemort his wand hurriedly before retreating into his master's shadows.

"It is time to reenter the world of the living, is it not?  I shall begin with a bit of retribution.  He focused once again on Severus. "Lucius.  Dear Lucius.  You have done well today.  But let it be known that from this moment on, no one works independent of me.  Every move you make, every word you utter, every thought in that myopic little brain of yours, belongs to me…and it is time to prove it."

He pointed his wand at Lucius's forehead, the tip pushing roughly into his skin.  Without warning, Voldemort roared, "_Crucio_!"

They all stood frozen waiting for it.  Waiting for the flash of light.  Waiting for the end, but nothing happened.  Were he not waiting for the searing pain to rip through his body, the look of shock on Voldemort's face would have made Snape laugh.

"_Crucio_!" Voldemort yelled again.

Again, nothing.

"What is this?" Voldemort was nearly frantic.  "What is happening?"

As the Dark Lord looked at his wand, now a useless stick in his hands, Severus realized what had happened.  Voldemort was poisoned, but he didn't die.  He lost his powers. He became Muggle. And if he was Muggle…

"Potter!!"  Severus screamed.  "Potter!! The ring!!"

Almost at once the chaos began.

The Death Eaters scattered at the sound of a hundred Aurors stampeding towards them.  They brandished their wands and attempted to Apparate, but nothing happened.  Screams of shock and fury and confusion filled the air and they began to run.

Draco grabbed Sophie and began to drag her away.  While he was doing so the slight form of Harry Potter was morphing back to that of the doctor.  In a panic, he looked back at the spot where once his father stood, but instead, he saw his dark-haired Potions master, looking perplexed.

Draco was not the only one to see him.

"Severus," Voldemort hissed.  "What treachery is this?" But before he could answer, the Aurors were upon them.

People were racing around, as one by one the Death Eaters were stupified or bound by ropes.

"Sophie!" a familiar voice cried. "Sophie!"

She looked up to see the terrified face of Remus Lupin coming towards her.

"You take her," Draco yelled over the chaos. "I have to see to the Professor."

Remus dropped to his knees next to her, reaching his hand out to her pale face.  Suddenly a shadow fell over him.  He turned in time to see a glimmer of silver sail thought he air before it made contact with his head.  With the force of a hurricane he flew through the air and found himself several feet away from the where Sophie was lying, his face burning where the silver touched it.  Soon the form of his childhood friend loomed over him, his metallic arm raised high in the air and glimmering in the sun.

"You've ruined everything, you filthy half-breed bastard!" Pettigrew shrieked, his silver hand balled into a fist, preparing to strike the werewolf again. "I waited so long. So. Damned. Long!  I'll kill you!  Do you hear me!  I'll-"

A sharp crack in the air was followed by Pettigrew's body slumping on the floor besides him.  Remus looked up to see the form of a slight female holding what appeared to be a heavy, jagged rock in her hand.  "Are you all right?" she asked, dropping next to Remus, her eyes full of concern. She reached a small hand to the blistering, angry burn on his face. "I saw him attack you.  He's pure evil, that one. I always hated –"

"I'm Remus," he said, his voice calm and coarse as he brought his hand up to where her's was set on his scorched cheek. 

"Hi Remus," she replied, suddenly very self conscious. "I'm Ellie."

Behind them Pettigrew began to quietly crawl away.  'There will be time for revenge,' he thought bitterly.  'There will be time.'  He was stopped by a heavy boot pressing into the small of his back.  

"Going somewhere, you rat?"

He found himself hoisted to his feet and a pair of dark blue eyes cutting into his own.  "Hello, Peter." Sirius Black's voice was thick and gruff. "It's been a long time."  

Around them the din was beginning abate.  Aurors stood over confused and restrained Death Eaters; some comforted relieved-looking inductees. No one knew quite what to say or do.  Everyone's attention turned to a tall form in dark blue robes, his thick white beard swaying lightly in the breeze. An eerie stillness enveloped the courtyard as he made his his presence became known.

Albus Dumbledore walked through the courtyard never turning to the faces that stared at him, looking for some sort of explanation.  At once, the headmaster came upon the form of Voldemort standing, looking at his hands and visibly shaking.

"It is time to go, Tom," the headmaster said quietly.

"What have you done to me?"  His voice was small and quivering with the tremors of a frightened child.

"Come, Tom."

Everyone watched quietly as the Dumbledore took him by the hand and led him away.

**Epilogue**

Sophie sat in the garden behind her house.  In the last six months her work load had increased exponentially, so the few moment she had to herself were spent in the garden.  Since it was nearly winter, there were no flowers. But as her fingers traced patterns in the coarse earth, she thought of where she would plant the roses in the spring and wondered if she should try her hand at herbs. She so loved the smell of sage in the fall.

She heard foot steps crunch in the dry leaves behind her and knew immediately who is was.  "Is it done?" she asked.

"It is done," answered Albus Dumbledore.

"It is over?" she hoped.

"Not yet, I'm afraid."  It was the answer she was expecting.

The trials were ending and Albus had insisted on testifying on behalf of the Death Eaters, insisted that the courts spare their lives. Even that of Lord Voldemort, who had gone insane at the loss of his magic.

Sophie refused to go to the hearings. "Why, Albus? Why show them mercy?"

"One cannot condemn those who showed no value for human life by doing the same.  It is because we value humanity that we stopped them…and saved them.  Hopefully, mercy will show them what they otherwise might never have known…compassion."

She understood.  She didn't agree, but she understood.

"It wouldn't have ended anyway, would it?" she asked suddenly.

"No," he stated plainly. "There is only one who could truly end this.  When the time comes he will be the one to do so."

"He's just a boy." 

"He was just an infant the first time… and he will be a man the next," Dumbledore said softly.  "He will be ready when the time comes and he will be successful.  One cannot fight destiny, I'm afraid, no matter how much we hope to.  His destiny was written well before he was born and it is that story that will be played out and recorded the minds and hearts of the world for centuries to come."

"You sound so sure."

"You need to have faith, Sophie."

She could not respond to that now anymore than she could have when she first came here.  

"Where is Severus?" Dumbledore asked understanding it was time to move on.

"Working over his apprentice," Sophie answered with a smirk.

"How is Draco coming along?"

"Better that one would expect."

"You sound skeptical."

Sophie's simply gave a small shrug. "He won't talk about it, Albus…about anything. He holds in so much pain."

"He seems the happiest I've ever seen him."

"'That's just what I mean.  After everything that's happened he should have some sort of reaction. He's so intent on putting it behind him he refuses to deal with it, as if it were all just a bad dream and not reality."

She shuddered as she seemed to grow smaller with every word. "What he did Albus…the look in his eyes."   

"Not all of us are ready to face our demons, child.  He has time, and he has you." His eyes were solemn and he looked his age more so than he ever did before.  It was enough to make her stop, if only for now. 

"Now enough chatter," he continued, "we have a wedding to prepare for," he said warmly.  He took her arm and led her through the garden. 

Against the brilliant autumn sunset, Sophie watched as Remus and Ellie exchanged vows.  There was something truly magical about them, their eyes practically glowing when they faced each other, their smiles blindingly bright. From the ashes of Malfoy Manor something positive arose. Despite everything they found each other, and in this moment, they seemed exceptionally happy and oddly at peace.

Later on, at the party following the ceremony, Sophie watched them laugh and dance and quietly leave, eager to start their new life together.  Before Remus left the garden, he turned and his eyes locked with Sophie's.  They stood like that for a full minute before he smiled and gave a soft nod.  Sophie pressed her fingers to her lips and blew him a kiss, then gave a small wave. 'Chapters open and close, but never truly end,' she thought happily.

She turned her attention to her grumpy companion.  Severus was scowling at Sirius who was flirting with a gaggle of blushing ladies who hung on to his every word. 

"Just as adolescent as ever," he huffed. "Some things never change."

Sophie laughed before elbowing him in the ribs. "Who are you trying to fool? You two are practically best friends."

"Don't be absurd, woman! I can barely stomach being in his presence."  Just as Snape finished his statement,  Sirius some up behind him and slapped him on the back.

"Some party, eh, Snape?  Have you ever seen Remus so happy? Ellie is a great girl. It does a heart good to see the good guys win once in a while, doesn't it?"

"Black-"

"Sirius.  And don't think I've forgotten about our chess rematch tomorrow night.  I will be vindicated."  With a smirk to Severus, and a nod to Sophie, Sirius strode away, and quickly gathered a young lady in his arms for the next dance.

"Fool. He's delirious," Snape scowled.

"Delirious?" Sophie asked.

"To think he can beat me.  He has yet to win one game against me."

Sophie just smiled and shook her head.  All things considered, Snape was adjusting well to life without magic.  He took his situation as another challenge and he so liked challenges. Though easily frustrated and irritated – which wasn't very different from his normal state of being -- he was still able to teach, still able to prepare most potions, and still able to terrify his students.  

Sophie absent-mindedly rubbed the stone on her wedding ring.  The seed of magic was always cool to her touch, except when she was around Severus.    It made her think about the myth around it, about the power of it and she wondered…

"Have your ever considered-"

"I have," he interrupted.

"It might work, you know.  I know the myth says it's supposed to create magic, but what if it's wrong, or got distorted after a few hundred years?  What if it can't create but can restore-"

"Some paths are better left unexplored."

"Why?"

"If it could restore my powers, it could restore others.  Some secrets are best kept secret and some sacrifices need to be made.  I will adjust." His eyes softened.  "Besides, I have other things to occupy my time."

Sophie reached down and intertwined her fingers in Severus's.  It was oddly warm for a November night, perfect really, as if the gods themselves ordered it. 

Across  the garden she watched Ron and Hermione dance, having seemingly survived the Weasley family uproar over the pre-engagement of the two 15 year olds. Harry and Ginny were more discrete, sharing a drink in a quiet corner.  She blushed as he timidly took her hand.  Draco and Neville were laughing with a pair of Ravenclaw girls.  There was joy in the air…life…and something else she could not define. Hope, perhaps.

She looked up and noticed a blue and yellow butterfly sitting quietly on a branch, watching the proceedings. 'Chapters open and close,' she thought happily, "but never truly end."

Finis

**Author's notes:**

This story is very special to me and has been in the making for longer than I care to recall.  It was the first fic I ever started to write and the most challenging -- and will always remain my favorite.

A very special thank you goes out to Diana whose insight and suggestions were invaluable to me as a writer, and whose humor and wit were invaluable to me as a friend.  

I want to thank all those who reviewed this fic, and who commented to me on it personally.  I was touched by your words and motivated by your enthusiasm.  

I will be going back to the correct early chapters and to update a few canon points, but otherwise the tale of Sophie Young and Severus Snape is over.  

Thank you for coming along for the ride.

The Treacle Tart


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